Yesterday, I picked up my new old American Standard bass. It's a full 7/8, with gamba corners. And it's uglier than Rosanne Barr's ass. But what a sound!

Here's my question: It is serial number 87. Does anybody know what approximate year this could have been made?

Will this be the question that stumps (All Hail) Bob Gollihur? Stay tuned.






EDIT: For those desiring to cast their opinions on the ugliness or lack thereof of either of the basses in question, the links to view both monstrosities can be found below. Special thanks to John Turner for hosting the pics, and Xavier G for creating the links.

http://members.shaw.ca/Miscellaneous/chris.jpg (http://lordonly.net/Images/John/talkbassass/chris8351/)


http://members.shaw.ca/Miscellaneous/don.jpg (http://lordonly.net/Images/John/talkbassass/don4131/ )

Originally posted by Don Higdon
And it's uglier than Rosanne Barr's ass.

i do NOT want to know how you know this :eek:

http://www.musictrader.com/king.html has serial numbers for Kings, and American Standards were made by the same company - but I don't know if the serial numbers are coincident. I thought I had a line on a page with a couple paragraphs of history on the companies but can't seem to locate it.

I can't help with clearing up the issue of when # 87 was made, but maybe Don can answer a question for me. Where is the serial # on American Standard basses located? I don't have a small enough mirror to look inside mine, but this thread has made me curious.

P.S. - that must be one BUTT UGLY bass, my friend.

I'm just back from sitting in with Old 87. The pianist has heard every bass I have, and was totally gassed by this one. I'm too tired to take the cover off, Chris, I'll spot the serial # tomorrow.

Chris: There is a paper label, about 1" x 4", located in the center of the back, between the end of the fingerboard and the bridge. It is readable from the E side f-hole. The label says:
American Standard
Made By The Cleveland Musical Instrument Co.
A Subsidiary of The H. N. White Co.,
Cleveland, Ohio
In the lower right corner, the label print says "No._",
and entered in ink by hand is "87".

As I read (All Hail) Bob's link, this mother is old. Certainly smells it.

Is this a laminated bass? I've heard from several people that American Standards are by far the nicest sounding plywood bass, even better than Kays, if you can find one. Wow, a 7/8; I'll bet it does have a sound...

Monte

Yes, it's plywood. And I have seen 3 American Standards that were superb sounding. And what's great about this one is, it's ugly. I'll post pictures when I get them.

Congrats on the new bass, Don! Am I reading those serial #'s right on Bob's link--that it could have been made anywhere from the late 1890's to 1930 or so, if those numbers also refer to American Standards? Wow.
I think I also read somewhere that the American Standard basses had fully carved scrolls, whereas the Kays had square pegboxes with the scrolls "affixed" to either side. Is that right?

Originally posted by Don Higdon
Chris: There is a paper label, about 1" x 4", located in the center of the back, between the end of the fingerboard and the bridge. It is readable from the E side f-hole. The label says:
American Standard
Made By The Cleveland Musical Instrument Co.
A Subsidiary of The H. N. White Co.,
Cleveland, Ohio
In the lower right corner, the label print says "No._",
and entered in ink by hand is "87".

As I read (All Hail) Bob's link, this mother is old. Certainly smells it.



Well I'll be damned...mine is no. 158.

As I've mentioned to a few folks here before, I'm actually toying with the idea of selling this bass. The problem is that - like Don's - the bass bears a close resemblance to Chris Farley's BUTT (yes, I'm aware that he's been dead for some time now. That's part of the description). In other words, there are no words to accurately describe how UGLY this bass is, and you'd have to hear/play it to appreciate it.

If I knew how to post pics, maybe Don and I could have an UGLY contest. We could call it A.S.S. (short for "American Standard Showdown"). Hmmm, that's not a bad idea!

Chris: You're on. Fair warning: My finish has a dull, olive green caste. It smells like Moms Mabley's armpit. Still wanna take me on?

Mark: Correct on scrolls. AmStd were nicely carved, Kays were pieces glued together.
My read on the link is that both Chris' bass and mine were made in 1925.

I've had the pleasure of playing an American Standard it was a 7/8 size also. This one was a Frankinstien bass complete with a bolt through the neck. It had a wonderfull loud sound. The best plywood bass I've seen.

Originally posted by Don Higdon
Chris: You're on. Fair warning: My finish has a dull, olive green caste. It smells like Moms Mabley's armpit. Still wanna take me on?



DONOSAUR,

I scoff at your "fair warning". My bass has the color and texture of dried ****, the back has been painted brown (which I've left like that), the top has been patched twice, the bridge adjusters are unevenly unscrewed because of the shape of the top, and all of the edges are pretty much worn away to the level of the sides of the bass. Not only that, it still has the original CHEESEMASTER 2000 endpin, and somebody installed the tuners backwards.

How do you like me NOW?

Can't wait

Ok, you're on!

Maybe since neither of us old relics has a scanner or knows how to post pics, we could ask someone to help us out. I bet Mr. Turner would probably agree to participate if we played nice. Whaddaya think?

JT,
If we could get some pics to you snail mail, do you think you could - at your leisure, of course - help us get them posted in a FAIR and SPORTSMANLIKE manner (I only mention this because I suspect that Don isn't above cheating when it comes to stakes like the title of "WORLD'S UGLIEST BASS")? We could agree to take a certain # of pics from certain angles only, and you could post them side by side, whenever you got the time.

