| well... not trying to bash you here, but since you asked for criticism...
since I think youŽre trying to take the RHCP route, IŽd say the mix needs far more punch.
if re-tracking the drums is a possibility (played too soft, and at times, sloppy) I suggest you re-do them... if not, you could try Beat Detective (or other time-correction), then compressing them heavily to give them more "thwack" and punch and EQing to give them more "extreme-ends", meaning more lows and highs. maybe some small reverb to give a sense of "room". you could even try replacing some of the sounds (mainly kick and snare) to give them more power.
guitars have too much mud in the low-mids/high-bass region (colliding with the keys and such), and also too much distortion (ruining the dynamics). double-tracking would give them some dimension, but if limited to mixing, you could try treating them with low-cut (around 150Hz or even higher) and some artificial ambience (a short room or delay) along with other stuff to make them more dimensional and interesting.
bass could use more lows. try compressing, and cutting the lowest mids some... your playing seems to rush a bit, so re-cutting the bass as well could benefit the song.
the vocals were ok soundwise, but would benefit from some ambience also. the distorted vocals in the verse could be more "abrasive" and grittier (for lack of a better word). vocals donŽt "sit" very well. youŽd need to EQ the other stuff around them...
donŽt get me wrong, itŽs a nice one for a first, but mix-wise, though, I doubt youŽll get significant improvements. IŽd start over. learning from mistakes is the name of the game here, youŽll do a lot better next time around. | 
