Post your observations here:

1) The beautiful women are all hitting on the drum machine

2) The club owner asks if you'll take IOU's or Confederate money

3) The sound system bears an uncanny resemblance to two tin cans and string

4) You have a 6 piece band and the venue's stage can just barely fit 3


Your turn----------------------

1) You show up and it is the only structure for miles and it is a corrugated tin quanset hut named, "Bubba's"

2) Nothing but monster trucks in the lot

3) and the worst-case scenario... chicken-wire enclosed stage!

1) Someone screams "Freeeeeebirrrrrd!!!" in the first ten minutes of the first set. There's your problem drunk.

2) There are lots of BMW's and Volvos, and no pickups or Harleys, and then someone asks you whether the bar serves martinis.

3) There's a large, drunk lesbian trying to drag you offstage while you are playing.

Cherie ;-)

1) the name of the venue is (gulp) the Tehachape State Prison. Yup, I played there once. That's one gig where you DON'T make eye contact, no way!

2) It's Christmas Eve on a Marine base, and the only women in a crowd of 150 are the 2 waitresses. Best part of that gig - the load in. About 20 Marines came out to our vehicles to help. Literally, every piece of gear was onstage in about 3 minutes. Gotta love that!

3) the date of the gig is 9/12/01.

1) the name of the venue is (gulp) the Tehachape State Prison. Yup, I played there once. That's one gig where you DON'T make eye contact, no way!

2) It's Christmas Eve on a Marine base, and the only women in a crowd of 150 are the 2 waitresses. Best part of that gig - the load in. About 20 Marines came out to our vehicles to help. Literally, every piece of gear was onstage in about 3 minutes. Gotta love that!

3) the date of the gig is 9/12/01.

Well, the Marines are nothing if not efficient with gear! ;-)

'Course, that's *before* they're drunk.

Cherie :bassist:

1.When a dude sitting at the bar yells out ya'll plays sum Skynyrd dont ya and you just brought in the first few pieces of equipment to the stage.

2. When the best looking girl in the bar is missing some of her front teeth.

3.When your first then second and finally third beer progressively get warmer when served to you.

1. The staff at the bar outnumber the patrons.

2. You have 5 people running around trying to trace "that humming sound" and your supposed to start the show in 5 minutes.

4. You see a loud, obnoxious drunk staggering around the club and realize that it's your drummer.

You see a loud, obnoxious drunk staggering around the club and realize that it's your drummer.


:p Been there seen that!!! Too funny!

1. You arrive at the venue and ask yourself "Is that the stage...or the drum riser?"

2. No electrical outlets anywhere (bonus points if voltage is below 108).

3. The lights dim anytime you play a note lower than an "E."

4. You pick up radio stations through your amp.

5. "Sound provided" consists of one of those $99 Ipod speakers.

Lonnybass

Well, the Marines are nothing if not efficient with gear! ;-)

'Course, that's *before* they're drunk.

Cherie :bassist:

+1 they did NOT help us load out!

1.) Sound check is in 15 minutes and your drummer hasn't shown up yet.

2.) You step up to the Mic during sound check and a 3 inch spark jumps to your lips.

3.) You are introduced by a group of crickets.

1) Some retard spills beer all over your amplifier within 5 minutes of offloading

2) You realise 2 songs into the first set that your guitarist has become unplugged and is still whaling away (guns and roses)

3) You get to the gig, set up, turn on all your gear and all of the sudden you hear *fizzle* and realise that your amplifier is now a blob of melted goo (has happened before)

4) and of course, last but not least.... 1 person in 3 subsequent song breaks screams "Freebird!!!!!" "ERUPTION!!!!" and finally "You guys suck! You can't play any songs I know!"

...while standing on top of the drummer's truck yelling "rock and roll!" to fire up the crowd, you hear the guitar player start up. So you jump off (as everyone's face drops like they're watching a trainwreck) to try to hurry in there... and wind up breaking your heel. I played that third set one one foot and in a bubble of pain. Actually it was the next week that was hellish.

...you turn your amp on and it just goes "pop" and then shuts off. I had to play through the PA that night. It was the last sound that Carvin ever made...

...at battle of the bands, they say "just bring your guitar, we have amps". Watching the band before us, I see they have a nice rig that I'd been wanting to try out out. Then that band finished and the rig left with them. Then the sound man brings me a D.I. box. That PA was like a kazoo...

...when the hot looking chick in the tight jeans who's "cushion" you've been admiring turns around and becomes a long-haired, pimply, teenage male megadeath fan.

...when he's STILL the most attractive thing in the room!

1.) Bullet holes in the back of the stage.

2.) Pool table on stage. Owner says, "oh yea,..... lemme see if I can find some guys to move that".

3.) Owners dog is named "Killer" and will not stop staring at your crotch.

4.) Patrons having sex on the hood of your car while you try to load out.

5.) Check bounces.

-all true.

1.) Bullet holes in the back of the stage.

2.) Pool table on stage. Owner says, "oh yea,..... lemme see if I can find some guys to move that".

3.) Owners dog is named "Killer" and will not stop staring at your crotch.

4.) Patrons having sex on the hood of your car while you try to load out.

5.) Check bounces.

-all true.

LOLOLOL:p :p So far this is starting out as maybe the funnest thread I have ever seen on TB.....keep it going its great stuff...all of it so far!

Here are my true ones:

No one in the audience is under 60 years old.

Our band (classic metal) was a last-minute fill-in at the American Legion - and Fridays are always country western night.

During first break get chewed out for 10 minutes by a white-hair who says stuff like "You're not even musicians. Real musicians wouldn't play for an hour without at least one waltz."

Crowd starts at about 100, 95 of them have left by the first break. Only 3 wives and 2 friends are left.

But there was a silver lining. After the second set the manager said "Well, I guess I made a mistake hiring you guys on country western night, didn't I? You might as well just pack up and go home now - no reason for you to play the last set." AND THEN HE PAID US IN FULL!

...when the hot looking chick in the tight jeans who's "cushion" you've been admiring turns around and becomes a long-haired, pimply, teenage male megadeath fan.

...when he's STILL the most attractive thing in the room!

Ouch, and double ouch!

Owners dog is named "Killer" and will not stop staring at your crotch

Lengthen your strap until your bass covers the tenderloin. And pray.

chickenwire

3) There's a large, drunk lesbian trying to drag you offstage while you are playing.

Cherie ;-)


Happens almost every time we play at a certain bar. Very large, incredibly homely, incredibly drunk lesbian. Thank God it's not me she's trying to pull off of the stage. It's the female keyboardist. I'm not quite sure if she minds though??????:D

+1 they did NOT help us load out!

No, I don't guess they did. Too smash-ed-ed!!!

Cherie ;-)

Here's my list--all of which has actually occured to my band.

1)Chickenwire. Not just once, but twice. The second time it was a joint that just wanted to look tough, though. The first joint, patrons actually threw stuff at us.

