So we got a call last week from a booking agent we deal with for a few gigs a year. Get this:

He's got us first in line for a 6 month performance contract at DisneyLand........Tokyo.

ITs a great deal -- all travel, lodging, expense paid, and $1000 a week each. Everyone gets his own apartment, and a transportation pass is included. The deal is done, the band is going, its all set.

BUT....

I can't go, 'cause I can't leave my wife and kids for 6 months (baby boy is just now 10 months old, and there's no way I'm gonna miss all the good stuff next year), and I can't quit my job to make less $$$, and have no job to return to...

How about that -- we've been at it for 7 years, get an incredible offer, and I'm out... How many times in life are you gonna get PAID to go to Japan?

Sorry for the rant, but I'm pretty bummed. But that's what brings me to the important part: We need a bassist to take my spot. I'm not sure where to post this, but anyone interested?

IM me, and I'll gives ya the lowdown.

Aww man, that's too bad you can't make it!!! Although I don't blame you, your reasons for not going are very legit. There is no way I could have left my family for that period of time. With a little one like that, you would miss out on way too much.

But congrats to you and your band for getting to that point just the same. :D

What kind of music do you guys play? I'm sure you could get back in the lineup once they return at least...

One of my buddies bands got to the exact same place, they got offered a Japanese gig for about $5000/night - they were a Skynyrd tribute I believe - and the whole band fell apart when it came time to commit to it.

sushi here i come! :D

sushi here i come! :D
Huh-haaaa! Go for it, Man!

sianara,

Joe

Hats off to you Funkmuffin. A truely good person always puts his family first. It's great to see that the family unit is alive and well.

What kind of music do you guys play? I'm sure you could get back in the lineup once they return at least...

One of my buddies bands got to the exact same place, they got offered a Japanese gig for about $5000/night - they were a Skynyrd tribute I believe - and the whole band fell apart when it came time to commit to it.

We're normally a R&B band, but this gig is a 50's band, playing an installment in the Disney PArk in Tokyo.

The plan is for me to remain the Sugar Daddies bassist, I just have to be replaced for this deal. I'm gonna have to find something in the meantime, as I'll go crazy without my 4-5 gigs a month.

Congrats on the offer anyway. Same deal would apply to me. All but one of the kids are off and married, the last is 18, in local community college. Even if the last was off and gone, I still couldn't stand being away from the wife that long. Did it once after we met but before we got married. That was rough............22 years ago! Would never do that again.

HOWEVER, to make it to that point and have an offer on the table like that still has to speak volumes to you as a musician. In your heart and in your circumstances, it's some huge emotional capital you can tuck way and appreciate always. Good luck in your future.

Cheers,
Hammer

Wow. What a great opportunity, and what a tough decesion.

FWIW, I think you made the right one. Family first.

i had gigs in japan before...was a gopd time in my life.

but now i have responsibilities and i am a much happier person.

bummer on you not being able to go, but this could be a good thing
:)

Have you found someone to fill the spot yet?

I'd be bummed to...enjoy the kid :D

DUDE,

Take your family... You'll never get another chance to go abroad, and at this age, your kid won't care about any language barrier.

Well maybe if things go well for your band you guys will get a gig stateside that you could participate in. By then your child will be older too...who knows?

DUDE,

Take your family... You'll never get another chance to go abroad, and at this age, your kid won't care about any language barrier.

Gotta echo this as well. I'm assuming you've exhausted all options, but:

Does your employer offer some sort of leave of absence program?

Have you checked into businesses that could help you rent out your house for the time you're gone in order to help keep up with the mortgage/taxes?

Do you have some cash saved up that could help you with the decrease in income for 6 months? (Assuming that when you return, you can go back to your old job/same salary)

Is your wife supportive of this or giving you the "no way"? Does she work too, or can she pick up and go without having to inquire about LOA at her job as well?


On the flip side, as a husband and dad, I understand the pain this causes and fully applaud you for putting the family first. I have been involved with a couple of groups in the last couple of years that have started to get bigger (touring, away from home for big chunks at a time, etc.) and I've had to bow out simply because it would upset the family/work thing too much. I've chalked it up to the double edged sword of being semi (really semi)-pro musician with other obligations. I want to have some musical success , but just a little bit, as long as it fits my schedule. Is that too much to ask for? :)

Good luck, man. Tough choices, but it sounds like your priorities are straight.

Gotta echo this as well. I'm assuming you've exhausted all options, but:

Does your employer offer some sort of leave of absence program?

Have you checked into businesses that could help you rent out your house for the time you're gone in order to help keep up with the mortgage/taxes?

Do you have some cash saved up that could help you with the decrease in income for 6 months? (Assuming that when you return, you can go back to your old job/same salary)

Is your wife supportive of this or giving you the "no way"? Does she work too, or can she pick up and go without having to inquire about LOA at her job as well?


