Every once in awhile I take a look at musician wanted ads in the local for sale paper. I don't have the time for a real gig right now, but I mainly check them out to find funny ads. Like the ones that say something like "Wanted-bassist for band. Call ***-***-****" While thinking about those kind of ads, it's occurred to me that some of us here might have seen some quite hilarious ones. So...?

One quick one that I recall seeing lately....

Wanted bassist for new oldies band. Must have own equipment. Would help if also had PA and/or van type vehicle to drive band to gigs. Experience not necessary, but should be able to play decently.
:D:D:D

I get a kick out of ads that place numerous limitations such as "No drugs, no attitude, no Billy Sheehan, no one over twenty."

Jason Oldsted

This one's pretty funny! I hope this works!

http://www.massmusician.com/postings/detail.php?id=28931

This ad was hanging in a local music store in town. This ad come across to me as assuming in several ways. The way the guitarist looking for the bassist describes himself, and then the way he describes the bassist he is looking for. The whole thing is REAL and this is too pitiful for me to be making up.

Dick Dale influenced, surf rock guitarist seeks bassist to play in local, original band. Originals will have a bossa nova type feel to them. If you think you have what it takes to put your heart into my band, call ******** at *******.
By the way, if you think Limp Bizkit or Korn are God's gift to music, do not reply. You will be wasting my time as well as your own.

I may be weird, but that is hilarious to me!

Think these guys are desparate for a drummer!
I left out the emails and who to contact.



What does it take to land a drummer in Western New York?
-Money
-Booze
-Women (or men if you're a female or gay)
Well, we don't have money, but I guess we could give you a ten spot for each practice and, of course, a percentage of whatever it is we make at a gig.
You can bring your own booze, because we all bring our own and share. Hell, with that ten spot you could go buy some beer and bring it to practice. Think of it! Free beer or whatever it is you like to drink!
As for women or whatever, there's women around but none you'd get easily. Certainly I'd have to kick your ass if you touched my woman. I think the singer would do the same. Still, any other woman (or whatever) that's around is fair game. Sort of like life, you know? There's always a chance for sex, but it depends on how discriminating you are. Just no sex in the rehearsal room.
One caveat...we play original music. That means we'd all have to work hard to actually earn money at a gig. It's possible you know. Imagine it, earning money while retaining your dignity. You could play in a soul-less cover band, sure, but most of them suck, and, frankly, there's absolutely no chance of making the big time in a cover band. Your choice. Dignity and a chance to make something of yourself, or let your soul, dignity, and skills wither in some crap band.
Still, we have done all of the work for you. The songs are there, we have a demo CD ready, there's a press kit just waiting for your bio and picture, plus we'd have t-shirts and stickers by now but there's been no point, yet. All you do is jump on board and we go.

Here's a rather interesting (and long) ad. Check out how many fans they have! :D

Visitor: shawn
Reference: the net/my manager!
Location: ny
WebSite: nope
Web Info: rock,sexual rock geared towards chicks!
Contact:
Date: Mon, Oct 02, 2000 at 14:29:03 (PDT)

Comments: SEEKING SEX-SYMBOL TYPE BASSIST!!hey!!! whats up? im gonna say this once and once only..and if your not into this .. than dont email us, if our ideas make you wanna throw up... find ANOTHER ADD...,if our great image..and looks...bother you...than go off and find another wanna be korn or slayer band where big fat greasy hairy dudes are more than welcome..but admired. . were looking for musicians young only 19-23 etc.. not 35+year olds thinking were some gig for hire..and we hand out slaries.....save that kinda sh-t for bands that play cover songs that are constantly looking for work.,. were all orginal...were working with the biggest names in the CURRENT music industry. we have been talking to plenty of music directors at major stations ...we're new band we havent played live TOGETHER yet... were writting... and we'll record in december.. the BIGGEST people want to help us they just wanna hear an album. Weve allready begun to cuase alot of controversy..and everyones like who the f-ck are tyhese guys,(we'll let you know what were talking about...but just to aviod legal stuff for now...trust me its quite interesting!!) and yes we plan on being different than the grungy rock of the 90's and y2k..they all look the the guys that pump your gas everyday. were a band with style, and class..and all about being rocks #1 party band.... not another wanna be korn band .. or a rap/rock act jumping on to the bandwagon to cash in on a current music trend. were all about being pioneers. and right now is a great time..cuase right now music is over 4 basic things your rather a boy band , a rap act, a wanna be korn band , and anything else is playing in coffee shops playing horrible music..or covers..trying to make money ..but hey if thats what makes them hapy fine. were all about takeing over everything right now, we basically are looking to be like what howard stern is to radio. and Its working with us allready. guys hate us ..cuase we look so good.. which is exactly what im looking for ..cuase that just meens the chicks will like us that much more. we'd rather have a majority of chicks in the audiece that wanna f-ck and party ..rather than a bunch of guys moshing and ending up in an ambulance... like all the metal..rap/rock..and wanna be kor bands have. im not saying were an 80's band. were not dressing like that or haveing hair spray puffy big hair. its that all rock is so dark and aggressive now..the image sucks .and we all seem to wonder why rock has died out in the 90's opposed to the 80's and before then. if you would love to be rocks #1 party band , rocks most sex band, rocks most hated and loved band ...and you welcome controversy.... shock.... and flaunting something very different in peoples faces ..then your the bassist were looking for. we'll fly you out in december to record with us...and we'll take it from there..youd have to drop everything your doing. this is not a JOB type thing...its about being a 100% ambitious musicians...and its not ONLY about musicianship to us ...we didnt grow up listening to bach...you know..its about being rock stars all the way...and thats what we'll be.. whether people like it or not ..people are going to majorly react to us.(just like everyone else in the group... what you put in is what you get out of it). were greared more towards females id have to say...and were young so WE CAN Do that ..,chicks have to turn to dance clubs and rap shows r and b and sh-t ..so..its perfect timeing for us to do something thats not happeneing in rock right now.PARTY ANTHEM ROCK !! ya know! ... everyone lock up your duaghters !!! no-ones safe!! its gonna be a party mahem. and by the way we are managed..and keep stupid comments to yourself cuase we get alot of email from frustrated,envious,confused,old out of work type musicians. Heres the deal.... you have to send your press package...or your bio(with contact info), pictures.. old new whatever(remember were going for a sex-symbol look), send your demo's of any past bands.... any writting youve done, and all those are required..a video would be a plus. DEMOS BIO PICTURES ....a video would be a plus. let us know if youv happen to play piano or anything else(just for future use ..of possible useing it in a balad down the road). bands we like(although were really young)! Poison Aerosmith motley crue guns n roses cinderella and some newer stuff like..... lenny cravitz stp email us.... , if we see the attitude we'll just erase the Sh-t..we hate mail of old people who didnt make it talking to us like thei our father ..like we can learn from them cuase theyve played in small venues where anyone with a pulse can book.we dont need that in the band! if we like you and you sound like the party animal, rocking bassist,sex-symbol,and have some brains in your head.. then email us we'll give you the address to send it to. ps..were very nbew...we have some huge controversy comeing up. and we have over 2,800,000 hits to our website and a world wide fanbase-street team of over 87,000
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jennifer,

That's the same ad that I linked to up here in Massachsetts. For even bigger laughs go to their website and poke around. I don't know if the terrible grammar and spelling is intentional or not!

http://fixtheband.cjb.net/

Forgot where I saw it, some beach town I think - in a restaurant/bar window:
Piano Player wanted - must know how to shuck clams.

