I always get this comment. People think they are extremely clever for saying and I have to just nod and say "sure".

Does anyone have witty comments they have heard so often that they just make you want to laugh or say,
"I've never heard that one before"

I always get the comment "you should have played picollo."

I just smile and say I left mine at home. I really do have one I inherited from my grandfather. Or, I say, maybe in the next life.

Comes with the territory, although today I heard from another female "you must have really get upper body strengh." True, I liked that one and told her that I have discovered muscles I never knew I had, started laughing, and flexed my triceps. :)

I do play the flute - but I think I have more fun playing the double-bass.

I've often told people that I play a flute on Steroids...

Nope. Here's why...

...bass unemployment line

.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ......flute unemployment line

The big girl has served me well over the years.

Yeap, I get the flute think all the time. but worst than that is that people believe I play the Cello, and on one occasion a girl almost got into an argument with me trying to convince me that I played the cello instead of the bass. :rolleyes:

Yeap, I get the flute think all the time. but worst than that is that people believe I play the Cello, and on one occasion a girl almost got into an argument with me trying to convince me that I played the cello instead of the bass. :rolleyes:


I had a similar experience with someone who I actually took for a reasonably-experienced musician. Rather than pursuing a fruitless argument, I decided to say:

"It's a bass cello."

I always get "that's a big guitar" or sometimes "how do you get that under your chin" to which the answer is (borrowed from Don Weller) "I keep my mouth shut"!

Bye the 12th "why didn't you choose the violin?" I say "I did, but it kept growing!" :D

I always get "that's a big guitar" or sometimes "how do you get that under your chin" to which the answer is (borrowed from Don Weller) "I keep my mouth shut"!

I use that too!

As per MAKE US BEWELL, " No, cause if I played flute I'd be sitting at home instead of going to a gig". Then mutter "****ing moron" under your breath.

I recently heard: "That's a big guitar." Reply was: "Is asked for the size large but they were all out."

The best I heard the other day was:
-What's that?
-It's a double bass
-Oh. Is it true they don't have frets? :confused:


Never, I repeat NEVER take a bass on the london underground at rush hour on a saturday evening in the sales... :help:

Yeah, next time I'll tell 'em it's a Baglama with a pituitary disorder - thus inserting two words that most idiots wouldn't know

I use the 'I keep my mouth shut' line too! Leaves some people speechless.

I do play the flute and the piccolo but bass is more fun.

I was once at a day rehearsal for my orchestra but I joined the wind orchestra for their rehearsal too. I was walking through the doorway to the rehearsal hall and a parent turns to me and says 'Goodness, that looks a little heavy; Don't you ever wish you played the flute?' And as if by magic I whip out a piccolo from my shoulder bag and say 'I do!' 'Oh' was the answer. I think somepeople think that because you play such a big instrument it's impossible to do anything else?

playing tuba i always get "Wow, what a big trumpet!" or just the other day i got "Wow, what a big tuba!" What the hell? Have you seen a soprano tuba or something? Tubas are Tubas you moron.... Ignorance is the worst thing on earth

When I was younger I used to haul my bass around on the "T" in Boston. During one commute I came across a guitar player...

GP: "Huh! That sucks, carrying that big thing around."
me: "Where are you going?"
GP: "Rehearsal.... where are you going?"
me: "A gig."

I also once heard a six-year-old girl correct her father. She said "No, daddy, that's not a cello, that's a double bass."

At least playing double bass we never have to hear that awful American Pie joke, "And this one time, at band camp ... " :p

At least playing double bass we never have to hear that awful American Pie joke, "And this one time, at band camp ... " :p
Whoa...now there's an image that'll stay in my head for awhile :eek:

Whoa...now there's an image that'll stay in my head for awhile :eek:

this one time, in the emergency room..........

Have you seen a soprano tuba or something? Tubas are Tubas you moron.... Ignorance is the worst thing on earth

Actually a euphonium is often considered a tenor tuba and, there is quite a difference in size between an FF and a 6/4 BBb.

At least playing double bass we never have to hear that awful American Pie joke, "And this one time, at band camp ... " :p

You know, I was going to write that almost word for word...I'm glad I decided to read ALL the posts first :D

Nobody ever asked me the flute question. I get "what do you call that instrument", "is that a cello" or "how much does that thing weigh" quite often, though.

If I hadn't just gorged myself at the Tin-Tin Buffet, I'd quite like a big ol' plate of 'em. Mmmm.

Got a new one today: "wow, that thing is like a whale! I'm expecting it to spout any second!" Coming from an attractive young lady whose favorite animals are whales - I'll take it!

Got a new one today: "wow, that thing is like a whale! I'm expecting it to spout any second!" Coming from an attractive young lady whose favorite animals are whales - I'll take it!

We are still talking about basses here, aren't we? ;)

Yes, we still are! Why didn't I think of it that way right away, I don't know.

i get people coming up quite a lot asking me about my bass. especially after a concert, where old men take it upon themselves to come up to me and tell me how they used to play the double bass many years ago and spout a list of random names at me that i have no knowledge of. they then ask me to 'play them a tune'. its fine, i dont mind people being inquisitive, but after playng the rite of spring, sometimes you just want to go home.

i have recently acquired a new wheel for my bass. the popular one now is 'do you have gears on that thing' 'wheres the steering wheel'?


tsk. philistines. i swear people just look at a bass and think..hmm whats the most random obscure instrument that that could possibly be?!

No, its not a harpsichord.

I wish my wife would pick up her long-neglected flute, so we could wack out 'Goin' up the country' by Canned Heat.
Or make me some flautas.

When I'm traveling with a bass trunk, people like to ask me "Whatcha got in there? A dead body?" I used to explain what was actually in the case; now I just say "No--it's your mom."

i used to play sousaphone...hauling that bad boy around (esp. on a bike) had me fantasizing about recorders, piccolos... :p

i used to play sousaphone...hauling that bad boy around (esp. on a bike) had me fantasizing about recorders, piccolos... :p

Harvey Phillips told me he carried his sousaphone on a bike when he was a kid; he said it acted as a sail and if he caught a good wind he'd make it home in record time. So I guess sousaphone players have got that going for them. Which is good.

Man, one time I decided to play my bass in my dorm room. I left the door open, because no one was around. I was playing for a few minutes and campus security came to my door. The woman asked "Can you turn your guitar-thing down a few decibels?" I was absolutely speechless. I didn't know how to respond to this authority figure sounding like a f***face. Through college, it really seemed to me that I got the most ignorant remarks from the campus police. FYI, I don't have a pickup either.

We are still talking about basses here, aren't we? ;)

that gave me a good laugh. I usually get since I'm 14 "Is that to heavy for you, can I help" or " Wow, you must be a strong boy carrying around that thing" then "How much does that thing weigh?" and that's all i can think about.

that gave me a good laugh. I usually get since I'm 14 "Is that to heavy for you, can I help" or " Wow, you must be a strong boy carrying around that thing" then "How much does that thing weigh?" and that's all i can think about.

Must be a Texan thing. I get that one a lot... my stock answer is "it's pretty light cause the inside is hollow".

