Balancing relationships and music

[stingray5dude]

Hey J
Just wondering how you have balanced music and relationships over your career?
I find it hard enough sometimes and i just play weekends- how do you tell your significant other that you are about to go on the road for months on end ?
It must be tough-especially for them. At least being a muso you get to rock out, while our gfs and wives are sitting at home doing not much at all.
And also how do you find the NIN fans compared to bands you have been in on the road?? Are they generally respectful, or are the girls/groupies throwing themselves at anything related to the NIN tour entourage?
Cheers

[jmjbassplayer]

Without getting too personal, it's tough. But not insurmountable.

My wife and I have been married for 9 years, together for 14. So it's built-in to our relationship. My wife and daughter come out and join me on the road every 2-4 weeks, so we make sure and stay connected. But my wife isn't home "doing not much at all". She has a life and career of her own. Which I think is important.

NIN fans are quite respectful, there's not much groupie madness going on to speak of. But that's primarily because this lineup of NIN doesn't seek out or attract that vibe.

JMJ

[undeadbass]

Originally Posted by jmjbassplayer

But my wife isn't home "doing not much at all". She has a life and career of her own. Which I think is important.

JMJ

I found that's truly the key to being a musician and maintaining a relationship. I've been on both sides of the coin - had a girlfriend who didn't do much other than the 9-5, and she wanted to be at every rehearsal, every gig, every session, which just doesn't work. Maybe every gig, but certainly not rehearsal, and definitely not at sessions!

My girlfriend now is a musician herself, and unbelievably busy getting her PHD in ethno-musicology and teaching piano. If we didn't live together, we'd never see each other! I no longer have to worry about last minute work (which in NYC is often), because chances are, she's not home, or working on a paper. It makes the times we do both have off more special as well.

[JimmyM]

Ya, my wife is an RN, and she does like to come to road gigs now and then, but she's plenty busy on her own and I think that's a key to keeping it together. Plus, I'm only gone for two weeks at a time tops, and that's rare. I think she likes getting me out of here for a few days at a time, but believe it or not, she actually misses me if it goes longer. Go figure...

So I think the lesson here is keep your wife busy

[mattq]

Originally Posted by JimmyM

Ya, my wife is an RN, and she does like to come to road gigs now and then, but she's plenty busy on her own and I think that's a key to keeping it together. Plus, I'm only gone for two weeks at a time tops, and that's rare. I think she likes getting me out of here for a few days at a time, but believe it or not, she actually misses me if it goes longer. Go figure...

So I think the lesson here is keep your wife busy

dude, same here. my wife works the night shift at the hospital, but when she's off and i've got a gig that night she's so used to staying up all night that we just hang out and party. it's freaking awesome. it really helps that her job is WAY more steady than mine too