This ad can be found at http://www.tennesseemusician.com.
I'll reprint the substance of it here to save your clicking to another site.


"All bitch metal band up in Seattle looking for a killer second guitarist. We're going to be loud all the way to hell. Ages 16 tp 21. Gotta get up to Seattle and show those boys how to really rock."


Jason Oldsted

Originally posted by Jennifer
Here's a rather interesting (and long) ad. Check out how many fans they have! :D

...if you would love to be rocks #1 party band , rocks most sex band, rocks most hated and loved band ...and you welcome controversy.... shock.... and flaunting something very different in peoples faces ..then your the bassist were looking for. we'll fly you out in december to record with us...



Oh my God!!!! :eek:

hey,
i checked out that FIX site. what a bunch of egotisticle maniacs. They probably put in all those guest book entry's and no way over 2 million people visted that piece of **** site. I hope they fail miserably just for acting like the dicks they seem to be. Yeah man sex, drugs and rock and roll. Havent heard that one before. Original

that page made me LOL.
thank´s for the link

-read the old guestbook. it´s so fakeee

I never understand ads that say something like:

"Looking for drummer, bassist, guitarist and singer to start band."

What DO they have?!? Keyboards? A Xylophone? Pan Flute?

Peter

Originally posted by alx564
hey,
i checked out that FIX site. what a bunch of egotisticle maniacs.

This is almost "egotesticle maniacs - which might be about right! ;)

I recently saw this at local bulletin board..
"Wanted bassist to band, aged 12-14. Music style
is black metal. You need to have your own equipment and
be able to do blackmetalvocals."

Black metal??? Like Hendrix? Actually, I've definitely fallen behind the times. What is black metal?

Jason Oldsted

Satanic.

Originally posted by JasonOldsted
Black metal??? Like Hendrix? ...

Jason Oldsted

LOL! that was funny!

I WAS trying to be funny, but you know what...humor is the hardest thing to predict on the Internet. So many attempts I've made at humor have fallen flat on their faces, pissed folks off, or been ignored. Also, I've stumbled over other folks' humor, taking something they said seriously when they were joking. Either way, I often end up looking stupid. Oh well.

Anyway...so "black metal" is Satanic? Why don't they just call it Satanic metal then? I mean...why mince words? Sounds like it is an effort to disguise a controversial style of music. Well, maybe they SHOULD hide it. ANyway, the ad was for 13 and 14 year-old Satanists. That's a pretty scarey thought all by itself.

Jason Oldsted

Actually I think they call it 'true evil black satanic metal', well atleast some do ;) Well the funny thing is, besides the fact they seek 13yr old devil worshipers, is
the 'must be able to do black metal vocals'-thingy.
It's basicly very low growling and screaming that even a grown man has difficulties to produce, and well it must be hilarious to hear that kinda sounds made by a kid :eek:

Sorry, Jason, I didn't get the joke! :rolleyes:

Actually, I've heard some black metal that had the sweetest singing in it. It's been several years and I've racked my brain from time to time trying to remember who the band was. Talk about an exercise in futility!

13 year old satanists. geez, that's gotta be worse than Illinois Nazis (i.e. The Blues Brothers). What is the problem with kids these days?? When I was 13 I used to stick my tounge out and spit ketchup trying to imitate Gene Simmons.

Another funny ad I saw in my college rag.

"rock and roll singer needed to put heart into original material only"

next 2 weeks edition

"rock and roll singer needed to put heart into original material and some covers"

about a month later.

"rock and roll singer needed for band"

just thought that was humorous.

Another ad. This one puzzled me.

Improvising woodwinds player needed for club band. Bring your own oboe.

Re: The "black metal" ad, somehow I just have difficulty taking 13/14-year-old Satanists too seriously.

"Mom, I finished my homework. Can I go over to Jimmy's house and worship the Prince of Darkness with my friends now"?

"Well, okay, but clean up your room first and be home in time for supper."

;)

13 or 14 yaer old satanic MUSICIANS....oooh even scarier

Here's some excerpts from a good one, from atlantamusician.com. Some metal band looking for a bass player:

"Bassist must have professional equipment, chops and writing ability. Must also be able to play with guitars and drums. Lyric writing and background vocal ability a plus. Must also be able to communicate with musicians. Recommended Influnces include John Myung, Billy Sheehan, Stu Hamm etc..."

From an ad I saw a few years ago:

Blues band seeks drummer, no girlfriends, no kids, no wives, must think sleeping on a pool table is getting the top bunk.

Ok, i am always hunting for ads cause i was starting a band.

the best one that comes to mind is:
"WANTED
(preferably alive)

A drummer who can play heavy metal, lives in such and such...


As a band we don't want a girl member, Korn f**gots, Limp Bizkit are gay, any muthaf**kers and you must like beer.

oh and no poofs."


That is the ad. Now that is inspirational isn't it. :D Especially the preferable alive bit! Like who are they Spinal tap??

[Edited by merlin on 11-08-2000 at 09:22 PM]

Bumping up this one with an ad (freely translated), that I didn't see as funny, more like... depressing :( :

BASSIST WANTED, who likes groovy blues (Stevie Ray, Jimi, James Brown). Plays 4 string (Fender) bass, wants to get involved with and work with the music.

So if I play a five-string Sadowsky I won't fit in...? :confused:

"Band seeks Drummer,Bassist and Vocalist."

Oh yeah, we bass players are always getting into Hendrix and Vaughn when we play bass. Get outta here. Thats like a bassist putting an ad out for a guitarist who is interested in Primus and Flectones.

I was checking into my counter stats... chceking the ip address and the weekly statistics.,....and found someone came to my site by a link that landed me here at the bass thing. Ive seen all the highly misunderstod and Envious comments. Its really funny watching people all over talk about us... I want to thank you all. Musicians that have only talent, yet a lack in every other catagory.....are furiously mad at our band .. and god damn is it funny.
musicians these days are so used to having no image whatsoever that once they see band that actually has image, they steriotypicaly have the automatic reaction that "oh this band cant even play their instruments".Well god forbid one band does it right..and does what it takes to bring real rock n roll back. I dont think people know how bad they make themselves out to sound like the biggest morons in the world..... we placed particular adds to see what kind of people would reply ...and weve found that this country's musicians really have alot of time on their hands to waist....and spend a good 15 hours writting a f*ckin' 10 page essay to us about how they hate us ...blah blah blah..
I eat it right up, and feel sorry for you all at the same time, so this is just in response to your posts here. Its funny.. how people have so much to say about us ....that havent heard us, or will say that we are egotistical ....without even speaking with us or anything....its like writting a fiction story .... are we charactors for your book or something??? its quite hillarious. and about our guestbook....all the peoples email address's are there. So you all act like a new band cannot have fans ....or make so much noise., well tahts becuase we are ambitiouis and work our asses off while others have the time to gossip about our band. thats great... word of mouth. I really hope you all waist countless hours upon hours talking about us ....and helping us get heard. so Im correcting and thanking you all at the same time. oh ... i forgot to thank you type of people for the great entertainment youve provided me ..by your hate emails....becuase they are so funny... just seeing how people act like envious fools and frustrated musicians, at least frustrated actors in the biz dont act anywhere as childish as some musicians do. Also for your information yes we have close to 4 million hits to our website. ITs called PROMOTION.... (its a thing that we do, have you heard of it?)....while others think that promotion is playing in bars. HELLO its the year f*cking year 2000 ....hello' ...theres no need to do things so god damn traditional and expect your going to go somewhere with it.
USE THIS NET AND TAKE IT AS FAR AS YOU CAN GO... (just a little advise from a band that actually is stirring up a buzz..ok) WEEP ! SUFFER! ...STOP BEING SUCH WHINEY LITTLE BITCHES... WAISTING YOUR TIME GOSSIPING...GET UP OFF YOUR ASS, MAKE YOUR OWN BAND...and WORK HARD ON YOUR WEBSITE..and PROMOTION..and MARKETING ....instead of horse SH*T FLYING OUT YOUR MOUTH. people like you will go nowhere. have fun...hope you all come across our record in the stores in 2001....and stand there bitching about it..while we move up the ladder. :) SWEET DREAMS,LOVES HUGS AND KISSES -FIX

