The last 2 weekends I've played in a club in a wealthy part of the state, for people who presumably go out a lot. At least 6 times in 2 weekends, people have asked what instrument I'm playing, is it a cello, etc. I guess I'm astonished and admittedly disappointed that people with this much exposure to music as entertainment think that if it's not shaped like a Fender, it's not a bass. I guess this is what happens to cranky old purists. Then, to snap me out of my funk, a 10-year-old pointed out and named all the parts of my bass to his friend. You gotta love a kid who says "...and that's the scroll."

Don, endless source of frustration. My brother in-law, whose wife is a music major and music teacher, and whose daughter plays the viola, still refers to my bass as a cello!

Brothers in-law, hhmmmph!

[This message has been edited by Tim Ludlam (edited April 13, 2000).]

I have always wanted to learn some easy string quartet cello parts and get a wedding gig with two violins, a viola, and myself to see how many people could tell the difference. If I sat really low I doubt they'd say anything!


[This message has been edited by Jake (edited May 02, 2000).]

Somebody on the subway asked if my bass was a french horn! And this in the cultural capital of the world.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jake:
I have always wanted to learn some easy string quartet cello parts and get a wedding gig with two violins, a viola, and myself to see how many people could tell the difference. If I sat really low I doubt they'd say anything!
jacob, its very common for you to want to swing on the cello side as well. Much as you have already discovered with your sexuality, experimenting is o.k. And also no one cares about your stupid wedding gig so please shut up

[This message has been edited by Jake (edited May 02, 2000).]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hey JK (aka James Kehler) (aka Crotch Taco):
Don't you have anything better to do than to call people gay online? It's time to grow up Jimmy.

and here i thought this side of town was for some reason more civilized than over in BG land.

shows ya what i know. pretty soon you'll have threads like "MMW Suxxx" over here too.

------------------
john

strings! strings! i need more strings!

I was just checking the board and noted several petulantly offensive posts by "JK." When I tried to check the profile of this guy I saw he was no longer registered.

If the administrator bumped him from the group - BRAVO! This place is a great resource and I don't want to waste time with childish nonsense.

A real exchange that I overheard at our school concert last year:

"Hey look at that great big giant violin!"

"Um, that's not a violin, it's called a cello."

"Oh! A cello."

(It was a bass)

Originally posted by Ed Fuqua
And ya just gotta love the cats that, when yer pushin the bass up the street, look at you and go "Doom, doom, doom, doom,doom". I guess just in case ya forgot what you are supposed to do at the gig. Or ask you in the same situation "Oh, do you play the bass" as if they expect some other answer.

------------------
Ed


My other favorite is, "Don'tcha wish you played the flute?"
My usual favorite response is " You see any flutes on this Gig, pal?" The other one is simply, " Why would I want to play anything else?" :)

I guess the disappointment or surprise increases when the people are better off and you expect them to know better. My latest, a few weeks ago, entering the lounge on a cruise ship, bass still in its cover: "Is that an oboe?" An OBOE???

Have you seen some of the stuff people try to sell on eBay as double basses? Most mistakes occur when the item is a miniature or an art print. Haven't seen an oboe yet, but I've seen a number of cellos (at least, those are cello pegs in the pegbox).
Some are obviously violins. Hmm, no endpin and has a chinrest! My double bass didn't come with a chinrest! Lemur doesn't seem to sell them...
This baffles me. Since people have such trouble even identifying a double bass, why would they assume their items are more likely to sell if they market them as such?


[Edited by double dad on 10-23-2000 at 11:36 AM]

I am going to start playing gigs on an amplified half size bass and sort of expect to hear the cello question. By the way thanks to Don Higdon for comments made about basses in many different posts, my half size bass came out a lot better sounding than I expected.

> My other favorite is, "Don'tcha wish you played the flute?"
My response to that question is, 'I do.' My Yamaha C flute fits nicely into the doghouse's gig bag. Too bad no one wants to hear me play it...

Band Leader: 'You play anything besides upright?'
Me: 'The flute! I can read treble clef and everything! I have it right here in my-'
Band Leader: 'Err, don't you have an electric or something?'
Me: 'Well, yeah, but I've always wanted to play flute in a-'
Random Sax Player: 'Hey bass dude, I'll give you one hundred bones for that flute!'

*grumble*

Tell 'em it IS a cello, on steroids. Or maybe its your brother in there and you're sneaking him in. See if they look in the f-holes.

Originally posted by Don Higdon
I'm astonished and admittedly disappointed that people with this much exposure to music as entertainment think that if it's not shaped like a Fender, it's not a bass.

Hey Don, Electric players don't have it any easier. People keep thinking we play guitar or that it's easier because there are less strings in some cases. Check the threas "Why do most non-musicians have no clue of what a bass is?" in the Bass Guitar Miscellaneous forum.

Here's a handy link:

http://64.39.29.218/forum/showthread.php?threadid=6788

Will C.:cool:

Ok, I'm not an upright player @ most i might be taking lessons this summer so i can play 4 instruments for my high school [electric {note the name}, cello & guitar]. WHen i have my cello people call it a guitar, violin, or that big thing. When i'm carrying my jazz people say is that your guitar? can i play it?...when will they learn. ok time to go back to BG land. thats all

The other standard dumb remark: "Wow, that's a really big guitar!" and then they double over laughing as if I NEVER HEARD that before. I handle this by giving a perfunctory smile, saying absolutely nothing in response, and then going about my business in a professional manner. That's a good time to pull out the bow and start warming up with arco exercises, all the while totally ignoring the witty person.

Actually as I mentioned on the other thread cited above, we are probably more recognised than some instruments. I play in a band with a trombonist and do some Jazz stuff with him. Just recently he was very excited as he had finally decided to move to regular trombone after 20 years of playing Bass Trombone - but he was mortified when nobody noticed the difference and he realised that not one person he knew apart from me had been aware that he actually played bass trombone for all those years. And that was only because we had a friendly rivalry about who could play the lowest note!