By way of payment, I'd be more than happy to:

a) Stomp a couple of annoying BG trolls of your choosing; or...

b) Refrain from doing so. Whichever makes your life easier.

How about it?

Chris: Weren't you one of the guys who chortled at my computer ineptitude? Well, I CAN SCAN even if you can't.

I propose a panel of 3 judges: JT, because he runs the place, and he's probably never seen anything as big as a double bass that didn't have 'John Deere' painted on it; Ed Fuqua, because we need to get him back here for a guest appearance; and Bob Gollihur for a desperately needed touch of class.

I think we should be free to show whatever feature is ugly. They won't be the same from bass to bass. I would agree with one 3/4 angle shot, and then anything goes for 3 - 5 more pictures. I'm already at a disadvantage because I can't photograph how my bass smells.

Originally posted by Don Higdon
The pianist has heard every bass I have, and was totally gassed by this one.

this wouldn't have anything to do with rosanne barr's behind, would it?

oh, yeah, and i'm totally up for this here competition. i can scan the pics if you guys need me to, just send em my way.

Originally posted by Don Higdon
Chris: Weren't you one of the guys who chortled at my computer ineptitude? Well, I CAN SCAN even if you can't.

Sort of. I only laughed at you when you inadvertantly switched to all bold letters in one of your posts and couldn't figure out how to turn them off. I don't know why I found that so funny, but it tickled me and I couldn't help myself. May I add that I had a bad, bad feeling that my laughter was going to come back on me someday. Turns out I was right, too...


I propose a panel of 3 judges: JT, because he runs the place, and he's probably never seen anything as big as a double bass that didn't have 'John Deere' painted on it; Ed Fuqua, because we need to get him back here for a guest appearance; and Bob Gollihur for a desperately needed touch of class.

I think we should be free to show whatever feature is ugly. They won't be the same from bass to bass. I would agree with one 3/4 angle shot, and then anything goes for 3 - 5 more pictures. I'm already at a disadvantage because I can't photograph how my bass smells.

Agreed. It's a shame we aren't doing this in BGland. Up there, we'd just take yet another poll...I'll start hunting for some film in the morning.

Prepare to meet your maker, Higdon.

Would love to see this competition on TV--like one of those shows where the machines bash the crap out of each other--Battlebots?--
"The UglyBass Competition! Tonight's matchup--Donosaur versus Duurrrl!"
Of course, from the way you're describing the basses, it might be hard to determine the winner after it's all over....

Where is E.S.P.N. when you need them ? :)

Pkr2

Chris, you aren't going to jack up the asking price if you win, are you? I remember that bass before it held any titles!

Originally posted by mchildree
Chris, you aren't going to jack up the asking price if you win, are you? I remember that bass before it held any titles!

Funny, but before we got into this whole thread started, I was thinking that the uglier a bass looked, the LESS it was worth. Now, you're worrying that if it wins the title of WORLD'S UGLIEST BASS, it might drive the price up...

Thanks. In a twisted kind of way, that makes my day. :cool:


Don,

If the bass smells as bad as you claim, maybe you could use some really fast film under ultraviolet light and capture the fumes coming off of it. But if you try to doctor any normal pics by drawing them on later or scratching them onto the negatives, I'll have you disqualified.

Don: Just got my pics back from the developer yesterday, and will have them on the way to JT later this week. How many should I send, and will they need captions?

From the look of these pics, I feel quite confident that I'm going to walk away with the golden A.S.S. trophy. Your bass had better be damn ugly!

Chris: I thought maybe one frontal, full or 3/4, then maybe 4 more? I still have film in the camera, and I'm trying to get my ****ty endpin back from my luthier's trash.
I thought we'd send explanatory remarks with the pictures to JT, let him edit and lay everything out as he sees fit.
Of course, if I find I have 8 sh---y photos, I'll propose that we send 8. Suppose we hold off sending until we're both ready?
I hope we can get this done before somebody paints "GOODYEAR" on my bass.

I've got a frontal - which, while it doesn't look beautiful, doesn't look terribly ugly either because of the lack of detail - and at LEAST 5 detail shots. I could go as high as 8.

Are you sure yours doesn't say HINDENBURG somewhere on it? That smell could be hydrogen (that's HYDROGINIUM to Bruce) leaking out of the tanks...

Oh, and everybody: Please save all the "Oh, the humanity!" remarks for AFTER the pics have been posted.

Here's some stuff I had bookmarked on American Standard/King. As you can see they began manufacturing basses in 1935. Its my understanding the American Standard line was the basic version of the King Mor-Tone.

"KING MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS has been responsible for redesigning and improving the tonal and playing quality of more than 28 instruments, including the slide trombone, cornet, trumpet, and clarinet. It also invented the Trombonium, the valve trombone used widely by high school marching bands. Its products were used by Big Bands and soloists such as Benny Goodman and Paul Whiteman, as well as by instrumental groups of the 1960s and 1970s. King Musical Instruments was started in 1893 in Cleveland as the H.N. White Co. by Henderson White, a music engraver and instrument repairman, whose sensitive ear was troubled by the imperfections of instruments of the day. With the collaboration of Thos. King, a solo trombone player at the old LYCEUM THEATER, White perfected and marketed a trombone named after King that was an overnight success. Later, White designed and patented a new silver cornet, followed by redesigned trumpets and baritone and double-bell euphoniums at the factory located at E. 53rd St. and Superior Ave.

In 1935 King Stringed Instruments were introduced with a big bass viol.