I was checking into my counter stats... chceking the ip address and the weekly statistics.,....and found someone came to my site by a link that landed me here at the bass thing. Ive seen all the highly misunderstod and Envious comments. Its really funny watching people all over talk about us... I want to thank you all. Musicians that have only talent, yet a lack in every other catagory.....are furiously mad at our band .. and god damn is it funny.
musicians these days are so used to having no image whatsoever that once they see band that actually has image, they steriotypicaly have the automatic reaction that "oh this band cant even play their instruments".Well god forbid one band does it right..and does what it takes to bring real rock n roll back. I dont think people know how bad they make themselves out to sound like the biggest morons in the world..... we placed particular adds to see what kind of people would reply ...and weve found that this country's musicians really have alot of time on their hands to waist....and spend a good 15 hours writting a f*ckin' 10 page essay to us about how they hate us ...blah blah blah..
I eat it right up, and feel sorry for you all at the same time, so this is just in response to your posts here. Its funny.. how people have so much to say about us ....that havent heard us, or will say that we are egotistical ....without even speaking with us or anything....its like writting a fiction story .... are we charactors for your book or something??? its quite hillarious. and about our guestbook....all the peoples email address's are there. So you all act like a new band cannot have fans ....or make so much noise., well tahts becuase we are ambitiouis and work our asses off while others have the time to gossip about our band. thats great... word of mouth. I really hope you all waist countless hours upon hours talking about us ....and helping us get heard. so Im correcting and thanking you all at the same time. oh ... i forgot to thank you type of people for the great entertainment youve provided me ..by your hate emails....becuase they are so funny... just seeing how people act like envious fools and frustrated musicians, at least frustrated actors in the biz dont act anywhere as childish as some musicians do. Also for your information yes we have close to 4 million hits to our website. ITs called PROMOTION.... (its a thing that we do, have you heard of it?)....while others think that promotion is playing in bars. HELLO its the year f*cking year 2000 ....hello' ...theres no need to do things so god damn traditional and expect your going to go somewhere with it.
USE THIS NET AND TAKE IT AS FAR AS YOU CAN GO... (just a little advise from a band that actually is stirring up a buzz..ok) WEEP ! SUFFER! ...STOP BEING SUCH WHINEY LITTLE BITCHES... WAISTING YOUR TIME GOSSIPING...GET UP OFF YOUR ASS, MAKE YOUR OWN BAND...and WORK HARD ON YOUR WEBSITE..and PROMOTION..and MARKETING ....instead of horse SH*T FLYING OUT YOUR MOUTH. people like you will go nowhere. have fun...hope you all come across our record in the stores in 2001....and stand there bitching about it..while we move up the ladder. SWEET DREAMS,LOVES HUGS AND KISSES -FIX

...the previous message has been brought to you by the Can't-Take-A-Joke Council: providing over-the-top ranting replies to posts not intended to be taken seriously for over twelve years.

And supported by the Incoherant-Ranting-Fireback Commision...

This guy, as well as his "webmaster" (that website is the most amateurish piece of drivel I've ever seen) evidently didn't pay attention in spelling class. God, how hilarious!

Hey Zanderstarr,

Let me know when you guys come to play Boston. I'd be glad to go down to Chuckie Cheese to check you guys out!

ZB

Originally posted by JasonOldsted
ANyway, the ad was for 13 and 14 year-old Satanists. That's a pretty scarey thought all by itself.


yeah, not too long my friend met some 15 year old satanists, asking him to join their satanic church. I know he aint lyin either, cause hes this real churchy-christian kinda guy. well, right now i dont know who much of a church guy he is, since hes been in juvie (juvinile hall) for about a week now. whats even worse is it was his DAD that turned him in!

but back to the subject, yeah there is a good amount of satanists my age out there. I, fortunatly, am a christian, which, sad to say, arent too many christians my age anymore.

Well Zanderstarr I must say I have enjoyed listening to you rant on. First of all I feel that every band has their own unique image, even "bands" like N*SYNC. As for your image I just don't like it all in fact it pretty much sux. You say we judge you without even hearing you and call you egotistical. Well we are judging you on what you have given us to judge you by. And believe me no one is envious of you. Its kind of funny how you constantly make fun of musicians when you yourself are "musicians." You say that we just have talent and lack in every other category. Well the most important part of a band is talent. That is the fondation and you work up from there. We are not frustrated at all and it is you who have given us much enjoyment.

As for us waisting countless hours on this board that is wrong. I come to this board to get help, share experiences, and give advice (the little that I can). See this here is a community. And who cares how we spend our time at least we are enjoying ourselves. If you want to see just how useful this board is then try going to another section then Bass Humor like Basses or Amps. They say any publicity is good publicity. I guess you could say that but no one is gonna buy your CD because they hate you.

There is one point I agree with you on. The net. You have to use it and expand your audience. Now as for you getting big and getting a record label thats a little incorrect. Just because you <b><u>plan</u></b> on getting big and living the rock and roll life doesn't mean you are going to. Millions of people have record deals and I have never heard of them and I surround myself in music constantly and I'm always trying new things.

Well thats all I have to say. Oh yeah one more thing. Only one period is needed at the end of a sentence, but then again you never used a complete sentence.

The ad I was shown by my band's singer when we were looking for a keyboard player was quite funny, in that it basically turned into a rant about the state of music today. I just had a picture in my mind of him, sitting at his computer typing the advert, getting more and more wound up as he went along. The basic gist of it was...

"THE SHINE, a rock band playing PROPER music (Beatles, Dylan, Hendrix, Doors, good stuff from the 60's) are looking for a good keyboard player to work on good original songs, NOT LIKE THE **** YOU HEAR TODAY!!!!

If you think you're good enough, phone us on xxxxxx."

Don't worry, we're not really as incoherent and self important as a certain band who have been mentioned a few times in this very thread. However, that ad, written in huge, pshycotic capital letters, gave an impression to the contrary, and we have been unable to find a keyboard player so far.

If there are any stray keyboard players in the North West of England reading this, let us know! :) (Well, it's worth a go!)

alx564 - I couldn't have put it better myself! (And I've tried, as you can see if you go to the pompous one's own thread.)

Originally posted by yawnsie
alx564 - I couldn't have put it better myself! (And I've tried, as you can see if you go to the pompous one's own thread.)

Thanks a lot yawnsie. I spent a lot of time thinking and writing that thing.

I was checking out the cork boards at a local small college and came across a great "musician needed" ad, it said:

Looking for a band? I have one, I'm looking for this:

1. Lead Singer
2. Lead Guitarist
3. Bassist
4. Drummer

Interested? Call ***-**** from yadda yadda, I forget the rest.