When forced to suffer another incantation of the "Don't you wish you played the flute/piccolo?" question, I just retort: "No way, because then I would have to listen up close to the damn thing!"

low note bigot

The best I heard the other day was:
-What's that?
-It's a double bass
-Oh. Is it true they don't have frets? :confused:


Never, I repeat NEVER take a bass on the london underground at rush hour on a saturday evening in the sales... :help:
Why not ? I have and I tell you - go on a tube train during rush hour endpin first and EVERYBODY gets out of your way ! ;) ;) ;) ;)

once on the train to a gig a had a girl ask me is it was an oboe i had there. needless to say i was lost for words.

At 5' 4" tall, I always get told how "that bass is bigger than you are" !

Then I turn around, look the bass over from top to bottom, turn back to the genius who made the comment and state:
"Yes, its is".

Sometimes, if I'm in a tolerant mood and the commentor looks reasonably intelligent, I'll explain that in almost every case, the double bass will wind up being taller than whomever plays it since the end-pin will invariably be extended to facilitate proper plaing position.

But I have to be in a really, really good mood to explain this.

- Nick

When I used to practice with the bow at home, my brother would say "Peter's milking the moose again..."

Then I'd go to school and roll it around campus and get all of the stupid responses listed above (like "is that like, a violin, like, or something?"), but most people would stare at me and just laugh... but we all know it's because non-bass players are just jealous...right?!

One of the orchestras I played for ran out of bass folders, so I ended up with a piccolo folder. It at least made me smile every time I took it out of the bag.

One of the orchestras I played for ran out of bass folders, so I ended up with a piccolo folder. It at least made me smile every time I took it out of the bag.
:D

Originally Posted by Mike Crumpton
I always get "that's a big guitar" or sometimes "how do you get that under your chin" to which the answer is (borrowed from Don Weller) "I keep my mouth shut"!


funny stuff^


dont mind me, i wondered over here, im an electric player :hiding:

related to the "band camp" line is one response to the old flute chestnut - "You will too when I..." However, on one occaision I simply acted totally deadpan. "Flute? How'd you mean? I'd never really considered the woodwind family cos I started on bass guitar(etc)..." Thought the poor guy was going to hang himself with his shoelaces!

related to the "band camp" line is one response to the old flute chestnut - "You will too when I..." However, on one occaision I simply acted totally deadpan. "Flute? How'd you mean? I'd never really considered the woodwind family cos I started on bass guitar(etc)..." Thought the poor guy was going to hang himself with his shoelaces!
:D Nicely done.

I played a thing at a golf course tonight for a reunion of the school's band from '74. It was a school jazz band thing, and I had my DB there. While they were getting around to be finished talking, I took my DB out of the storage area and hauled it outside past a guy and his (2 or 3 year old) daughter on the porch. I unzipped the bag, and what do I hear this child say?

...

"Look daddy! What a big guitar!" I grinned, thought of this topic, and didn't say anything.

Yes I think all of us as bassists and have these comments before many times. Yesterday I heard someone make a triangle comment. I was playing a string quartet gig yesterday and we got there and there weren't any chairs for the violinists and violist to sit on (as I'd requested). Eventually they brought the chairs and the guy brings one to me and says "here's one for the cellist." To be fair, cello is the norm for a string quartet but most people just can't tell the difference.

The best I heard the other day was:
-What's that?
-It's a double bass
-Oh. Is it true they don't have frets? :confused:


To my reply "It's a double bass", my interrogator asked:
"And where's the other half?"

This happened to me not a month ago...I went to a friend's house, took my bass out of the case, played the andante from the Bottesini 2 for her, she asked me no less than 3 times what the instrument was she was looking at, and then continued to call it a cello. Is it really that hard for laymen to tell?

Last night's conversation with an 8th grade kid:

"That's a big violin."

"Yeah, it hurts like hell when I put it on my neck."

It must've been a couple days ago, when I went to a local shop to check out their bows. I saw a bass and started playing it, just playing the g major scale to check out the tone of the bass. Then a girl that must've been in 3rd grade or so. Is just staring at me, her private teacher said.

"You like that instrument, he was going to put it under his chin but he didn't want to show off."

I said

"Ya I forgot my chin rest too."

Her jaw must've hit that floor, then she just walked off. It was pretty funny at the time...

I now live in NYC and get the flute comment but I have had a couple of good ones. 1. That's a big banjo. 2. How does a pretty young thing like you end playing such a huge instrument? My reply is just like anyine else. MY FAVORITE called out to me from a guy on his bike. 3. Yo little mama you need a wheel for that thing. (That day I didn't have one)

I now live in NYC and get the flute comment but I have had a couple of good ones. 1. That's a big banjo. 2. How does a pretty young thing like you end playing such a huge instrument? My reply is just like anyine else. MY FAVORITE called out to me from a guy on his bike. 3. Yo little mama you need a wheel for that thing. (That day I didn't have one)

Pretty weird comments, especially considering that, according to your profile, you're male. :hiding:

I was walking along with a bass player friend of mine, we each had our basses on our backs. A guy behind us shouts out: "I heard of walking bass lines, but this is rediculous". First actually funny comment i EVER heard!

:D
I have back straps in my bag too. We must hook up & take a foto.
Would make a nice avatar, too.

R2

ahhh...i changed my case to a mooradian - just a shoulder strap, although i did find a way to swing it round to my back. It WOULD be a cool photo!

I was on the long island rail road last year and the ticket collector passes me and says, "Hey, you got a pair of skis in there or something?"

Sometimes I think people have to really make an effort to be that ignorant.

Pretty weird comments, especially considering that, according to your profile, you're male. :hiding:
Walking through the village, maybe?

I was at luthier Laurence Dixon's getting some work done on my bass and he told me another client, Dave Chamberlain, has a small Teddy Bear poking its head out of the the top pocket on his bass case. He always gets comments about the Teddy Bear, which he tells them is his mascot, and forstalls all the " humorous" comments about the bass.
Now that is clever psychology, get them thinking , and commenting ,about something else before they drive you mad. I think I will try this next. All the , to me, witty comebacks tend to take the smile, and the goodwill, out of the faces of the punters who make the " thats a big guitar" " the bass is bigger than you" "don't you wish you'd taken up the flute" "what is that?" comments. It has obviously never occured to them that you might have heard their comments before, and they are assured in their own minds and those of their freinds that they are unconventionally amusing. As I walk out of the door I would like them to have positive thoughts about me rather than think what a smartarse, although I couldn't possibly comment on whether my arse was smarter than them.

I was at luthier Laurence Dixon's getting some work done on my bass and he told me another client, Dave Chamberlain, has a small Teddy Bear poking its head out of the the top pocket on his bass case. He always gets comments about the Teddy Bear, which he tells them is his mascot, and forstalls all the " humorous" comments about the bass.


Lmao. I have a stuffed animal snake strapped onto my bass case. Got some weird looks walking around UT hallways :D


ahhh...i changed my case to a mooradian - just a shoulder strap, although i did find a way to swing it round to my back. It WOULD be a cool photo!