In order to make working conditions as pleasant as possible and to detect imperfections as well, White
sponsored a band that provided noon concerts for factory workers 3 days a week. White died in Mar. 1940,
leaving the business with his wife as president. The company's name was changed to King Instruments when Nate Dolin became owner in 1965. To meet increased demands, the company moved to a location at 33999 Curtis Ave. in Eastlake. In 1985 it was purchased by Bernhard Muskantor and became the manufacturing division of United Musical of Elkhart, IN, as it remained in 1995."

Hey, are we ever going to see these pictures, or the results? I was less anxious waiting for the first Alabama Football game of the season:p C'mon, let us see 'em!

Monte

Everest:
Our beloved John Turner, who was going to set up the show, got shafted by his server. In 4 days, I'll be leaving the country, unable to get to a computer to answer what surely will be the outrageous claim by Chris that his bass is uglier than mine.
I have asked that the showdown be postponed until October 1, when I return.
Incidentally, there is the slimmest of chances that in Paris, I may be able to track down the maker of my orchestra bass, a truly beautiful instrument. If not the maker, someone who worked in the same shop (Georges Apparut). Olivier (God bless him) has found two luthiers who worked for Apparut. I'm genuinely excited about this.
Donosaurus

Originally posted by Don Higdon
Everest:
Our beloved John Turner, who was going to set up the show, got shafted by his server. In 4 days, I'll be leaving the country, unable to get to a computer to answer what surely will be the outrageous claim by Chris that his bass is uglier than mine.




PTERADONTYL,

You just keep believing that as you make your way across the Atlantic. My bass won't be any prettier a month from now.

NEANDURRLTHAL

i'll hold off until i hear from both of you.

This thread was going way off topic, and it seemed somehow wrong to have such a serious topic combined with such a lighthearted and silly one....so I split the thread into two parts: this part, which is about ugly basses, and a new thread called "Fallout", which is dedicated to the aftermath of the NY city disaster.

Peace everyone.

Chris

good job

as i said, i'll be awaitin' on your call, guys :D.

*BUMP*

I played a nice old American Standard yesterday in Nashville. Out mandolin-hunting and ran across a pretty nice A.S. at Curtis McPeake's shop out in Mt. Juliet. Had a neck splicing at the headstock (done really well, though), and a patch of Bondo over a patch on the top bout-side. Not really THAT ugly, but man, what a sound (even strung with those Supernyls)!

He's got it for sale, but won't ship it...$2400. Out of line? He doesn't seem real hip on selling it because all his N'ville session buddies come down and use it in his pickin' parlor.

From what I've been able to gather, that sounds reasonable, since what you pay for with a Standard is the sound. If they were priced by their looks, the seller would have to pay YOU to take one away. Don knows a hell of a lot more about this than me.

Don,

You and I have exchanged emails before. I have an old AS. Here is what I was able to find out. The Cleveland serial listings at musictrader.com.
(http://www.musictrader.com/king.html) break them out by decade. In my case, I noted the year of merger with N.H. White, and Cleveland Mus. Inst. I saw my label indicating that American Standard was a subsidiary of the above, and concluded that my number (145, handwritten) was after the merger in 1925. From the total #s for the decade I deduced how many they were putting out a year, and thus concluded that mine was made in the first or second year of the merger (and I don't think yours would be far different, unless your label
is different and might represent another cycle of numbers. If it is the same as mine, I think your bass dates to between 1925 and 1930.

DAVEinRI:
Since this is a bass forum, I'll let your user name slip by. But you and I know that THE Dave from Rhode Island is the one from Woonsocket, i.e., Dave McKenna. It was my pleasure to play with him a few times sitting in at a jazz club in Providence a LONG time ago.

so...when's the showdown? are we ready?

JT:
Yeah, I'm ready. You can forewarn Fuqua and Gollihur that they're going to get some truly offensive photos to judge the ugliest bass, and let Chris know that if he's smart, he won't bet against me.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Well, what HAS happened to the Ugly Bass Contest?!?

I found my old welders' helmet with the dense vision protection, so I'm prepared.

Yeah..inquiring bassists wanna know... What's that low, rumbling chant I hear?

ASS..ASS...ASS...ASS....ASSS....ASSSSSSSS.....ASSS SSSS....

We've given the green light to JT, and are just waiting for him to have a break in his schedule. Maybe if everybody starts chanting and doing THE WAVE, it'll give him some incentive. ;)

well, finally, i've sent out the links to each contestant to their pics for review and captions.

sorry it took me so long. :rolleyes:

that's the plan.

bout time

You can say that again. I'm tired of sitting here waiting. I'm out of popcorn, and I desperately need a shower... :eek:

Originally posted by erik II
You can say that again. I'm tired of sitting here waiting. I'm out of popcorn, and I desperately need a shower... :eek:


ERIC&THEDOMINOES,

I can't help you with the shower, but I'll be happy to throw some more popcorn on. It should be any time now. I sent JT my captions last night and got to see my page for the first time. All I can say is, by the time you get a look at my bass, there's a good chance you may lose your appetite.


PTERODONTYL,

Meet me in the town square at dusk. Me and mine be ready. May the ugliest bass win.

Helloooooooo.......... we are still waiting.........

If I could get the smell to come through a computer monitor, my American Standard would win this thing hands down.

well, i've gotten the ok from both of the contestants, so now it's off to the judges.

ed and bob should be getting links to the two pages presently, hopefully we should be hearing from them soon with their votes, and, along with mine, we'll have a winner, and then i will post links up here.

an interesting side note - i may be able to post links in a poll, this way we can get a bunch of folks to vote on which is worse/better :D.