Originally posted by pirata
I was checking out the cork boards at a local small college and came across a great "musician needed" ad, it said:

Looking for a band? I have one, I'm looking for this:

1. Lead Singer
2. Lead Guitarist
3. Bassist
4. Drummer

Interested? Call ***-**** from yadda yadda, I forget the rest.

Boy that guy really has it all together. Now all he needs is more then one person in the band.

Thank you for your priceless insight into the music industry. I have always thought that image makes music sound better(?)

By the way, nice spelling. You're headed for a career in lawn care!

Love & kisses,
Real musicians everywhere

I read a sign going into 7-11 that said
Christian Rock Group!!!
Needs Bass Player, Drummer, Lead Guitar, and Vocals



-he/she needed to drop the Christian part to gain members, hehe. pretty pathetic. To put it in my words "I'm a chuchy person that wants to do christian rock, I need a band, but no one will join."

I hate some of those religious freaks. (these are coming out of the mouth (or hands) of a minister!!!seriously)


I've also seen adds where the band claimed we play both kinds of music Country/Western and Gospel. That was in Lubbock, Texas aka hicksville

You better watch your ass, Victor, 'cause there are lots of church bass players reading your posts...

I'm myself a non-believer, and I have my opinions on religion too, but I keep it to myself. You should do that too, at least around here.

...and Victor, I'd also be careful with the generalizing about "Hicksville". Some of the world's most influential musicians came from small towns or rural areas. Buddy Holly comes to mind as an example from Lubbock, TX. Texas in general has spawned uncounted numbers of great players of all types. I don't live in TX now, but I used to, and it's an incredible musical breeding ground. I live in GA now..is that "hicksville" also? Just wondered...

howdy folks! lets all have a pudding pop! :D

And Ice Cream John?

I'll have Cherry Garcia!

make mine new york super fudge chunk!

Sorry if i offended anybody.




Half my relatives live in Lubbock, TX, so it's hard for me not to make fun of them. My relatives have quoted "Hey longhair! You wearin' a bra too?!!!"

No worries...I do the same thing with my South Alabama relatives. They speak even worse of me!

Yeah Victor L. Wooten, is GA. hicksville? Been to Atlanta, Augusta, or Savanah lately? I have seen hick towns in New Jersey, Penn., and Connecticut as well pal.

These musicians are Georgians, either residents or natives
R.E.M.
The Black Crowes
B-52s
Drivin N Cryin
Otis Redding
LaVern Baker
James Brown
Hank Williams, Sr.
Little Richard
Gladys Knight
Same and Dave
Elton John
The Allman Bros.
ETC.....

Elton John? Are you sure?

yes, Elton has a penthouse in downtown Atlanta.

Victor - thanks for mentioning my hometown - I grew up in Lubbock. And yes, many musicians have come out of that dusty little town: Buddy, Waylon Jennings (who played BASS for Buddy in the 50´s), Mac Davis, Joe Ely, Natalie Maines from the Dixie Chicks, plus many more. However, I am not offended by the term Hicksville - I have used it myself many times to describe the Hub of the Plains! That´s one reason I live in Frankfurt, Germany. (I still think Lubbock people are great, though!)

Mackie

i live in deer park, texas. its a long wat from lubbock, but ive been there a couple of times. yeah their are a lot of christian bands around....the best one ive heard is this christian-metal band. the best description of them is that they sound like metallica with christian lyrics. i forgot theur name, but they totally rock. i myself am not a church bassist (we already have a better bass player to do that), but yeah there are alot of church bassists here so you might not want to try and offend anyone.

Black Metal is a type of metal that started in the Scandinavian countries. It is usually extremely fast and played by talented musicians taking a questionable musical direction. The bands are usually named for some type of crypt, decay, or other purgatory and the style and themes have a lot to do with their customs and religion which contains a lot of violence for some reason. There are good bands but I would say about 98% of them are unlistenable. Samael and In Flames are the pinacle but they are hybrids. The one constant, which makes that ad even more hilarious is that all Black Metal has a raspy vocal spew that sounds like a 90 year old man coughing up flem. Some of it I actually can bear but thinking of a 14 year old singing that style slays me! I could just picture it! Singing a flem encrusted "I got grounded by my parents! Forgot to take out the garbage!!!" HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Now I like buddy Holly but I never understood why everybody thinks he's so influential. His songs were simple as hell and they were all like 1:33 long. (Shorter than A.C.'s songs!) I consider someone like Jerry Lee Lewis or Little Richard way more talented and influential but of course, I'm 28 and may be in over my head and not know the whole story. Man, my dad was only born in 1950!

Ok guys...I'm shutting her down, this thread seems to have run it's course, and now we're all getting waaay of the topic here. Let me know if you want it re-opened.

Bumping a classic. :D

In this thread, Im "Dan the mexican moderator"

http://sin6music.virtualave.net/index.html
http://sin6music.virtualave.net/index.html
http://sin6music.virtualave.net/index.html
http://sin6music.virtualave.net/index.html

One of my faves has always been:
"Band seeks drummer,bassist,and vocalist.":D

Originally posted by Dave Castelo
In this thread, Im "Dan the mexican moderator"

http://sin6music.virtualave.net/index.html
http://sin6music.virtualave.net/index.html
http://sin6music.virtualave.net/index.html
http://sin6music.virtualave.net/index.html
:eek: :eek: :eek:
You mean they haven't died from all that reckless rock 'n rolling yet?

I can tell they're already mega-stars, looking at these keywords at the bottom of their web site!Key Words: sin 6 san diego california new music bands band sin korn foo fighters kid rock metallica stp nirvana orgy creed hole smashing pumpkins u2 eve 6 sr-71 american hi-fi unsigned artists limp bizkit mtv rock pop hot stars hollywood celebrity teeny nsync deam puff daddy christina aquilara brit spears eminem madonna incubus motley crue cutties hotties boys yahoo zander starr tyler lee danny de vil joey de vil mp3 mp3's download music guestbook newsletter fan club radio rock N' Roll image sex aerosmith lenny kravitz blink 182 good charlotte unwritten law cold staind pearl jam soundgarden the offspring shows tours tour concert tickets artists indie charts fuel selling demo cd's temecula long island nyc krock kroq matchbox 20 papa roach green day lit 3 doors down crazytown methods of mayhem union underground poison avail dreamworks records geffen virgin atlantic sony epic mca universal rca win up capitol columbia interscope 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z alta vista pod guitars bass drums anti lycos aol google northport commack kings park dahlmer dahmer project a&r rep record label unsoliceted manager management musician good united states colleges college schools school high drugs beer heroin cocain marijuana canibus reefer dope extasy clubs girl guys ecxtasy