2)The two most attractive women at the bar didn't start out life as women. This isn't too uncommon where I live, but one of them wouldn't leave our drummer alone on set breaks, and kept asking me about his personal life, girlfriends, open-mindedness, etc.

3) You go to set up, and get pointed towards the drum riser, which is a fence laying on cinderblock. Then you're told that it's not the drum riser, it's the stage.

4) You find out the hard way that someone didn't put a cinderblock under the section you decide to put your bass amp on.

5) The bar owner bills you for damaging his stage/fence.

Happens almost every time we play at a certain bar. Very large, incredibly homely, incredibly drunk lesbian. Thank God it's not me she's trying to pull off of the stage. It's the female keyboardist. I'm not quite sure if she minds though??????:D

Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has to worry about some big ol' gal dragging her off! ;-)

I wouldn't worry, really, 'ceptin she's always sooooo drunk. And she's soooooo *big*! She's every bit as tall as my husband, and probably outweighs me by 30 pounds. She could squish me like a little bitty bug, if she ever got mad.

So I try hard not to pi$$ her off. ;-)

Cherie :-)

Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has to worry about some big ol' gal dragging her off! ;-)

I wouldn't worry, really, 'ceptin she's always sooooo drunk. And she's soooooo *big*! She's every bit as tall as my husband, and probably outweighs me by 30 pounds. She could squish me like a little bitty bug, if she ever got mad.

So I try hard not to pi$$ her off. ;-)

Cherie :-)

I think she was at The Pub in Round Rock last time we played there!:D

But why was she hitting on ME?:eek:

~John

Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has to worry about some big ol' gal dragging her off! ;-)

I wouldn't worry, really, 'ceptin she's always sooooo drunk. And she's soooooo *big*! She's every bit as tall as my husband, and probably outweighs me by 30 pounds. She could squish me like a little bitty bug, if she ever got mad.

So I try hard not to pi$$ her off. ;-)

Cherie :-)


I wouldn't mess with most of the ones I've seen at this particular bar.

My wife stays close to bandmates friends and family during those shows.........kinda like fish I guess.....feel safer if you're swimming in schools.....:)

1.) 2.) You step up to the Mic during sound check and a 3 inch spark jumps to your lips.

LOL! Happened to me in Vancouver! I didn't do vocals that night. I have this thing about tempting fate.

Also, you show up for soundcheck, and there's a chalk outline and crime scene tape on stage. :help: :eek:

we actually learned freebird just so when some drunk yells it we play it, he shuts up and goes home. problem solved.

when some friend asks you to play at his church. never had a good one of those.

when your guitar player, who has more pedals than the space shuttle, is setting up and goes "uh-oh".

I think she was at The Pub in Round Rock last time we played there!:D

But why was she hitting on ME?:eek:

~John

Blonde, curly hair, big boobies, really, really tall and generously proportioned? (Not fat, but zaftig.)

That'd be her!

She likes grrrrrrls. When I told her I was married, it had no effect on her at all. But when the girls in my old band came up and said, toughly, "What do you think you're doing with OUR girl?", she backed off pretty quick.

Cherie ;-)

Here are my true ones:

No one in the audience is under 60 years old.

Our band (classic metal) was a last-minute fill-in at the American Legion - and Fridays are always country western night.

During first break get chewed out for 10 minutes by a white-hair who says stuff like "You're not even musicians. Real musicians wouldn't play for an hour without at least one waltz."

Crowd starts at about 100, 95 of them have left by the first break. Only 3 wives and 2 friends are left.

But there was a silver lining. After the second set the manager said "Well, I guess I made a mistake hiring you guys on country western night, didn't I? You might as well just pack up and go home now - no reason for you to play the last set." AND THEN HE PAID US IN FULL!
Ha ha! I play country at some Canadian Legion events. I can just image how well classic metal went over :D

We played a legion a couple of saturdays ago. Small stage. We had a small PA with two 12" PA speakers (no monitors), my iAMP500 and two wizzys, fairly large combo amp for pedal steel, and a small combo amp for the lead guitar. We got a volume complaint *before we where done setting up* because "There seems to be an awful lot of amplifiers on that stage."

You're asked to set up in front of the gazebo that was to be your stage because the Ham Radio marathon was still going on and were set up on the stage behind you and would be broadcasting all evening.

You set up, are introduced, and as you start your first hour set you realise the little spots all over your pants are fleas.

You set up, are introduced, and as you start your first hour set you realise the little spots all over your pants are fleas.


:eek: :eek:

You're in a band that has little if any exposure and a band that you know agrees to let your band sit in for a couple songs. Once on stage, and inevitably not until you're supposed to start playing, the g**tar player decides to leave the stage to get a battery for his EMG. :rolleyes: :scowl:

Anyway, if you knew the g**tar player, you would have expected him to use the battery and hope it went dead so he could possible use it as an excuse for his mediocre playing later.

Hence the last time that band would do you a favor.

Your band is a punk/hardcore punk band at a party,gig opened by an emo band,for a crowd of emo teens.

Other band only brings their PA system,no amps.

Other band's bass player walks into room and goes "$#!t,he's good" when I play a scale...

The other band's bass player has to use his bands PA system,not because of tech problems,but because he doesn't own an amp :eyebrow:
(and I wouldn't let him use mine,I don't trust the kid in the first place,and he started playing 2 months before the gig)

Singer leaves after 3 songs,and comes back 15 minutes later.

Crowd of 15 or so people, ALL LEAVE EXCEPT FOR 3 PEOPLE.:bawl: :bawl: :bawl:

I was told people thought we were too loud:D :D :D :D


Not to mention boring after the gig,I guess I don't mix all that well with them emo people.

1) When the vebue manager tells you to arrive at 8pm, so you do, and the doors are locked therefore you have to wait 45 minutes for him to come.

2) When 2 of the bands that were booked to play with you don't show up.

3) When a snow storm comes over night and your show is the next day.

4) When you are an alternative rock band and you get booked to play a show at 40's + bar and one of the songs on your set list is "Breed" by Nirvana.

No one in the audience is under 60 years old.

I did that once. That's a pretty bad thing.

Also...
1) Where everybody except your band wears a mullet. :hiding:

2) Where the PA system is plugged into a series of powerbars reminicent of the Griswol's christmas light setup.

3) Where the people from your band are the only ones that speak english (or whichever language you speak) in the whole damn place.

I played a gig where the bar owner asked us to stop playing so the patrons could watch "Cheaters". Apparently the guy who was busted in that show was at the bar. Sheesh.

4) When you are an alternative rock band and you get booked to play a show at 40's + bar and one of the songs on your set list is "Breed" by Nirvana.Oh good lord. I love that song. Probably my favorite Nirvana song. So catchy. I'm guessing you still played it?

anyway

...Its your first gig... a battle of the bands at your school.. and your grandparents are coming..