If you dont mind me asking, HOW!!!!????

The school basses all have Mooradian cases and I can never carry it comfortably! (My Palatino came with a cheap bag with back straps)

...If you dont mind me asking, HOW!!!!????
The school basses all have Mooradian cases and I can never carry it comfortably!...

Well the best way to carry it is to put the the strap over your left shoulder and carry the bass on the right. you can put alot of the weight on the bass on your hip, and then hold on the the hand strap on the from of the case with your right hand (thanks to dave whitla for showing me this way!). you can also alternate which shoulder carries the strap, while keeping the bass in the same position. after a while you can do this without even having to stop walking.

as for swinging it round on my back, i cant walk with it like this, but i can have both hands free - handy for finding house keys while you're at the door without taking the bass and putting it on the floor. it only works when you have the strap 'across' your body, ie bass on right, strap over left shoulder. then you just swing it around till it's completely behind you.

i had a soundware case before which had shoulder straps, and i find the mooradian single strap more comfortable now. it's a really good design. also i did give the bass a few knocks, especially on doorways, due to having it so high when i was walking around with it on back straps. also i had a bad experience in general with my soundware case. the shoulder strap broke completely, and some other minor things too.

If someone gives a stupid remark like "thats a big guitar" or "how do you fit that thing under your neck?" You could stop and tell them its a double bass then launch straight into a 10 minute overly enthusiastuc presentation on the double bass it's origins, its purpose, its place in music history and todays world of music. Including hand outs and diagrams. That would shut them up nicely :smug:

(They would probably then go home and tell their friends about how some guy wouldn't shut up about his giant guitar :rollno:)

I like the pamphlet idea. Have a stack of them on hand for the different standard questions/comments, such as:

"No, I don't wish I played flute. Unlike you, I still have my testicles."

"Yes, it is annoying to carry around, but not as annoying as you."

"For the love of God, this isn't a Guitar. Stop pretending to be clever and keep your f***ing retarded comments to yourself."

You wouldn't even have to say anything. As soon as they open their mouths, just select the appropriate card and walk away.

Great idea, I'm actualy going to do the pamplet thing. Sad you'll tell them what it is and they'll still think it's something else. It's worse for viola's lol every thing is worse for them.

We discussed this in a sectional last year (CSO principal does CYSO sectionals) and one of our basses (a girl) said she loves to lift it up with one hand to wow people.

I like the pamphlet idea. Have a stack of them on hand for the different standard questions/comments, such as:

"No, I don't wish I played flute. Unlike you, I still have my testicles."

"Yes, it is annoying to carry around, but not as annoying as you."

"For the love of God, this isn't a Guitar. Stop pretending to be clever and keep your f***ing retarded comments to yourself."

You wouldn't even have to say anything. As soon as they open their mouths, just select the appropriate card and walk away.

that is an awesome idea, that would be priceless.

i keep getting, "danm that's a big fiddle"

Not a bad idea with the pamphlets.

What I used to get is, "Why do they give the smallest person the biggest instrument?" Nowadays, it's mostly the generic, "Why didn't you pick violin?"

Saturday on the way to a gig one drunk bum recoginized what I was carrying but his friend asked "where do they make such big guitars?" I came back with "they don't make them anymore, the guy who made it killed himself". Which is true - I have an Otto Rubner bass. And it makes people a lot less interested in continuing the conversation.

that is an awesome idea, that would be priceless.

i keep getting, "danm that's a big fiddle"

Tell them they can continue to call it a fiddle if they can stick between their neck and play Paganini.

For our school's spring choir concert (It's the "pop" concert equivalent) I was asked to play upright for some of the songs. Haha, I'm in the choir and I end up playing bass more when its needed...haha anways, afterwards I was packing up my bass and waiting by the elevator, and an elderly lady walked up to me, in a pink grandma dress and walker and all, and said "It adds so much to have a bass fiddle."

That was my favorite comment ever. It wasn't even the compliment that I liked, it was the fact that this old grandma knew exactly what it was. I just imagined her stomping her foot to some bluegrass music. The rest of the comments of the night were all along the lines of the others. I will always remember that bluegrass grandma.

Years ago I was walking with two other bassists to a rehearsal, all of us carrying basses. We passed a guitarist walking the other way and one of us said to him, "That's a pretty small double bass you've got there!" :cool: He looked at us like we were from Mars, but we thought it was hysterical.

:D

i was asked once:

"what the hell is that thing? a coffin on wheels? you could have a dead body in there."

so i said:

"you wanna find out?"

"no"



i laughed

I always get the comment "you should have played picollo."

:)



I get that allllll the time too, like "In Heaven we all just play piccolo" or something like that. Honestly though I have four basses in my house right now, because I am trying out 2 and I might be buying one of them, and my gosh, they take up sooo much space. That room is now officially for basses only.:smug:
Louie

I think the thing that always made me think "what idiots" the most was when other kids in school would, upon seeing me carrying my bass, strike an over-the-top bass playing pose complete with goofy expression and bulging eyes, and go "a-boom-boom-boom-boom..." .

That was decades ago, but even so I was carrying my bass yesterday in the downtown tunnel in Houston, and I swear there were a couple of dolts who almost did this, but restrained themselves at the last minute.

On the bright side, a little later there was a lady who asked if it was a cello, but in a nice way, like she actually cared to know whether or not her hunch was correct.

Harvey Phillips told me he carried his sousaphone on a bike when he was a kid; he said it acted as a sail and if he caught a good wind he'd make it home in record time. So I guess sousaphone players have got that going for them. Which is good.


Well... record time for a sousaphone player maybe. Remember, those guys are typically about three times the size of the average band geek.

(I was a band geek myself, by the way. Trumpet player. Much smaller than the sousaphone players.)

Matt

I've only had one person say "that's a big guitar" and I just said, yeah but it's not how big it is it's how you use it.

[QUOTE]"No, I don't wish I played flute. Unlike you, I still have my testicles."[\QUOTE]

I couldn't stop laughing for almost 10 minutes after reading that one. Hilarious!

It´s nice to read that people on subways are all the same, everywhere in the world, when they see a double bass.

Once I heard the conversation between a kid and her mother behind my back. the kid said: "that´s a big guitar!" the mother wanted to educate her child and replied: "that´s no guitar, it´s a cello!"

I've only had one person say "that's a big guitar" and I just said, yeah but it's not how big it is it's how you use it.
I think Lemur sells a T shirt that sais that.

I always get this comment. People think they are extremely clever for saying and I have to just nod and say "sure".

Does anyone have witty comments they have heard so often that they just make you want to laugh or say,
"I've never heard that one before"

ANother question I get a lot is about my "cello". Hello, I am not Paul Bunyon...................

I can't imagine why all these people think a bass is a cello...................reminds me of an old joke about size of things..............

I remember during band class, I brought the double bass out for like the first time and one of them said "That's a big violin". :eek:

I've found that people tend not to comment when I'm using a bass wheel. They do stare a lot more than usual but apparently can't think of anything to say.

but yeah, it's definitely hard to hear the same "clever" question over and over. my plan is to shut them up as quickly as possible. here are my responses for each question. they usually let you get away from the subject pretty quickly.