And may the worst bass win.

This should be fun - I'd like to see who'd win (or lose?) out of CRISPY DUCK and DON QUIOTE. ;)

Actually, it does beg the question - is there such thing as an ugly double bass?

Is it to late to get an entry in the contest?
I will cover my DB in KoRn stickers just to win.
:D
Oh yea it has to be American, never mind.

Ho Hum: We mean to show you that a DB can be ugly. Chris has heard my tape of a lesson with Michael Moore in which he repeatedly comments on my bass's ugly qualities.

Gruff: Not just American, but American Standard; hence, the contest title American Standard Showdown. (I know you guys think there's hidden meaning here, but no, it just came out that way. Honest.)

Finally, what makes it hip is that these basses sound so great. Chris and I have listened to recordings of both basses, and I think he's in agreement here (Actually, mine sounds better.) Bottom line is, American Standards, especially the old ones, really whup the competition in sound.

well, the watery eyes have been wiped, the barf has been cleaned, and the votes have been tallied, and the winner is.....

.....

(where's that envelope?)

DOH!!! Open it, dammit.....OPEN IT!!!

The suspense is killing me. :)

tftftftftftft (drum roll) well, the vote was 2-1 in favor of....

DUUUUURRRRRRLLLLLL!!!!!

first, comments from the panel of judges....

ed :

"OK, here's my ASSessment. Comments afterward.
1. Chips ahoy - Durrl, hands down. 1 point
2.General finish - Donosaur, definitely. 1 point
3. Specific finish
A. upper bout- I give to Donosaur 1 pt.
B. weird stain- Durrl 1pt.

OVERALL GENERAL RATING ie which bass would I run screaming from, gotta go to Durrl 1 pt.

So whadda we got DONOSAUR 2, DURRL 3.

But for overall ugliness, I gotta go with DONOSAUR. I mean really. The Green Stain is ominous, but on the AmeriSaurus you got the wine/piss stain on the upper rib, the tire tread going down the right bout, the weird burn mark/acid sweat stain on the left bout (too much thumb position?). Then there's the "Joan Collins" effect of the matte finish/sand storm effect. Then you got the color. I mean, Durrl's bass could be described as being reddish brown. But Donosaur's? Is "mottled" a color?

So JUDGE'S DECISION is:
UGLIEST BASS: DONOSAUR
BASS MOST LIKELY TO STAR IN A CHIPS AHOY COMMERCIAL: DURRL
BASS I WOULD MOST LIKELY ACTUALLY PLAY: DONOSAUR
I mean, it DOES have a certain character
BASS I WOULD MOST LIKELY DISMISS WITHOUT ACTUALLY PLAYING: DURRL
All those chips, all those scratches. A bass only a mother could love.

That's my story and I'm sticking with it."

bob :

"This is a tough call indeed.

In the Looks From A Distance, the odd shape of Don's beauty certainly gets the nod (as we aim for the porcelin bowl) - though it does have a certain odd attractiveness to it- makes you want to look, kinda like when passing a bad auto accident.

The wear spots are certainly another point in Don's disfavor, but the chippies and crunchies give Chris' a slight edge.

However, the green grunge and neck repair, capped off with that inglorious headstock butcher job makes Chris' the chump -- I mean, champ.

I have to vote to give Chris' bass the Golden Barf Bag Award. "

and lastly, your humble narrator

"well, having become intimately acquainted with pictures of both contestants (much to the chagrin of my digestive tract), i must say that i sorta found don's bass to be somewhat attractive after a while. perhaps it was the terrain map of Olympus Mons on the body - i've always been an astronomer at heart, or the glorious purple glow of finish, like a large succulent over-ripe and rotting wine grape, but i just found don's bass to have a homely appeal that reminded me of a certain mediterranean girl i used to date.

on the other hand, we have chris's bass. you know, due to their diet of pure bamboo, a panda's excrement is almost completely neon green. it glows from a distance like the radioactive waste byproducts of a nuclear reactor meltdown. with it's shiny brown carapace and green glowing "shoulders", chris's bass makes me think of a cockroach that crawled through panda sh!t."

and here are the links to the pictures of the contestants ...

chris's bass
http://lordonly.net/Images/John/talkbassass/chris8351/

don's bass
http://lordonly.net/Images/John/talkbassass/don4131/


so, there you have it folks. 2-1. let's hear it for the winner.

where's my axe?

Wow...I can't decide whether to celebrate or get depressed...Similarly, I can't decided whether to console or congratulate DONOSAUR. Having just seen his pics, I have to say that that bass is also pretty ugly, and the cluster-bomb scars on the upper left (from facing) are pretty cool.

If I can figure out how to do it, I'll do some editing and merging here and try to set up a poll so that the peanut gallery can have some fun with this. I'm proud to say that this may be difficult, since I've never attempted a poll before.

Ok folks...the popcorn is hot and steamy and covered with green and purple butter. Dig in and cast your vote! A word of warning - if you look at the basses right away, you might lose your appetite for popcorn. On the other hand, if you eat the popcorn first, you might not keep it down for very long once you get a look at these two Goodyear Blimps with strings. Use your best judgement.

Oh, and special thanks to JT for agreeing to host this mess. Enjoy! (if that's possible...)

Originally posted by yawnsie
Actually, it does beg the question - is there such thing as an ugly double bass?