Originally posted by Zanderstarr
I was checking into my counter stats... chceking the ip address and the weekly statistics.,....and found someone came to my site by a link that landed me here at the bass thing. Ive seen all the highly misunderstod and Envious comments. Its really funny watching people all over talk about us... I want to thank you all. Musicians that have only talent, yet a lack in every other catagory.....are furiously mad at our band .. and god damn is it funny.
musicians these days are so used to having no image whatsoever that once they see band that actually has image, they steriotypicaly have the automatic reaction that "oh this band cant even play their instruments".Well god forbid one band does it right..and does what it takes to bring real rock n roll back. I dont think people know how bad they make themselves out to sound like the biggest morons in the world..... we placed particular adds to see what kind of people would reply ...and weve found that this country's musicians really have alot of time on their hands to waist....and spend a good 15 hours writting a f*ckin' 10 page essay to us about how they hate us ...blah blah blah..
I eat it right up, and feel sorry for you all at the same time, so this is just in response to your posts here. Its funny.. how people have so much to say about us ....that havent heard us, or will say that we are egotistical ....without even speaking with us or anything....its like writting a fiction story .... are we charactors for your book or something??? its quite hillarious. and about our guestbook....all the peoples email address's are there. So you all act like a new band cannot have fans ....or make so much noise., well tahts becuase we are ambitiouis and work our asses off while others have the time to gossip about our band. thats great... word of mouth. I really hope you all waist countless hours upon hours talking about us ....and helping us get heard. so Im correcting and thanking you all at the same time. oh ... i forgot to thank you type of people for the great entertainment youve provided me ..by your hate emails....becuase they are so funny... just seeing how people act like envious fools and frustrated musicians, at least frustrated actors in the biz dont act anywhere as childish as some musicians do. Also for your information yes we have close to 4 million hits to our website. ITs called PROMOTION.... (its a thing that we do, have you heard of it?)....while others think that promotion is playing in bars. HELLO its the year f*cking year 2000 ....hello' ...theres no need to do things so god damn traditional and expect your going to go somewhere with it.
USE THIS NET AND TAKE IT AS FAR AS YOU CAN GO... (just a little advise from a band that actually is stirring up a buzz..ok) WEEP ! SUFFER! ...STOP BEING SUCH WHINEY LITTLE BITCHES... WAISTING YOUR TIME GOSSIPING...GET UP OFF YOUR ASS, MAKE YOUR OWN BAND...and WORK HARD ON YOUR WEBSITE..and PROMOTION..and MARKETING ....instead of horse SH*T FLYING OUT YOUR MOUTH. people like you will go nowhere. have fun...hope you all come across our record in the stores in 2001....and stand there bitching about it..while we move up the ladder. :) SWEET DREAMS,LOVES HUGS AND KISSES -FIX



Still a virgin, huh?

Grow [Mod Edit]some male parts[/], kid. Preferably one a woman could find without a microscope.

Originally posted by mchildree
...and Victor, I'd also be careful with the generalizing about "Hicksville". Some of the world's most influential musicians came from small towns or rural areas. Buddy Holly comes to mind as an example from Lubbock, TX. Texas in general has spawned uncounted numbers of great players of all types. I don't live in TX now, but I used to, and it's an incredible musical breeding ground. I live in GA now..is that "hicksville" also? Just wondered...
No. Hicksville is on Long Island, NY, just about 5 miles from Bethpage, where the US Open Golf Championship was just played. Great Long Island Rail Road (LIRR) train service to and from Manhattan.

And, according to Mac Davis, "Happiness is Lubbock, Texas, in my rear-view mirror..." ;)

Originally posted by Zanderstarr
I was checking into my counter stats... chceking the ip address and the weekly statistics.,....and found someone came to my site by a link that landed me here at the bass thing. Ive seen all the highly misunderstod and Envious comments. Its really funny watching people all over talk about us... I want to thank you all. Musicians that have only talent, yet a lack in every other catagory.....are furiously mad at our band .. and god damn is it funny.
musicians these days are so used to having no image whatsoever that once they see band that actually has image, they steriotypicaly have the automatic reaction that "oh this band cant even play their instruments".Well god forbid one band does it right..and does what it takes to bring real rock n roll back. I dont think people know how bad they make themselves out to sound like the biggest morons in the world..... we placed particular adds to see what kind of people would reply ...and weve found that this country's musicians really have alot of time on their hands to waist....and spend a good 15 hours writting a f*ckin' 10 page essay to us about how they hate us ...blah blah blah..
I eat it right up, and feel sorry for you all at the same time, so this is just in response to your posts here. Its funny.. how people have so much to say about us ....that havent heard us, or will say that we are egotistical ....without even speaking with us or anything....its like writting a fiction story .... are we charactors for your book or something??? its quite hillarious. and about our guestbook....all the peoples email address's are there. So you all act like a new band cannot have fans ....or make so much noise., well tahts becuase we are ambitiouis and work our asses off while others have the time to gossip about our band. thats great... word of mouth. I really hope you all waist countless hours upon hours talking about us ....and helping us get heard. so Im correcting and thanking you all at the same time. oh ... i forgot to thank you type of people for the great entertainment youve provided me ..by your hate emails....becuase they are so funny... just seeing how people act like envious fools and frustrated musicians, at least frustrated actors in the biz dont act anywhere as childish as some musicians do. Also for your information yes we have close to 4 million hits to our website. ITs called PROMOTION.... (its a thing that we do, have you heard of it?)....while others think that promotion is playing in bars. HELLO its the year f*cking year 2000 ....hello' ...theres no need to do things so god damn traditional and expect your going to go somewhere with it.
USE THIS NET AND TAKE IT AS FAR AS YOU CAN GO... (just a little advise from a band that actually is stirring up a buzz..ok) WEEP ! SUFFER! ...STOP BEING SUCH WHINEY LITTLE BITCHES... WAISTING YOUR TIME GOSSIPING...GET UP OFF YOUR ASS, MAKE YOUR OWN BAND...and WORK HARD ON YOUR WEBSITE..and PROMOTION..and MARKETING ....instead of horse SH*T FLYING OUT YOUR MOUTH. people like you will go nowhere. have fun...hope you all come across our record in the stores in 2001....and stand there bitching about it..while we move up the ladder. :) SWEET DREAMS,LOVES HUGS AND KISSES -FIX



NOW I recall you, Zander! I played at your bar mitzvah, right?

Plainview Jewish Center? Or was it Commack?

I thought I remembered that adorable little punim!

Our friend Zandertard has been banned for quite a while..... if you want more entertainment see his band's site (Dave posted the link)

The one constant, which makes that ad even more hilarious is that all Black Metal has a raspy vocal spew that sounds like a 90 year old man coughing up flem. Some of it I actually can bear but thinking of a 14 year old singing that style slays me! I could just picture it! Singing a flem encrusted "I got grounded by my parents! Forgot to take out the garbage!!!" HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I'll have you know that I'm 14 and I can do an awesome Death/Black Metal Growl. Of course, I can also match my basses lower range when I sing. (not all the way down, but I can't sing much higher than my bass's highest note either :rolleyes: ) I'd prove it to you but I don't want to wake up the whole house by growling into a microphone at 1:00AM, they might take me back to the place with the men in the white coats!

Oh, and by the way, most 14 year old musicians (that I know of, but there are some exceptions :rolleyes: ) actually put a lot of thought into their music, and wouldn't ever write crap lyrics like that.

I don't get it... :confused: why hasn't Sin 6 been on MTV yet?! :rolleyes:

Just for the record. I think Black Metal growls sound stupid and overdone. Screaming sounds more emotional and it is a lot harder to make a scream sound good...growls sound so forced and annoying...IMO! Heh, at least its not whiny...By the way I know screaming would seem forced but if you try it there is a lot less stress put upon your throat if you can feel the difference,and hear the difference...

I think they sound stupid as hell too and I really don't take too much pride in the fact that I can do them. It is rather entertaining though, especially when a friend is singing a song and I start growling the lyrics, or just making random growls at people to scare them. Anyway, my voice is virtually unusable in 99% of songs when I'm just singing normally, it's just too low.

