That was a big help, guys. Thanks a lot. I was doing the following wrong:
1) My finger was in the wrong place
2) I was pressing too hard
3) I was strumming too hard
4) The volume and tone settings on the guitar and amp needed to be tweaked
I never would have thought to look at some of those things on my own. But at least it's tuned correctly...

I would love to get lessons at some point in the future, but it's not possible right now. I work full time, and I'm a full time student which leaves my free time after about 9 at night. Not to mention, I'm on a college budget. Thanks again for the help.
By the way, sorry I'm an idiot about terminology. That will get better in time.