After a gig, THE DRUM MACHINE gets laid :eek:

One member asks you why you don't use the EXACT gear as one of their heroes.

Your turn--------------

You cover "walking on sunshine"......:ninja:

...when the verse and chorus are being played AT THE SAME TIME!!! True story.

Bo:rollno:

Louie Louie is in the set list.

...you use a bubble machine.

...you all end the song at different times.

When THIS is what passes for the lighting rig:



http://www.museum.state.il.us/exhibits/athome/1950/objects/largejpgs/polelamp.jpg



You help the lead singer carry his ACCORDION to the car.

You know you're in a lame band when your main influence is Europe.

You know you're in a lame band when none of you can walk.

Hurr hurr.

You know you're in a lame band when one of your band mates suggests Chameleon and the rest get excited about it.

You know you're in a lame band when none of you can walk.

Hurr hurr.

loooool :hyper:

The frontman asks you to use a pick just because Duff Mckagan uses one and his tone sounds nice.

The g'tards want to do Purple Rain so some skinny chick in bad attire can squak it.:help:

You cover "walking on sunshine"......:ninja:

Been there. Done that. Fortunately the horror fades with time.

You help the lead singer carry his ACCORDION to the car.

Done that too. But it was a zydeco gig, so the accordion was actually the 'cool' featured instrument. Go figure.

And I played with two different drummers that used those very light wheels to shine on their kits. One was a stainless steel and chrome wrapped Slingerland double bass set from 1982. The other was an acrylic Ludwig kit in 1980.

One of those drummers figured out how to sync up a pair of strobe lights with those rotating color gels in front og them and added a homemade dry-ice fog machine to the mix. And the really funny part of this story is that at the time, we were the epitome of cool.

You know you're in a lame band when one of your band mates suggests Chameleon and the rest get excited about it.

Herbie's chameleon? or the camacamacama chameleon?

I am in favor of the former. :)

Louie Louie is in the set list.

Hey! There's nothing wrong with "Louie, Louie"!




dcr

Been there. Done that. Fortunately the horror fades with time.



Done that too. But it was a zydeco gig, so the accordion was actually the 'cool' featured instrument. Go figure.

And I played with two different drummers that used those very light wheels to shine on their kits. One was a stainless steel and chrome wrapped Slingerland double bass set from 1982. The other was an acrylic Ludwig kit in 1980.

One of those drummers figured out how to sync up a pair of strobe lights with those rotating color gels in front og them and added a homemade dry-ice fog machine to the mix. And the really funny part of this story is that at the time, we were the epitome of cool.

Aaaah, the 80's :)

I was playing in the Caymen Islands back in the early 80's and a guy walked up to the stage and said "I will give you $100. if you play Louie, Louie" The next song was Louie, Louie even though we never played it and pocketed the $100. From then on it was in the set.


Hey! There's nothing wrong with "Louie, Louie"!




dcr

The lead singer has a MORBID Elvis fixation

The bassist has a MORBID Geddy Lee fixation

The guitarist has a MORBID Van Halen fixation

The keyboardist STILL uses a cheesy Yamaha DX-7

The drummer just HAS to have a monstrous mega-overkill double or triple bass drum kit and he STILL can't hit anything in time.

You know you're in a lame band when...

...the bassist's solo includes Hendrix's version of "The Star Spangled Banner".

...your show includes an 8 minute bongo solo.

...the lead singer leaves the stage to glue his teeth back in.

...any member of the band over 40-years-old performs shirtless.

...the drummer has the Muppet "Animal" hanging on his kit wearing a feather boa.

...you can't perform any of your songs without sequenced tracks.

...you work up a segue between Mustang Sally and Brown Eyed Girl (and back again).



(all things I have seen)

you are in a lame band when you keep covering keep on rocking in the free world :)

...the drummer has the Muppet "Animal" hanging on his kit wearing a feather boa.

I use a pick during Sweet Child O Mine by choice....after reading this thread I will stop

You cover "walking on sunshine"......


all of these things are currently happening in the band I play in now.

It's 1:18pm on a Saturday....not to early to start drinking.

you know you're in a lame band when....

you have to pay your groupies

You know you're in a lame band when one of your band mates suggests Chameleon and the rest get excited about it.

The Herbie Hancock Chameleon? I've definitely played that song enough for the next 50 years...

You consider yourselves busy if you gig more than once every three months.

You're in an Asia cover band.

When you've been together for two years, but it's only you and the guitarist (the case with my band - we can't hold on to drummers or singers).

Your drummer uses aluminum sticks on a junior set with a splash cymbal.

You have to stop rehearsing because the batteries in the keyboard died and you don't have the adapter to plug it in...

You keep on getting new gear, but still don't have gigs to pay for it (the case of my guitarist).

When you and twenty other guys are all working on a cover of "Come Together."

^ Apparently this was the case with my school's jazz program for a while. They had four bands, each with twenty guys, all playing "Come Together."

The only women who care about what happens to the band are your mothers.

Halfway through a guitar solo in a practice (or even worse, a gig), the guitard stops and says: "hey, wait a minute...what key are we in again?"

or:

Halfway through a guitar solo in a practice (or even worse, a gig), the guitard stops and says: "hey, wait a minute...what's a key again?"

When the KB plays shuffle (6/8) and the drummer playes in straight 4 and everybody else thinks it sounds just fine.

... When you cant play music

Louie Louie is in the set list.

Guilty.

you know your in a lame band when halfway through his solo the g****r player stops playing and starts beat boxing. i actually had to push him off stage. the chicks at the front were not happy!! and neither was his stratocaster :p :eek:

You know you're in a lame band when...

...you work up a segue between Mustang Sally and Brown Eyed Girl (and back again).



Hey, that actually sounds pretty cool (but so did "Louie, Louie").

This coming from a guy that's done "Sweet Home Alabama" into "Werewolves of London" and back, especially around Hallowe'en.




dcr

you tell people not to come because your embarrassed by how bad it is.
Jonathan

you're in a lame band when...

your band is on stage, ready to start a gig while your guitard player is under the shower because his girlfriend told him to do so...

You Know You're In A Lame Band When------

your biggest fan is deaf

when people only applaud when you leave the stage

when people quickly change the subject when you ask them if they enjoyed the gig

You know you're in a lame band when one of your band mates suggests Chameleon and the rest get excited about it.

My current band do the theme from Chameleon by Herbie as Intro and Outro.

You cover "walking on sunshine"......:ninja:

Ironically, I am currently arranging a dance/metal cover of this one.


When the KB plays shuffle (6/8) and the drummer playes in straight 4 and everybody else thinks it sounds just fine.

It can work. I was in a band that wrote a song that was in 5/4 and 4/4 at the same time. The song was written around the bassline, which was in 5/4 (I write a lot in the meter), but the g'tard programmed the drum machine in 4/4, and he played in a combination of the two. It all actually worked. It would biuld tension and at the end of each verse, the tension would release. :D

When the KB plays shuffle (6/8) and the drummer playes in straight 4 and everybody else thinks it sounds just fine.

Its called Syncopation.