I may be wrong but isn't that a pic of Denise Richards (Mrs. Charlie Sheen!) on that new album cover? I seriously doubt that they are using that photo with her permission!

What a dope!

Man, now that was some hilarity! Thank you all!

That Zanderwhatever's post is priceless. I think I'll show that one to my boss the next time he thinks having a professional writer on the payroll is more of a luxury than a necessity :)

a couple of years ago... some guy in one of my music classes posted an ad in our classroom seeking a bass player for an "up and coming rock act"... he listed all of the famous rock bands of the 70's and 80's... which was defaced by other people in the class who wrote in humorous additions. But the best part was the immortal line:

"Must play with fingers (it looks cooler)"

Originally posted by Boplicity
Black metal??? Like Hendrix? Actually, I've definitely fallen behind the times. What is black metal?

Jason Oldsted

Black Metal! is the raw essence of pure black evil in man


http://www.blackmetal.at/100bmrules.html
go to that link to read what black metal is *grins* i actually know people who followed that.. his names mitchel his sn is like xerasedestroy or something.. he was this big metalhead who said everything sucked except death metal and black metal.. what a goon.. hes 19 too.. =(

The SIn 6 site is hillarious!!! I'm not sure, but by looking at the pictures page, I'm pretty sure that Tyler Lee is the frontman, and he loves himself very much.


WHOOOOO sIn 6 rulZ
<IMG SRC="http://server2049.virtualave.net/sin6/images/misc/sin6-poster.jpg">

Originally posted by StupidMatt
The SIn 6 site is hillarious!!! I'm not sure, but by looking at the pictures page, I'm pretty sure that Tyler Lee is the frontman, and he loves himself very much.

He be dancin' with himself five or six times a day, as long as there's a mirror "handy".

Joey De Vil is one bad ass mofo, check him out.
Has anyone figured out their songs yet? Oh wait theres tabs thank the lord now I can start a Sin 6 cover band!!!
:D

I love you Joey:)

Remember, Zander Starr has also won many awards for his ART.

http://sin6music.virtualave.net/bios.html

http://www.westwoodi.net/~smilies/images/confused.gif

and he's also featured on a guitar website!! woohoo go zanderr!

LOL i just tried to check the Guestbook and it wouldn't let me cuz i posted an evil comment about how badly they suck ass.

From craigslist NYC:

30 year old male bass player with 12 years playing and lots of pro experience seeks band with quality songs. I'm self-taught and most of my experience has been in blues/blues based rock. I'd rather play with people close to my age or older because I'm not angry, I know who I am, and I'm not looking to "rock." If you must "rock out", "crank up", and "tear **** up" then good luck to you.

I'm into The Beatles, Elvis Costello, Paul Simon, Built to Spill, Morphine, David Gray, 70s funk and lots and lots of other stuff.

I do not smoke pot and do not want to be around it. Don't waste my time by having me to an audition and then lighting up in front of me...I'll just pack up my gear and walk out. I'm only saying this because it's happened even after I was clear.

I do not have a "look" per se...I own clothes and I wear them. Most of my clothes, like most of my body, do not have holes in them nor do they have pictures on them. I'm not interested in joining a blues band because I've done that. I'm also not interested in anything loud, metal, punk, pop-punk, modern alternative, pop-r&b, etc. etc. Please see my note about "rocking" above. I have a small bass rig and want to play in a project where the songwriter knows how to write a good melody and can actually put songs together with verses, choruses and bridges. I know it's a lot to ask but don't worry...there's more.

Please have something resembling intelligent lyrics that go beyond:
a) oooh, baby, baby I miss you/you're my one true love/ love as deep as the great ocean/ love as deep as the deep blue sea
b) I'd to take the next 7 minutes and discuss my sexual prowess in completely unveiled language that focuses on my genitals
c) ohhh, baby, baby I need your love tonight/ you're so fine/ every time I'm around you it makes me sweat/ which is exactly what I want to do with you (note: this may be better than some actual lyrics I've heard now that I think about it.)
d) I'm young/angry and will smash things given the opportunity/ smash smash smash/ smash/ smash/ because I need your love tonight/ you're so fine/ etc.

In other words know what cliches are and don't write in them. Love songs are fine if done well. Tom Waits, Lou Reed, Elvis Costello, Suzanne Vega...these are good songwriters who can put a lyric together. I can't be on the stage with you if I can't stand behind your music. I can't stand behind your music if you have nothing to say.

Also...you do not sound like Radiohead so leave it alone.

Originally posted by Chancelors_Tool
and he's also featured on a guitar website!! woohoo go zanderr!
I like how he tried to make it look like Dean Guitars made an ad featuring him, when really it's just a deal where you e-mail your picture and caption and they post it regardless of who you are. Isn't he clever. ;)

NO!! Say it aint so!!! Everybody KNOWS that Zander Starr PREFFERS Dean Guitars!! That's why they endorse him and his San Diego band,, Sin 6!!!

Saw this one in a Greensboro, NC local rag:


Experienced classic rock band looking for a drummer. Not just any drummer will do. Prefer one who'll actually show up to practice when he/she has committed to do so, unlike our last one who lasted only 2 visits. Must speak English & understand the difference between, "Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes" and "No, No, No, No." E-mail me at xxxxxxx@xxxxxx.com.


I think I've played with the guy who doesn't know "yes" from "no."

He didn't know "right" from "left" either.

I thought this wanted sign was funny!!

FREE BEER!!

Now that i have your attention we are looking for a bassist...

I always look at this when i walk past the sign to see if they've changed it and really are giving free beer!!!

:D

Originally posted by primusdude

I like how he tried to make it look like Dean Guitars made an ad featuring him, when really it's just a deal where you e-mail your picture and caption and they post it regardless of who you are. Isn't he clever. ;)

didn't see this...could you link me to it?

my own.

a tight white see through t-shirt i wear everywhere that says
"single female bassist seeking band" with a really bad drawing of my bass on it.
peace & plaid
-Shoonk

the tabs are quite amusing
http://server2049.virtualave.net/sin6/images/tabs/tabs-withouther.jpg :D

one that comes to mind is


Working cover band seeking bass guitarist

Im in the process of forming a cover band and I need a bass player and singer to complete. We rehearse once a week so you must be dedicated. Talent not necessary.

Call Carl at xxx-xxxx

I have seen ads for bands seeking musicians whos style is Christian Death Metal???? How does this work?

Originally posted by cabooke
I have seen ads for bands seeking musicians whos style is Christian Death Metal???? How does this work?

Kill the devil???

ROLFMAO!!!!

YOU SHOULD CHECK THE GUESTBOOK!!!!

1 space says:

"(ChicksAnswerOnly) Which Member Do You Wanna 'Bang"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG THAT IS SO SAD!!!!! OMG thanks zandertard for a good, healthy laugh.

btw that keyword list is just saaaaaaad. I posted in their guestbook, just for fun.

The best musician wanted add I ever saw as in the Atlanta magazine/paper creative loafing. The add was something to the extent of:

Drummer wanted for rock band in atlanta area. Must like partying and drinking beer.

The best part of the add was that it gave absolutely No contact information(ie-name, phone #, e-mail...).