I once had someone ask me if I was playing an oboe.

Another time I had someone tell me I was playing a cello. When I corrected them they insisted they knew someone who had a bass and mine was much to small to be one!

One of my favorites:

Innocent Bystander: What is that?
Me: It's a double-bass.
Innocent Bystander: Oh, really? what does it have two of?

Once while walking to a lesson I also had a lady ask me if I was carrying a guitar(it was still in it's case). I told her it was a bass. Upon hearing this, she said something like, "No, it must be a guitar, that's WAY too big to be a bass, isn't it?" After explaining to her it was indeed a bass, and that a guitar was much smaller than a bass, she seemed really confused. Poor lost soul.

After having far to many (non-musical) strangers make comments like "looks like you could use a little paint there" in a condescending tone, I gave in and purchased a new instrument. Now all the brass players make fun of me because it's 'pretty'. :D

In one of the bands that I play with, regularly, the band leader (after a year of playing with him) still introduces me as -- "and on bass guitar, Aren....". Im not sure how much more I can take!!!

I got the cello thing a lot too.

One of the funniest things I ever heard was when I was walking to a jam downtown with the DB on my back, and some dude yelled "Man, that's a BIG GUITAR!!!"

I don't know if he was drunk or really being serious.

I has this situation turn out well once. The Dad said "oh look, a cello", and the son (maybe 8 years old) said "it's a BASS, Dad", in that tone that suggested that Dad was about as smart as a box of hammers. Sweet.

Originally posted by thrash_jazz

One of the funniest things I ever heard was when I was walking to a jam downtown with the DB on my back, and some dude yelled "Man, that's a BIG GUITAR!!!"

I don't know if he was drunk or really being serious.

In all seriousness, I get the "that's a BIG GUITAR!!!" thing about every weekend. I assumed it was a dumb-ass redneck thing, but maybe it is more pervasive than I thought.

Monte

Originally posted by Ehuwiko
One of my favorites:

Innocent Bystander: What is that?
Me: It's a double-bass.
Innocent Bystander: Oh, really? what does it have two of?

Haha! I'll have to remember that one.

I had a studio job last
week in which i was handed "the cello part" and told "ok now lets add the cello."

At first I thought that I was just doubling the cello part but i turns out that they really thought I was playing the cello.

I said to them " I can play the cello but you'd be better off hiring a cellist." to which they responded" what is that instrument ? isn't it a cello ?"

So i gave the the 411 on the bass and it was determined that yes, the double bass is what they were looking for all along.

Funny, the contractor that hired me new she was hiring a bassist.

DonutZ,
I just wonder what they would have said if you had brought that new schtick of yours, instead of a double bass...:D

R2

I play in two symphonys and get is that a cello question almost every concert. I alway take the time to explain the diffence. Once one person still called it a cello after I spent 5 min telling and pointing to a cello and saying that is a cello and this is a contra bass. Go figure.

Joe

"Thats a Big Guitar " and "What a BIg Violin" were comments that i already heard a lot and once in a while i still heard , but the funniest thing was one time when a guy come to me and told me that he really liked how my Electric Upright Bass sounded ...I told him that it was a regular Upright Bass to what he told me."oh yeah??? what about that pickup hangin' around there and the amplifier?, i know its an Electric Upright..." and he just moved away....



:confused:

NUNO

I used to carry my bass on the city bus to lessons each week. All these got really old fast:

Makes you wish you'd taken up the flute/piccolo/harmonica, doesn't it?

Hey, isn't it hard to get that thing under your chin?

Whaddaya got, a dead body in there?

Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom...

Twice, in the last couple of weeks, I've had someone refer to my bass guitar as a banjo.

Well,
every time I have to take a BG to gig, my wife remembers to mention "Oh, you´re gonna play that BANJO instead of the Bass"...
and my daughter asks with a worried face "Daddy, you ain´t gonna play in a heavy rock band, aint ya?"

R2

We've had an ad in the paper to sell something this past week, and four out of six people walking through the house admired the "cellos".

My homebuilt (oar-style) EUB also invites "cello" comments, but surprisingly, the Eminence gets more "bass" comments- and given its small body you'd think cello would be the popular assumption.

Go fig.

and my daughter asks with a worried face "Daddy, you ain´t gonna play in a heavy rock band, aint ya?"


A friend of mine, a keyboardist with whom I used to play in a rock-oriented horn band, recently became the principal of my daughters’ school. It turns out that a drummer with whom he played is the husband of my daughter’s teacher. Apparently, my principal friend was chatting with my nine-year-old and said something like, “Hey, maybe your dad, Mrs. X’s husband and I could get a rock band together,” to which my daughter snootily replied, “I don’t think so... my daddy doesn’t play ROCK."

sniff.. That's my girl! honk!!

Once in the subway I had my bow in its case but no bass. A beggar asked me if it was a trumpet. I said Yes because I wasn't in a very good mood. He answered "I thought it was a double bass bow". I felt so bad that now I always take it easy when anyone says "Isn't it too heavy ?" or "Oh, a girl with a so big THING"

I've had all of the above questions, I get them everyday going to and from school. I get asked once in a while "do you play regular bass too?" I usually respond by saying yeah I play ELECTRIC bass too. I always want to ask what they mean by regular bass, maybe lower octane.

Ive gotten to the point where I avoid conversation and eye contact in general when Im wheeling the bass around. A few weeks ago some kid (my age) said... thats a...(hesitating).. trumpet (maybe he said trombone or something, I cant remember). I guess he was expecting some sort of acknowledgement, as I completely ignored him and walked by.

Theres a guy that lives on capitol hill in seattle, and always walks his Great Dane on the Seattle University campus.. I remember seeing the 'I Anonymous' in the paper last year, telling all the people that asked him if his dog was a deer to just leave him alone...

yesterday i got the first two comments of the academic year about my bass!! how exciting. The first guy said that I should play the flute.. It was really tempting just say something like "no i shouldnt, who th hell are you to decide what i should do" hehehe.. but i just kept a straight face and forced a really weak laugh.