I've had a song where the drums were in 4/4 bass in 5/4 and guitar in 3/4. Sounded pretty good.

You know you're in a lame band when:
The guitarist has a loaded pedal board filled with cheap boss pedals and he still sounds like ****
Your bandmates decide to take the money made from gigs and spend it all at Burger King.
All your friends seem to detest your band mates
A good portion of society seems to detest your band mates


That should do it...

Oh yeah... if you do beatles or stones covers...

I use a pick during Sweet Child O Mine by choice....after reading this thread I will stop


pfffft follower giving into peer pressure, I use both on that song and frankly I like the sound better with a pick when playing it.

When the guitarist suggest we play Van Halen and the other bandmates think it's a good idea. :scowl: :scowl:

Its called Syncopation.

I've had a song where the drums were in 4/4 bass in 5/4 and guitar in 3/4. Sounded pretty good.

You know you're in a lame band when:
The guitarist has a loaded pedal board filled with cheap behringer pedals and he still sounds like ****
Your bandmates decide to take the money made from gigs and spend it all at McDonalds.
All your friends seem to detest your band mates
A good portion of society seems to detest your band mates


That should do it...

Oh yeah... if you do fallout boy covers...

Fixed!\

:D


By the way: this is a joke...I'm not bashing any bands/fast food joints/companies. I'm just following a general TB mood :)

Guilty.

Um, same here, that's why I mentioned it in the first place.

...a guy that's done "Sweet Home Alabama" into "Werewolves of London" and back, especially around Hallowe'en.
I keep trying to convince my band to do Sweet Home Alabama as a Cajun waltz.
They don't seem to think this is nearly as funny as I do... :p

You Know You're In A Lame Band When------

your biggest fan is deaf

when people only applaud when you leave the stage

when people quickly change the subject when you ask them if they enjoyed the gig

And even worse, when the venue owner pays you NOT to play!:eyebrow::rollno:

When your bandmates get the brilliant idea of doing a whole set of Loverboy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loverboy) covers.

Your keyboard player refuses to play a gig on Friday because he's tired from a 40 hour week. or...

You've been in the same band for 3 years and have only done 3 gigs.

:help:HELP ME!!:help:

When the band wants to include a belching drunk as a special guest singer.

your guitarist is kicking you out because you wrote a song about pedophiles
i mean, come on, that was one time

"Lame" is when most of the band practices quickly devolve into a "battle of the amps" ... plus showing off the latest and fastest double-handed tapping techniques.. ALL conversation pivots around "stacks..watts..stacks..whammy-bars...stacks.." oh yeah, did I mention "stacks?"

When you get home, your body feels like you've been beat into a pulp from the horror of non-stop 115 - 125 DB's reducing your soft your tissues to jello, and your ears into bloody ringing, shreds.

You know you're in a lame band when you ask your band mates at your first rehersal: hey what key are you in? and they cannot answer

When the drummer says that Lars Ulrich is a musical genious

When you get asked to stop playing key in your bass solo

When you get asked to stop doing fills and simply following the drum


The worst is that this is my band...

You know you're in a lame band when your guitard couldnt make it to rehearsal because of a schedule conflict with a dungeons and dragons meet

You cover "walking on sunshine"......:ninja:

Our drummer just suggested this last night when we were eating after our gig in Charlotte--he was serious.

Wait. . . aw, geez. I know what this means. :scowl:

... when your bandmates see you arrive with a 5-string for the first time and get mad at you because you're a bassist.

... when your bandmates see you arrive with a 5-string for the first time and say "cool, you play guitar too".

... when you don't have bandmates and it's a cover band.

... when you gotta tune everyone's instrument before playing.

... when your drummer hits a rimshot when aiming a cymbal.

... when the first time you play a chord during a jam everyone stops playing instantly and asks "who did that?". :p

when you have to pick up the guitard, and give him a lift home, and then you have buy White Castle as an "after practice meal"....

the guitard takes 20 min maybe 30 mins to set up his 10 pedals and effects, and then takes 3 mins....*a long time on a live gig* to adjust them....between each and every song.....


and then.....

he pulls his cord out of the signal path, as his amp buzzes and makes high pitch sounds....no really .....to plug into his tuner which is not hooked to anything but his guitar..just hanging out in space...., cuz it cuts down on the signal if the tuner is put in the signal path

on live gigs.....yeah!!!!!!


it is a boss tu-2 for Holy xmas sakes.....

so I asked what do all the other 4 million guitarists out there do....unplug ....tune up ....and then plug back in after they tune.??????,,,,as the amp squeals like a crowd of teenagers at an INSYNC concert?


and he answers yes.......!!!!!



I had to quit that one....just too too much.....

and BTW the drummer almost got in a fist fight with the other guitard....cuz that guitard started playing a song that was not ever on the set list, and no one knew the song, as the 2nd twanger says....come on boys....lets rock! into the mic........





and your guitard number one....is using the pay phone to set up practice times....and the only way you can adjust it is to drive 20 mins to his house and knock on the door....




argh!

LAME :bawl::bawl::bawl:

...you use a bubble machine.

Now I'm kinda bummed, I dig the bubble machine idea!

When your guitarist only wants to do Guns 'N Roses covers and thinks that your bass is too loud if its cranked up to a god awful wretched three ona Behringer bx300 10 inch PRACTICE AMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when you only practise 3 times in four months before a gig

when your lead singer/rhythm guitard starts Franklin's Tower in the wrong key, only to be stopped 3 bars in; then does it again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... to the point where you'd think he's doing it on purpose as a "joke", which as it turns out he's not... thank God I'm in a different band now.

When you're recording, and the drummer says "Why do we have to play the song the whole way through? Can't you just take the best four bars and just loop it?" (true story, of course)

where your at a school band night at most people leave when you come on

when you only practise 3 times in four months before a gig

When you've been together for two years, but it's only you and the guitarist (the case with my band - we can't hold on to drummers or singers).

The only women who care about what happens to the band are your mothers.

yup yup yup... guilty of them and got more:

... your only gigs have been non-paying
... you finally decide the best way to practice/write songs is to record one part then write and record other parts over it


not personal, but i like it:
you have to outsource parts to machines (drums, backing, etc.)

Um, same here, that's why I mentioned it in the first place.

Do we need to form some sort of support group for ourselves and others similarly afflicted?!

After a gig, THE DRUM MACHINE gets laid :eek:

The drum machine is the ONLY thing getting laid.

I don't play in a band, but I freelance with the best of them and the worst of them. The latter sometimes pay better and I am a shameless whore.

There are NO lame songs. Its all a matter of what you do with it and how well you get paid. "Sweet Home Alabama" rocks with the Leningrad Cowboys & the Red Army Chorus.

When the sax player calls "Giant Steps", I ask if we can do it as a salsa.

I subbed a cajun and Zydeco gig a few weeks ago and there were multiple accordions. It was lame only because audiences need something more sophisticated than 1/5 after several hours. 1/4/5 would be an improvement.

I have played the "Hokey Pokey" and the "Chicken Song" both in one gig and felt no shame.