"why didn't you pick violin?"
"i did."
(i myself did start with violin. if you didn't, or if the person looks particularly obnoxious, i'm fond of "it just wouldn't stop growing," or "it has a pituitary disorder," both of which i think have already been mentioned on here.)

"don't you wish you played flute?"
"no. :D"
(quick and easy. alternatively, glare and look insulted.)

"is that a cello?"
"it's even bigger."
(or for the kids and old ladies, a simple "no" usually does the trick.)

"what is that?"
"my baby. :)"
(or for annoying people, good ol' "your mom.")

if you're not used to fending confused or obnoxious or clever spectators off, hopefully this list will help you out a little bit. :)

One night I was playing a jazz gig at an expensive yuppie-ish restaurant in San Francisco. On my way to the men's room, two thirty-something ladies dining together pull me aside. They have a bet, they tell me--loser buys dinner. Is my instrument a bass or a cello?

In this case, for once, non-ignorance was rewarded.

The loser didn't give up so easily, though. She kept on asking questions such as, "It's pretty much the same as a cello, right?"

I've often told people that I play a flute on Steroids...

Why only on Steroids?

I remember during band class, I brought the double bass out for like the first time and one of them said "That's a big violin". :eek:

Well it is.

When I'm carrying the bass in its bag, and someone inquires, "Don't you wish you played flute?", I tell them, "Oh, this is a flute, I just got the extra padded case."

Last week, I got into an argument with a beginner violin player about German v. French grip. He said, "Why do you hold the bow that way?" I replied, "It's German grip." Then he said, "No, that's French." After a brief debate, I pulled out my music book, and showed him the picture depicting German and French bowing. He just looked at me blankly, and said, "So you're playing the French way." I honestly didn't know what else to say to the kid, so I just pretended to get really distracted by something until he went away.

My electric bass instructor (who played a little upright) always told people that it was his dead grandmother in the bag he was carrying.

I recently had my bass called an electric cello as well as a BASSoon (long A sound)

The man who called it a BASSoon was a banjo player, so I pitied him and enlightened him to what a bassoon is.

I remember during band class, I brought the double bass out for like the first time and one of them said "That's a big violin". :eek:


Well it is.


No... It's not. It has a different shape, different tuning system, different musical role, AND a different historical lineage.

As for the thread subject, I typically give the flute questioners a breif explination of my love of the bass, appreciation for the sonic qualities of the flute, and respect for flutists. All other questions receive a similarly respectful and corrective answer unless I'm in a hurry, in which case they are ignored. It do think that it would be cool to have a pamphlet that actually has the history, musical importance, and role of the double bass as well as some good diagrams comparing and contrasting it with some of the instruments it's mistaken for.

I thought a flute was a type of wine glass.

ya i get the flute thinng alot ill try some of the lines you guys used just to shove it in there faces next time

No... It's not. It has a different shape, different tuning system, different musical role, AND a different historical lineage.


Actually, ccording to Bruns 'New history of the Double Bass' is pretty much is a big violin. Shape is different to make it easier to play, tuning system has never really settled for any long period of time, musical role is of course different, as it is a different instrument (cello's role also v. different) AND historical lineage Brun argues is the same. He's adamant the bass is a member of the violin family and not of the viol/gamba. Now back to something humourous...:smug:

well, the only one i've seen (not said to me since i've yet to purchase a DB) was on the subway (or metro, as it's called here) and there was an orchestra player all suited up and some guy asked him what was it that he was carrying

in spanish, the DB is called 'Contrabajo' wich sounds like two words: 'Con' & 'trabajo' wich means "with work' xD. and the player said "es un contrabajo" (meaning: it's a double bass)

so the guy answers (more or less) "sure takes a lot of work to carry that!"

sure was funny :D

I've heard the flute comments on the elevators here more than i care to remember [i'm living in a dorm].

I made the mistake once of taking my bass onto the L during rush hour on my way to a gig. Worst Decision Ever. Not because of any comments-but because the train was packed solid.

How i generally respond to the comments depend on how i perceive the person. If i get the flute comment & they're giving off the vibe they think that they are the first person ever to ask me that, they get either a simple no or some sort of retort.

My favorite responses are: "no-it's my laundry"-if i'm goin to the practice rooms [on the same floor as the laundry room], "flute? I only play strings". "it's a dead body..."

I only wish I played flute when my back is a wreck from carrying heavy gear for years......just this morning I was at the physical therapists office, he put me in traction, and I go back again next week for more treatment. Other than days like that, its all bass, all the time.

Q. Dont you wish you played flute?

A. Nope, flute is for (insert slang term for cats)

Simple and straight to the point. It will work for any other instrument as well

Random Idiot(RI)-"What is that thing?"

Me-"It's a double bass."

RI-"Oh" *Walks away with friends

RI-to his friends-"Double bass... is like... two basses put together?"

I had my bass in a flight case once, and the shuttle bus driver to the rental car place asked if it was a weapon of mass destruction.

My response: "Only in the wrong hands"

My response: "Only in the wrong hands"

That sounds like something I would say!

I live in an apartment building of mostly seniors, a couple of which have pretty clever double bass related comments:

One guy, every time he sees me (a few times a week) yells out "That's the biggest machine gun I've ever seen"

Somehow, I still find it funny - especially when there are other people around.

Most of my neighbors, however, have no idea what I'm carrying, so when they ask what it is, I tell them its my dance partner, but she's so ugly that I have to take her around town in a bag!

fm

I do play the flute - but I think I have more fun playing the double-bass.

Yeah me too. I find double bass is more challenging, which makes it funner, and since there aren't too many double-bassists out there you're needed more. :D So many more different groups to play in, and so many more opportunities out there for bassists.
I must say though, I wish my double bass fit in my backpack.
:rolleyes:

Only for some reason the line is usually "don't you wish you played trumpet?". Well, decades ago I doubled trumpet and had a loaner I was bringing in for a friend while his was in the shop.

I had a totally beat Besson BBb 3-valve, and the trumpet in a gig bag fit right inside the bell of the tuba, in the tuba case.

So at least once I got to be the wise guy whipping the trumpet out of the tuba like Kweskin the magician, in answer to "don't you wish you played trumpet?".

Actually, since that option only lasted a couple weeks, the alternate strategy is the pre-emptive strike: (while lugging case) - "Next time around I'm playing piccolo/flute/etc" Jujst beat them to the punch and get the inevitable over with :)

:bassist:

the best one i've got is "wow carrying that thing around must be like carrying a drunk girlfriend" didn't know how to respond to that.

I got it on the very day I bought my first double bass. The bag it came with had no strap, and I certainly didn't have a wheel yet. So there I am, a total ignoramous, hugging this big Kay bass in a vinyl bag and slowly shuffling through Manhattan. By the time I got to my block I was exhausted and embarrased. I turned onto my street and heard a voice behind me:

"Ah-boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom..."

I almost dropped the bass and clocked the guy!

I used to get that one a lot, but now it's pretty rare. I dont know what changed.