The next one was "its like another girlfriend!".. this time I genuinely laughed, and said that it was actually much more expensive....:cool:

Rimas,my fellow flathead, believe me there were times when I wished that I played the flute or the oboe...

Like when i was in college and had to carry my DB and my BG and my bookbag all the way across the U.of Maryland campus...

There was a time when I always sat on a stool to play the DB. One night a fellow asked me if I played "stand-up bass" as well. When I looked puzzled, he clarified: "You know, the one that looks more like a guitar."

:confused:

A little knowledge is potentially more dangerous than none at all.

You know, the one that looks more like a guitar."
That's great! I'm gonna remember that one. The two guys I work with are both Rochester Phil bassists, so their cronies are always stopping in to shoot the balogney and get their basses tweaked, and I rarely miss an opportunity to bust their stones a little. Like:
"Nice bass, but it's looking a little old, why don't you try one of our nice new ones?"
It's best when they don't know me well and think I'm serious. :D

before a gig last week in cowtown usa i was asked four times in 10 minutes what my bass was! i should have just packed up and left. most likely, anyone who does not recognize a double bass will hate the music we play.

Gee that's a big guitar. Bet you wish you played the flute. Whadaya got in dare a bodie?
This is my daily commute to and from school.
Once a month I hear: Oh cool a double bass.
My reaction: No it's a big guitar. :D

Keep in mind that there are BMW drivers that have no idea what BMW stands for, people that own jets who don't know the difference between pitch, yaw or roll and others that couldn't name more than two ingredients in their last meal.

It's sad but the vast majority of people who do get out a lot do so with blinders and earmuffs firmly in place.

That kid on the other hand Don, he probably went away remembering you and your bass for years to come. I'll be damned if that doesn't make up for all the losers in my opinion. :)

That's funny that I saw this thread. I just came from a gig and the staff in the kitchen refered to me as "the guy that plays the cello"

I once had someone not beleive me when I told her it was not a cello. and most of the time people don't beleive me when I the 'em the cello is much smaller.

I've also seen people beting at a table in a club and only 1 out of 8 thought it was a bass. lucky one. :)

Anyway, get a load of this; a few weeks ago I am at a gig and the singer introduced me to the audience and told 'em that I played the woodwinds instrument!!!!!

singer introduced me to the audience and told 'em that I played the woodwinds instrument!!!!!
I just burst out laughing hard enough that my fiance woke up and gave me "the look." hehe, oh well. That's funny.

So anyway, what IS the difference between a bass and a cello? ;)

Keep in mind that there are BMW drivers that have no idea what BMW stands for, people that own jets who don't know the difference between pitch, yaw or roll and others that couldn't name more than two ingredients in their last meal.

It's sad but the vast majority of people who do get out a lot do so with blinders and earmuffs firmly in place.

That kid on the other hand Don, he probably went away remembering you and your bass for years to come. I'll be damned if that doesn't make up for all the losers in my opinion. :)

Bayerische Moteren Werke. The ultimate driving machine.

Sorry, couldn't resist :smug:

There used to be a cool BMW print ad, reading, "In Germany, they say 'Bay Em Vay'...and they get out of the way".

Puarija,
I think I should start a thread on dumb chick singer stuff. Not long ago i was putting a group together for a chick singer, so I got bass, drums, herself and was looking for a guitar player or piano player, and she kept referring to them as "melodic instrument. I got a guitar player to the gig and she introduced him as a melodic instrument player!!!!

I have one that i may or may not have mentioned yet. I was hired for a performance and when I walked in the keyboard player (!) said" what is that ?" and I sez " Double bass" and he sez "what a relief ! I though you played one of those electric guitars with two necks !"

oy.

I know! I know! When he throws the pitch, yaw better roll on da groun', else yaw's gonna git hit in da haid.

best i've gotten is :

" i hope they ask you to play when you get there "

Heh... I was asked about my "cello" for the first tiem last week. I just asked them if they had ever seen a cello as big as mine :p.

Last week I had a lady come up to me and ask if that was an oboe that I was playing. I said no.

People often confuse my db for a cello, but once some guy asked me if my bg was a cello... :rollno:

Amazing, the bass (Double or Guitar) gets no respect, no respect at all.

I've gotten the cello thing recently a few times. The "don't you wish you played something like the flute" once, as I was packing up my (school's) DB after our performance at the Ottawa music festival. Other than that, it's all good.

I got into an elevator the other day with a cello, and a gentleman asked me if it was a bass! :D Ah well, at least his guess was in the violin family.

Our bass is a member of VIOL family not no stinking violin family member.
Joe

WoW, my last post in this thread was over 4 years ago. Man have times changed [hopefully in my grammar and playing skills at least]. Random tidbit-back then i didn't think i would play DB, and nnow i have a Cleveland within sight of my computer.

Actual thread related comments.

I still get comments from new people in the music department "is that a cello?" and if they're even more lost "is that a violin?". The ironic/odd thing is i get asked more if my DB is a big guitar/violin than if my BG is a regular guitar. It's amazing what the time does. If someone asks me if i plaly cello i say yes, but if they say can i see it-referring to my DB, i say i don't own one. It's true though-i have played cello [haven't in about 4 years though], but i don't own one even though i would like to.

That's all




That's all

Yes it is, but my hands are not strong enough to tune it up to proper pitch. That's why it goes, 'boom, boom, boom'. And I left it out in the rain and it swelled up- that's why it's so big.

Just got it again tonight, a coupla hours ago. This was a little different, the guy asked "Are you a cellist or a celloist?"
I just busted out laughing; he's probably still wondering what's so funny.

"I dunno, I just bought it so I could hide bodies in the case..."