I have played bluegrass at rest homes; I have played jazz at Luby's cafeteria on Tuesday evenings with a trio, but we followed the clown, instead of opening for him.

I have played gigs where we essentially had to give all our gig money to the featured star, plus pick him up and drive him home.

I subbed a wedding gig (sight unseen) where the leader and his 80 year old piano player showed up an hour late. The piano player rested his keyboard between two chairs and used this little Bose speaker about the size of a computer speaker and didn't know anything done after 1960. And the piano player insisted on eating before he played. I am glad we didnt get beaten up on that gig. I seriously thought about giving my share of the money back to the brides father and apologizing.

My list of 10 Warning Signs of a Lame Band" (I have seen all of these)

1) The band plays the wrong chord changes to the bridge on "Sunshine of Your Love"

2) The band tempo drops 10 BPM every minute until it gets back to the usual 120 BPM that the drummer can handle.

3) Missed hits more than once in a song, especially if the guilty party is sober.

4) The guitard noodles between songs (the usual pentatonic masturbation in E)

5) Band members feel the compulsion to play the first chord or riff to the next song before it starts.

6) The guitarist wants to do a song other than the standard key. "Fine, which key? ". "Well, I don't know, but its a G shaped chord but the capo is three frets up."

7) Band members are not ready to play at the scheduled show time.

8) Musician plays out of tune and doesn't realize it.

9) Band member plays a minor chord instead of a major chord and doesnt realize the error. When you point it out, they ask what the difference is. Same thing with strummers that put the 5 in the bottom of the chord and wonder why it clashes with the bass.

10) Musicians that commit any of the above sins, but want to talk you ear off on the break about how good their gear is.

Zonguy, i can relate to that list of no-no's. I think that the 2nd guitarist in my band doesn't know the difference between major and minor sometimes. The worst is when my drummer sets up his kit (which takes up the whole damn stage), stands back and marvels at in and then noodles around with stupid drum 'solos' while the audience files in. Its loud, its annoying and it puts me in a bad mood!

You Know You're In A Lame Band When------ all members have sprained ankles... :smug:

The singer the lead guitar player are married.

Warming up on-stage through a turned-on amp (before a waiting audience) is a sure way to hobble a band. Right up there with drummers who "warm up" on the kit at rehearsal while stringed instruments are trying to tune... for this reason I got one of those "Intellitouch" tuners that you clip to the headstock, and it reads the strings' vibrations throught the body of the axe.

Does rock / loud music build up calcium in the skull?

You know youre in a lame band when you only have one fan and its electric

Originally Posted by xgabriele
You cover "walking on sunshine"......

Ironically, I am currently arranging a dance/metal cover of this one.

alanis morisette should be strung by a toe nail and publicly flogged ;)

You know you're in a lame band when: at an outdoor gig, in the middle of a song, the female lead singer falls off the stage, lands face down in the mud and no one notices, or helps her back to the stage.

This is great. Now after slumming through this thread I've got "Walking on Sunshine" playing in my head.

Ew...

alanis morisette should be strung by a toe nail and publicly flogged ;)

:confused:


it's "Katrina and The Waves".


btw, it's not lame if you're playing that song in New Orleans, just in bad taste.

It's a lame band when the drummer has to watch me play to keep time. :(

You know you're in a lame band when the band has to take a break every 30 mintues so half of your bandmates can get tooted up once again.

when the whole town signs a petition for you to stop

You know you're in a lame band when you've just finished playing "Three Times A Lady" in 4/4 time because the drummer started in 4/4, couldn't switch to 3/4 on the fly, and refused to stop and start again because "people will notice something is wrong" if you do....

Randy

It's a lame band when the drummer has to watch me play to keep time. :(

You better not let him down! :D

This is great. Now after slumming through this thread I've got "Walking on Sunshine" playing in my head.

Ew...

same here brother

I am in a lame band! So here you go......
1. When the guitar player/lead singer starts to play and sing "In the Jail House Now" off of the Brother where Art Though" sound track...while doing a silly dance, and thinks the rest of us is gonna' jump in
2. All of your songs are a 1/2 step down and in the same key
3. Yes we cover "come together" and the rolling stones "slave"
4. When you request a song with more "arse" to it and the best they (the guitarist and drummer) can come up with is Santa Monica....oh geeze!!!
5. When the guitar player dropped down D to play "midnight rider" and thinks it jams
6. When the guitar player just wants you to play the root notes so he can sound better
7. When you spend 6 hours at practice and only play 4-5 songs...cuz it turns into a party
8. When I have only been playing again for 4 months after quitting for 15 years and they think Im the "bomb" and I know I suck
9. The drummers wife brings us snacks.....

You know youre in a lame band when you only have one fan and its electric

Hahahaha :D

You know you're in a lame band when: at an outdoor gig, in the middle of a song, the female lead singer falls off the stage, lands face down in the mud and no one notices, or helps her back to the stage.

Bwahahahaaaaa!

you know your a lame band when you cannot get laid by the singers overweight sister.

Hey! There's nothing wrong with "Louie, Louie"!




dcr
+1

you tell people not to come because your embarrassed by how bad it is.
Jonathan

+1

...when you're playing a party and spend THREE HOURS beforehand trying to remind the stoned guitarist how Killing in the Name goes...and he's the best musician in the band

When you just play the last song of the night and the only person yelling "one more song!" is your Mom...

When someone asks if the band's name "Phoenix" comes from the mythical bird rising from the ashes and you have to tell them the name actually comes from the guitar player's brother's dog....

When you're getting to play Freebird (yes, Freebird) and you yell..."What song is it you want to hear?" to the the crowd, and no one says anything.

When the guitar player says..."We just had a special request...but we're going to keep playing anyway"...and the crowd laughs.

......when the singer forgets the lyrics,
......when the bassist mixes up the songs (hey wait!!!)

......when your group turn into a WOW guild.:spit: (yes I'm a warrior,do all the real/hard job and still get flamed at with the first mistake,bassist fate :mad: )

You better not let him down! :D

I evolved and stopped playing drums in high school.

The drummers wife brings us snacks.....

There's nothing lame about that!

9. The drummers wife brings us snacks.....

That's pretty awesome actually. One of the guitarists in my band used to bring beer and snacks to munch on. I'm always down since I usually don't get to eat in the few mins I have between work and practice.

You know you're in a lame band when your main influence is Europe.

i laughed out loud on this one

http://jimburgessdesign.com/comics/images/news_pics/keytar.jpg

nuff said.

I don't know if it's lame or just un-professional... but I played with a band where the lead singer/guitarist would start playing tunes we hadn't rehersed, (and I certainly didn't know). He would motion for me to look at the chords he was playing, or call them out during the intro, but of course as soon as he started singing, and facing the crowd, it was all guess work!!!. Sometimes you could hear where the melody was taking it, but most of the time it was a hesitant mess of pedalled root notes, ( changing a beat too late!!).

His argument was that he was tailoring the set to the crowd, which is a fair argument IF I hadn't been a fill in AND learnt the 40 tunes he asked me too the week before the tour!!!

