Hi, it,s been a while since I picked but I can give you some advice.
First, you need to know wich pick is good for you as the come in all thicknesses. just try as many as you can because they all sound different and feel different.
Holding the pick :
If I was there with you it'll take 2 sec and i'd show it to you, but on the internet it's a different thing
you hold the pick between your index and your thumb, using the flat of your thumb ind the side of your index. try placing the pick on the side of your index and then just hold it in place with your thumb, it sould work
now your ready to play :
picking is all in your fingers and wrist, your arm should barely move, the pick player you see moving there arm like jack hammers are only doing it for the show, in fact doing this affect precison quality of the sound and triple your chances of hitting a string beside the one you are playing.
So try to move the pick as much as you can just using the finger and index and a little wrist, it will be hard a first but well worth it.
for the playing strenght:
there's no need to play hard as a matter of fact the softer you play the better th sound is going to be: you just need to find what sound you are looking to achieve and start from there...
I hope you can get something out of this post , If you have any question feel free to ask.
-Martin