I remember reading this thread before I got my first upright. Well I finally got it back in September. I'm not exaggerating, this is how it really happened:

Sales clerk: All set, here's your receipt, thanks.
Me: Thank you.

Turn towards door, guy holding door for me says:

"Wow, I thats a pretty big violin"

I'm not even an upright bassist for 20 seconds and I get my first stupid comment!!!

One sure way to free yourself from everyone asking about your "big violin" at gigs is - play with a pedal steel guitar player.


Man, my friend who's a steel player can NEVER get that thing out of the case before sound engineers, audience members, other musicians and random people of the street start to come up to him with that blank stare; "whoaaa, what's THAT?"

...guess it makes him wish he lived in Nashville and not the far north of Sweden :)

I do play flute (a little), so it's always funny when people ask me that. :D

I usually ask them if they would like to carry it for me.

I always get the 'How are you going to get that under your chin?'

The most original quip happened when I was leaving an upstairs club & carrying the bass down stairs in it's zip up case.

A drunk at the bar was watching me & as I passed him he put his hand to my shoulder & remarked, 'I'm really really sorry to see your wife's not been too well lately!'

Best wishes
Gary

I don't remember getting dumb questions like that, having played in a Gospel Blue Grass band. I have, however experimented with making my own flute. We have river cane (it looks a lot like miniature bamboo) growing wild in our area. So I cut a 12" section out of the bottom (Bass?) end if the cane, and bored some fingerholes and a mouth hole. It didn't sound half bad when I tried it. The next flute is going to be made from a length of 3/4" pvc pipe.

When I get the question "is that a cello?"

I answer "no, it's a bass. A fresh water bass. The sea bass stink too much."

Lately people have been asking if it was a tuba. So, I have just been telling everyone that it is a oboe to a big recorder.

I want to be the loser who sits in the Orchestra counts out 476 bars, hit a flippin' Triangle once, and then counts 1154 bars, for the final hit....

How do trianglists warm up????

And If I did play Flute, it would be some freaky double flute with a jack, and a rig like Bela Fleck 8x10 Trace Elliot and a refridgerator full of effects....so it wouldn't really be that funny a joke then....they'd say...

Don't you wish you played bass??

:) oh, I have an Ocarina too....fits in my pocket

I want to be the loser who sits in the Orchestra counts out 476 bars, hit a flippin' Triangle once, and then counts 1154 bars, for the final hit....

How do trianglists warm up???? Actually you should try playing triangle in a brazilian rhythm section. Classical triangle might be easy, but the way the brazilian's play it, it's hard. It's kinda like doing the "pat your tummy rub your head" thing. And then they play with fast tempo too. You have to be able to mute the triangle on certain beats while keeping the striker going off steady like a fast metronome > 250 bpm or something like that. Some pop music features that kind of thing. Some Peter Gabriel comes to mind. I forget which song.

Actually you should try playing triangle in a brazilian rhythm section. Classical triangle might be easy, but the way the brazilian's play it, it's hard. It's kinda like doing the "pat your tummy rub your head" thing. And then they play with fast tempo too. You have to be able to mute the triangle on certain beats while keeping the striker going off steady like a fast metronome > 250 bpm or something like that. Some pop music features that kind of thing. Some Peter Gabriel comes to mind. I forget which song.

I love people who push the envelope on their instruments

"Hats off to the Brasilians!!!"

Ima gettin me a triangle...help me out...I need brilliant highs, punchy low end with a growl...can i get this thing with a built in preamp....maybe a vintage model is the way to go...so many questions....I'm gonna go download something with kickass triangling..

i wonder if they make doublebass-jokes in the triangle-forum :)

or the flute forum. HAHA. That would be funny

Hey, I *was* an orchestral triangle player- at least in high school- and let me tell you, there are more "exposed" parts for triangle than just about any instrument. Face it, when you leave out a note playing DB in a section, no one hears it. Even if you play the wrong note, only the people around you hear it. But just try coming in a little off the beat on a triangle part...!

I was the utility infielder in my HS orchestra, handling xylophone, orchestra bells, tubular bells, bongos, gong, everything that involved counting 80 measures, coming in for a couple, and disappearing for another 80. And let me tell you, there's no better way to piss off your conductor than to miss that triangle cue. ;-)

"Don't you triangle players wish you played whisle?"

and we laughed.............:p :p

Since I have a school bass at home, and there is another at school, I just take my bow with me. I have a case for it, and I just carry it around like a flute.

So anyway, I was carrying it around after school, and I heard someone shouting at me. I turned around, and my school's police officer was running after me, and literally about ten administrators were lined up in a line staring at me, kind of scared looking. The police officer rushes up close to me, and demands to know what the thing is. I told him, "It's a bow..." and he responded, "OHH! Man, you need to carry that thing differently. We all thought you were carrying a rifle into school!"

I always get the 'How are you going to get that under your chin?'

Best wishes
Gary

A bassist friend of mine (who's a pretty big guy) has been known to respond with -
"Easy. I do what you you should do."

"Whassat??"

"I keep my fkg mouth shut!"

A bassist friend of mine (who's a pretty big guy) has been known to respond with -
"Easy. I do what you you should do."

"Whassat??"

"I keep my fkg mouth shut!"
LOL

so far only once.

i was going to audition for NEC. so i got off the plane and got my bass at loghan airport in boston. then i figured out there was no way i was getting out of there in a cab with my kolstein case. so then my mom tried renting a minivan or suv, but every single car rental place was out of them. so then we hopped on the hilton airport bus shuttle to take us across the street to the hilton and we left the case with their concierge. we then took a normal minivan cab to our hotel downtown and i did my audition

my orchestra once perfrmed for a school of bratty kids with no musical expeirence ever an our condutor let them ask qeustions about the instument and these are some qeustions i got after our conductor told the audience what it was and what it sounded like and that it was not a cello and the pepole infront of me were:
1. is that the way cellos play standing up
2. how much does the bass weigh
3. what is the highest note the bass can reach
4. what is the lowest note the bas can rech
5. why do bassist glue a flute to the top of their instruments in bigger orchestras (c extensions)
6. how much does that cost
7. why do pepole play bass
8. dont bassits always pluck their basses and play jazz music

Must be a Texan thing. I get that one a lot... my stock answer is "it's pretty light cause the inside is hollow".

Yep, me too, although my bass is usually heavier than most because it's solid wood....
I love that people open doors for you though, because double basses LOOK so heavy and big. Which they are really..:)

I got "That's a big guitar, mate" so many times (sometimes 3 or 4 a night walking home in Edinburgh) that my girlfriend go me a T-shirt with "That's a big guitar, mate..." printed in the front.
Upon revealing said T-shirt to a would-be comedian, I got an amazed look like I'm Derren Brown.

Best one was when walking home from a guitar gig (with my acoustic guitar), a double-bass playing friend of mine snuck up behind me in the street and said "That's a small double-bass, mate". ;)

I got "That's a big guitar, mate" so many times (sometimes 3 or 4 a night walking home in Edinburgh) that my girlfriend go me a T-shirt with "That's a big guitar, mate..." printed in the front.
Upon revealing said T-shirt to a would-be comedian, I got an amazed look like I'm Derren Brown.