I have a hard time describing musical styles so I'll just give some examples of black metal bands and let you all look into them for yourselves. Btw...black metal does not mean satanic...chances are that you won't find many christian black metal bands, but not all metal is satanic(though there is a lot...imho its more for show since being a satanist still requires a basic belief in christianity). Anyway check out the following black metal bands. These are two of my favorites: Dimmu Borgir The Kovenant( make sure to spell with a "k" except for their album nexus polaris which was spelled with a "C")

Originally posted by paperbakbassist
I thought this wanted sign was funny!!

FREE BEER!!

Now that i have your attention we are looking for a bassist...

I always look at this when i walk past the sign to see if they've changed it and really are giving free beer!!!

:D

I think I'll use that sometime. :D

Ha,ha,ha....Too much Jenn!! That has to be a joke!! Just to get a thread like this going!!



"What if the Hokey Pokey is "What it's all about!"

Living Sacrifice is metal...Soul Embraced is metal. Their both Christian. check them out
www.livingsacrifice.com
or go to www.solidstaterecords.com to find info on a lot of bands

Originally posted by Jennifer
Sorry, Jason, I didn't get the joke! :rolleyes:

Actually, I've heard some black metal that had the sweetest singing in it. It's been several years and I've racked my brain from time to time trying to remember who the band was. Talk about an exercise in futility!
Opeth ;)

You want a real Hoot have a peek at Zader's " I use Dean Guitar's" page, then click on Back to gallery!!! Maybe Grandma is also a member of Sin 6!

SOOOOOOO funny! i nearly cried. I was in a Co-op and there was a sign in that bit with all the little bits of card. On a really scruffy bit of card it said:

"Wanted: a four string guitairisist as well, also to singer and a drummist please talk on *********** to "tearshed" pianist"

http://jizzwallop.tripod.com/Wanted.htm

i didn't read this whole thread but i'm pretty confident about my sense of humour, so i'm-a put this one up

and whatchoo talkin' bout willis?

Originally posted by Slap Bass Ninja
http://jizzwallop.tripod.com/Wanted.htm

i didn't read this whole thread but i'm pretty confident about my sense of humour, so i'm-a put this one up

and whatchoo talkin' bout willis?

no mullets? drn.

Originally posted by primusdude
Remember, Zander Starr has also won many awards for his ART.

HIS art !?!?

i thaught he was a HER

http://sin6music.virtualave.net/images/sin6/zandattitudegrey.jpg

anyway, the funniest ads i've seen are

"good base player wanted for punk cuver band, must no all blink 182 songs" (thats how it was spelled)

"12/14 yr old bassist wanted for punk/rock band, must be grade 3 or more"

l8rz

Tom

My ad that I put in the local urban paper about 4 weeks ago:

Bassist, 25, seeks band for fun.
No talent but have gear and wheels.
Nick, cell XXX-XXXX

12 phone responses, 3 auditions and 6 pending, 1 offer to join...

I think the magic words are "bassist", "gear", "wheels" and "25".

haha very true, I need to get some wheels though, its a proven fact that bass players drive the band to gigs.

Man this is the best thread yet. The sin 6 site is just classic. How old are those fruits? I just had to post in the guest book.

My band put out an ad for a singer after we kicked ours. The guitarist and drummer decided they didn't want to get tapes or CD's from the people that call. So we rented a practice space other then ours for the auditions. We had like thrity people lined up in two days. On the first night one 16 y/o girl showed up that sang in school choir. The second night we had three guys show up, one was fair and late the two others were late, didn't practice and sucked. Now our guitarist is singing and we are doing good. We decided to look for a second guitarist and our guitar player said we should get a tape before we audition anyone. Ironic?!

I'm looking and found this beautiful gem of vagueness

JERSEYGALSLOOKINGFOROTHERS 12/16/2002
I AM LOOKING TO START A COVER BAND OUT OF SOUTH CENTRAL NJ ME AND MY FRIEND ARE CURENTLY LOOKINGFOR GUYS OR GALS WHO REALLY KNOW HOW TO PLAY AND ARE LOOKING TO HAVE FUN.AGES ONLY21 TO 35 NO HEAVY DRINKERS NOR DRUGS PLEASE.INTO MUSIC FROM 70S 80S TO TODAY,SERIOUS ONLY PLEASE IF INTERESTED SEND ME A DEMO AND LETS GET THIS TOGETHER.

City: Toms River
County/Area: Ocean County Telephone: (XXX) XXX-XXXX
E-mail: SomeID10T@AOL.COM


so I replied....

Hello, I'm a 34 year old bassist in Manchester with 22 years experience. You can hear samples of my playing at my website. I'm very interested in a late 60's to today cover situation. What's the ages, equipment and experience level of you and your friend? Do you have a list of tunes you're looking to cover or a demo I can check out?

James
http://www.hartsafire.com


simple... surf my site see and hear me then let me know what you're about and we'll both see if it's worth moving forward... right ?!? NO

here is the reply I got...

dude did you read my ad carefuly we are searching at the moment for people its just me and her that are looking and we are in our 30s we dont have no one yet and we are only looking for demos we are not giveing demos out of us so its not like we are joining a band here.

later


:rolleyes: are only stupid people breeding?

-----
I grew up in Jersey in the BonJovi prime... all my ads ended with the line "Hair and Attitude will be laughed at and/or ignored". it seemed in the mid 80's to early 90's NJ bands wanted hair and attitude before talent.

I saw one that read: ".........if you're not looking to be rich and famous, you need not apply." :rolleyes:

This one got me thinking:

"... looking for xy* players to start a band on voluntary basis"

*xy - various instruments

http://server2049.virtualave.net/sin6/images/tabs/tabs-crazy.jpg

I just saw the bass tab for Sin6's "Just a Little Crazy".

Wow...that's pretty deep. I think it's way beyond my abilities. :rolleyes:

Yeah they are so nice, after I posted a comment in the questbook they sent me a hello to sin 6 email. I couldn't hardley read it because of the spelling. So I replied to it and told them they were dumb and they should go be to 1st grade english. Well I don't think Mr. Zander Star liked it, he emailed me back with a few choice words about how it is suposed to be that way.

Dumb, very dumb

Ooh, their next show is gonna be on July 7th, 2001... can't wait!

http://sin6music.virtualave.net/tour.html

"Please Continue to frequently visit this section, as it does get update and change."

http://artists.mp3s.com/artists/385/sin_6.html :eek:

Well I regret to inform you that Sin 6 is no more. I wrote them an email telling them what I think about there band and I wish they would gig near me so I could... what did I say? oh yeah, beat there asses. Man I'm so violent... terrible. But they gave me the classic reply, "Durrrr we are broken up your a loser people like us they play our tabs... blah blah." Losers. But they told me that they broke up. :( But damn, they proved you could have good looks and rock :rolleyes: . Man that lead singer sure was in love with himself. Ha, good luck beating sin 6 for lamest ever.

Sin 6, of all bands, breaking up? :eek:


Here's an article about Zandertard's old band Fix expecting a lawsuit from members of "The Fixx"

RocksMostSexyBand"FIX" Vs.80'sUnpopular1HitWonderBand"The Fixx" in Law suite To-Be over Band Name
http://www.prweb.com/releases/2000/9/prweb18438.php

from the Web's most credible news source... PRWeb.

Originally posted by primusdude
Sin 6, of all bands, breaking up? :eek:

Say it ain't so!!!:eek::(












































:D

What happened to Zander? I miss him.

Here're two from a local website... second one seems kinda desparate




DEATH METAL BAND!!

Looking to start in a death metal band.. i can sing oh yeah.. looking for some band members and can play music like Cannibal Corpse!! im 25 years old so someone around my age please.. plus if thers any hot girls that wanna be my girlfriend they can email me.. thats all for now wAfEr...