Ugh - I retract the above statement. :eek:

For the record, I think that DURRLBERT's monstrosity just about edges it in the ugly stakes.

I have been beat, fair and square. There's no way I can compete with that green crud up on the top right.

In fairness, I have to point out that the pictures of my bass are after Arnold Schnitzer had a chance to dress it up. My sh##ty original endpin has long since gone to the foundry. Fool that I am, I cleaned the tuning machine. The bridge is new.

When you hear a recording of a bass, you sometimes develop a mental picture of it. I'm here to tell you that Chris's bass sounds great. I was totally unprepared for it to look this bad.
Congratulations, Chris.

If it makes you feel any better, Don, I voted for your ASS.

While Chris's ASS is indeed quite ugly, I feel it to ugly in a purely superficial way, as if it were trying really hard to be ugly. It is, forgive me Chris, pretentious in its ugliness.

Your ASS, Don, on the other hand, has the kind of stomach-churning ugliness that can only come from deep inside. It has, if you will, a certain sincerety to its hideousness that Chris's bass doesn't.

Originally posted by Mike Goodbar
Your ASS, Don, on the other hand, has the kind of stomach-churning ugliness that can only come from deep inside.

Truly, Mike, I am touched. Thank you.

Originally posted by Don Higdon
I have been beat, fair and square. There's no way I can compete with that green crud up on the top right.

In fairness, I have to point out that the pictures of my bass are after Arnold Schnitzer had a chance to dress it up. My sh##ty original endpin has long since gone to the foundry. Fool that I am, I cleaned the tuning machine. The bridge is new.

When you hear a recording of a bass, you sometimes develop a mental picture of it. I'm here to tell you that Chris's bass sounds great. I was totally unprepared for it to look this bad.
Congratulations, Chris.


Thanks. In all fairness, I should also add that even though my bass sounds good, yours sounds better. Arnold must have done a hell of a job with it. If I ever get the money together, I'd love to get the fingerboard on mine replaced and the top CORRECTLY repaired instead of patched. And, since it now holds the title, I might even consider getting it cleaned up a bit if that ever happens.



Originally posted by MR.MILKYWAY
While Chris's ASS is indeed quite ugly, I feel it to ugly in a purely superficial way, as if it were trying really hard to be ugly. It is, forgive me Chris, pretentious in its ugliness.



LOOKINGFORMIKEGOODBAR,

You know, I tried really hard to get offended by this statement and just didn't have the heart. I have wondered many times if the previous owners might have somehow known that the bass would end up in just such a contest as this. Then again, after seeing the bass, it's a bit easier to understand why it was abandoned (which resulted in me getting for free).

Wow...I'm speechless....

I was totally unprepared for this. I played another AS a few weeks back and thought "if Chris and Don's basses are like this one, what's so bad?". Well...uh....ahem...

I had to give the Majestic Ugliness nod to Chris. While Don's is certainly homely, it's got a certain quality that makes you want to take it home...like a mangy puppy. Chris' bass has rekindled some old childhood nightmares of purtrid leprotic corpses. I like it.

Actually, I'd love to have either one. They'd be quite the badge of honor at a bluegrass jam.

Don, in that picture of the three basses side-by-side, who's the blonde on the left? She's pretty sexy.

Originally posted by David Kaczorowski
Don, in that picture of the three basses side-by-side, who's the blonde on the left? She's pretty sexy.
French...mature but not old...lusty bottom...looks better and better the closer you get...mysterious... shapely curves all over...

Oh, the bass? Probably falsely attributed to G. Apparut. I was all set to meet Olivier in Paris and visit some luthiers that worked for Apparut, but September 11 changed all that.

So far, the bass of my dreams.

If anybody's interested, I may be able to post some closeups.

Originally posted by Don Higdon

If anybody's interested, I may be able to post some closeups.

i'm interested :D

Yep, the green goop truly takes away from me saying that chips and scars add lovely personality.
But if that is the bass that was used in your sound sample it truly doesn't show its ugliness.
Both look like they were played hard and left busted but I have a hundred dollars that says they play and sound better than my 6-month-old Crumora DB.

Nice photos guys.
I didn't see any oil Don.

Chris;

I'm glad you understand my aesthetic code. :p


. Then again, after seeing the bass, it's a bit easier to understand why it was abandoned (which resulted in me getting for free).

I got my bass for free too! It was an Englehardt that was trapped in a fire in a Salvation Army attic, and it was free for the hauling. The brown vinyl case looked like it has melted onto to the bass, but after removing it with some help from a utility knife, the bass beneath was in pretty good condition.

Now I always but a few extra bucks in the red bucket every Christmas.

Originally posted by mchildree
While Don's is certainly homely, it's got a certain quality that makes you want to take it home...like a mangy puppy.

I have to agree; there is an element of charm (I dunno if that's the right word or not) in Don's bass, perverse as it is --

So, gents, you're ALL winners! ;)

Originally posted by gruffpuppy
Yep, the green goop truly takes away from me saying that chips and scars add lovely personality.
But if that is the bass that was used in your sound sample it truly doesn't show its ugliness.


Actually, the bass in my current sample is my carved bass. There are two cuts on the original "Johnson Chronicles" disc that were recorded using my ASS, but Xavier G has chosen the ones using the German bass to put up so far. Don has heard both, and agrees that the German bass sounds better. However, if I could get the ASS to Don's luthier, who knows?

I am at a loss for words! :):) :)

Both basses take ugly to a brand new level.