1. When people scream out the wrong band name

2. All the men throw their underwear at you

3. When the mic is still on and your singer says "Boy this crowd sucks."

4. Having to keep your blind singer from walking off the stage at least 5 times while playing.

5. When drunk people puke in front of the stage next to where you play.

6. When you break your finger by slamming it in the van door before playing.

OK here's one more...

Our classic rock cover band gets invited to open for a friend's original speed metal band (1989) and we need a singer. The guitar player says "well, I know this guy who's really good but I'm warning you right now..." famous last words.

After playing about three songs the singer gets pissed because we're not getting enough attention. He starts in on the mike "you guys suck! your all a bunch of pu$$ies! whats wrong with you?"

I wound up having to drive him home before he got his head cracked, and when I got back the party was over.

I played a gig a few weeks ago where a group of about 12 people, all over the age of 70 obviously, line danced to EVERY song we played.
Ever seen the geriatric crew boot scoot to the Rolling Stones?
I have!

....When Bow Wow Wow plays with a bunch of psychobilly bands, and these psychos start wrecking to Bow Wow Wow, more than a tad out of character.

I don't play out but have helped friends set up, recorded sets for people and such. Seen a few fun ones.

1. Opening act is a solo accordion

2. Band doesn't tell bass player that he has been replaced by a new bass player till he starts to set up his gear - loud argument ensues on stage in front of crowd

3. The sludge of spilled beer mixed with ashes and cigarette butts on the barroom floor is deeper than my heels before the first act goes on

*sigh*
good ol days,
S

I wouldn't mess with most of the ones I've seen at this particular bar.

My wife stays close to bandmates friends and family during those shows.........kinda like fish I guess.....feel safer if you're swimming in schools.....:)

Yep...or a wagon train..."Circle the wagons!"

LOL!

Cherie ;-)

Circle the wagons! LOL!

When you turn up, scheduled to go on in 15 mins and the Soundguy hasnt turned up yet with the PA.:hmm:

When you finish setting up your amp and go back to the truck to get your pedalboard and realize that you have locked your keys in the truck along with the pedalboard.

When the band starts doing shots at 9:00

When you plug in your amp and get a 60 cycle hum

When the soundguy can't work with the DI out of your preamp, but almost every other soundguy for the past 2 years has praised your tone.

The last 3 were this past Thursday night. The night got much worse, mostly due to the alcohol . . .

When there's chickenwire...and chickens.

All true.

1) When you open the door and rectangular block of smoke punches out instantly taking 10 years off your life.

2) When a stinky not attractive drunk girl licks your hand.

3) When the soundguy starts by saying"do you know who I am?" and the most obvious answer is " s drunk who never bathes".

4) When the band before you drives every single person out of the bar.

I've also experienced the 60 hz hum, the exploding PA, the collapsing stage, the "I'll pay you in cans of Bud", the unexpected backup "singer", the missing drummer, the drunk/high drummer, the drummer who gets kicked out of the bar.... etc.

When there's chickenwire...and chickens.

YEEEEEEEEE-HAWWWWWWWW!!!

Did they at least send you home with some eggs?

Cherie ;-)

When a moron sound engineer shines his flashlight at my preamp and says "What the hell is an Anemic F-1X?"

Lonnybass

When you finish setting up your amp and go back to the truck to get your pedalboard and realize that you have locked your keys in the truck along with the pedalboard....When you finish setting up your amp and go back to the truck to get your pedalboard and realize that your truck (along with your pedalboard) is no longer there! :crying:

When the band starts doing shots at 9:00...in the morning! :eek:

When you plug in your amp and get a 60 cycle hum...When you plug in your amp and get.... absolutely nothun' :(

When the soundguy can't work with the DI out of your preamp, but almost every other soundguy for the past 2 years has praised your tone....When the soundguy looks right past your DI and tries to plug a cord into one of the output jacks of your head :rollno:

When, just before the second set, the bar owner walks up and says, "Your drummer just called. He's being held up by the cops. I got this here 'drummer' and he can sit in til your drummer gets here.":eek:

True story!.......very first gig I played with current band.

...I got this here 'drummer' and he can sit in til your drummer gets here.":eek:
Especially when his drummer looks like this :smug: ...
http://passionworksusa.org/tmp/CymbalMonkey.jpg

1. The manager is telling me that we're too loud during the sound check. Had to turn up to hear over the crappy house music system.
2. The owner informs me that when the white light is turned on, that means there's a fight and you stop playing music until it's off. (We played 3 hours that night for a 4 hour show. The other hour, we watched the fights.
3. The drummer asks me if I think his 357 magnum will go off while it's lying in his bass drum?
4. You witness a patron pick up a placidil capsul off the wet rest room floor and swallow it.
All true...the last night there, a man was shot to death out back.

The show starts at 7 and by 8:30, you're still waiting for someone to show up

You get to the venue late and all the doors are locked and lights are off

There's a jug of water with "For bands only" written in sharpie and is sitting next to the rat poison and mouse traps...



i dunno, i don't have much experience with this kind of stuff yet :ninja:

Okay, maybe I don't ever want to start gigging...

The show starts at 7 and by 8:30, you're still waiting for someone to show up

You get to the venue late and all the doors are locked and lights are off

There's a jug of water with "For bands only" written in sharpie and is sitting next to the rat poison and mouse traps...



i dunno, i don't have much experience with this kind of stuff yet :ninja:

Oh, that's another one that happened to me -- you get to the venue early, and all the doors are locked and the lights are off.

The whole damned crowd claps on the one and three.

When you're mixing in a "Family" strip joint, and the very young band's sharing the dressing room with the dancing talent. The bouncer walks over, casually shows you his pistol, and mentions that the roadies have been "handling the merchandise" backstage. Ruh-roh! You have five minutes to break down a full stage setup, including lights and PA, and get outta Dodge. And that's only 'cause the manager likes you because you went in early and schmoozed him and the staff...:eek:

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: holy crap!

1. The manager is telling me that we're too loud during the sound check. Had to turn up to hear over the crappy house music system.
2. The owner informs me that when the white light is turned on, that means there's a fight and you stop playing music until it's off. (We played 3 hours that night for a 4 hour show. The other hour, we watched the fights.
3. The drummer asks me if I think his 357 magnum will go off while it's lying in his bass drum?
4. You witness a patron pick up a placidil capsul off the wet rest room floor and swallow it.
All true...the last night there, a man was shot to death out back.