I feel my band is not Lame at all, but I have seen a few lame bands....

One band played Mr. Brightside compeltely with chords and basically skipped most of the structure of the song.

One band played Keep on Rockin' in The Free World under tempo, bassist barely kept up with 1/4 notes, singer seemed to be bored....no energy!

When you play "baba o riley" jam band style....................................and your a polka band.

9. The drummers wife brings us snacks.....

Ouch!

When you struggle to play AC/DC

When you play "baba o riley" jam band style....................................and your a polka band.

that would be fricken AWESOME!!!!!!

+1

I remember the first time I saw Brave Combo. They came out and Carl said "We'd like to start with a song from our favorite polka band...Jim Morrison and the Doors." and then they jumped into a surprisingly high energy polka version of 'Strange'.

Absolutely amazing.

Hey! There's nothing wrong with "Louie, Louie"!




dcr

+1

I really like that song!!! Ever see Animal House??? :eyebrow:

You know you're a lame band when the gigs don't even cover the bar tab (and you're drinking Bud Lite :spit:) :D

http://jimburgessdesign.com/comics/images/news_pics/keytar.jpg

nuff said.

Pure win. :D

There's nothing lame about that!

Pudding packs and juice boxes?????? Mind you..Im the youngest memeber of the band and Im 34

You know you were in a lame band when...

..the guitarist (still struggling with the basics of jazz music and needing months of practice for a single solo) kicks you and the drummer out of the band "because he wants to turn it into a more professional band" :scowl:

I was somewhat surprised and disappointed at first, but after a while I realised that it was a good thing to be among the first to leave the sinking ship :cool:

> You cover "walking on sunshine"......

> > Ironically, I am currently arranging a dance/metal cover of this one.

> > > alanis morisette should be strung by a toe nail and publicly flogged

:confused:
it's "Katrina and The Waves".


um, that is correct. My apologies, I was referring to the "Ironically" reference. Alanis Morisette seems to have single handedly destroyed the definition of a very cool concept for an entire generation! :p

When the guys in the band think that not only should "Free Bird"
be on the set list but you should close with it.

...the drunk guys at the bar want you to stop playing songs they know!

...when you play covers :eek:

:p

I just never understood the appeal of playing someone else's music.

Louie Louie is in the set list.

How about your band has to rehearse "Louie Louie"?

See the band names in my sig.

How about your band has to rehearse "Louie Louie"?How about playing it wrong?:D

...when you play covers :eek:

:p

I just never understood the appeal of playing someone else's music.

heck, after a while your own songs just become covers.

plus, I'd rather have a crowd to play to and where I am, that means rock covers.

When the lead singer asks the audience "DO YOU WANNA GET DOWN AND DIRTY SLOW SONG OR CRAZY DANCING FUNKY?!" without a hint of sarcasm.

It happened.

When after ONE BEER (I kid you not), the bassist forgets the parts to nearly EVERY song you've played a billion times (this was in a band I played lead guitar in back in the 80's) and this actually happens ON STAGE! I had to call out chord names and notes to him. The lead singer and I both quit the band a very short time after that. :spit::eek::mad:

The new keyboard guy auditioning for the band starts critiquing EVERYONE'S fashion sense and saying that guitars AND basses are NOT fashionable anymore (this actually happened). Irony of ironies, this guy wrote a song called "Looks Aren't Everything" :confused::eek::rollno::o:rolleyes:

The drummer only knows a couple beats and ONE tempo

I am in a lame band! So here you go......
1. When the guitar player/lead singer starts to play and sing "In the Jail House Now" off of the Brother where Art Though" sound track...while doing a silly dance, and thinks the rest of us is gonna' jump in
2. All of your songs are a 1/2 step down and in the same key
3. Yes we cover "come together" and the rolling stones "slave"
4. When you request a song with more "arse" to it and the best they (the guitarist and drummer) can come up with is Santa Monica....oh geeze!!!
5. When the guitar player dropped down D to play "midnight rider" and thinks it jams
6. When the guitar player just wants you to play the root notes so he can sound better
7. When you spend 6 hours at practice and only play 4-5 songs...cuz it turns into a party
8. When I have only been playing again for 4 months after quitting for 15 years and they think Im the "bomb" and I know I suck
9. The drummers wife brings us snacks.....

well 4 or 5 songs in 6 hours aint bad if its good avante garde jamming...and everyone could use a snack.

when your a punk cover band and you have the words "social" "black" or " anarchy" in your band name.

when your guitarist plays the same annoying lick during practice without fail. my goodness.

When the guys in the band think that not only should "Free Bird"
be on the set list but you should close with it.

Obviously not a Southern gentleman....

I've done this dozens of times. In a number of GREAT bands. In fact, just a couple of weeks ago.

And in some not-so-great ones too!



dcr

you or another member wears masks regularly

(excluding Gwar)

one member of the band arrives to gig in afro wig and shiny jacket without telling rest of the band prior. he thinks it's funny that we should all lighten up and get over it...

when the band decides to use capos and change the key of 'wild horses' to see what the singer does. she sings in the original key DESPITE the 20 second guitar intro establishing key. sings a full major 3rd flat at all times for the full 3 minutes, and then turns around atthe end and asks if we were playing it wrong... augh!!!

you had to come outta pocket for that fee to play in the battle of the bands. those things are rip offs for newbs that dont know any better.

when your a punk cover band and you have the words "social" "black" or " anarchy" in your band name.

What a cool name for a band...Black Social Anarchy...Shame our band is all white

when the lead guitarist shows up 5 minutes before soundcheck (half hour before doors open) and instead of setting up his rig and checking sound, he breaks out the camcorder to show his friend how to use it. and because of that, the owner of the venue yells at you, threatens to drop you from the bill if you don't get your crap together, and still the guitarist plays with his camcorder. (i set up his rig, then left the band)


or... at an earlier acoustic gig, the (same) lead guitarist asks someone else who he just met to tune his guitar, because he can't tune an acoustic (so he says)!

-When the drummer insists on doing a double bass, thunderous tom roll/solo/hey everyone look at me I"m a drummer roll between every fu****g song! Oh wait...that's pretty much all drummers. :rolleyes:

-When the drummer insists on doing a double bass, thunderous tom roll/solo/hey everyone look at me I"m a drummer roll between every fu****g song! Oh wait...that's pretty much all drummers. :rolleyes:

how about when he does that during Unchained Melody?

When the guys in the band think that not only should "Free Bird"
be on the set list but you should close with it.

Been there, done that (but that was 30 years ago :eek:)

Louie Louie is in the set list.

I'm a good standing Memeber of the Louie Louie Fan Club and have the album. The Black Flag version is a bit odd for my tatste though.

Best of Luck,
Wesley R.

You Know You're In A Lame Band When------

your "go-to" song is a Rick Astley cover.

You know you're in a lame band when the bassist thinks he's flawless :rolleyes:


(I'm especially guilty)

-When the drummer insists on doing a double bass, thunderous tom roll/solo/hey everyone look at me I"m a drummer roll between every fu****g song! Oh wait...that's pretty much all drummers. :rolleyes:

I dunno....i may have been lucky, almost every drummer i´ve played with (professionally that is) is a cool guy, no messing around between songs...etc, i cannot say the same about guitards or keyboard players!!!