Best one was when walking home from a guitar gig (with my acoustic guitar), a double-bass playing friend of mine snuck up behind me in the street and said "That's a small double-bass, mate". ;)

Nice one!

These are some of the comments I get.

That's a big guitar.

Do you play regular bass too?

Look, a cello.

I bet you wish you played the harmonica.

Is that a violin?

Boom, boom, boom, boom!

Is that an oboe?

I've stopped showering and ride the subway talking to myself really loudly in the hopes people will just avoid the crazy guy with the guitar, cello, oboe, whatever.

I was staying in this hostal in mexico owned my a british guy and I was practicing my EUB and he says "Oi! what the **** is that thing, mate" and walked away and got himself a beer.

I was staying in this hostal in mexico owned my a british guy and I was practicing my EUB and he says "Oi! what the **** is that thing, mate" and walked away and got himself a beer.

:confused: Did he not wait for a reply?

NO it was more of just his shock at seeing something like that, because I'm sure he had never seen an EUB, I know if it had been a full size bass he would have recognized it, cuz he was a huge Police fan. He also seemed to be a few cheerios short of a box or a few notes short of a scale if you prefer. Some one told me he had a motorcycle accident and had a lack of short term memory. Weird guy

I got "That's a big guitar, mate" so many times (sometimes 3 or 4 a night walking home in Edinburgh) that my girlfriend go me a T-shirt with "That's a big guitar, mate..." printed in the front.
Upon revealing said T-shirt to a would-be comedian, I got an amazed look like I'm Derren Brown.

Best one was when walking home from a guitar gig (with my acoustic guitar), a double-bass playing friend of mine snuck up behind me in the street and said "That's a small double-bass, mate". ;)
i want one of those shirts!!!

I played a gig last night with a pop singer songwriter girl. I had played with her on electric in the past, but I recently started using my DB with her. So last night at the gig she tells the audience that I "usually play the standard bass (EB), but we wanted to spice it up tonight."

Standard bass . . . standard . . . b. . . a . . . s. . . s :crying:

Instant reply; "That's funny, I usually don't play with substandard singers".

That reminds me of something that Judy Tenuta used to say to hecklers.... "My old boyfriend looked just like you, but with a human head".

I thought she meant standard as opposed to automatic bass. Man I'd love an automatic bass.

I have heard all of the above stupid comments about the bass over the years, but I've heard some good ones, especially from people who know what it is. I don't know how many times I've heard, while I'm setting up, "Oh great, a double bass, we have a REAL musician in the house tonight". That kind of comment is much appreciated. Of course I am not averse to harrassing other musicians, and drummers too. One of my favorite lines is to tell the audience that the fiddle / mandolin player picked their instrument before it was ripe. :rollno:

I always get "that's a big guitar" or sometimes "how do you get that under your chin" to which the answer is (borrowed from Don Weller) "I keep my mouth shut"!

Yeah, I've actually had my bass under my chin and played it, with help from a friend lol.

5. why do bassist glue a flute to the top of their instruments in bigger orchestras (c extensions)



LMAO :D

Great thread. I read through the whole thing last night. First thing this morning I had someone gleefully pronounce that my bass was a big violin. It was like he knew...:eek:

A friend of mine was a double bass player for the Darwin Symphony Orchestra back in the 80's. She gave up playing the DB and started playing flute and piccolo for the same orchestra...and she played it well.

True story!

A friend of mine plays the bassoon, she was practicing at home one day and the neighbour came around and asked her if she could stop playing her trumpet. She might have done if he hadn't just insulted her!!!

To my reply "It's a double bass", my interrogator asked:
"And where's the other half?"

I get people asking "...and what does a single bass look like?" :rollno:

Depends on who says it to me, but generally I say, "oh, I do blow a mean flute, what are you doing later on?"

I play both double bass and tuba. I'm quite often approached by strangers saying: "Wow that's really BIG!"

If it's a girl I blush a little bit and just say "Thank you" or "oh, is my fly open?!" or "yea, I know that size matters"
;)

Actually a euphonium is often considered a tenor tuba and, there is quite a difference in size between an FF and a 6/4 BBb.


But if they knew the difference they wouldnt say its a big tuba.

Do you play tuba?

Just wondering.

Q:"I bet you wish you took up the flute"
A:"So will you once I get finished shoving this bass up your ass":)

I don't think there's a single bassist who hasn't gotten the "Don't you wish you played [insert anything smaller than a bass here]?"

I don't think there's a single bassist who hasn't gotten the "Don't you wish you played [insert anything smaller than a bass here]?"

People have asked me if I wish I had played just about every instrument in the orchestra at one point or another.

From my physics teacher I had: "Have you been feeding your violin again?" Which I thought was quite good. But then, waiting outside the music room after school, a bunch of year-tens came out of the room, and almost en masse:

"That's a big guitar!"

0_o

Here I am procrastinating, surfing the web at 2am in the morning. The cleaner walks in.

The cleaner, by the way, had previously called my bass a cello. I didn't correct her for politeness.

Anyway, she just walks in and says "hello stranger" (I've been on holiday for a month and I packed my bass away) ... "Where's your big..." she stops.

Straight away I thought of this thread and the comments, almost replying "Dick?" But I didn't. I told her it was in the room downstairs. I wasn't going to be cruel.

From my physics teacher I had: "Have you been feeding your violin again?" Which I thought was quite good. But then, waiting outside the music room after school, a bunch of year-tens came out of the room, and almost en masse:

"That's a big guitar!"

0_o

People call my bass a Banjo. :rollno:

What always used to make me smile was walking back to my car from a gig on 6th street and having large groups of drunk, attractive coeds say "Wow, that's really big!" Sometimes it's the little inside jokes that keep me going.

I always say, "Obviously, you're not a golfer."

I always say, "Obviously, you're not a golfer."

In reply to what exactly?

In reply to what exactly?
"Don't you wish you played the piccolo?"

i get the help thing or "wow that looks heavy" usually my dad is a great sport and carries it for me (im fourteen) but i can carry it just fine. when someone offers to help i milk for all its worth. im like "can you get that door for me?"
"sure!"
"that door too, and that door and that door and that one 20 feet in front of me..."

it usually works

I always wait for this one: Nice looking chick says: " Boy it must get tiresome lugging that big thing around all day "
I say: "This bass isn't exactly light either "

Ba-dum-pum.

A Flute player (cute young thing) told me I have "a good flute=playing body" last month.

i get the help thing or "wow that looks heavy" usually my dad is a great sport and carries it for me (im fourteen) but i can carry it just fine. when someone offers to help i milk for all its worth. im like "can you get that door for me?"
"sure!"
"that door too, and that door and that door and that one 20 feet in front of me..."

it usually works

The people here must not be as nice! LOL! Probably because my case has wheels?!?!?

A friend of mine who plays guitar (hiss boo) got whipped in the face with a guitar string that broke. I told him it was his fault for not playing a real instrument.