DAMN....I used to bounce in my days in skinhead/metal bars and rap joints and seen alot but i hope you got hazzard pay for that hole....did they shut this dump down or did it just rot into the ground:eek:

Especially when his drummer looks like this :smug: ...
http://passionworksusa.org/tmp/CymbalMonkey.jpg


I almost would have rather he looked like that.:)

2 days before a show a friend calls you telling you that your band has decided to boot you, then finding it out to be true when you finally get into contact with one of the former bandmates...

i didn't play the the gig but i was attending because a friend's band was playing as well, but my ex band had one of the sloppiest preformances i've seen in a while. missed changes left and right, lead guitar EQ'ed so bad that you couldn't hear any of the leads or solos. half the notes my replacement played were off key (or was just really far out of tune). and at one point during the last song they stopped mid song for at least a few minutes where the drummer came to the mic and was talking to the croud, not that you could hear a word he said because else in the band was making just a wall of noise... the most dissonant sound i've ever heard

Pay was crap. we used the gig for filler in between the real jobs. The manager wanted us back...LOL. We were pretty good-sized dudes, except the drummer w/ the magnum...LOL and nobody really messed with us there. It was in a small river town in extreme southern IL. After midnight, the Kentuckians would come in, sometimes barefooted, through snow and really raise the level of the party/fight. Historians tell me that place had been around since before prohibition. It is now closed and been torn down. I still remember the night I felt someone touch my back while on stage. I turned with my '73 Jazz at the ready, only to find a waitress hiding behind me, fearing for her life.

1. Load in is up a reaaaaally long flight of stairs.

2. The entire audience is younger than your own kids, and you wouldn't let your kids leave the house with any of them.

3. (this will only entertain people in/near Portland) two words: Hawthorne Theater

Pay was crap. we used the gig for filler in between the real jobs. The manager wanted us back...LOL. We were pretty good-sized dudes, except the drummer w/ the magnum...LOL and nobody really messed with us there. It was in a small river town in extreme southern IL. After midnight, the Kentuckians would come in, sometimes barefooted, through snow and really raise the level of the party/fight. Historians tell me that place had been around since before prohibition. It is now closed and been torn down. I still remember the night I felt someone touch my back while on stage. I turned with my '73 Jazz at the ready, only to find a waitress hiding behind me, fearing for her life.

GEEEEZZZ...this is a hoot...what was the name of this dump? barefoot Kentucky hicks...LOLOL....in the snow... wow... how did you find such a mess............what did you play side one and two of all of Skynards albums? You got guts my friend...you should write a book ....really funny stuff.

The Frontier Tavern. Such a garden spot. Yes, we played a little Skynard too...LOL. I had a drink thrown my direction one night. It dowsed my Korg tuner and ruined it. The owner later compensated me for it. I won a bet with the drummer that he would too. Anyway, I bailed over the rail of the stage to grab the would-be pitcher. And out of nowhere, this guy walks up to me and grabs me by the collar. He says, "Play yor Geetaar boy, I'll take care of this." "Yes sir!!!" is all I could say. This dude looked like a volkswagon walking sideways. He takes hold of my intended target and ushers him outside. The last I ever saw of that guy too. The only good thing that came out of that gig was the raven-haired beauties (sisters) who befriended me for quite a few nights. Made it all worth while.

The Frontier Tavern. Such a garden spot. Yes, we played a little Skynard too...LOL. I had a drink thrown my direction one night. It dowsed my Korg tuner and ruined it. The owner later compensated me for it. I won a bet with the drummer that he would too. Anyway, I bailed over the rail of the stage to grab the would-be pitcher. And out of nowhere, this guy walks up to me and grabs me by the collar. He says, "Play yor Geetaar boy, I'll take care of this." "Yes sir!!!" is all I could say. This dude looked like a volkswagon walking sideways. He takes hold of my intended target and ushers him outside. The last I ever saw of that guy too. The only good thing that came out of that gig was the raven-haired beauties (sisters) who befriended me for quite a few nights. Made it all worth while.
:D - To bad he's not missing a tooth or two he would of fit right in at the Frontier.

...When you turn up, and the 13 year old kid with a moustache who was meant to bring the drums goes: 'it's ok, the snare drum doesn't wobble that much anymore'

That kit was a total state. Every tiem you hit the snare, the stand would fold up. Gargh!!! AND he only brought a single crash stand - no hi hats. WHY DO PEOPLE OFFER THIS STTUFF FOR BACKLINES?!?!

When you're told you'll be on first at above gig, after hearing the soundchecks. We were clearly 1 of 2 only good bands.

While releasing your anger, you jump up and upon landing, feel the board you're standing on dips downwards... oops.

When the stage has tables for drinks infront of the stage. The singer becomes so durnk he can't decide whether to dirnk his jack, or his guinness; and upon being unable to decide, and drinking both, mumbles "I'm sorry, I'm rather drunk" - over and over... Then blames the bassist.

The drummer forgets his drumsticks (honestly...)

And last but not least, the chant that HAUNTS us at every show...
"DRUM SOLO!!!"

:)

when there's a sound limiter on the wall and the national safety limit has now gone down 5dB....

The Frontier Tavern. Such a garden spot. Yes, we played a little Skynard too...LOL. I had a drink thrown my direction one night. It dowsed my Korg tuner and ruined it. The owner later compensated me for it. I won a bet with the drummer that he would too. Anyway, I bailed over the rail of the stage to grab the would-be pitcher. And out of nowhere, this guy walks up to me and grabs me by the collar. He says, "Play yor Geetaar boy, I'll take care of this." "Yes sir!!!" is all I could say. This dude looked like a volkswagon walking sideways. He takes hold of my intended target and ushers him outside. The last I ever saw of that guy too. The only good thing that came out of that gig was the raven-haired beauties (sisters) who befriended me for quite a few nights. Made it all worth while.

Oh honey, you really should write a book. Or a screenplay. That'd make a great scene in a movie!

Cherie :-)

when there's a sound limiter on the wall and the national safety limit has now gone down 5dB....

A what? A sound limiter? A national decibel safety limit? Honey, where do you live?

Cherie

you find that the power supply is also running the freezers in the venues kitchen.........hmmmmm what's that noise coming from everything! It wasn't there at rehearsal.

1. There's a decibel cut out for elderly residents and republicans.

2. There's a gang of white stripes fans.

3. when the floorspace is the same as a restroom cubical

4. When you step on the floor and leave your shoe behind.

5. when a lighting rig consists of two skinny girls with glow sticks.

1. When the club calls to cancel because the owner stabbed a guitarist the night before. Well...we all make mistakes.
2. It starts to rain and everyone runs to drive thier Harleys into the club, in front of the band, and rev them before going back to drinking.
3. The stage is 3 old pickup trucks, inside.
4. One of the trucks catches fire. Still trying to figure that one out.
5. The guitar player changes the battery in his hearing aid.
6. The drummer takes his hearing aid out.

All true. There are days I'm surprised I'm still alive and not in jail.

1. When the club calls to cancel because the owner stabbed a guitarist the night before. Well...we all make mistakes.
2. It starts to rain and everyone runs to drive thier Harleys into the club, in front of the band, and rev them before going back to drinking.
3. The stage is 3 old pickup trucks, inside.
4. One of the trucks catches fire. Still trying to figure that one out.
5. The guitar player changes the battery in his hearing aid.
6. The drummer takes his hearing aid out.

All true. There are days I'm surprised I'm still alive and not in jail.

:D GEZZZ Ive got to get around more...where are these places at? I sware it sounds like a script for a movie...you guys are sitting on a gold mine!