OK...here goes...you know you´re in a lame band when the guitard (female) is married to the drummer and in the middle of rehearsal they go on yelling and arguing about relationship issues!!!

Or the bass player is married to the guitar player...oh wait...thats me again!!!!

when you spend 6 months practising holiday by greenday, every ones in time, no mistakes, exept one thing...

we hadn't herd the singer sing before this due to lack of mic stand, we had to borrow one...

this is bad because the song is awful and whne we played it at a gig he couldn't sing a note, he was out oftune on the talking bit after the solo. whih to this day i'm still wondering how that it possible.

anoyingly i had to quit because he rufused to get another singer even after he admited that he can't sing

The singer the lead guitar player are married.

Does that count if, as in my case, the bassist and drummer are married? ;)

when your guitarist plays the same annoying lick during practice without fail. my goodness.

...even worse when your rhythm guitarist plays the same annoying lick between songs at gigs while the singer is trying to talk.

Another lame band moment... a friend realized he had been hired as the ninth different member of a five piece band this year!

You know you're in a lame band when your main influence is A-ha.

The frontman asks you to use a pick just because Duff Mckagan uses one and his tone sounds nice.

a band here in boston that I auditioned for asked me to use a pick (It was a metal band). They didnt seem to understand me when I told them that I dont use a pick, but I ahve a very even attack with my fingers. This was also the group who told me I "didnt look the metal part" after I just came from work (Im a teacher!) so I can only assume they were trying to fit an image in their head....sad:rolleyes:

a band here in boston that I auditioned for asked me to use a pick (It was a metal band). They didnt seem to understand me when I told them that I dont use a pick, but I ahve a very even attack with my fingers. This was also the group who told me I "didnt look the metal part" after I just came from work (Im a teacher!) so I can only assume they were trying to fit an image in their head....sad:rolleyes:

If you look at Aden Bubeck (touring right now with Country singer Miranda Lambert) he has a mowhawk. The guy is a complete bad@$$ but is touring with a pop/country band between recording projects. Too bad some people aren't smart enough to figure it ain't all about "looks." :rollno:

I'm a good standing Memeber of the Louie Louie Fan Club and have the album. The Black Flag version is a bit odd for my tatste though.

Best of Luck,
Wesley R.

Ahh, I have TWO of the Kingmen's albums, ostensibly live recordings, one features LL and the other has Jolly Green Giant.:smug:

And what about The Beach Boys' version?:D

It's a fun song, it's great to dance to, but I guess I'm just tired of it..

-when the other members of the band (you´re AUDITIONING for) say:" wait a minute, don´t basses usually have 4 strings...? why does yours have one more?" and, after you have explained the concept of a 5-string, they start speculating how 5-stringers are easier to play because of less position shifts etc... BEFORE HEARING YOU PLAY ONE NOTE!

(we´re way past 60´s, dudes...)

or, when drummers count off songs in a totally unrelated tempo,

or, when the concept of odd meters is totally strange to them...

When the lead singer asks the audience "DO YOU WANNA GET DOWN AND DIRTY SLOW SONG OR CRAZY DANCING FUNKY?!" without a hint of sarcasm.

It happened.I lol'd :D

...you all end the song at different times.

hahaha that is great.

The 23 year old guitarist models himself on a cross between Paul McCartney and Donny Osmond as a kid. And he wants to play Last Train To Clarksville. As a drummer its possibly the worst type of song ever.

-My band in high school played Chameleon (hey, we were band geeks...we already knew it) - we knew Louie Louie, but didn't play it away from football games.
-My current band does "Rockin' in the Free World"
-we have yet to get paid - nothing but open mic nights. So far, I'm okay with that.

you got a rhythm guitar player who only knows one rhythm, he's fairly new to electric, he's the band leader, we got steady gigs so i can't quit
(i know...i'm a sell-out) and worst of all, he's lodged between me and the drummer...OUCH!! :hmm:

...when someone in the band messes up a little part and everyone stops playing completely and screams at them.

I played with a guitar player who played "Take Five" in 4/4, playing two measures of four instead of one measure of five. It felt like it took weeks just to get through the head. Never did that other than in practice luckily.
btw it may be my buddy's accordion band that someone heard playing "Baba O'Reilly". I laughed long and hard when I heard them doing the synthesizer widdling on accordion.

when you play a Dream Theater song as an encore and expect to get laid after the gig.
.....actually.....any band that pays a Dream Teather song can be considered lame INCLUDING Dream Teather.:cool:

a full crowd shows up, al senior citezens or toddlers
people come onto the stage when u play

you are descibed as "a cute little band"

......when the singer forgets the lyrics,
......when the bassist mixes up the songs (hey wait!!!)

......when your group turn into a WOW guild.:spit: (yes I'm a warrior,do all the real/hard job and still get flamed at with the first mistake,bassist fate :mad: )

You mean hunter. You do well but its always you who gets blamed for messing up because your pet, which wasn't even out, apparently pulled. Also no one cares what gear you have or if you want to go anywhere. ... ... ... ... :bawl:

You know when you're in a lame band...

...when the drummer always manages to get out of lugging his own gear!

Wait a minute, that's my band!!!!!!!

When you start an acoustic song and drummer comes flailing in like its a death-metal song:mad::mad::mad::mad:

You know when you're in a lame band...

...when the drummer always manages to get out of lugging his own gear!

Wait a minute, that's my band!!!!!!!

ARE WE IN THE SAME BAND????:eek:

:crying:when your guitarist has stage fright so he has to turn his back to the audience.

:confused:Your drummer begs you in between songs if he can use the bathroom and you tell him hold it.........and he pisses his pants.

:rollno:No joke. You can't make that stuff up. Same band. Same show.

wow thats pretty epic, heheh drummer pissing himself :D at that point i would have just stopped playing break down and cry of uncontrollable laughter.

he finshed the show with piss on his pants. I didn't find out till we were packing are stuff up and he was nowhere to be found. He was trying to whipe himself off in the stall. This was over the summer, never in my life will I play with this kid again. The guitarist actually got over his stage fright. The next show he played with his eyes closed (which is pretty impressive) and now plays fine.

You're in an Asia cover band.

What if Asia was reading this thread? They'd laugh but they would be crying on the inside.

(slightly modified from Jim Gaffigan's standup)

:crying:when your guitarist has stage fright so he has to turn his back to the audience.

:confused:Your drummer begs you in between songs if he can use the bathroom and you tell him hold it.........and he pisses his pants.

:rollno:No joke. You can't make that stuff up. Same band. Same show.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

i wouldve lost it and collapsed in uncontrollable laughter on stage :D

When the singer answers his cell phone on stage during the intro of a song.

No Joke!

When the singer answers his cell phone on stage during the intro of a song.

No Joke!
That's hilarious! I hope the song was called "I'll call you later" or something :D :D

When your bandmates boast about how good they are and yet can BARELY make it through a Ramones song.