On the flip side, as a husband and dad, I understand the pain this causes and fully applaud you for putting the family first. I have been involved with a couple of groups in the last couple of years that have started to get bigger (touring, away from home for big chunks at a time, etc.) and I've had to bow out simply because it would upset the family/work thing too much. I've chalked it up to the double edged sword of being semi (really semi)-pro musician with other obligations. I want to have some musical success , but just a little bit, as long as it fits my schedule. Is that too much to ask for? :)

Good luck, man. Tough choices, but it sounds like your priorities are straight.


Thanks! Believe me, I've tried this every way I could think of it, but I'm sure I can't make it work this year. I just took a new job about 6 months ago (a really awesome one at that), and because I'm in a really pivotal role, wouldn't be able to take 6 months off, whether they let me have a LOA or not. I just wouldn't feel right leaving all that work behind, you know?

I'm pretty sure I'd have to quit, and hope I could find something as good, or get them to take me back.

We unfortunately don't have much of any money saved up, and what we do have will be used to get our own house.

I was really surprised at how my wife reacted when I told her about this deal. I had expected her to laugh it off, like "Yeah RIGHT", but her first question was "How much does it pay?". Not so much from the point of how much would I be bringing home, but more like curiosity. She more or less told that she'd be OK with me going, if it worked out financially. I just can't justify quitting a great job without something else lined up.

Now on to the family part -- I have a wonderful wife, an awesome step-daughter, and a beautiful baby boy. How could I leave all that behind for 6 months??? Don't get me wrong, I love the guys in the band, and would LOVE to see Japan for free, while getting paid to play tunes all day, but my family comes first always, and when I think about it, there reaslly isn't any decision to make, is there? ITs a no-brainer.

The silver lining: The deal with Disney has a chance at renewal yearly, and they move you park-to-park, so in another year or two I could have a shot at Germany, France, and Orlando. I figure by then I'll have more time in at work, will have knocked out alot of the really tough stuff we're dealing with now, and the baby will be older. Then I could go on sabbatical from work, be at least a little closer to home, and feel better about taking the gig.

Now to find a musical project to keep me going until September....

Thanks! Believe me, I've tried this every way I could think of it, but I'm sure I can't make it work this year. I just took a new job about 6 months ago (a really awesome one at that), and because I'm in a really pivotal role, wouldn't be able to take 6 months off, whether they let me have a LOA or not. I just wouldn't feel right leaving all that work behind, you know?

I'm pretty sure I'd have to quit, and hope I could find something as good, or get them to take me back.

We unfortunately don't have much of any money saved up, and what we do have will be used to get our own house.

I was really surprised at how my wife reacted when I told her about this deal. I had expected her to laugh it off, like "Yeah RIGHT", but her first question was "How much does it pay?". Not so much from the point of how much would I be bringing home, but more like curiosity. She more or less told that she'd be OK with me going, if it worked out financially. I just can't justify quitting a great job without something else lined up.

Now on to the family part -- I have a wonderful wife, an awesome step-daughter, and a beautiful baby boy. How could I leave all that behind for 6 months??? Don't get me wrong, I love the guys in the band, and would LOVE to see Japan for free, while getting paid to play tunes all day, but my family comes first always, and when I think about it, there reaslly isn't any decision to make, is there? ITs a no-brainer.

The silver lining: The deal with Disney has a chance at renewal yearly, and they move you park-to-park, so in another year or two I could have a shot at Germany, France, and Orlando. I figure by then I'll have more time in at work, will have knocked out alot of the really tough stuff we're dealing with now, and the baby will be older. Then I could go on sabbatical from work, be at least a little closer to home, and feel better about taking the gig.

Now to find a musical project to keep me going until September....
That's some inspiring stuff there dude although I'm not married but to hear someone with commitment to family is good as being commited to a band or playing music IMO
As usual my teacher did have some wise words if you wan't to travel with your music as well as make money stay single
and he was right although I have a GF but it's not the same as you dude
I admire your commitment though I guess your wife's a lucky woman

I happen to live in Akron...18 years old...but throw me an IM anyways, if you still need to find someone

I kind of know what its like man, my band can only tour during summer because Im still in school. And I feel bad because all the other guys are out of school and could go anytime.

I'd do it. I'll just drop out of school, get my GED, it's all good.









I wish it were that easy.

I think you made/are making the right decision. It's hard on a family to uproot and move, especially to another country. Take it from a Navy "BRAT."

I applaud your decision to stick by your family.

This is not a time of regret over this, and you should never reggret it....as I know you won't. Sure, it's a bummer, but once you made a commitment to your Wife, these kinda decisions became both of yours. And now that kids are involved, it's even more a group decision.

Gigs come and go, and those that can do, but I'm glad you decided it's not only about what you want anymore. I could never leave my family like that...

Bravo to you! Best of luck in the future.