Durrl, don't ever try to polish that thing. You'll cut your hands all to pieces.

I'm curious about the green but I'm not sure I really want to know. Just tell us if it was ever alive.

Congrats to you both. They are both truly ugly but I believe Durrl may have edged you out, Don.

Pkr2

AHHH.....DURRL
It looks like Walt Disney barfed on your Bass......Green? What is that? I thought it was mold when I first saw it. you win......congrats...??:eek:

Guys,

All I can say is you BOTH need to run to your nearest environmental consultant (I can recommend one in about every state) and get your basses tested for toxic mold. I see signs of aspergillus niger, and possibly even the dreaded stachybotrys!! You could be in imminent danger. :eek: Better yet, wrap them tightly in 6 mil poly and mail them to:
Envirobay
c/o Monte Butts
4334 NW Expressway
OKC, OK 73116

Be aware that it may take several years to decontaminate such a large infestation, but I'll take good care of them. Don, did you say that you smell bad odors? You better contact Dr. Eckhart Johanning (as seen on 48 Hours) ; he is in NYC and is the foremost toxic mold pathologist in the world.

HURRY GUYS, get those basses in the mail to me immeadiately. Oh and Don, such close proximity to the French bass may lead to cross-contamination. You better mail that one to me as well, just to be safe. :p

Monte

PS. Can anyone tell what the "Mold Rush of 2001" is doing to my brain?

Wow--cool pix. I think I went duck hunting in an American Standard bass years ago and didn't even know it! Thought that skinny oar with the hair on it didn't move me around too well!
They ought to make an acne product for finishes like that: Oxy 5? Oxy 10? Oxy-acetylene?
But I'm jealous: the way you describe the sound, an AS would be a move up for me.

Originally posted by MONTE BUTTBEAUTIFUL
Guys,

HURRY GUYS, get those basses in the mail to me immeadiately. Oh and Don, such close proximity to the French bass may lead to cross-contamination. You better mail that one to me as well, just to be safe. :p





CIGARETTEBUTTS,

Nice try. I've been trying to find a way to scam that Mirecourt ever since I laid eyes on it. The Standards' sound is the only saving grace...I don't know about Don, but I only use mine for outdoor gigs these days, which is kinda funny because sunlight does not flatter that bass the way a dark, smokey club does.


Originally posted by MARK KENT

Wow--cool pix. I think I went duck hunting in an American Standard bass years ago and didn't even know it! Thought that skinny oar with the hair on it didn't move me around too well!
They ought to make an acne product for finishes like that: Oxy 5? Oxy 10? Oxy-acetylene?


MARK OF STEEL,

You bring up an interesting point: perhaps the green stuff on my bass could be flourescent seaweed....and as far as the scarring on Don's bass, I'm thinking that it looks a lot like barnacles. Hmmmm....maybe we could do some research on that.

As far as an acne product for finishes like these, my question would be: Do they even MAKE Oxy 80,000,000? If so, count me in! I'll try anything once.

Thanks Chris for the invite! I haven't laughed so hard in a month. Really made my day :) These truly are the ugliest basses I've ever seen. My vote's gotta be for Don's AS. The outward appearance gave me a nice "gag" effect on the digestive tract, and the "birthmark" (shows up nicely in the bottom-right pic) finalized my decision. Whoever put in that scar had one hell of a technique. I think the green splotch on Fitzgerald's bass adds a "holiday cheer" that's gotta be perfect for Christmas gigs.

Congrats to both contestants!

I've never seen a bass without sloped shoulders before...

note to chris/don - you guys might be able to edit the poll to add links to each selection. give it a try.

Originally posted by PortraitofTracy
I've never seen a bass without sloped shoulders before...


...And if you think the shoulders LOOK wide, you should try PLAYING one of these suckers. :eek: It takes some getting used to.


JT,

I edited Don's initial post and inserted the X man's links into the bottom of it. Is there a better way to do it?

Yuck! It's a tie. You guys don't really take those things out in public, Do ya? Please excuse any typos, I trying to dodge the puke on my keyboard.

Originally posted by Chris Fitzgerald

JT,

I edited Don's initial post and inserted the X man's links into the bottom of it. Is there a better way to do it?

there's a link under the poll that says "edit poll" . in there, you should be able to add the link to each poll selection.

Originally posted by Turock
Yuck! It's a tie. You guys don't really take those things out in public, Do ya? Please excuse any typos, I trying to dodge the puke on my keyboard.


TEAFORTWOROCK,

I played mine on an outdoor gig this past Saturday. It did fine. If I'm not mistaken, DONOSAUR'S Standard has become his main Jazz bass....and with good reason. Don sent me a tape of a lesson with Michael Moore where both he and M.M. were playing the bass at times. That bass sounds great. You think he'd use it instead of that Mirecourt if it didn't cut it in the sound department?

Sorry about the puke on your keyboard.

Durrl
Not exactly. My jazz bass is the DeLeone, the red one in the picture of the three basses. It was owned by a Met bassist, obviously arco only. I discovered that it had superb pizz attack and sustain.
The French bass (the blonde) is my orchestra bass.
The American Standard has a great sound, but the DeLeone is way beyond it.

I vote for this one.....

http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=1477684227

Originally posted by Chris Flushgerald



TEAFORTWOROCK,

I played mine on an outdoor gig this past Saturday. It did fine. If I'm not mistaken, DONOSAUR'S Standard has become his main Jazz bass....and with good reason. Don sent me a tape of a lesson with Michael Moore where both he and M.M. were playing the bass at times. That bass sounds great. You think he'd use it instead of that Mirecourt if it didn't cut it in the sound department?