Contact:
Posted on: Saturday, January 11, 2003 at 21:59:53 (AST)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Drummer/guitarist looking for band

Just looking for a band. I'll play anything. Drums, bass, guitar, you name it I'll do it.

Contact:
Posted on: Wednesday, January 01, 2003 at 15:33:03 (AST)

Heh, just stumbled across these two from a local web board. Southeast Texas - gotta love it...

#1
-----------------
SINGLE MOM NEEDS ASSISTANCE

I am a young single mom wanting to start my own record company. I want to promote and develop local talent. I need financial assistance and names of people that I could learn from and or use as investors. If you want to be a part of the biggest and most successful record business in Texas or have connections with someone who would, contact me. Serious inquiry only.
-----------------
#2
-----------------

Dont pass me up........

I love going out and hearing a killer a** band with my friends and just leaving the club feeling good. Not just because of the aLKa. (Live music rules!) I'm 24-female, wanting to sing some tunes and give some people something to RoCK about. E-mail me and NO CrazY's!!!

-----------------

:D

Page 1 post 33 of this thread is required reading for all new TB'ers ...

Zandertard explained ...


:p

Once I remember seeing an ad in the Recycler (large ad publication in Southern CA) where this hard-rock/metal band in formation actually dictated what equipment the guitarist had to have, and I quote, "MUST have Les Paul and Marshall Stack--"


How freakin' ridiculous!

The local rag has had an ad running for a few weeks

Local Band Seeking Lead guitarist
We are holding AUCTIONS for our new lead Guitarist(SPELLING)
Must have PRO EQUIPMENT (as if Pro gear will make you play any better) NO DRUGS , OR ATTITUDES , OR EGOS , OR CONTROL FREAKS( maybe they should list what they want it might be a shorter list )
We are very professional (translated we can't play worth S@#t and think we are great) Must be able to practice once a week and gig once maybe twice monthly (IF YOU CAN HACK THE COMMITMENT)

you see why I travel 50 miles to practice and play out of state most gigs



If the future is now ...........
What was yesterday?

Jennifer,

That's the same ad that I linked to up here in Massachsetts. For even bigger laughs go to their website and poke around. I don't know if the terrible grammar and spelling is intentional or not!

http://fixtheband.cjb.net/

I visited and McAfee immediately popped up a virus alert for MediaGateway.exe in my temp 'net files......

Just an FYI

My favorites are the ones that say something along the lines of
"practice 3x per week, play out 1x per month. Our gigs are unpaid promotional appearances. Professionals only"

Right...professionals...for unpaid gigs.



Here's a hysterical band website i came across while perusing Gigfinder.com. I know, it's not actually a musician wanted ad, but you still need to check out the history and bio sections. I'm not sure if it's for real, or a parody, but great stuff nonetheless.

http://wolfbait.org/

"Enigmatic composer seeks young woman who can program drums through the computer."

Made me giggle every time I saw it.

I visited and McAfee immediately popped up a virus alert for MediaGateway.exe in my temp 'net files......

Just an FYI

You might want to not quote the link then or disable it. That link was a few years old, also. Too bad, because their site was, well, shall we say 'Priceless'... lol!

i know it's been shown before , but i keep finding these
" band in search of vocalist , guitar players { lead and rhythm } ,
drummer and bass player .
we have gigs lined up ..."
ads in one of our local shops .

i've never called these guys , but maybe i will , just for kicks ...

i know it's been shown before , but i keep finding these
" band in search of vocalist , guitar players { lead and rhythm } ,
drummer and bass player .
we have gigs lined up ..."
ads in one of our local shops .

i've never called these guys , but maybe i will , just for kicks ...



Fred the accordion player..

i know it's been shown before , but i keep finding these
" band in search of vocalist , guitar players { lead and rhythm } ,
drummer and bass player .
we have gigs lined up ..."
ads in one of our local shops .

i've never called these guys , but maybe i will , just for kicks ...

Maybe he's a keyboardist looking for work?
Whatever it is, I had a great laugh.

This was posted in the record store I work at:

"Band seeks bass player, preferably female and cute. Must sound like White Stripes and Jon Spencer Blues Explosion"

...neither of which band actually has a bass player.

The local rag has had an ad running for a few weeks

Local Band Seeking Lead guitarist
We are holding AUCTIONS for our new lead Guitarist(SPELLING)
Must have PRO EQUIPMENT (as if Pro gear will make you play any better) NO DRUGS , OR ATTITUDES , OR EGOS , OR CONTROL FREAKS( maybe they should list what they want it might be a shorter list )
We are very professional (translated we can't play worth S@#t and think we are great) Must be able to practice once a week and gig once maybe twice monthly (IF YOU CAN HACK THE COMMITMENT)

you see why I travel 50 miles to practice and play out of state most gigs



If the future is now ...........
What was yesterday?


+1

Same story checking classifieds in Chicago (see my post in the pet peeve thread). Every post is "Professional band, Chicago's next great act, looking to audition the best f****n [plug in musical talent application] in the damn city. Must be completely committed, have pro gear, AND THAT MEANS A F****N 800W TUBE AMP, NO F****N KIDDY S*** ALLOWED, your own transportation, MUST BE OVER 21 (because the only gig the band can play is Joe's Tap), and MUST HAVE NO EGO BUT LOVE TONS OF BEER AND [plug in various drugs] (and as if that defines a great band).

Anyways, I check out their myspace page, and at best they're a complete knockoff of any random radio band, but never anything origional. Gotta wonder sometimes.

This was posted in the record store I work at:

"Band seeks bass player, preferably female and cute. Must sound like White Stripes and Jon Spencer Blues Explosion"

...neither of which band actually has a bass player.

LMFAO

Unfortunately, the worst part is it is likely true!

:D

"Wanted: guitar player for punk band. No experience necessary..."

"hey if you play any thing i dont care wat i wont you to send me a message. im looking right now for a place of practice and a bad ass basses and any sysnth players and a geetares play and back up singer. but i wont some horns to i dont no wat yet but i need them. send me something i memmbers soon. and a place to practice. any one with a cello to"

It's hard to make ass under tea-kettle of this. Appearently he wants some horns, synth, back up singers, bass, guitar, and cello... and a place to practice. I like the idea of those sounds together, but I don't think he's going to make anything of it.

BoS

I have seen this on the journal:
"Looking for a bassist, lead guitarrist, solo guitarrist, singer and drummer, contact Andre."

Thats a one-man band!

Wow... saw this thread, read through a bunch, clicked a lot of dead links ... only to realize that it's a thread started 9 years ago. TB has some longevity man. Sweet!

Heh, just stumbled across these two from a local web board. Southeast Texas - gotta love it...

#1
-----------------
SINGLE MOM NEEDS ASSISTANCE

I am a young single mom wanting to start my own record company. I want to promote and develop local talent. I need financial assistance and names of people that I could learn from and or use as investors. If you want to be a part of the biggest and most successful record business in Texas or have connections with someone who would, contact me. Serious inquiry only.
-----------------
#2
-----------------

Dont pass me up........

I love going out and hearing a killer a** band with my friends and just leaving the club feeling good. Not just because of the aLKa. (Live music rules!) I'm 24-female, wanting to sing some tunes and give some people something to RoCK about. E-mail me and NO CrazY's!!!

-----------------

:D
Just wait until I post my ad on there....