Once in the subway I had my bow in its case but no bass. A beggar asked me if it was a trumpet. I said Yes because I wasn't in a very good mood. He answered "I thought it was a double bass bow". I felt so bad that now I always take it easy when anyone says "Isn't it too heavy ?" or "Oh, a girl with a so big THING"

Ok, this is funny. I take my bow in its case to school, because the school doesnt have any german bows. People either say, "so you play pool?" as if it were a professional cue. Or they ask "watchya got there?" and i say its a bow. One guy actually freaked out and told the principal that I was going to terrorize the school. Good thing the principal knows me by name and sent me to orchestra. I had to show the idiot kid what i was actually carrying, and I told him it was a double bass bow - and i got the "does your bass have two necks?"

I normaly pre-empt the flute kru,

them: "woah...."

me: (diving in) "yeah, I wish i played the flute!"

Also even in the UK the 'big guitar' is entirely prevalent.

The other day it was - " is that a dildo?" ( :eyebrow: )


Needless to say, I ignored them and walked away.


Quickly.

A homeless/crazy looking guy downtown once asked me what was in my bow case. I told him it was a sawed off shotgun.

classic :)

I was in tampa with the local youth string orchestra I help out in, and We are walking down to play the national anthem, and this guy walks up to me and sez, "I didn't know cellos played in the Marching Band." i just looked at him, and looked at my bass, then looked at him, then said you have got to be joking. Then walked away. Got a good laugh afterwards.

I was in tampa with the local youth string orchestra I help out in, and We are walking down to play the national anthem, and this guy walks up to me and sez, "I didn't know cellos played in the Marching Band." i just looked at him, and looked at my bass, then looked at him, then said you have got to be joking. Then walked away. Got a good laugh afterwards.

He might have been a Woody Allen fan ("Take The Money and Run")…

- Wil

A 6/4 size, with sub-contra-cello tuning.

I was in tampa with the local youth string orchestra I help out in, and We are walking down to play the national anthem, and this guy walks up to me and sez, "I didn't know cellos played in the Marching Band." i just looked at him, and looked at my bass, then looked at him, then said you have got to be joking. Then walked away. Got a good laugh afterwards.
*shrug* If you had a wheel...;)

I guess the disappointment or surprise increases when the people are better off and you expect them to know better. My latest, a few weeks ago, entering the lounge on a cruise ship, bass still in its cover: "Is that an oboe?" An OBOE???

A fellow bassist was on a train to dublin, walking through a carriage with the bass, when a guy asks him: "Is that a harp you have there?", which is bad enough, but the harp is the national emblem of Ireland, and is on the back of every coin this guy has ever had in his hand....


disappointing.

oh, i just remembered. I was once walking home after a gig significantly drunk, and a guy comes over and asks what the bass is, ("thats one of those violiny harmonica kind of things is it?")so I explain that it is a violin-harmonica-piccolo, the largest in the violin-harmonica family, and how I wish I played something smaller, like timpani. They fit in your pocket. I then went on to talk, for a good ten minutes, about the history of the viloin-harmonica and how important it is to the symphony orchestra. Sad I know, but so satisfying...

oh, i just remembered. I was once walking home after a gig significantly drunk, and a guy comes over and asks what the bass is, ("thats one of those violiny harmonica kind of things is it?")so I explain that it is a violin-harmonica-piccolo, the largest in the violin-harmonica family, and how I wish I played something smaller, like timpani. They fit in your pocket. I then went on to talk, for a good ten minutes, about the history of the viloin-harmonica and how important it is to the symphony orchestra. Sad I know, but so satisfying...

That had me in stitches...good call!

One of mine that bears a repeat...
I'm packing up the bass after a gig. Good looking young lady sez: I bet you get awfully tired lugging the big thing around all day.
Me: That's not so bad. It's this bass that really wears me out.................Brumpa, TaDa.
Thanks, i'm here through Saturday night. Try the veal. :rolleyes:

One of mine that bears a repeat...
I'm packing up the bass after a gig. Good looking young lady sez: I bet you get awfully tired lugging the big thing around all day.
Me: That's not so bad. It's this bass that really wears me out.................Brumpa, TaDa.
Thanks, i'm here through Saturday night. Try the veal. :rolleyes:
Both myself and a friend of mine got a good kick out of that. Nice call, Monsieur Warburton.

The sight of someone carrying a bass is novel enough around here to illicit mostly curious glances and downright stares. Plus the same stupid flute and harmonica wisecracks. My standard reply is "I've heard 'em all, buddy."

Hailing from the land of the terminally courteous, though, one phenomemon I've run into is that after they're over the initial shock, folks practically fall over themselves to open the door for me when they see me coming with the bass. Nice gesture, but it's funny to see them look at me with the same sympathetic, understanding, "be-brave" expression on their faces normally used for the disabled as I thank them for catching the door.

I have not even been playing DB that long ~1 year and I have gotten the cello thing. I told them that my cello has a pituitary problem and it is very sensitive about it. :p


jeff

One of mine that bears a repeat...
I'm packing up the bass after a gig. Good looking young lady sez: I bet you get awfully tired lugging the big thing around all day.
Me: That's not so bad. It's this bass that really wears me out.................Brumpa, TaDa.
Thanks, i'm here through Saturday night. Try the veal. :rolleyes:

I used this line about two weeks ago at a gig with good results. She giggiled then looked at me with a devilish grin as if to say oh yeah show me.

I used this line about two weeks ago at a gig with good results. She giggiled then looked at me with a devilish grin as if to say oh yeah show me.
...

Well?

At work last night someone who saw me playing previously said it to me. "He plays the cello," she said to her friend. Then to me, "Is that thing you play the cello?"
"No," I explained politely."It's called a string bass."
Once in a while I DO have to be nice.

Well aside from some innocent flirtation it didn't go anywhere. I'm spoken for.

As I was weeling my bass from my parking space to a Wedding gig, most people asked if it were a cello, except for one hip lady who said "cool bass. Where are you playing?" ...Very cool indeed.

Jon

"that's the biggest ukulele I've ever seen!" at the honolulu airport. (more like "dats da beegest ukulele I eva saw!")

"hehe, is there a dead body in there?" after a particularly crappy gig, I wanted to say 'no, but that could be arranged.' I restrained myself.