2. There's a gang of white stripes fans.



...and whats wrong with that may I ask???

....When Bow Wow Wow plays with a bunch of psychobilly bands, and these psychos start wrecking to Bow Wow Wow, more than a tad out of character.

Are those people still around? I saw them back in 1981 at UCSB with the Pretenders. They did "I Want Candy," and had to stop when, during the next song, someone nailed that nymphet singer right in the head with a Chuck Taylor. That was a funny show because the drummer and bass player from The Pretenders almost got into a fight because the bass player kept getting hit in the back of the head with broken drum sticks. Sorry for the derail, but here are mine:

1. The guitarist shows up with a completely different, brand-new rig and spends the first set asking "why won't this thing work?"

2. Patrons refuse to move out of your way when loading in or out

3. You refer to the gig as a "paid rehearsal"

4. The sound tech bends over to take the front cover off the PA cabinet and says, "Oooh, I twisted my back all funny"

5. Bob's Country Bunker - the state's best pepper steak

6. Patrons dance more to the Glenn Miller you play over the PA during set breaks than they do to your live material

7. The client asks if you can leave the PA set up all night so they "can have some music after the band is done"

4. When you step on the floor and leave your shoe behind.
5. when a lighting rig consists of two skinny girls with glow sticks.

You funny! :D

The guitar player jumps off the stage, does a split kick in the air, lands on his knees and does a Townshed windmill chord. He must have jumped 15 feetl very impressive.


It was too bad he only had a 10 foot guitar cord.

All true and the same band:

when...
1. your gynecologist trumpet player recognizes one of his patients drunk in this sleezy bar you're about to play in, and wants to go home. Then she recognizes him and yells from across the bar, "Hi Dr. Smith!!!" He looks at her in horror, and our saxophonist (his gynocology partner) yells, "He didn't recognize you with your clothes on!"

2. your trumpet player and saxophonist (same two guys in the first story) start fighting over who gets to stand closer to center stage. The trumpet player starts to walk out saying that he quits. (Yes, these are adult professionals.) And I have to go get him.

3. your always reliable baritone saxophonist shows up 90 minutes late for a sound check and you go on in 15 minutes. BTW: He holds the horn section together.

4. during the sound check, you, the guitarist and the drummer are all fighting with your adult ADHD lead singer on how we are going to end a particular song that we figured out two days ago. In frustration the guitarist removes his guitar from his shoulder and throughs his guitar face down on the wooden stage and walks off. This happening in front of another band doing their sound check (adjacent stage) and some of the audience.

5. numbers 2, 3 and 4 all happen at the same gig and it's supposed to be in front of 8- 10,000 people.:eek:

6. your guitarist goes deaf in his left ear during the second song because the saxophonist keeps feeding back because he keeps stuffing his wireless mic in the bell of his sax so he can be louder.:rolleyes:

7. your guitarist has to figure out why the keyboardist's keyboard isn't making any sound.

8. the monitors are way too quiet but start smoking during the sound check for an out door event.

9. you feel like a border collie trying to keep all the members of the group in one location between sound check and the first set and between all the other sets so they don't wonder off like puppy dogs. (This is most gigs)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

LOL!!! Good one Bassman! Especially #1
If there was an LOL smilie, I'd use it...

* The owners don't know what electricity is

* The patrons don't realize the Civil War ended over 140 years ago

* The place has is called The Wild Side, where you can't tell men from women

* After the show you become full time staff members in the back hauling fish in from the trucks and don't know how that happened

* The place you're playing sells shoes

* The bar you are playing in has the SWAT team and FBI out front regularly

* Your "opening act" turns out to be the band you're really opening for

* The patrons are angry that you don't have a washboard player and then some volunteer and threaten you if you say no

Your band is a punk/hardcore punk band at a party,gig opened by an emo band,for a crowd of emo teens.

That happened to me, sorta. My band played a benefit, we play LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUD Stoner/Doom Metal... all the other bands were emo and everyone there was 14. Surprisingly, 2 out of 160 people liked us. That's pretty good for us.

Speaking of last minute fill in gigs....... Three or four years ago, A local cover band I sub for was called on a Wednesday afternoon to play a two night stand that same week at a good sized club (voted "best college bar" or some such many years in a row) about an hour from home. Holy run-on sentences Batman. Having played that club before to great success with a Hippy Jam band I used to be in, why not. Well, I'll tell you why not. Have some patience. Jesus. The band that had cancelled was the king of the heap in the thriving death metal scene in that particular town. We did not know this. The name of the band was "Nobody". I've never met them, but I can imagine the scene. A bunch of unwashed, semi-literate chuckleheads sitting around a stained card table in a ****ty basement apartment. Stale pot smoke, body odor, and the faint scent of urine hanging in the air. Soggy cigarette butts floating in half-empty Bud tallboys. "Dude! We could f&#*in' totally f%$#in' call the band f*%#in' nobody, man! Totally f#*k with people n' s%#t! Who's playing? nobody! F*#k yeah!
Well, their devious plan worked out nicely. "Who are we subbing for?" I innocently inquired. "Nobody" replied the less than helpful bartender. Oh, OK.

Like most cities, that town has a couple of free underground newspapers with music listings. If you were, say, a no-necked meth-head unemployed janitor at the adult movie theatre , you might page through the listings looking for something to do on a Friday night. You might get the drunk guy sleeping on the sidewalk to help you with the big words. "Dude! Nobody's playing! Sweet!" You are not fooled by their clever wordplay, are you Jizzmopper? No sir Mr. Dooly. You are their people. You are a gentleman in the know. You will steal bus fare from your morbidly obese girlfriends' purse, and go to the show. All your friends will be there. It's like Mecca for knuckleheads.

We were not well received. We cover "I will survive" Nobody (the band) doesn't. A huge man wearing something that may have been either denim or leather at one point before it became besmeared with what I hope was grease stood directly in front of me for over an hour. With his arms crossed and anger in his heart. Between every song he would ponderously drag his knuckles across the floor, extend his tree trunk of an arm and point right at yours truly. "ROCK & ROLL IS DEAD!!! DEAD!!! AND YOU KILLED IT!!!"

So yeah, I killed rock & roll. Sorry.

The only bording accomodations the town your playing at has happens to be a hotel that had recently been condemned to be demolished. Lucky for you it's the last night they can "legally" have residents but, unlucky for you, it was condemned for a reason.

1) Someone screams "Freeeeeebirrrrrd!!!" in the first ten minutes of the first set. There's your problem drunk.


In Ireland its generally someone screaming "LIZZZZYYYYY" which is fair enough but it generally means either A: Dont believe a word or B: Dancin in the moonlight...try playing "Emerald/Johnny the fox meets Jimmy the weed or Jailbreak and watch as confusion sets in

:D

<<<A bunch of unwashed, semi-literate chuckleheads sitting around a stained card table in a ****ty basement apartment. Stale pot smoke, body odor, and the faint scent of urine hanging in the air. Soggy cigarette butts floating in half-empty Bud tallboys. "Dude! We could f&#*in' totally f%$#in' call the band f*%#in' nobody, man! Totally f#*k with people n' s%#t! Who's playing? nobody! F*#k yeah!
>>>

Well, I guess that's us then. We are The Knowbodys.

