| Beware the venomous Roscobra!
After a personal run-in with Pacman's fretless LG (and resultant unshakable need for one) I thought it wise to post some information on one of the world's most highly venomous basses...the Roscobra.
(the following is most effective when read with an English accent à la David Attenborough)
Roscobra is the common name for members of the family of venomous basses, Eslapidae, known for their bewitching looks and highly intoxicating bite. Roscobras are recognized by the woods they flare when angry or disturbed. The woods are created by layering of various exotic hardwoods for the body. These woods can often be found on the Roscobra’s headstocks as well, though this is not always the case. These instruments are found throughout the entire world, and their primary origin can be traced to the state of North Carolina in the United States.
The LG Roscobra is the world's most beautiful venomous bass. The LG is unique among Roscobras in that it attacks it’s prey not only sonically but ergonomically. It is known to lure it’s prey within striking range with a variety of different topwood patterns and colors, allowing it’s prey to touch or even pick it up before it strikes. The LG fits so perfectly on the handler that most are bitten without even feeling it. Only after parting with the LG do victims begin to feel the effects of it’s venom. It averages four to five strings but has been known to grow to six.
Another Roscobra is known as the SKB. The body of the SKB is proportionately larger than that of the LG Roscobra yet retains the same variety of alluring topwoods. This bass causes thousands of deaths to Fenders, Sadowskies, Foderas and Zons each year throughout the United States, where it is regarded with religious awe and is seldom traded or sold secondhand. Like it’s cousin the LG, the SKB Roscobra’s venom also has a delayed effect on the victim, only manifesting once removed from the SKB’s presence. It averages four to seven strings in size though reports of eight stringed SKBs have also been received but are quite rare.
Roscobras occur both with and without frets. Scientists have yet to determine whether the absence or presence of frets has any effect on Roscobra victims. Thus far, data indicates both versions are equally potent yet there is debate amongst professionals over this topic. It has been my experience that the fretless versions gain a slight advantage in potency, but it must be stated that extreme caution should be taken when approaching ANY Roscobra, regardless of it’s fretted or unfretted state.
Effects of Roscobra venom are as follows:
Increased heart rate
Rapid breathing
Light headedness or dizziness
Persistent thirst (for a Roscobra)
Insatiable appetite (for a Roscobra)
Loss of interest in daily activities (mostly those associated with other types of basses)
Daydreams (of Roscobras)
If you should experience any of these symptoms after close contact with a Roscobra it is highly likely that you have been bitten. It is important to administer the appropriate Roscobra antidote as soon as humanly possible. Roscobra antidote can be found at your nearest Roscoe dealer and/or by contacting eminent professor of Roscobra Science, Mr. Gard Lewis.
Contrary to folklore, Roscobras will seldom attack unprovoked. When approached, however, the Roscobra will make full use of its deadly force. Roscobras are famous for their use by bassists because they respond extremely well and are of spectacular appearance.
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Roscoe Century Fretless VI #6330
Roscoe Century VI #6155
Genz Benz
Aguilar
Ampeg
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I wonder if the Roscobra is made by the same company that makes the Wonderbra? 
(...gotta find a 6 with lined diamondwood!!!)