I was packing my bass into my car when a woman with her kid in a stroller says "mommy look a guitar!"
and she says "no sweety, that's a cello."

My neighbor that lives below me, a musician, told me my cello playing sounds awesome. I said thanks, it's a bass. Then he continued to talk about how he loves how the cello sounds with that bow thing.

Numerous cello and don't you wish you played the flute comments.

Also, I'm about 5'2 and 110 lbs, so me with a flight case is admittedly a pretty funny sight, but once in new york some guy on the street stood in front of me TAKING PICTURES for about 10 minutes. That was creepy. :help:
So daily I get the WOW what a big instrument for someone your size! It's bigger than you are!!

Q. "hehe, is there a dead body in there?" after a particularly crappy gig...
A. "Yip." Then, whilst patting the bass, "Girl from Ipa-f**king-nema, eh?" (And evil laugh to finish of course). :D

Its almost pathetic how uninformed the public is. Just the other day i was doing a solo gig at a fancy resturant and the guy who hired me complemented me on my variations of faure. After about a week of him refering me to a cellist i corrected him then handed the him my buisness card, he read it outloud, "Orchestral/Solo Bassist". Then he proceeded to tell me "Thanks for playing cello for us tonight". :rollno:

Its almost pathetic how uninformed the public is. Just the other day i was doing a solo gig at a fancy resturant and the guy who hired me complemented me on my variations of faure. After about a week of him refering me to a cellist i corrected him then handed the him my buisness card, he read it outloud, "Orchestral/Solo Bassist". Then he proceeded to tell me "Thanks for playing cello for us tonight". :rollno:
Don't beat about the bush. It IS pathetic. Thank your lucky stars you didn't get a request for Guns'n'Roses or some such. I remember losing a similar kind of gig (DB, guitar, male vocals) gained on the proviso that we played "Sinatra stuff". Why? Because we "didn't sound anything like Frank Sinatra records" - ie a 16-piece big-band with strings! Don't get me started!!??!

Its almost pathetic how uninformed the public is. Just the other day i was doing a solo gig at a fancy resturant and the guy who hired me complemented me on my variations of faure. After about a week of him refering me to a cellist i corrected him then handed the him my buisness card, he read it outloud, "Orchestral/Solo Bassist". Then he proceeded to tell me "Thanks for playing cello for us tonight". :rollno:

Most people differentiate violin - small and 'cello - big. People with poor spacial awareness would be hard pressed to tell the difference between a cello and bass anyway unless they saw them together. Imagine how viola players must feel. I've had several people comment on how big my guitar is, so 'cello is at least in the right string family. One guy yelled from his truck one time, "Is that a cello or a bass?" I yelled back - "Bass". He responded, "Bass rocks!" - So it goes to show that some people know which instrument is the cooler even though they can't tell them apart by sight.

Jon

Not sure if this has been mentioned already, but mentioning that you're checking in a cello (as opposed to a bass) can help you avoid oversize fees while flying, or minimize those fees.

Just my $0.02. It has worked for me on many occasions!

Marco

Ever since I moved to Appalachia, were blue grass reigns supreme I don’t get the cello thing any more. Here cello is something you eat for desert, and the proper name for a double bass is a “Bull Fiddle”.

That's strange, non-city folk in Ireland call it the 'bull-fiddle' too....

Haha everyone gets these types of comments...my favorites:

"Man, y'know, you can still pick up the piccolo..."
"Are you hiding a body in there?"
"Is that what you do when you get mad at your brother?"
"That's one giant fiddle."

Had a new variation on this one last night. While I was soloing, a young couple came up behind me, and the guy said "scuse me....SCUSE ME......is that a cello or a bass?" So I stopped playing and said "bass" and the girl got this sorta "guess I was wrong" look on her face. Then the guy said, "Right, 'cuz a cello is a wind instrument". I then explained to them what a cello actually is, and he said "Oh, okay....so we're both right".

:confused: :hmm:

I had one of Bob G's bass bag with the "Bass" label on the bridge part of the cover. I carried it with the shoulder strap so the bag faces forward. Over in the Marina District of SF (where all the fratboys and sorority girls end up after graduating from college) they were still asking me if what I was carrying was a violin or cello when walking around with this bass bag. :rolleyes:

I'm going to have to use "Oboe" or something like that as my standard answer from now on. "Yes, I play jazz contra-Oboe". :hmm:

Had a new variation on this one last night. While I was soloing, a young couple came up behind me, and the guy said "scuse me....SCUSE ME......is that a cello or a bass?" So I stopped playing and said "bass" and the girl got this sorta "guess I was wrong" look on her face. Then the guy said, "Right, 'cuz a cello is a wind instrument". I then explained to them what a cello actually is, and he said "Oh, okay....so we're both right".

:confused: :hmm:
Marcus, you stopped in the middle of the song? You are a patient man.

Well, I did try to put on my best "my, you are a dumba$$, aren't you?" face.

Yesterday I played a truly horrible gig. I got called to sub in a piano trio at the last minute. Although it was a corporate party, the pay was low, but I accepted it anyway. That really was a mistake...

I didn't know the pianist and the drummer beforehand, so I get there one hour before downbeat, I say hi and I set up. I get yelled at by the client who wanted us to be there two hours earlier for no clear reason. 50 minutes later we begin to play, and I realize that the music is going to be awful since the other two guys, especially the drummer, appear to be beginners (dragging the tempo doesn't even begin to describe what happened).

After a very long fist set which I tried to endure stoically, an elderly gentleman appears on the bandstand and shows his appreciation by shouting and drooling at us, at point-blank range, while we're playing. We're told that the guy is a bit senile, but that we should tolerate him, so we try to cope for the remaining three sets. At one moment, the client shows up and explains that he forgot to order dinner for the band like he was supposed to, sorry.

After the fourth (and final) set, a young lady comes over to ask why we weren't playing anymore. I explain that we were to play four sets, and since we had done that, we were leaving. She then proceeds to throw a tantrum and complain loudly about us lazy musicians. After that, I pick up my bass to put it in its cover, and the young lady comments: "Oh, I hadn't noticed that you played the cello".