Cherie

In Ireland its generally someone screaming "LIZZZZYYYYY" which is fair enough but it generally means either A: Dont believe a word or B: Dancin in the moonlight...try playing "Emerald/Johnny the fox meets Jimmy the weed or Jailbreak and watch as confusion sets in

:D

LOL!!! I guess that's the Irish Redneck's answer to Freebird! :D

Play "Cowboy Song", and then follow it with Freebird, and watch their uttle haids *pop* with joy! LOL!

Oooooh, you are so cracking me UP!!!

Cherie :-)

Miss Cherie:
I bet you're well washed. And please tell me you don't drink Bud.

Miss Cherie:
I bet you're well washed. And please tell me you don't drink Bud.

Yep, I'm a pretty regular bather. Scandalous, no? ;) :D

Only the drummer drinks Bud. Yeah, I know, I married him, but I just can't make any excuses for him except, well, he's a drummer. :rollno: Singer drinks MGD, guitarist drinks Miller Lite. When I'm poor, I drink Miller Lite, too. But if we have a gig near payday, I'm all about Shiner Bock or Blonde or Heffeweizen, or Blue Moon White Ale.

But of *course* the bassists will have the best taste in beer! :smug: :bassist:

When our band formed, we were two members each from defunct bands that had opened for each other, shared house band slots, etc. We still loved our home venue. But, because some people in this smallish lake community have nothing better to do than create controversy, have personal problems, and hold grudges, the venue became unpopular. There was a concerted campaign on the part of my old band leader to discredit it, and she did a good job of that. I have had to work very hard to get people to come back.

That same person exclaimed, "You're playing *there*? Only nobodys play there!" And then it got ugly.

I told the singer about that little quip, so, we decided we would be the "nobodys" who play that venue. He wanted it to be more clever than just "nobody". Since we *know* there's nothing wrong with that venue, we became...

The Knowbodys! :-)

Today, a very popular 6th Street bar contacted me. Their manager thinks we are perfect for their place (The Dirty Dog). I guess us ol' Knowbodys are comin' up in the world!

Cherie :D

Sounds to me that Stateside is like the South Wales valleys but with firearms. MUST gig out there. Crazy.

Sounds to me that Stateside is like the South Wales valleys but with firearms. MUST gig out there. Crazy.

YEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

LOL!

Cherie ;)

during load in up the venue's fire escape,a mike stand falls off the top and lands THROUGH the bonnet of the venue owners Porsche!!!!!!!! TRUE STORY!!

you;re in the middle of the room, floor level, theres people standing behind your rig blind holding drinks, the only power supply is one outlet on the roof so you gotta dangle the cord down :hmm: we've played there 3 times already

during load in up the venue's fire escape,a mike stand falls off the top and lands THROUGH the bonnet of the venue owners Porsche!!!!!!!! TRUE STORY!!
:eek: Ouch! I hope you had a record-breaking night, moneywise!

True stories...

1) Playing on outdoor patio, we decide to leave all gear there overnight between gigs. Zero chance of rain, but guess what... do you know how long it takes to disassemble and dry out a Rhodes with a hair dryer?

2) 45 stairs up to second floor. Crowd starts asking if we know any Hank. Drunks start grabbing mics to sing along. We started implementing the "decoy mic" after that night - a mic with a cable that is not plugged into anything.

3) Police show up after 15 minutes and break up the party. We were paid in full, $300 or $1200/hour.

4) Smoker in the bathroom of frathouse basement sets off sprinkler system during Halloween party. River flowing through room turns all the smashed pumpkins into pulp. Spent all next day cleaning gear and cables.

5) Lead singer shows up with head shaved. If only it looked good... :help:

6) New lead singer starts calling out jock fraternity for not getting into the music - "your sh!t is weak" - band looks for place to hide. :hiding:

7) Riot breaks out at outdoor frat party, people throwing blocks through windows and threatening band. Soundman with trenchcoat says, "Don't worry, I'll take care of them." :eek: We got out of there ASAP.

8) At gig in the middle of the woods, college aged female burns herself on tiki torch. Bass player (me) takes her to hospital between sets since no one except the band has a car.

9) Played empty bar that had been packed every week before. Turned out they has been so busy because they served underage patrons (and then got busted). :rollno:

Get to the gig.
Unload the gear trailor.
My rig isn't there.
Hour and a half away from home.
Guitar Center is 1/2 mile from venue.
Walk in buy Eden 410 & WT800 (return it the next day BTW:ninja: ).
Go back to venue.
Thinking every thing is turnning out sweet.
No power cable for amp.
None anywhere in building.
Except on office computer.
GC closed.
Play through DI and crappy monitors- a pair of them that had the same mix for everyone up front.
Man the singer was pissed!!:D

you throw a punch at your drummer, miss, fall down, chip your tooth, and then piss yourself.

your gig is in East Orange or Newark NJ @ 10pmor later.....

During your set break two people walk up to you and say drunkenly

"Hey, my friends here plays guitar, and I sing really well, can we use your equipment and play during your break?"

********************************************

A very drunk wedding party crams into an already overflowing bar, and the very drunk and pregnant bride starts cussing you out for not knowing the song she wants to hear. Then a very fat mother stand directly in front of your monitors (no stage) and is oblivious to you and the whole band yelling at her to move her fat ass.

Shoot, how could I forget this one:
I wear my bass kinda high (think Mark King) and the guitar player at the time was about 5'4" or so.
I turn around (with bass strapped on) and catch him square in the forehead with my headstock. And I'm not small, 6' and 220 pounds and not much fat. So when I swung around there was some force behind it!
Knocked him out cold. Bleeding like someone cut his face off.
As the DJ was introducing us and ending his song to a packed dance floor on a Saturday night.

He was fine, except for a nice cut in his forehead. We went on 20 min late.
But he still played!
And come to think of it, the Yamaha I had didn't even go out of tune!!:D

your gig is in East Orange or Newark NJ @ 10pmor later.....

Funny you should say.

When your gig is in the heart of Newark NJ.

When you are told said gig is a benefit for austism research, when in fact you are playing for autistic kids.

When you find out the venue is a place called "The Violence Center," which is supposedly part of the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey. The facility houses over 200 patients with serious mental health disorders.

