Saw this - kinda liked it... :smug:



I was walking down the street one day, when I saw this guy strangling a little kid.

'What's going on here?' I asked.

'I was playing bass in that club,' says the guy, 'and this little punk ran in and twisted one of my tuning pegs.'

'That's horrible,' I said, 'but it's no reason to brutalize him.'

The guy replied, 'Well, he won't tell me which one he messed with!'

:D

HAHAHAH Thats bad!

It's totally a guitard joke though.

Ha, not bad!

Pegs... not bad but awesome

HAHAHAH Thats bad!

It's totally a guitard joke though.

What's with the guitarist hate? I like guitar

Q: Why is a fretless bass like a SCUD missile?
A: Both are offensive and inaccurate.

What's with the guitarist hate? I like guitar

Oh yeah? Well guitar hates you!

I can totally see where that would be a better guitar joke than a bassist joke. A bassist would just check his rackmount or pedal tuner and tune back up.

A guitarist would just hit a few harmonics and re-tune until it was passable and finish the gig. Either that or beat the little bastard to death with his own arm.

What do you call 2 fretless bassists playing in unison?

a minor second.

I don't get it.

I don't get it.It means they're a full step off from each other (as in, one is playing an E while the other is playing a D).

It means they're a full step off from each other (as in, one is playing an E while the other is playing a D).

That'd be a major second.

I see how it might look like I meant an Am chord, I littleised the A.

What do you call 2 fretless bassists playing in unison?

a minor second.

:D

What do you call 2 fretless bassists playing in unison?

a minor second.
:D

What do you call 2 fretless bassists playing in unison?

a minor second.

Thats pure gold...almost started laughing at work.

My drummer and I used to hit each other with drummer and bassist jokes. Of course I can't remember any of the bassist jokes ;). But here's an old classic:

Q. How can you tell when there's a drummer at your door?
A. He's knocking too fast.

My drummer and I used to hit each other with drummer and bassist jokes. Of course I can't remember any of the bassist jokes ;). But here's an old classic:

Q. How can you tell when there's a drummer at your door?
A. He's knocking too fast.

I always heard it as "The knocking gets faster and fster and he doesn't know when to come in."



Q: How can you tell when there is a guitarist at the door?

A: When he says "Pizza delivery."

^^^
That's the right version of that drummer joke.

;)

Couple more...

Q. What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
A. A genius

Q. What do you call a drummer who was just dumped by his girlfriend?
A. Homeless

Q. What do you call a bassist who was just dumped by his girlfriend?
A. A liar... bassists don't get girls

Q: How do you know when the stage is perfectly level?

A: When the drummer is drooling out of BOTH sides of his mouth. :)

Very punny guys

A young bass player I know discovered -- as he was entering the stage -- that someone, who thought his tuning pegs were out of order, had "helped" him line them up straight. :confused:

Btw, my favorite drummer joke:
A drummer got so depressed after being fired from the band for dragging the tempo that he went out and threw himself behind a train. :smug:

Q: what do you call a bassist with no band or girlfriend?

A: Homeless

the bass guy at my local shop told me that one

I posted that on the last page... and that's actually a drummer joke.

Stupid lazy bassists can't come up with their own jokes.

<_<

Well... it's a little different...

>_>

*backs off slowly*

Q - What´s the difference between a female lead singer and a terrorist?

A - You can negotiate with a terrorist.

One night, a lounge piano player pulls over the singer and says, "Now tonight we'll try a special version of this song: after five and a half measures of intro you come in with the second verse a minor third up, go to the bridge after 11 bars, twice modulate a half step down and halfway in the last A-section you start the tag, but a tritone lower. Are you ready? One, two,..." "Hell, wait!" the singer interrupts. "I'll never be able to do this!" The pianist replies, "But you nailed it last night!"

:D

D.Don

Q: What's the difference between a female lead singer and a piranha?

A: Lipstick


Q: What's got three legs and a prick?

A: An drum stool


:hiding:

A bassist and a drummer fired from the band for bad tempo feeling and decided to commit a suicide jumping off the cliff. "So let's jump after i count upto 3, ok?" - a drummer said, "ok" - a bass player answered.

"One, Two, Three"... ... ... *SPLAT*... ... ...*SPLAT*

Q: how does a Nashville bass player count 7/4?

A: one, two, three, four, five, six, sev - en...

I told the OP's joke to a fellow bass player last night, and apparently I can tell a joke. She got real concerned about the poor kid that was being strangled. It was pretty late and she was tired.

My drummer and I used to hit each other with drummer and bassist jokes. Of course I can't remember any of the bassist jokes ;). But here's an old classic:

Q. How can you tell when there's a drummer at your door?
A. He's knocking too fast.

There's also a singer version of this:

Q: How can you tell when there's a singer at your door?
A: He can't find the key and comes in at the wrong time.

Not really a joke, but try this out next time someone asks what instrument you play.

"Oh I play sub-guitar" and check out the look on their faces as they try to work it out.