Hahahahaha......sorry, doesn't fit the flute theme, but hahahahaahaha!

Actually I have respect for guitar players, my uncle is extremely proficient and actually treats it like the real instrument it is.

I just had to chuckle at this post.......

I've only read the first page, so this responce might have been posted, in some form or another.

"Don't you wish you played flute?"

"I used to, until one time I loaned it to a girl at band camp and she never gave it back."

That's a movie reference to American Pie, if you didn't get it.

I thought a flute was a type of wine glass.
I thought flutes where those massive pipe type things you find on Church organs

One of my favorite lines is to tell the audience that the fiddle / mandolin player picked their instrument before it was ripe. Nicest one yet.

I've gotten the violin,guitar,machine gun,dead body comments but the best I've heard happened to a sax playing friend of mine. Some guy came up to him after a gig and told him he was brilliant on the sax, but when he said the word "sax" he mimed playing trombone! Also, on the subject of people opening the door for you, I played a gig in a very crowded bar and when we were finished we had to lug our gear through a very drunk crowd. These guys in front deliberately would not move for the rest of the band so when my turn came I walked up behind one of them and shoved the bass in his back. He turned around as if to start a fight but when he saw the bass, he just looked shocked, said "jesus christ" ,and then got the door for me!

lol!

Since coming to Uni I've been amazed by how many people think my bass is a cello, one girl even asked if it was an oboe (she wasn't joking). I did like it once when a teacher asked 'if I'd been feeding my violin too much' :D. He was joking though!

So I was reading this thread two nights ago. The next day after shoo, I went into he music room and started practicing. A flute player walked in and told me to play something on the Cello.

that was the first time I've ever been with a bass in public, I just started.

I've taken to telling the cellists in my orchestras, "Nice bass" every time they walk past us, especially when we have to move to let them through when they (inevitably) arrive late.

This was after we gave up on attempting to collect the "beer tax" for letting people by.

I've gotten the violin,guitar,machine gun,dead body comments but the best I've heard happened to a sax playing friend of mine. Some guy came up to him after a gig and told him he was brilliant on the sax, but when he said the word "sax" he mimed playing trombone! Also, on the subject of people opening the door for you, I played a gig in a very crowded bar and when we were finished we had to lug our gear through a very drunk crowd. These guys in front deliberately would not move for the rest of the band so when my turn came I walked up behind one of them and shoved the bass in his back. He turned around as if to start a fight but when he saw the bass, he just looked shocked, said "jesus christ" ,and then got the door for me!

I love doing that on the train, I say excuse me twice, if people don't move they get the bass in the back. They turn around looking pissed but then apologize to me when they see the bass. Permission to be an a**h*** :hyper:

Last Friday I was playing a concert when on the way out an someone said "I'll bet you wish you had a smaller case." I chuckled a bit for his sake and kept walking. How would a smaller case help when soft cases really can't get any smaller?

One of my best friends is a violinist. After a rehearsal, we went to meet up with some other musicians to get something to eat, but of course I can only fit one passenger in my car when the bass is there. Once we get to my car, after climbing up a fairly steep hill to get to the parking garage, walking up three floors of stairs, and I open the hatchback trunk, my friend turns to me and says, "I picked a much more practical instrument than you."

We both just looked at each other and cracked up laughing. Me, the 5' 9" bassist standing next to the 6' 1" violinist.

and people like to call it a "chollo" (from the rap song, you know?) cause they think its a cello but they dont know what a cello is haha. or i will be lugging it across a parking lot and people in their cars will look at me really weird, not sure if they should slow down and let me cross or just run me over?

violin with elephantitus, right?

A few years ago, my dixieland band was doing a gig out on the sidewalk, in front of a coffee shop. I was in the process of setting up, when I noticed a couple of 10 - 11 year old boys walking toward me. Then I hear:

Holy s**t, look at the size of that violin, what the hell is that thing.

It's a cello, you dumb a$$, haven't you ever seen one of those.

They kept right on walking, so I never got a chance to educate them.

I was walking and carrying my bass next to a main road and an elderly lady, a total stranger, stopped in a sedan and asked if I needed a lift. I took one look at the car and knew straight away it wouldn't fit. The traffic noise drowned out anything I said to her. I said it wouldn't fit, then she proceeded to open the back door. I wasn't about to have a conversation with a total stranger, so I shook my head and walked on. She slammed the door and drove off in a huff.

I always get, "How heavy is that" and my response is "well, being that it is made of wood, and is hollow, not very much" and I was doing pit for my schools version of cinderella, and like 18 kids we're like "OMG, that thing is huge."

The Darwin Symphony Orchestra (Australia) did a tour down to Tennant Creek (middle of the Australian desert) and played Peter and the Wolf to a school audience. When the kids had a chance to meet the orchestra they weren't even interested in the double bass. They went straight for the Tympani.

Once I was playing in Moscow… and after the concert we got into the metro station… one dooda asked what was there I carried along… and as we under ground I sad… this is just a Rocket Launcher set…

I used to have a little car… and you know what … once after a gig we entered in there with double bass, drum set, fool sized keyboard, all gigging musicians and a saxophone player with baritone in his hand)))

How about, "....Drums stop, very bad...../"

I was asked to sub for the regular EB player at my church for the Christmas Sunday service. Brought in my DB - got the usual comments. Mandolin player even asked me to take an arco lead on "Mary Did You Know". Next Sunday, the lady in charge of "booking" guests for the Children's Church asked me to play for the kids. We live sorta in the sticks - not the cultural center of Florida. She said, wiping a tear, "many of these (poor) children don't even know what a cello is". :bawl:

When we had some relatives over, I decided to give a little performance for them. I was talking with my aunt after I was done, and she had no idea basses played with a bow! She said, "I though the basses just plucked away in the back of the orchestra!" Hmmmm.....

My favorite response is when I show people this picture:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2120/2170404814_9beffe8068_b.jpg

Gets the best of wide-eyed looks!

Well, sometimes when, at the end of a gig, I try to push the bass and myself through a pair of swing doors and find the car in the rain I actually do wish I played a piccolo.

Since I've been playing EUB I actually miss some of the comments, so I'm thinking of putting the Steinberger in a DB case with a pair of cushions to bulk it out. (only joking - I think)

Twice I've gone up to (usually blonde, gorgeous harpists) and in a moment of irony(?) asked 'how do you get that under your chin? To my shame, unlike us crusty DBers, they both replied good humouredly and we had a very pleasant conversation. In fact the second one understood my remark because her boyfriend was a bass player and we had a good laugh.

I always get that flute one.

The reason they have DB's in an orchestra is to use up the bits from making violins.

I got it for the first time today, from an old guy. I was going to pretend I found it funny, but I couldn't.

I got it for the first time today, from an old guy. I was going to pretend I found it funny, but I couldn't.

I know... it's hard to crack that smile. Wait 'til you've heard it a thousand times... :rollno:

Then there's "Whoa... big guitar!".... I always feel a little nauseous when someone trots that one out one more time.