1). Your drummer leaves his kick pedal on top of the car.(it actually happened! But lucky for him it didn't fall off)
2). The venue is 10 feet away from a chicken packing plant(seeing Lilydale commercials makes me want to throw up...even more now)
3). Guitarist starts show on the wrong channel with the completely wrong settings on the amp(played through the verse about 3 times before she had it right and started to sing).
4). Guitarist has to switch capo between songs, but starts show off with it in the wrong position.
5). The venue is called The Point on 17th(every time we play there, there is like 5 other people, no mic, no mic stands, no monitors, and the management is so bad that when one band plays triple their time - friends played a show there, they were fourth up, place closed at 2am. third band goes up about 12 or so. They are still on stage at 130 after numerous requests to get off, from the audience and other bands. Management does nothing, and does not pay the last band)
6). The guy working door asks if you are there to watch the hockey game or see the bands. Generally results in low door, and results in the owner taking all the door money for himself and offering a bag of chips to compensate for it.(Has happened to our friends at the same venue several times, and us there twice).
7). As you pull up to the venue and begin unloading, six cops come running by chasing someone.
8). As you finish unloading, six more cops come running by chasing the same guy.

this is from satdy night

when the soundguy automatcially comes up and plugs into the di on my amp, fiddles with my eq (bootsing ALL the midrange frequencys), goes back to his desk and puts a whole heap of delay on my signal :hmm: im glad it was only a 1 set gig

...when the soundman is an idiot! Delay on the bass???:eyebrow: Crank up the mids?:eek:
He must be a guitar player! :bassist:

...when the soundman is an idiot! Delay on the bass???:eyebrow: Crank up the mids?:eek:
He must be a guitar player! :bassist:
i couldnt beleive it, i absolutely hate delay on bass...especially with the way i play

Fire him... Or at least don't let him touch your rig. Tell him to mic you

this is from satdy night

when the soundguy automatcially comes up and plugs into the di on my amp, fiddles with my eq (bootsing ALL the midrange frequencys), goes back to his desk and puts a whole heap of delay on my signal :hmm: im glad it was only a 1 set gig

Had this happen a few times.
Not the delay part, but the fiddle with the EQ part.
Once I turn around and ask "What the HELL are you doing?!?!?!"
I got "Just making sure it sounds good" :eyebrow:
I say "Don't touch my amp again" and reset my EQ (which is damn near flat-you think he would have been happy).
I get "Well, you could have been in the PA" and he walks away.
I just turned up!:D

Most hellish gig I ever had actually turned bad AFTER the show.

Girl lead singer got shot and killed by drunk boyfriend when they got home. We all got the call before daylight the next morning.

The band served as pallbearers at the funeral.

We all got to testify at the murder trial.

Bad scene all around.



dcr

When you look up over the crowd in the middle of a Pantera cover and see 4 Sheriff's patrol cars pulling up.

When there are 6 people at the gig, and only two of them are up and moving. Of course, those two people are your relatives.

The entire crowd leaves when the other band starts to set up across the room (I was in the other band :) )

It's so cold out you can't feel your fingers.

Every member of your band but you has about 8 Millers in the 45 minutes before you go on, and they're all 16.

Most hellish gig I ever had actually turned bad AFTER the show.

Girl lead singer got shot and killed by drunk boyfriend when they got home. We all got the call before daylight the next morning.

The band served as pallbearers at the funeral.

We all got to testify at the murder trial.

Bad scene all around.



dcr

Umm.....wow man, sorry to hear.
And this thread is done.

Fire him... Or at least don't let him touch your rig. Tell him to mic you
its the only time we've had this guy, and the only time...i usually operate the p.a, funny thing tho, he di'ed and miked it up
Had this happen a few times.
Not the delay part, but the fiddle with the EQ part.
Once I turn around and ask "What the HELL are you doing?!?!?!"
I got "Just making sure it sounds good" :eyebrow:
I say "Don't touch my amp again" and reset my EQ (which is damn near flat-you think he would have been happy).
I get "Well, you could have been in the PA" and he walks away.
I just turned up!:D
well while his back was turned i reset the eq

also he was always adding wierd effects to the vocals when they werent cool...and mid songs he'd change the volume of everything, and not suttle, EXTREME, during guitar solos he'd pump its volume over everything, the foldback would always be fluxuating over everything, and durng my solos even though i might be slapping he'd pump the volume of that too.....then he came up to me after the gig and said "well my new digital compressor worked wonders on those slap parts":hmm:

Most hellish gig I ever had actually turned bad AFTER the show.

Girl lead singer got shot and killed by drunk boyfriend when they got home. We all got the call before daylight the next morning.

The band served as pallbearers at the funeral.

We all got to testify at the murder trial.

Bad scene all around.



dcr

:( Wow so sad....sorry for your loss...that had to be really tough.

-When the gig is a HD show 'n' shine and the advertised "burnout contest" starts during second set.....on the dance floor! (burned shredded rubber flys at the band, btw)
- When you're on in 5 for the battle of the bands and your guitarist says "hey, have you seen my axe? I thought it was right there"... and you spend the last 4 minutes "getting it back gently" from the dude staggering thru the parking lot.... wearing a "staff" t-shirt....
- When it's only the third song and some guy is at the front of the stage hollering at the drummer something about "hey, F***er, so, you know my wife, huh? Come here, man, come here......" (needless to say, he did NOT "come here")
-When the same drummer gets attacked on the break for smiling at a girl.........and the attacker is an off-duty bouncer.....and the club owners son..... so you end up clustered on the stage with the entire crowd slowly approaching across the dance floor, and the singer yells "OK, boys, round base mic stands, how many we got???" *third night of a 2 week stint, and we STAYED... it did get better, though....we got a diff gig for the second week.......*
- When you line up a 'support dance' for a particular group of motorcycle enthusiasts, and the bar owner starts the night by having donuts delivered to the 40+ cops parked outside... right before you head up on stage and someone hollers "Freebird"...which you don't know, and suddenly wish you did....
and finally, the wet-t-shirt contest is about to start during the break, the massive SuperSoakers come out.....and the girls all head ON STAGE........*in their defence, suddenly about a thousand yards of heavy plastic appeared in the hands of about twenty guys.... astoundingly, not a single piece of gear got....dangerously...wet* (best dang audience we ever had, tho, danced from song one to song done, and the pay was CASH, in advance, how unfortunate, bassist bud, someone seems to have lost the band tab....oh well, I don't think it was THAT big, do you need a hand with that drummer? he don't look so good......)

- the band before you used a bubble machine for their finale.

- you, the lead singer and his wife get maced by a 300 lb drunk crack-head.

- a fat, drunk chicks falls on the stage spilling a pitcher of beer all over the guitarist's pedal board during a lead (it did sound a little like a lead break on an audioslave song).

- when first stepping on the stage, it shifts and sags.

- the lead singer shows up hands you a note that says "i have laryngitis".

- the guitarist is late because he overslept (for a gig at 10pm).

- you forgot the banana plugs for one of the PA power amps.

- your band is hosting an open-mic night.

- you're scheduled to go on at 2am on a tuesday night.

- the sound tech is really just the club's dj.

- someone shot the lead singer of the band that played there last week.

Most hellish gig I ever had actually turned bad AFTER the show.