It's the context. There are moments where the cello remark really gets to you.

I guess the disappointment or surprise increases when the people are better off and you expect them to know better. My latest, a few weeks ago, entering the lounge on a cruise ship, bass still in its cover: "Is that an oboe?" An OBOE???
Appropriate response: "No, it's a bassoon, fool!"

Its almost pathetic how uninformed the public is. Just the other day i was doing a solo gig at a fancy resturant and the guy who hired me complemented me on my variations of faure.
Just a minute. Are you telling us he knew it was Faure?

I've got a really sad one. Over the summer I was a regular sub in a latin jazz/salsa group, after about two gigs the conga player comes up to me and says "I love the sound of the cello." I s**t you not, this guy plays in the band, knows I'm the bass player, and should know better I was so shocked and disappointed I never corrected him. :crying:

Just a minute. Are you telling us he knew it was Faure?

Yep...Composer title and all... (after a thinking about this for some time I Realised the guy was "In Some" way correct because it was a "Cello" solo. )

OK, so I've played in about a million civic theater productions for the same director and we were taking the cast/crew picture at the last show and he says "OK cello, hop on in there"...um, what cello? duh...

My favorite, as a female bassist, is when men ask if I need help carrying my bass, as in "hey little lady, that's really big, do you need help with it?" Um, no thanks...my philosphy is that if you can't schlep your own instrument, maybe you should play the flute/oboe/cello (just my opinion!!!) :p . Also, I don't trust you to not run into the wall/table/stairs with it...plus, I need the exercise :hyper:

You should have seen the looks on everybody's face at the theater when I showed up for a 3 week show last year 8 1/2 months pregnant. They were falling all over themselves to help me and I just kept saying "no, I'm good, really..." :D

Shelly

Next thing you know, they'll be voting. :rolleyes: IdahoBass, seeing as how you are a woman, are you completely sure you haven't done all those shows w/an actual cello? ;) , I mean...

:hiding:

Yeah, you know out here in Idaho I'm a freak of nature! ;)

I saw a guy carrying a cello yesterday and of course felt like asking "is that a bass?"

I knew he wouldn't get it so I didn't.

I saw a guy carrying a cello yesterday and of course felt like asking "is that a bass?"

I knew he wouldn't get it so I didn't.

:D That's great....even better would be, "I just love the bass".

My 11 year old daughter LOVES it when people make those lame remarks as she struggles to carry the 1/2 size Kay out to the car.(Hey girl, I feel sorry for you! answer: I may not like to carry it but I LOVE to play it.) After all, noone else leaving school with their instruments even gets a second glance. My 14 year old son just ignores anyone who makes remarks when he carries his bass.

Yeah, you know out here in Idaho I'm a freak of nature!
Not many women in Idaho I take it? :)

LOL!

This is one funny thread!

I've just got the violin/cello/guitar thing a couple of times (I've not been out playing the bullfiddle that much). thanks everybody now I know what to say!

I was looking for a thread about dumb stuff people say to bass players, and this looked like a likely place. We're doing a Christmas tour, I have a short walking solo during the show. This rather goofy road-manager-trainee comes up to my face after the show and goes "Doom-doom-doom-doom-doom-doom . . . I just give him a blank stare. I thought the "piccolo" thing was the stupidest remark until I heard that one. The 'cello' reference is up there near the top, too.

The piccolo one gets me. What the heck?!?

When people ask me if it's a cello, at least that doesn't happen often, and it's sort of amusing in an annoying kind of way.

But I get the "you should have taken up the piccolo" every single time I play in public. Nowadays I usually beat people to the punchline. When they say, "Wow that's one big instrument," I just reply, "Yeah, maybe I should have chosen piccolo. Ha ha ha ha." At least I can deprive them of the satisfaction.

Around my practice studio, it's a annoyingly trendy retail/bar/cafe neighborhood flooded with alot of deer-in-the-headlight types. At least there's alotta babes, albeit airheads.

Lately I've been using the backpack straps on my Soundwear bag, especially if I have to schlep an amp and the bass up a hill. So when I'm walking around with the bass on my back, it's kinda amusing watching all of their blank faces trying to figure out what I'm carrying on my back. You can see the gears grind, and the smoke comes out of the ears. And yet they still can't figure it out or come up with some stupid comment. Thank god they're too busy thinking to open their mouths. :p :smug:

Lately I've been using the backpack straps on my Soundwear bag, especially if I have to schlep an amp and the bass up a hill. So when I'm walking around with the bass on my back, it's kinda amusing watching all of their blank faces trying to figure out what I'm carrying on my back. You can see the gears grind, and the smoke comes out of the ears. And yet they still can't figure it out or come up with some stupid comment. Thank god they're too busy thinking to open their mouths. :p :smug:

Tell them it's a howitzer.

Sad thing is, they probably wouldn't know what a howitzer is. :rollno:

Not many women in Idaho I take it? :)

There's at least two :p I get the cello thing a lot, & the piccolo thing- I might get Mark's piccolo T-shirt: http://www.asodb.com/shop/goodies.html

But the most annoying are the "Gee, that thing's bigger than you are" "Gosh, such a big instrument for such a little girl" and from our community orchestra organizer- "And the smallest person plays the biggest instrument" etc. GAG!!!

The other day I was feeling lazy so was making two trips to bring in my stool, music, & bass for practice- one of the flute players picked up my bass & started carrying it- I nearly had a conniption fit. 'Preciate the thought, but NO THANKS! :D I agree- if I'm gonna play it, I'm gonna carry it!

But I get the "you should have taken up the piccolo" every single time I play in public. Nowadays I usually beat people to the punchline. When they say, "Wow that's one big instrument," I just reply, "Yeah, maybe I should have chosen piccolo. Ha ha ha ha."


In bluegrass circles we hear "you should have taken up the mandolin."