I have no doubt those are fine sounding instruments, because if they weren't, I'm sure that someone, somewhere, at some point in time would have given them a proper Viking funeral.

BTW, here is a picture of an American Standard that is identical to the one I have (model # 1.6 gpl if anyone would like to date it for me), I also have one in a black finish:

http://www.us.amstd.com/shared/images/products/2sa2kjhi.jpghttp://www.americanstandard.com/images/aslogo.gif

Originally posted by Turock

BTW, here is a picture of an American Standard that is identical to the one I have (model # 1.6 gpl if anyone would like to date it for me), I also have one in a black finish:


Not to be a ball buster but it is GPF and/or LPF

Nice, Turock, but I understand those basses are better for pizz than arco......

Originally posted by Mark Steel
Nice, Turok, but I understand those basses are better for pizz than arco......

Don't you mean pissicato?

Originally posted by gruffpuppy


Not to be a ball buster but it is GPF and/or LPF
Wow, you are absolutely correct. Upon further inspection it is gpf and lpf. gruffpuppy, you might be a ball buster, but you sure know your sh!t about American Standards.

Originally posted by Turock

Wow, you are absolutely correct. Upon further inspection it is gpf and lpf. gruffpuppy, you might be a ball buster, but you sure know your sh!t about American Standards.

And for the bonus question do you know what
GPF stands for.

Originally posted by TOROCKORNOTTUROCK



BTW, here is a picture of an American Standard that is identical to the one I have (model # 1.6 gpl if anyone would like to date it for me), I also have one in a black finish:

http://www.us.amstd.com/shared/images/products/2sa2kjhi.jpghttp://www.americanstandard.com/images/aslogo.gif


Ahh...NOW I see why embellisher calls you TURDLOCK. I had always wondered what the big secret was... :D

Originally posted by gruffpuppy


And for the bonus question do you know what
GPF stands for.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say the F stands for fretless.

Originally posted by Chris Fitzgerald



Ahh...NOW I see why embellisher calls you TURDLOCK. I had always wondered what the big secret was... :D

Not locked. I'm just saving up, so's I can put one of them cool looking, brown splatter-burst finishes on my American Standard.

Originally posted by Turock


I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say the F stands for fretless.

Wow, no. I don't want to take away from the original topic any more so I will just come out with the answer.

Well Because of your location I am guessing you are metric. So LPF, Liters per flush. or Gallons per flush. Who says you can't learn something new everyday.

farmerdude this ones for you

http://www.ehhs.cmich.edu/~dhavlena/bass3.jpg

I love it. I think I'll paint her orange and call her Laverne. I can already see it.......

1. I would have a place to wash my smoke infested clothes after a club gig.
2. I can get rid of the fish glue and convert to JB Weld.
3. If I ever take up chew, I will always have a place to spit.
4. No more stopping the show so I can run to the bathroom. I could "just go".
5. No worry about the bass bar coming unglued. There isn't one.
6. Those clubs where you bring you own mug. Well I would make a lot of friends.
7. When that drummer plays to damn loud, I can kick Laverne on the off beats.
8. The next time I play the streets of Canada I would be able to hear the clang of a "toony" as compared to a mere quarter.
9. The next time someone says "oh is that a cello" I could say "why no, it is a washtub that my grandmother use to bath me in".

And lastly, my wife may finally see the utility in having another bass in the house.

yea.............now where do I put my bass max.....

Bump!

For a minute there, I was afraid something had happened to this entire thread. Ray: did you delete your post?

I posted, not realizing that there were three pages to this thing, an then deleted the post as I wasn't sure if I was being relevant, having not read the entire thread.

Originally posted by Ray Parker
I posted, not realizing that there were three pages to this thing, an then deleted the post as I wasn't sure if I was being relevant, having not read the entire thread.
OK, now that you've read it, tell us how you voted.

Isn't a vote private?

I haven't caught up yet. I may have some time this afternoon for tomorrow, but for now I haven't cast a vote.

What are the current standings?

Originally posted by Ray Parker
Isn't a vote private?[QUOTE]
Not here

[QUOTE]I haven't caught up yet. What are the current standings?
They're posted at the top of the page. I'm losing.

Don,

Sorry, man. Had to go with Chris's. I actually find beauty in yours, where Chris's is just a hunk of crap.

Originally posted by Ray Parker
Don,

Sorry, man. Had to go with Chris's. I actually find beauty in yours, where Chris's is just a hunk of crap.

(...*ahem*....)

Of course, what you REALLY meant to say was, "A nice sounding hunk of crap", right? :)

If that's what you were playing on your CD, then yes. Otherwise I wouldn't know. In either event, you could certainly be a contender for the 'Balls' award for showing up to a gig with that thing. I bet a tux would accentuate it's character.

One of these days, I'll post a sound bite of Michael Moore's comments on seeing, then hearing, mine.
That'll take some time. It's taken me this long to learn bold face and italics.

Originally posted by NATIONAL PARKER
If that's what you were playing on your CD, then yes. Otherwise I wouldn't know. In either event, you could certainly be a contender for the 'Balls' award for showing up to a gig with that thing. I bet a tux would accentuate it's character.

