I think it's a nice little clip.Stylistically, it sounds like something in between the theme music for 'Airwolf' and the score for 'The Exorcist', with a good dose of elevator music.Some notes from the picked bass sound rhythmically...confused (in lack of a better word) at times, especially the unison lines at ca. 1.10 is - that's too sloppy to keep as a take. And you should also consider adjusting your levels and technique to avoid those boomy peaks.
But that's what this home recording thing will teach you in no time - it will train your ear and your judgement and will develope your sense of discrimination.Soon you probably won't even have to listen back to a take to know if it's 'a keeper' or not.So just keep at it
Rate my short but sweet song 