"you should have taken up the mandolin."
Steve, you could reply to that one with Nnick's mandolin player joke. The joke's a little fiesty for a public board though. :p

I'm afraid to ask . . . .

I got that one from my aunt today.Terrible thing.

I got that one from my aunt today.Terrible thing.

Terrible? The joke or the aunt? :eek: :p :D

Both, I guess! ;)

Stupid man: Hey is that a Viola you gots in der?
Me: Yes, It's a contra-basso vio viola with contra tenor tuning and an adjustable nut with a k29 tuner on the H string.
Stupid man: I think my cousin has the same thing!
Me:* Walks away shaking head *

On the MTA in NY going to Juilliard about two years ago:

Mother of a little kid: look honey, a cello.
Me (not wanting the kid to grow up ignorant): actually, it's a bass.
Mother of a little kid: I know what I'm talking about. It's a cello!!
Me: *couldn't think of anything to respond*

LOL - well - I play both and haven't actually heard anyone get the confused - but - there are the "do ya keep your clothes in it" comments (to which the answer is - have done in the case in the past!) or - "is it a gun" (chuckle chuckle), to which I answer - nope, that's a violin - this is a super-charged, surface to air missile - wanna take me on punk?????!

Seriously, my biggest problem seems to be trying to fit everything into the car ............ but that's a whole different thread:hiding:

'You're gonna wish it was a cello when I stick it- '
oh- sorry, thought I was in slabs for a minute...

:ninja:

Oh wait, this might be my best experience on this topic:

On the subway about a year ago in NYC.

Mailman: I know what that is... it's a harp, right?
Me: Sorry, no.
Mailman: Oh of course not, how stupid of me. It's an oboe!
Me: No.
Mailman: Right, um... a violin?
Me: No.
Mailman: Ok, wait, I know what it is, really I do. It's a bassoon.
Me: No.
Mailman: Ok, fine, what is it?
Me: A double bass.
Mailman: Right! Of course! I knew that...

I'd been used to "Hey man, shoulda picked the piccolo!", but one day, walking from the G to the E/V at Court Sq, I actually heard "Man, should have played the trumpet." I was dumbfounded to actually hear someone suggest something that actually made some sort of sense. People always say piccolo but don't realize how that might (most of the time) hurt ones ears.. unlike (most of the time) the trumpet.

Lotta ex-trumpet players among double bassists. I'm one myself.

Lotta ex-trumpet players among double bassists. I'm one myself.+1. Played solo book in a big band for several years. Spent 2 years in the OSU Marching Band and my chops were never the same.

Ugh. Marching band. I bet you had to do it in the snow like I did. UW-Eau Claire in the winter. :rollno:

Half my family still calls it "the big guitar".

My best friend who I play with a few times a week still calls it a cello! I haven't stopped correcting him. He'll learn. (It may take him while though...he plays guitar! *rimshot*)
Godspeed.

One of my favorites:

Innocent Bystander: What is that?
Me: It's a double-bass.
Innocent Bystander: Oh, really? what does it have two of?
That's actually a pretty good comeback.

Once while walking to a lesson I also had a lady ask me if I was carrying a guitar(it was still in it's case). I told her it was a bass. Upon hearing this, she said something like, "No, it must be a guitar, that's WAY too big to be a bass, isn't it?" After explaining to her it was indeed a bass, and that a guitar was much smaller than a bass, she seemed really confused. Poor lost soul.
My Warwick, short-scale, slab-bass is actually smaller than a Stratocaster.

That's great! I'm gonna remember that one. The two guys I work with are both Rochester Phil bassists, so their cronies are always stopping in to shoot the balogney and get their basses tweaked, and I rarely miss an opportunity to bust their stones a little. Like:
"Nice bass, but it's looking a little old, why don't you try one of our nice new ones?"
It's best when they don't know me well and think I'm serious. :D
That reminds me, when is Warburton going to buy a new bass and give up on the old thing? :)

A 6/4 size, with sub-contra-cello tuning.
Great answer!

I have not even been playing DB that long ~1 year and I have gotten the cello thing. I told them that my cello has a pituitary problem and it is very sensitive about it. :p


jeff
Another great answer.

On the MTA in NY going to Juilliard about two years ago:

Mother of a little kid: look honey, a cello.
Me (not wanting the kid to grow up ignorant): actually, it's a bass.
Mother of a little kid: I know what I'm talking about. It's a cello!!
Me: *couldn't think of anything to respond*
"In that case I'm going to the music store and asking form my money back 'cause I specifically asked for a bass!" Now, if it happens again you'll be prepared.

Half my family still calls it "the big guitar".
The one that gets me is the slab player that insists an electric bass guitar is its own family of instrument.

It's all a matter of semantics.

That reminds me, when is Warburton going to buy a new bass and give up on the old thing? :)


That's that "old thingy".

The coolest remark I've heard about our instrument from a by-stander came from an old Readers Digest.
Guy was standing in a snow storm with his bass waiting for a bus. An older lady was just getting up from the bench to get on her bus. As she started to enter the bus, she turned around and said to him: "Well, I certainly hope they ask you to play when you get there." :atoz:

That's that "old thingy".I used to tease Dale all of the time about saving up for another amp to replace that old GA-50. :)

The coolest remark I've heard about our instrument from a by-stander came from an old Readers Digest. Guy was standing in a snow storm with his bass waiting for a bus. An older lady was just getting up from the bench to get on her bus. As she started to enter the bus, she turned around and said to him: "Well, I certainly hope they ask you to play when you get there." :atoz:
That almost makes up for being medically constrained from playing double bass. Now that the doc says nothing longer than a 30" scale I can disguise my bass as a guitar. It's actually smaller than most solid-body electric guitars.

Cello? How odd. They're not even in the same family.

I've been thinking of having a patch made that simply says, "not a cello", to be promptly applied it to my bass bag.

I guess the disappointment or surprise increases when the people are better off and you expect them to know better. My latest, a few weeks ago, entering the lounge on a cruise ship, bass still in its cover: "Is that an oboe?" An OBOE???

