At a rehearsal, the conductor stops and shouts to the bass section: "You are out of tune. Check it, please!"

The first bassist pulls all his strings, says, "Our tuning is correct: all the strings are equally tight."

The first violist turns around and shouts, "You bloody idiot! It's not the tension. The pegs have to be parallel!"

Know why a bass is better than a viola?
'Cause it burns longer.

Q:A guitar, cello, violin, and viola are thrown out of a building, which will hit the ground first?

A:Who Cares?

Know why a bass is better than a viola?

The bass holds more beer.

Q: What's the definition of a minor 2nd?
A: A viola and a bass playing in unison.