You know when you're in a lame band...

when after buying the vocalist a mic for Christmas, you get a thank you note thanking you for the "nice new dildo"

:D

"When your drummer is listed in an upcoming trial on the state circuit court website."

...if your groupies weigh more than the drummer

...the drummer tries to duck walk... while playing

...your three year old brother leaves your gig because he feels your band needs improvement

you all play a different song at the start of the gig because your lovely manager gave every one different versions of the set lists... true story

You know when you're in a lame band...

when after buying the vocalist a mic for Christmas, you get a thank you note thanking you for the "nice new dildo"

:D




LMAO!! Thats one of the funniest things I've heard in a long time.

You know when you're in a lame band...

when after buying the vocalist a mic for Christmas, you get a thank you note thanking you for the "nice new dildo"

:D

LMAO!! Thats one of the funniest things I've heard in a long time.

Very seriously hoping this is a female vocalist. :rollno:

What if Asia was reading this thread? They'd laugh but they would be crying on the inside.

(slightly modified from Jim Gaffigan's standup)

Go Jim Gaffigan

Very seriously hoping this is a female vocalist. :rollno:

LMAO! Second funniest thing that I've heard in a while.

you or one of your bandmates still using myspace.

you know your in a lame band when (not go get myspacy on you) all you put on your band myspace is covers. and make fun of bands that have origs.

...you add a new singer and he shows the band a song and says "I'm leaving the hard part out so we can pick it up faster" and the hard part he's leaving out is an Am chord in an otherwise C-F-G song. ("It's OK, we said, "we're covering some Santana...").

When you're at the first practice with some of your friends that decided to start a band, and the guitarist starts playing a solo not meant to have anything else played, then the drummer starts pounding away with a metal beat, and they start shouting at you for not playing anything...:(

Your crappy lead guitarist doesn't learn the leads and invariably says "Nobody will know the difference"

Your guitarist asks for tabs to "I Wanna Be Sedated"

I don't know if it's lame or just un-professional... but I played with a band where the lead singer/guitarist would start playing tunes we hadn't rehersed, (and I certainly didn't know). He would motion for me to look at the chords he was playing, or call them out during the intro, but of course as soon as he started singing, and facing the crowd, it was all guess work!!!. Sometimes you could hear where the melody was taking it, but most of the time it was a hesitant mess of pedalled root notes, ( changing a beat too late!!).

His argument was that he was tailoring the set to the crowd, which is a fair argument IF I hadn't been a fill in AND learnt the 40 tunes he asked me too the week before the tour!!!

It's a good skill to learn, especially for a non-singing bass player! :)

Pudding packs and juice boxes?????? Mind you..Im the youngest memeber of the band and Im 34

Ok, chips and beer would have been cool. Pudding and juice boxes is definitely lame.

when the band decides to use capos and change the key of 'wild horses' to see what the singer does. she sings in the original key DESPITE the 20 second guitar intro establishing key. sings a full major 3rd flat at all times for the full 3 minutes, and then turns around atthe end and asks if we were playing it wrong... augh!!!

You *were* playing it wrong then!

a band here in boston that I auditioned for asked me to use a pick (It was a metal band). They didnt seem to understand me when I told them that I dont use a pick, but I ahve a very even attack with my fingers. This was also the group who told me I "didnt look the metal part" after I just came from work (Im a teacher!) so I can only assume they were trying to fit an image in their head....sad:rolleyes:

I agree that's sad... Bruce Dickinson (Maiden) used to look very metal, but has since cut his hair short, and just looks like an average Joe. He's also one of the most metal dudes around.

Wow. I had no idea my band was this lame!

I can add to the list a little bit:

1. You spend the evening watching ESPN highlights on the bar TV while playing. Including the arm-wrestling shows. I only watch sports during bar gigs.

2. Your drummer also watches ESPN during the sets while playing (he's good enough to accomplish this), and then, in the middle of a song, alerts you to a great play on another TV.

3. Your lead singer / guitarist rents a limo to transport the band from his house to the local bar for his "CD release party".

4. You not only cover Beatle's tunes, but you cover B-side Beatles tunes. (We have "909", "Just seen a face", "Don't pass me by" in regular rotation - they really make the people get up and dance)

5. The bar patrons have to shout (to hear themselves talking over your "music".

6. Even though it only takes 45 minutes to assemble all gear & the entire PA, we have to show up to an 3 hour $80 gig 4 hours before it starts to "set up".

7. You don't care if you make a mistake, as no one in the audience will notice.

8. You practice your position studies while playing (playing entire songs above the 12th fret on a 5 string, etc.)

9. Because he cannot transpose, and plays best in the key of "C", your keyboardist uses the software to transpose most songs to "C". And then forgets to change it back at the beginning of the next song. (This is really confusing if you don't know the song, and are trying to follow the chords being played!)

10. Your guitarist & lead singer & keys player decide to play bar gigs without the bass or drums, because the bassist is in DC for 4 months & the drummer is joining the Marine Corps & has boot camp this summer. The drummer called me after rehearsal last night on the way home & had this to say: "...if I owned a bar & these jackasses came in sounding like this, I'd run them out of there!".

Ouch.

imp.

When your guitarist wants you to cover another friends lame band's songs.

When your a metal band sharing a bill with a funk/elevator music band

when your re hearsing at a band members farm and their horse kicks the shed your playing in regularly to get you to stop

When your guitarist (same metal band) gets you a gig at 12pm in a shopping centre in the middle of the food court....

that last one killed the band, the other 3 of us were sure we'd end up wearing all sorts of food from disgruntled consumers!

...the drunk guys at the bar want you to stop playing songs they know!

Hey, that's us! (By drunk guys you mean the regulars, right?)

Of all the threads I've followed here at TB, this has to be the thread that made laugh the most.

:D

when you would rather read this thread than be on time to your gig
we are lame

i dont remember if i posted this before but:

... you forget the how the lyrics to your new song because of chocolate rain... happened this summer

You KNOW you're in a lame band when THE TELE-PROMPTER forgets the lyrics!

You KNOW you're in a lame band when the singer says they know all the words to the instrumentals.

....
when, 10 minutes before a gig your drummer who was allready to late at setup, says to you 'i forgot my sticks at home'

(true story)

k

you know you're in a lame band when....

you have to pay your groupies

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

....you're 35 years old and the youngest, best looking guy in the band!

Trust me, that ain't saying much.......

....
when, 10 minutes before a gig your drummer who was allready to late at setup, says to you 'i forgot my sticks at home'

(true story)

k



SOMEONE had sore hands by the end of the gig!:D

your lead guitard player is jumping up & down so hard,, ( at a gig mind you ) that his new, ( ie, cheapest POS on the market ) wireless pack on his strap like explodes,, sending the guts flying in one direction, batteries in another,,,, scrambling on floor to find all parts & put it back together,,

not once,,, :scowl:

not twice,,, :rollno:

but THREE FRIGGIN TIMES during a single solo :bawl::bawl::bawl:

the saddest thing,, kept doing the exact same thing in subsequent gigs,,, ( it's like ,, hey dumb ass,, ever heard of DUCT TAPE ???? )

BWAHAHAHAHAHA

& the singer can't understand why i NEVER EVER want to play with this idiot EVER again...

i ask,,, seriously,,, would you ?