It's the bass I was playing on the last two "Johnson Chronicles" cuts with Harry Pickens (back when I also didn't have any good microphones to record with)....while I certainly feel that my new bass sounds better, and that I'm playing better with it, that old toilet bowl doesn't sound too shabby either to my ears. I played gigs on that bass exclusively for slightly over a year, and I still use it as my "backup" and "outdoor" bass. In person, once you hear it, you forget how ugly it is.

I've heard a recording of one of Don's lessons with Michael Moore where he brought his BLIMP to a lesson for the first time, and Moore's comments are priceless.....as was the sound of the bass. Even when Don was playing it.


(elbows the drummer)


ba-doom- SPLASSSSSSSHHHHHHHH!!!

Originally posted by Ray Parker
If that's what you were playing on your CD, then yes. Otherwise I wouldn't know. In either event, you could certainly be a contender for the 'Balls' award for showing up to a gig with that thing. I bet a tux would accentuate it's character.

yeah, a purple one with a big frilly shirt and mr. furley lapels :D

Sorry I missed all the ugly fun at the beginning of this series, but if anyone is still hanging for info re: A.S serial #'s, here is what I have been able to figure out:

Check out the Cleveland serial listings at musictrader.com. (http://www.musictrader.com/king.html) They break them out by decade (seems as close as you'll get.) In my case, I noted the year of merger with N.H. White, and Cleveland Mus. Inst. I saw my label indicating that American Standard was a subsidiary of the above, and concluded that
my number (145, handwritten) was after the merger in 1925. From the total #s for the decade I deduced how many they were putting out a year,
and thus concluded that mine was made in the first or second year of the merger (and I don't think yours would be far different, unless your label
is different and might represent another cycle of numbers. If it is the same as mine, I think your bass dates to between 1925 and 1930. I am an
amateur, and a number of Luthiers I have asked about this still couldn't get it down any more than my speculation (although several did not believe that plywood basses were made earlier than the 30s).

I think it's reasonable to maintain that mine, #87, was made in their first year, i.e. 1925.

When this whole thread was happening originally, I was experiencing a bit of vertigo -- not unlike a mild case of deja vu. I've now figured out what caused this odd feeling. This whole conversation, now that it has left the contestual phase, smacks possibly of a script to an episode of 'Quincy' that didn't make it past the network censors.

I'm normally too scared to post around here, but I can't help myself seeing this.

The green monster wins, without contest. The psoriasis on Don's bass is undoubtedly unpleasant, but the oozing slime on Chris' is even worse.

This is the American Standard thread, right?

Anyway, here's one going for a song on ebaY.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=893925031&r=0&t=0&showTutorial=0&ed=0&indexURL=0&rd=1

FWIW, my American Standard--ugly, but not contender ugly, I now see--is no. 93.

My pat line, aside from quoting Star Wars lines about the Millenium Falcon, is that I take the pretty bass to photo shoots and the good sounding one to gigs.

Half a lie, of course. I don't have a pretty one.

OK, I propose THREE American Standard basses for the ugly contest. I found mine in the classifieds about a year ago for $600 and it is ugly. It's had a neck reset that looks like it was done in someone's garden shed, and has more scratches and dings than a New York taxicab. It sounds and plays great though (after you get used to the long scale).

My beautiful American Standard, (it really is beautiful), fell over and broke its neck a few weeks ago. Take a lesson from my misfortune: get a stand and use it!

Oh, never mind. I thought my bass would be a contender, but I've seen the pictures now, and I respectfully withdraw my entry.

Originally posted by G STRING DANCE
Oh, never mind. I thought my bass would be a contender, but I've seen the pictures now, and I respectfully withdraw my entry.

:D

Our ugliness reigns supreme!

Originally posted by Chris Fitzgerald
:D

Our ugliness reigns supreme!
"OUR"???? You won the contest, not me.

Originally posted by PTERODONTYL
"OUR"???? You won the contest, not me.


True...but the fact remains that your ASS is still exceedingly ugly. Mine just happens to be uglier. :)

Slightly off-topic for Off Topic, but I played the monster today at school while accompanying a couple of student performances, and that sucker captured the Paul Chambers vibe so well it was scary.

User non-error?

A.S.S. Update: Last week was "Jazz Week" here at the university, with performances by the Ahmad Jamal Trio, Jacek and Woteck Niedziela (an excellent duo from Poland), and the Vanguard Orchestra. All of the bassists - (Jacek, Jim Cammack from Ahmad's trio, and Dennis Irwin from the Vanguard group) wanted to use the Standard in their performances, and all loved it to death. I'm still torn between selling it and trying to get a New Standard, or fixing it up, but it was great to see it back in action center stage.

Yes, Ray, people actually DO play it on gigs. :)

http://www.smokin-grass.com/as787.html

Greetings All... I was just handed down an American Standard Bass that my Grandfather used to play back when he was in high school.

From most of the information I can find on American Standard Uprights the oldest known to exist is serial #40. The one that I just received is serial #16..

Below you will find links to a few pictures of it, I am curious if anyone can give me an idea of when it was made and any other details / information about this bass.

I just got a new set of strings on her and she plays like a champ! My first upright, and I have only been playing electric for a couple years .. So I have A LOT to learn!!

Thanks for your time!

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3079/2880597856_2e1f391b9e_o.jpg -- Bass Image

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3045/2880597880_1f3a2677ec_o.jpg -- Headstock image

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3058/2879764437_eac728055e_o.jpg -- Image of Serial Number

-- Neuro

Yeahh... the A.S.S.'es thread is back!

That bass looks great.... nice to keep her in the family, and up and running.