I love the 'big guitar' line almost as much as "cello!'

but worst than that is that people believe I play the Cello, and on one occasion a girl almost got into an argument with me trying to convince me that I played the cello instead of the bass. :rolleyes:

I hate that!!! I HAVE gotten into arguments with people about that. they were completely under the impression i playyed the cello but i told them i didn't and they thought i did'nt know what instrument i played. One of my friends also tried to convince me that I played the tuba. and that was always fun. so no i am just like "yea i play the tuba..." whenever she asks. its sad, but kind of funny.

I just discovered this thread and read the whole thing. Got a few new responses to the standard, "don't you wish you played a smaller instrument?" question - thanks... I'll have to use those.

When I get the flute comment, I like to tell people that my bass case is a flute case, and then pull a flute out of the bow pocket (I don't play with a bow, so that long skinny pocket has other uses) & start playing it, and discussing flute stuff with them, totally throwing them off from the original flute/size question.

I also tell people that I had to get a smaller instrument because the piano was just getting too heavy to lug around. So this bass IS my smaller instrument.

When I was a teenager (a 5'2" tiny female) & I played in a bluegrass group with my Dad and his friends (all big tough, older football player type built guys), people always made the comment, "why does the smallest person have to carry the largest instrument?" So, we started messing with them & making our arrivals and departures a comedy routine. I would have the bass on my back, the fiddle strapped to my front, and then a banjo in one hand and a guitar in the other... We'd walk into a gig like that - with me carrying everything and the big strong men carrying nothing. We got some good laughs, but one time we were playing at a nursing home, and they didn't understand that it was a joke. They were so mad at those mean men for making me carry everything. I'm now playing in a group where I'm the only person under 6'6" tall (I'm still only 5'2"), so I'd like to work up something funny like this again.

When people see me getting my bass out of my Honda Civic, they wonder how I got that in there. I stump them when I tell them that I can easily fit two upright basses in my car (which I can - let me know if you need to do it and I'll tell you how).

I get different comments when I play my EUB, and am not as fluid with responses. One that has ceased to be funny is the wind up joke. I like to spin the bass while playing it, and people are impressed. I tell them that I have to spin it because it's not an electric bass, it's a wind up bass. They really believe me (I tell those same people that my pickup is a cable TV hookup, and that that's where I download the songs I play). Doesn't work so well with the EUB, though... Anyone have any good responses to people wondering what an EUB is? Since they don't even know what a real (double) bass is, they're really thrown off... My nickname for my EUB is my "Fake Bass" - so I just go with that and tell them that it's not really real.

Tell them it's a tuba!

I need to learn how to get two Basses in my Jeep SUV, Help? =p I HATE IT WHEN IGNORENT PEOPLE THINK That they are hilarious when they remark " Haha, makes you wish you played the piccolo don't you? " Then I pull out my Harmonica, and say " Nope got something smaller here". They just walk away angry that I out-witted them. Lol

Irish Bass Lad - here's how I fit 2 basses in my Honda Civic. I put the first one in like normal (with the neck going between the front two seats, up the the gear shift). Then I roll it onto it's side, with the bridge facing out, and the back of the bass in the center of the car. I then do the same with the second bass, though sliding it in can be a bit tricky as you are watching out for BOTH necks. When I put the second on the side, I put the neck above the neck of the first bass, so that they are chriss-crossing in the front of the car. You need to put a pillow of some sort (I usually use my clothes duffle bag) and some padding under the shoulder of the bass, so that the bass is lifted slightly neck is not resting on the neck of the first bass. My Honda Civic is built just right that I actually lean the basses outwards toward their bridges, and brace them on the sides of the car - like leaning them in a corner, with the bridges toward the corner between the floor of the car and the side wall (so they're acually almost upside-down). There's a gap there by the wheel well that protects the bridge, and by leaning out, I feel that they're more stable. I don't know if that works on other cars, though.

As for a jeep. Do you have one of the old classic jeeps? The ones that are pretty short? Or do you have one of the modern SUV's that are a bit longer? I've found the old classic jeeps to be a challenge. I've found that when I put a bass it them, the neck goes all the way up and wants to rest on the dashboard. Since I never rest the neck on anything, it becomes quite a challenge in bracing the rest of the bass to hold the neck up. However, not all jeeps are the same, and have been in one where the bass neck didn't reach all the way up to the dash board. Is the front seat of your jeep a bench seat? I had a car once that was a bench seat, and so when I put a bass in the back, it had to stay in the back and go diagonally. If that's the case with your car, I wouldn't know how to put two basses in there. The trick to two basses in a car is having the two seperate bucket seats up front, where you can put the necks in between them in a criss-cross pattern.

Good luck!

Here's one I get in elevators. :

"Do you keep your girl friend in that?'
I reply. "No. I keep your girl friend in there."

I've got a Bob Gollihur bass bag. It has a nice, stitch-lettered "BASS" patch where the bridge is located.

It would be funny if there was an option to have "FLUTE" written there instead!;)

http://www.gollihurmusic.com/product/1346-GOLLIHUR_UPRIGHT_BASS_BAG_3_4_SIZE.html

I once went into a large 'big box' music store in a large Midwestern US city with my bow in its case rather than leave it in the hot car. Just inside the entrance, I was asked by two store employees (not security guards) to open 'the flute case' so they could inspect it. Of course there was a bass bow in the case, and one of them asked me what it was. When I said it was a bow for an upright bass, they looked at each other and the second guy said, "I didn't know you could play one of those with a bow!"

Yeah, I've definitely had all those responses. By far the strangest one was "Is that a unicycle?" in reference to my bass with a Gaines wheel.

You know what's fascinating to me, and it hasn't been mentioned, is the question "where the f do completely unrelated strangers get the SAME pseudo-joke from?

What part of western society's collective unconscious causes almost everyone to have the same response?

Does anyone one else find that interesting?

Try playing a digital piano as I do. The thing weighs a TON! To make it worse to get it to band I have to get the bus...

You know what's fascinating to me, and it hasn't been mentioned, is the question "where the f do completely unrelated strangers get the SAME pseudo-joke from?

What part of western society's collective unconscious causes almost everyone to have the same response?

Does anyone one else find that interesting?

Find a Psychology/Sociology student and get them to write a dissertation on it. Pay them a lot of money to do it.

I only recently joined this forum, I played acousitc DB for 7 years, but because it was during school, I rented their instrument. And after 1 and a half years of no bass, I've finally been able to afford one, I get it in a month, though it's an ns wav bass, so I wont get these comments. But this thread is fantastic, it's bringing back so many memories.

Like lugging that thing up and down stairs, I used to get so many worried looks from people who would watch me as if I was disabled. My rev at school used to make the "dead body" comment every single time he saw me with my DB. I'm definetly going to miss not having these when I get my EUB, now I have all these witty comebacks. I bet I'll still get the "*** is that thing?!?!" comment, considering how strange an EUB is, someone should definetly start coming up with those, so I can be prepared.

i went to audition at fsu and i heard the funniest thing ever

jock
hey what is that thing?

me
an upright bass

jock
oh its a cellbow

i think his brain was too full of beer pong and bong resin.