...your singer tells you that he wants you and the drummer to walk off the stage so he and the guitarist can finish the set with "More Than Words" as a duo, unplugged-style, instead of with "La Villa Strangiato"

:rolleyes:

You know you're in a lame band when, in order to cover your lameness you turn the volume up so that you can't discern what the hell is going on.

You know you're in a lame band when you have to slip the soundguy a twenty dollar bill so he'll bury one of the other bandmates in the mix.



True. We had a drummer that sang backup. He had a decent voice but could never stay on his part - he'd constantly drift to the other parts. So I usually paid the sound guy a few extra bucks to bring him way down everywhere but in the drummer's monitors.

when your guit**d doesnt understand the concept of a 1-4-5 blues progression, so you decide just to do an 8 bar 1-4 progression...and he still misses notes :scowl:

when your guit**d doesnt understand the concept of a 1-4-5 blues progression, so you decide just to do an 8 bar 1-4 progression...and he still misses notes :scowl:

+1,000,000!!! I play with a dude that *always* gets lost in a 12 bar blues!! Every turn around, he's two bars early or two bars late. You can't count?? I thought he must be the only one on the planet!! Holy crap... might they be brothers?? :D

+1,000,000!!! I play with a dude that *always* gets lost in a 12 bar blues!! Every turn around, he's two bars early or two bars late. You can't count?? I thought he must be the only one on the planet!! Holy crap... might they be brothers?? :D

maybe! the worst part is that he loves jimi hendrix...youd think listening to all those blues songs would eventually teach you to just feel the progression...but no...:help:

closing shows with "freebird" has been the usual :hiding:....not kidding

closing shows with "freebird" has been the usual :hiding:....not kidding
Actually, I've been in several of that band. :hiding:

... you use electronic sequences and these are played through an iPod, discman, or other device for personal use.

(been there)

maybe! the worst part is that he loves jimi hendrix...you`d think listening to all those blues songs would eventually teach you to just feel the progression...but no...
Been there today! And his excue was that he is more into "this metall sound". Yeah, right.
The thing is he said it while "Red House Blues" was playing on his player.

You know you are in a lame band when...

... I am your bass player....:bawl:

"the bassist's solo includes Hendrix's version of "The Star Spangled Banner""

I can't believe you said that. I play that right after my rendition of Ghost Riders.

After reading this thread... I quit music.

the drummer plays gigs shirt less and/or one of the guitarists plays a BC Rich Warlock

... you use electronic sequences and these are played through an iPod, discman, or other device for personal use.

(been there)

holy crap! i just got fired from that band!!

your guitarist is kicking you out because you wrote a song about pedophiles
i mean, come on, that was one time

Hey, the Rolling Stones did one...

Great posts, making me want to contribute "The Band from Hell".

Far away and long ago, I had an interesting summer (when I was 16):
I started on tour with a new band that had only six songs (Spontaneous Combustion!)
so the timbale player took twenty minute solos every set and we played Smoke on the Water a few times each night and "made it last"
one stage was small so I was on the floor while the band was above and behind me
the guitar & drummer tried to replace me with an old pal (now that the band was gigging)
the roadie (another pal) ran up a hefty bar tab and dropped stuff a lot (roadie?!)
we couldn't cover the bill for the agent's van driver and ended up playing for nothing
I believe the guitarist had received an advance to buy pedals while we were broke
I was hungry most of the time. No sandwich wives.
the police were after us for emptying the wine cellar and fridge at the last hotel
the hotel went bankrupt (it made the local news)
the agent fired us just before we were to leave for England on an exchange
I ended up back home with $50 less than what I started with

After this adventure I went back to school and got a boring day job. I'll always admire professional musicians but for me music is far better as a hobby and social thing. I learned to ask questions and listen carefully to the answers. I learned to be more perceptive and independent.

The band can be really good....

But if "Brown Eyed Girl" gets added to the set list, I'll quit right then and there. It's the precursor to lamity.

All-time lame band song: "Celebration" (but it becomes tolerable if you can sing "Salivation" instead).

("Let's all salivate and have a good time.")

Z

The frontman asks you to use a pick just because Duff Mckagan uses one and his tone sounds nice.

rotflmao I'm in tears.

The drummer...
-only uses the bass, snare and high hat for the whole night
-Never finishes a song with the rest of the band
-can't lead the band into a song and slows down during solos
-attempts to be backup vocals

I don't know if this qualifies but I did a blues ensemble where one of the sax players had such bad timing If you asked him to count off a song he couldn't count 1 2 3 4 in time

You know you're in a lame band when...

...the bassist's solo includes Hendrix's version of "The Star Spangled Banner".


hey, that was the best rendition of "them damned blue collar tweekers" evar.

... you have to schedule a clandestine meeting with the guitarist to discuss the the kindest approach for encouraging your sax player to bath before showing up to rehearsal.

... time and time again the lead singer calls out to the crowd, "Allright, this next one's called ****...", raises his arm to hit the downbeat, everyone takes a breath, waits... waits... waits... everyone turns around and watches the drummer as he slowly screws the cap back on his water bottle, puts it down, adjusts his vocal mic, picks up his sticks, and then proceeds to ask the band if we are, indeed, ready to play.

... The guitarist in your blues project, who is 3 beers and 2 shots deep, admits to you on the way to rehearsal that, "I'm thinkin' we should start putting some classic rock covers into the setlist, you know, like the Eagles, man! I just dig the F**ckin' Eagles!". :bawl:

when you're all playing through 15watt squier amps.

The drummer...
-only uses the bass, snare and high hat for the whole night
-Never finishes a song with the rest of the band
-can't lead the band into a song and slows down during solos
-attempts to be backup vocals

I didn't know we were in the same band. :scowl:

when you're all playing through 15watt squier amps.

Dude, are you seriously not hip to the hot new "15 watt Squier" sound?

The drummer...
-only uses the bass, snare and high hat for the whole night
-Never finishes a song with the rest of the band
-can't lead the band into a song and slows down during solos
-attempts to be backup vocals


I think they cloned this guy. :crying:
In addition, our drummer has some extra features. He can't come in on time and doesn't know the breaks in the songs after a year... ***

Dude, are you seriously not hip to the hot new "15 watt Squier" sound?

hahahahaha i KNOW you're joking.

hahahahaha i KNOW you're joking.
is he? you never know around these parts:eyebrow:

is he? you never know around these parts:eyebrow:

hmm... to tell you the truth I've never played through a 15 watt Squier amp.

I've seen a couple bands that did. None of them had the type of sound that I could imagine others trying to emulate. :p

You can tell your in a lame band
When the lead guitarist gets the whole band thrown out of the studio by the producer, then in the car turns to everybody and says i never saw that coming!!!

hmm... to tell you the truth I've never played through a 15 watt Squier amp.