A guy saw my electric bass (gig bag) and asked: Is that a trumpet? Seriously, no kidding. :hmm:

I got the cello thing today for the first time in a while. Conversation as follows:
Woman to child: "Thats a cello"
Me: "No It's a bass."
Woman to me: "No it's not thats a fish"
Me: "...."

Friday night, someone said: "Nice purse."

so today I came in the ballroom of the hotel I had to play through the back, and the staff were all from south america. as they see me coming in with my big bag they were all saying, "here comes the Mariachi!"
I thought that was funny. lol

I was rolling my bass out of a gig on saturday night and a guy on the street said "Taking your cello for a walk?".

I was playing with a 6 piece dixieland band. We were in the process of setting up on the sidewalk outside a coffee shop. 2 boys about 11 or 12 years old came walking down the sidewalk. Suddenly one of them yelled "Jesus Christ, look at the size of that violin - what the hell is that thing?" The other one promptly replied, " It's a CELLO, you DUMBASS. Haven't you ever seen one before?" And with that, the Beavis and Butthead wanabes continued on their way.

I noticed a friend of my sisters grinning crazily at me the other night. Came home to find this on my facebook wall:

'that was some bad ass chelo playing I don't know if that's how you spell it!but you know what I mean that big violin thing on it side! Wicked good!'

I didn't have the heart to tell him - felt it might negate the compliment somewhat!

Friday night, someone said: "Nice purse."

Now THAT one I like. :D

i some times would strap my bass in the bed of my pick up to take it to gigs. and got in to an argument with some guy at the corner of the street that it was a bass and not a cello then the light turned green and i never seen him again

I had the best one yet last night.
I was walking out of this jazz club and I had only brought my electric bass to the gig that night. So basic I have my small gig bag, in fact most people ask me if it's a guitar.
So this kid, (maybe college age) asks me if that is a cello!
I was really puzzled! Am I on a reality show?
I thought that it might be an "inside joke". Maybe there is an inside joke about "is that a cello?" among the general population that we actual musicians are not aware...

It's worth a try at the airline counter as well... I've had a few airline check-in people refer to my bass in its huge polysterene flight-case as a cello. I just agree with them- one nice lady thought it was an oboe. :atoz:

one nice lady thought it was an oboe. :atoz:I've never been able to tell an oboe from a DB either. :)

i go to a performing arts school and one day i was asked by two studentds if they could see my cello. Most of my family still calls it a guitar and asks me if i play jimi hendrix stuff on it. this is when i walk away.....

My brother-in-law walked into my lounge a week ago and said that his ex-wife also used to play cello, and how sexy it was the way she sat with it between her legs... I just said are you sure her cello was also this big?? ... He looked a bit puzzled, but I left it there.

This is off-point, but your conversation reminded me that when I was a fire lookout for the Forest Service, the number one question I got asked was:

"How far can you see with those [big] binoculars?"

I used to them "It depends on what I point them at. Last night I pointed them at the moon, so that's more than 230 thousand miles."

Most of them didn't get it even then. They'd just shake their heads, look amazed, and say "Wow."

Most people differentiate violin - small and 'cello - big. People with poor spacial awareness would be hard pressed to tell the difference between a cello and bass anyway unless they saw them together. Imagine how viola players must feel.
Yeah, I played viola at school for about three years. After one pit band performance, I had someone come up to me and say "Nice violin playing." I politely told him it was a viola, to which he said "What's that? Isn't that from the middle ages?"
Now I play bass and people think it's a 'cello...

Lotta ex-trumpet players among double bassists. I'm one myself.

I've been thinking of starting a probably very short thread asking for people whose original musical instrument was bass. Have you ever read a bio of a bassist who didn't switch from something to bass--usually in high school?

Now THAT one I like. :D


And "nice purse" is a line from what movie?

(doo-dee-doo-doo, doo-dee-doo-doo . . .)

I've been thinking of starting a probably very short thread asking for people whose original musical instrument was bass. Have you ever read a bio of a bassist who didn't switch from something to bass--usually in high school?

Guilty as charged - Played piano as a kid - took a year of classical guitar at 11, played bassoon in the school orchestra - took up bass at about 13/14. It's been downhill ever since! :eek::hmm::help:

Andy

A few days ago I was on the subway and there was a guy with an instrument case. I said 'Ah you play the baglamas!' and he said, 'No, it's a sazi!' I felt such a fool!
Moral of the tale: Lawyers and doctors would be just as pissed off if we asked them if their clavical was a sutcher, or if their building injunction was a restraining order. They are clever enough to keep the tools of their respective trades in the surgery or in a briefcase in order to avoid these questions. When will someone design a bass case that looks like a lunch-box?!?
FC

In Scotland the usual knee-jerk response to seeing a bass on public transport is 'Hey, that's a big guitar you've got there, pal!' to which there overwhelmingly popular response is 'Yes it is!' after which all pointless and possibly dangerous altercations are avoided. As a fatuous youth however I didn't know this and once replied to a man making the same comment, who was obviously taking his grandmother to the hospital, 'Your girlfriend's a bit passed her sell-by-date isn't she, pal!' also after which there were no further exchanges!
FC

A few days ago I was on the subway and there was a guy with an instrument case. I said 'Ah you play the baglamas!' and he said, 'No, it's a sazi!' I felt such a fool!
Moral of the tale: Lawyers and doctors would be just as pissed off if we asked them if their clavical was a sutcher, or if their building injunction was a restraining order. They are clever enough to keep the tools of their respective trades in the surgery or in a briefcase in order to avoid these questions. When will someone design a bass case that looks like a lunch-box?!?
FC

Obligatory "That's a big sandwich!"

in dutch, the word for ironing is the same as the word for playing arco...

so you can imagine that, being a girl, i get a lot of sexist remarks of guys who think they are funny.... sigh :(

Reminds me of a video my friend had called 'Iron Shirt Qi Gong' - it took him ages to get why I thought that was funny.