I've been playing with a prog trio for a while now, just a kind of for fun type thing, nothing terribly serious. Guitarist is in his 40s, and at times feels kind of 'stuck' in a specific feel and sound. Drummer is only a few years older than me, mid 30s, and while he had the kind of 'straight rock' feel when we started, he began lessons within a couple of weeks of us starting jamming, and has been working his keyster off to be able to keep up with my odd time/odd syncopation lines.

Anyhow, I've been getting frustrated with the guitarist - basically, he would give me a lot of 'not feeling it' guff on anything I bring to the table.

Kind of came to a head recently, and at the end, he asked, via email, if I wanted to quit the band. I replied with an 'I guess' (sent to both guitar and drummer) and followed up with a second email to the drummer, letting him know that I was going to be starting a new project, and I'd welcome him to join in.

This is where it gets a little weird. I guess guitarist and drummer have been playing together for a while, and drummer did indicate he wanted to keep working with guitarist, separately - but definitely wanted to keep working with me. He mentioned it to the guitarist, and basically, guitarist as much as begs me to keep working with him as well.

So, I agree to give it a shot. All of a sudden, the whole dynamic of the band has changed. I think it is for the better - guitarist is being a lot more open to new stuff, and both are turning to me to direct practices - but it is a bit uncomfortable, because previous to the episode, guitarist pretty much made all the calls and directed things.

Seems like I became de-facto leader of the band - uncomfortable for me, because I'm not used to it, and I really want to push them to be the best they can be (well, all of us, really), without having them resent being pushed.

...So, I agree to give it a shot. All of a sudden, the whole dynamic of the band has changed. I think it is for the better - guitarist is being a lot more open to new stuff, and both are turning to me to direct practices - but it is a bit uncomfortable, because previous to the episode, guitarist pretty much made all the calls and directed things.

Seems like I became de-facto leader of the band - uncomfortable for me, because I'm not used to it, and I really want to push them to be the best they can be (well, all of us, really), without having them resent being pushed.

For most of us, if we waited until we were 'comfortable' with leadership, we would never have the opportunity to lead. I think the resulting change in dynamic you described shows that the guitarist's leadership was not helping, and that you have what it takes. Stick with it and continue to learn to be a leader; it can be quite rewarding.

- Kern

Over the years I have found that it works well if different people are allowed to use their strengths within the context of "the band"

One person may be really good at running rehearsals

Another booking gigs

Yet another at running sound

Some may have a clearer vision of the musical direction needed.

I have also spent many years in the more traditional setting of a band leader who made all the decisions. This can actually be quite freeing as it also makes all the problems the band leaders to deal with.

For myself I have always said: "I don't wanna be king, I just want to have a little say"

I think when it comes to making music and deciding on the creative elements, there usually needs to be input from all concerned from time to time. That being said, someone should have their "hand on the wheel" so to speak, most of the time.

It may be that there was a little reality checking discussion between the close friends of drummer and guitarist that resulted in the change of attitude. Often these side discussions can only, and should only, occur between people who know each other well.

JKT :)

For most of us, if we waited until we were 'comfortable' with leadership, we would never have the opportunity to lead. I think the resulting change in dynamic you described shows that the guitarist's leadership was not helping, and that you have what it takes. Stick with it and continue to learn to be a leader; it can be quite rewarding.

- Kern

Well said but....maybe that was a great "leadership decision" from the guitarist to start feeding off you? Hmmm...interesting....