I've seen a couple bands that did. None of them had the type of sound that I could imagine others trying to emulate. :p

that's because you're not cool enough to know what the going sound is. and let me tell you, 15 watt Squier amps are the most happening sound around!

ONE STEP BEYOND!

that's because you're not cool enough to know what the going sound is. and let me tell you, 15 watt Squier amps are the most happening sound around!

ONE STEP BEYOND!

My last band would sometimes play Madness covers for fun. Does that make us lame? :cool:

My last band would sometimes play Madness covers for fun. Does that make us lame? :cool:

depends. did you wear the same hairstyles and leather pants?

if not, then yes. that's lame. if so, then man, someone should have told you that you were lame. :D

- There are more people on stage than in the audience.
- You can't get a gig at your brother's neighborhood BBQ playing for food.
- You've been asked, then ordered, then forced via cutting the power to stop playing in the middle of your 3rd song to a packed club because you are just not cutting it.
- You've driven 130 miles to the gig and forgotten both your primary and backup basses.
- Your guitar player has smashed his guitar on the first song, THEN realized he forgot his backup, too.

All true!

All too true...

The juke box was louder then the band.
The band was a nice little pop duo with a chick singer and backing tracks. Venue is a dive druggie bar. (We were paid to go home).
The venue asked for a New Orleans jazz band for his themed New Years Party. The agent sent the nice little pop band mentioned above.

Fusion guitarist, English Progressive Rock bassist, Deadhead rhythm guitarist, Metal drummer playing country rock. (Imploded within two months).

The other guitarist was always late and forgot something. Batteries for his tuner usually...

Lead guitarist was college professor with lots of cash for gear was a decent player, but never helped with load ins/outs as that was beneath his stature. I guess he thought we were his sidemen/hired help and should do all the work. Set list was the same lame tired classic rock songs we've all played a gazillion times.

Chick singers want the drummer replaced, but want me to fire him.

My name is Paul and I've played in some lame bands...

(snip)
Fusion guitarist, English Progressive Rock bassist, Deadhead rhythm guitarist, Metal drummer playing country rock.(Imploded within two months).(/snip)



I love doing that sort of combination! My longest lasting and most successful gig was a four-piece band kind of like that. The keyboardist was classically trained and mostly into sort of new age stuff. The bass player (me) was mostly a jazz and blues guy. The guitarist and drummer were brothers and more rock oriented, but one wanted to be Neal Peart and the other wanted to be Keith Richards. And only years later did I find that I was trying to be Paul Carrack when I sang. I don't know who I was trying to be when I wrote our lyrics.

We didn't so much meet in the middle as collide. But the local weekly newspaper said we sounded like what would happen if Stevie Ray Vaughan joined Pink Floyd.

How about a band where-

-the guitarist forgets to turn on his volume switch for half a song and only realises when the second guitar tells him.

- everyone is given the sheet music (I use sheet at band), begin playing only to find everyone is playing a different set of music.

- you're telling the drummer, guitarist and keyboardist what to do.

How about a drummer, who when we stopped at truck stops, would shop lift a bunch of stuff, put it in a paper bag and try to get other band members to carry it out after we ate.

When the curtain goes up and you wait for the count, turn around and the drummer's not there....it happened, the real joy was to hear someone in the audience say "where's the drummer?"

- There are more people on stage than in the audience.

Been there, done that.

I might add:

...If there are more people on stage than in the audience, until the next band is setting up, when people start pouring in to see the hair metal band after you...

Lame...

...when your guitar player's "vintage" amp malfunctions at least once a show and he refuses to get it looked at because of it's killer tone.

....and when someone from the bar yells out "play something you know" after your third or fourth song......

Both happened at the same show! I quit a week later.

You can tell your in a lame band when.

The guitarist who has only just started music theory lessons by mail tells the keyboard player who can play every beatles song note perfect from memory for the last twenty years that he's playing the wrong chords!!!

You can tell your in a lame band when.

When you have to stop the truck one night because of a strange noise coming from a front wheel. Only to find that the singer changed the wheel a few hours earlier and put the nuts back on with only his fingers!!!

You can tell your in a lame band when.

Everyone in the truck stops talking because you have just changed drivers and the guitarist gets behind the wheel!!!

...when you all finish the song at different times

when every member wheres white leather...

SOMEONE had sore hands by the end of the gig!:D

Pictures of Animal dancing in my head......

you know your'e in a lame band when...

The lead guitarist (and project leader) severely chastises other band members for messing up their parts during rehearsal for an important gig (just learning the tunes mind you) ....and then on the gig, same guitarist gets completely shitfaced and forgets all the parts completely, while the rest of the band nail theirs...note perfect!!!!!!....

or....

the keyboard player storms off stage because the guitarist is taking up too much room with his...wait for it.... 50 watt combo


or...

the band gets pelted with ice by the patrons for playing an Eagles cover at A BIKER BAR!!!!!!!! (yes...it DID happen)

the band gets pelted with ice by the patrons for playing an Eagles cover at A BIKER BAR!!!!!!!! (yes...it DID happen)



all i can think of is the blues brothers... and i know im not the only one

You know you're in a lame band when you're booking gigs at venues that have a volume limit.

when your band takes 40 minutes to setup. oh oh , and the drummer do these crazy fills without notice making me and the guitar out of time because he doesnt like to play simple and criticize other drummers that play simple. AND he says he doesnt need to practice! needless to say i am locking in with the guitar.

when you're guitarist runs into the church where you have a gig 1/2 a minute before we start and than screams at me that my tuning pedal works like ****. the idiot then plugs in an Marshall tube amp, which wasn't warmed up yet and then checks his pocket to see that he forgot his capo. He then storms of the stage after the 2nd song leaving us on stage thinking ' where the hell are you going?' well, luckily the rest of the gig went well and needless to say that I left the band after the 2nd time that happened

You're in a lame band when the other members spend more time arguing about the bands name:rolleyes:, than using that time and creative effort for original material.

Thank God high school days are long gone

You have "band meetings"

When one of your main influences is Nickelback.

OR

When you ARE Nickelback.


bwa ha ha ha ha ha

the local weekly newspaper said we sounded like what would happen if Stevie Ray Vaughan joined Pink Floyd.

Sounds intriguing. Scary, but intriguing.

We are a jazz pianist, a folkie guitar player, and bluesy/rocky me. We can't seem to find a drummer. I guess we're pretty lame. We do get asked back, though.

....if I'm in it! :p:hiding:

When after only 4 months in a band and my first real one as a bass player you are managing the band running the website,getting biz cards, booking all the shows for the band. And the bandleader and other bandmembers have 20-30 years of giging band experience each. :eyebrow:

When the drummer bandleader who is also the drummer shows up to practice ontime to inform the other bandmembers he isnt staying for practice since he needs to go back home to work on his home renovation project and has no time for practice. He say's you guys just work on the bass and guitar parts...you dont need me. Funny thing is he did this twice...i then quit the band.

You have "band meetings"

I don't see how this is "lame" as long as real business is being taken care of.