Girl lead singer got shot and killed by drunk boyfriend when they got home. We all got the call before daylight the next morning.

The band served as pallbearers at the funeral.

We all got to testify at the murder trial.

Bad scene all around.

dcr

Well, I thought our couple of nights where it looked like something like this might happen were bad. I have to say, this is the worst gig story I've heard. Hope all you survivors were able to get on with life after this...

2). The venue is 10 feet away from a chicken packing plant(seeing Lilydale commercials makes me want to throw up...even more now)
Ahhh yes, the unique vibe at the Sham. Good sound though.

- you spend the whole sound check trying to get a half decent sound out of the guitar because it sounds so high and thin and the bass control just doesn't seem to go far enough. You then discover during the 4th song that the guitarist had actually left his wah turned on a rocked forward and, once turned off, the guitar is boomier than the bass.

- Your amp dies at a practice two days before a gig. You call the contact number for the headlining band and get told "Yeah, no problem man, sure you can use our amp". Arrive at the sound check and spot the lovely Trace Elliot headed stack about the size of a caravan that the headliners have brought with them. You then spot a man holding a somewhat battered looking 'ray. He's fractionally larger than the stack, no hair, beard down to his waist band, tattos covering 80% of his body, and a battleship worth of metal in his face. Just as you pluck up the courage to go over and speak to this man-mountain he bellows at his band mate "...what the f*** you mean you said they could use my f***in' amp!?!". In the end I managed to borrow one off another band.

Most hellish gig I ever had actually turned bad AFTER the show.

Girl lead singer got shot and killed by drunk boyfriend when they got home. We all got the call before daylight the next morning.

The band served as pallbearers at the funeral.

We all got to testify at the murder trial.

Bad scene all around.



dcr

That is so very, very sad. :-( The poor girl. Was he jealous of the attention she got, as a front person?

I'm so sorry that this happened to her, and to your band. :-(

Cherie

<<<- when first stepping on the stage, it shifts and sags.>>>

This has happened to me.

My old band used to play at a place that had one of Willie Nelson's old houseboats rigged up for a stage. Poorly. The stage bounced and sagged as soon as I stepped up. I went to the far left end, found a joist, and set up on top of it.

"Cherie, we need you more to the center of the stage. You are too far away!"

"NO!!! I'm not setting up in an area that can't support the weight of my amp, and myself. *You* can set up there, if you want, but I'm staying over here!"

Couple months later, the entire thing slid into the creek behind it. Thankfully, no band was on it, when it happened.

And the owner used to be on the city zoning commission! You'd think he'd know better...

Cherie

Most hellish gig I ever had actually turned bad AFTER the show.

Girl lead singer got shot and killed by drunk boyfriend when they got home. We all got the call before daylight the next morning.

The band served as pallbearers at the funeral.

We all got to testify at the murder trial.

Bad scene all around.



dcr
I have NOTHING that could compare. I feel for you, man.
Suddenly my concerns and gripes don't seem very important at all.

Shoot, how could I forget this one:
I wear my bass kinda high (think Mark King) and the guitar player at the time was about 5'4" or so.
I turn around (with bass strapped on) and catch him square in the forehead with my headstock. And I'm not small, 6' and 220 pounds and not much fat. So when I swung around there was some force behind it!
Knocked him out cold. Bleeding like someone cut his face off.
As the DJ was introducing us and ending his song to a packed dance floor on a Saturday night.

He was fine, except for a nice cut in his forehead. We went on 20 min late.
But he still played!
And come to think of it, the Yamaha I had didn't even go out of tune!!:D

HA, reminds me of doing the "three metal bashers in a line bopping headstocks thing" and the center guy getting out of time. I bopped down. He bopped up. I caught a Jackson inverted headstock to the face. (not so much of a loss, LOL). Finished the song with my glasses hanging dang near sideways and a cut above my eye making me look like I failed the Gene Simmons blood spitting class. That guitar player felt so bad for weeks..... and really, it's just one of those things. (he ended up switching to his Les Paul for that song, LOL, not like we were gonna stop our big choreographed metal moves!!!... sidebar..... the Les Paul hurts more, but bleeds less)
OR.... early in my playing, getting called to cover a missing bassist for a band that does an entire ACDC SET..... ok, no brain buster, we're good......but it's a country bar. FIRST bad moment...the rental PA does not show up, and we have no time to find another..and someone says "HEY....your amp has 2 inputs and 2 different volumes......and suddenly I've provided the sound sytem. (Old Acoustic combo- mean brute, not much of a PA tho, LOL)
Halfway thru the ACDC thing, the crowd's getting unruly and hollering country, so the drummer starts the classic country groove, and we, being good sports, join in. Drummer......who has a mic (dangerous, I know) decides to write a new song......and sings us the very first version of.........."Country Faggots".
Good thing they had a sense of humor. I was hiding behind anything I could.

All true:
When your drummer goes skiing the DAY OF THE GIG and SPRAINS HIS WRIST! :eek::help:
You forget the power cord of your amp, leaving it plugged into the wall at home, and have to steal one from the church's computer monitors.
Your lead guitarist jumps off the stage during "As the Deer," a REALLY calm song. Luckily this was only during rehearsal for a church gig.
You're not the bass player.
In the above story, you're playing a 1949 Epiphone Triumph guitar, lacking a pickup, and being mic'd by a supermic.:rollno:
The 6th, and 15th-20th frets are coming up from the figerboard on the treble strings on the above guitar.
Your guitarist is playing a 12-string that's missing at least 1 string, hasn't been restrung in 4 years, and is grossly out of tune.:eyebrow:
You're playing an unamplified upright on the above gig and the guitarist is singing, but opts to mic his guitar, as opposed to his voice (he's got a big voice, though).
The above singer/guitarist is playing every song at double speed, sometimes triple speed.
The other band, including the guitarist that jumped off the stage during "As the Deer" plays a punk version of the same song, and this time, the lead singer jumps off the stage, almost putting a mic stand through his skull.
Upon playing a cover of the Newsboys' "Breakfast," cereal gets thrown at you, even though it's what's supposed to happen during that song. The bad part is: you start slipping all over the place, and you have to clean it up later.
Ten minutes before the above gig, your brand new wireless system stops working, but the sound guy gets it working again.
Your lead guitarist never rehearses. Hell, he's not even in the band.
You're the drummer for the above gig.
You have to go through a DI box. Period.
You have to go into the system, even though your 2x10 combo is perfectly cabable of driving itself.:mad:
You have to play somebody else's bass, a cheap AzaLea (who?) with a single, cheap, MM-style pickup, and the pots don't do squat.
You go mountain biking, get run into by somebody, fall, slice open your left thumb, and have a gig later that night.
You have to read the bassline from the hymnal.:bawl: It's so small!
You have big-@$$ blisters on your index and middle fingers on your plucking hand, and you can't use a pick.

No one stands up.

-Bernard.

The organizers ask "What's a PA system?"