What is a polite way to correct someone?

[Axtman]

I don't have the world's best social skills and need some ideas on how to correct someone's playing or offer them constructive criticism. Usually I just say, "Hey that sounds like ****! Play it this way!"

[Rudyboy98]

Polite way to correct someone:

That is VERY EASY.

There are two categories:

1. Friend 2. Student

If it's a "Friend" from category #1, use a polite, but firm approach, such as:

"Can you try that again with these notes? You'll sound much better."

If he/she refuses-explain yourself. You better be able to back up your explanation.

If it's a student from category#2, say it like this:

"This is your homework. Use the following notes and write a proper musical phrase. Use different scales if you like. "

If neither works, keep a ruler handy. You may need it!



R...

[Nashrakh]

NEVER say "it sounds like s***" or "wow that was awful"!
That's the most important step... make it less personal. That way, he/she won't be offended and is more open about what you may have to say.

Try it with: "That was pretty good, but maybe you could play it like this" or "Hey x, are you sure about that? I think it's more/sounds better like this..."

Sounds cheesy, but you know what I mean.

[MalcolmAmos]

Originally Posted by Axtman

............ how to correct someone's playing or offer them constructive criticism.

IMHO criticism is never constructive. Coaching is constructive. To coach the person needs to know what specific error was made and how it can be corrected.

To correct someone be specific. Instead of saying; "Man, that was bad!" How about; "You almost got it, your timing was off, try tapping your foot or gritting your teeth to help with the beat. Let's try it again.

To praise be specific. That was great! That's what most do and just leave it at that, however; "Great. Your timing was right on." lets the person know what was done well -- knowing that he/she will be more inclined to continue doing it correctly in the future.

Be specific with your kids, spouse or friends it's amazing what a difference it makes.

[JimmyM]

Funny you mention this...I was rehearsing for a show we're doing later today, and we were doing a song where the sax/flute player had a solo, and he missed it twice in a row, even after we told him about it the first time he missed it. The second time he missed it, he looks up and says, "Was I supposed to do it there?" I said, "No, that's the part where you sit on the couch like a stunade."

I thought that was subtle and friendly.

[TortillaChip520]

bring it up like the idea just came to you, and have them try it out.

instead of "try this instead"
be more of "oh! see what it would sound like if you played it like this..."

if it is an issue of timing and they do not realize they are off and think they are doing great even though they sound like utter crap, a severe beating will suffice.

[fearceol]

It is not rocket science. Just tell the person, in the same way as you yourself would like to be told.

[Captain_Arrrg]

Originally Posted by MalcolmAmos

IMHO criticism is never constructive. Coaching is constructive. To coach the person needs to know what specific error was made and how it can be corrected.

That a good approach, but IMO some people just can't take criticism of any nature and consider it all negative. That's understandable, but a thicker skin is needed. If someone tells you your timing is off- your timing is probably off. Get past the part where you didn't do it right the first time and get it right the next time!

Not directing this at you Malcolm--I prefer the nice approach--it's just that there is knowledge to be gleaned from all feedback.

[Stumbo]

Originally Posted by Axtman

I don't have the world's best social skills and need some ideas on how to correct someone's playing or offer them constructive criticism. Usually I just say, "Hey that sounds like s##t! Play it this way!"

I suggest recording your rehearsals or whatever you're doing and when everyone listens to it, point out where the song could be improved. Be specific. Use terms like: "I'd like to suggest...." or "I suggest that...." or "Would you consider...." or "This .....needs improvement".

Be ready for someone to disagree with you and if you have a recording, you have a basis for your observation, not just what you heard during the rehearsal which may come out as just your opinion and be taken as something other than what you intended.

Also, be ready to receive "constructive" criticism about your own playing and responding with something positive like "thank you for pointing that out" or "thanks for helping me improve" or "thank you for your opinion, I'll consider it" instead of getting defensive about it.

IME, when someone uses a phrases like "Hey that sounds like s##t! Play it this way!" they are attempting to intimidate the other person into changing and are not open to being challenged. That is, just do it my way or else.

In a collaborative partnership where everyone is secure in there position, making suggestions about fixes/corrections should be part of the process.

Another thought, how about agreeing ahead of time as to how fixed/corrections/changes are to be pointed out and discussed? Also, who has the final say on what's to be done if there is no agreement on the issue? If you agree ahead of time it should help limit the frustration dealing with these situations since everyone will know the process. A recording goes a long way in resolving these type of issues since you'll be able to deal with the recording rather than just throwing opinions at each other.

[mambo4]

In my day job as a graphic artist, I work with a very good art Director. Every time we do reviews, he does a few things that help us avoid personalizing any critique:

1.) Begins with a "Good work" comment, often indicating some particular aspect that was well done " you did a nice job with the type here" etc...It shows that my effort is being noticed, not dismissed.

2.) phrases revisions in terms of what would improve the final result, using the common language of graphic design, rather than as a detail I failed to account for.

For example "the balance of this design would be better if you had something filling the space in this corner" as opposed to" you left that corner empty, and the balance is messed up"

Or in a band : "the transition from verse to chorus might be better framed if we tried it with a crescendo in volume, like this " as opposed to "dude your totally ruing the transition to the chorus with that"


Everybody wants the songs to sound good, so make an effort to critique with language that points to collectively improving the overall result for the whole band, as opposed to language that calls fault to any individual. It may seem a little contrived, but it really works pretty well.

And as mentioned , you gotta be just as willing to take it. A good opportunity to lead by example.

[ryco]

Originally Posted by KeithBMI
Pacman. He serves out nice warm portions of kickass.

[LedBelli Bass]

There are so many variables and group dynamics that come into play here that it is hard to come with just one answer. All of the advice given above has it's place, and particularly post #10 cites a technique for correction that is very helpful: use "we" instead of "you". As in "we" could improve here rather than "you" f***ed that up.

Also, I've learned that the dynamic of working with other professionals on a one-time, incidental, or series of performances is very, very different from working with a steady group of regulars who may be semi-professional or amateur in their approach to their craft. The majority of problems come up in that setting.

In the professional world, you either cut it -- or you don't. Very little of the kind of exchanges you are describing take place. If they do, the direction is usually from the person in charge, and listening and changing to make it work IS NOT OPTIONAL on the part of the musician being corrected. If you treat it like it is optional, you will not be called back.

But, in the semi-pro or amateur band, egos are a much bigger issue and frankly, most people in that situation THINK they play much better than they actually do. So they're usually pretty stubborn about making changes.

Just some thoughts . . . glean what you can.

[PJSShearer]

Having been in both situations - as professional sidesman and in a semi-pro band. I found that with the semi-pro band when I said - "shall we go back and tighten that up?", everyone was fine about it - we all knew something was wrong but with no de-facto Bandleader, nobody felt able to take command. Worth a try?

Of course in the professional situation, you do as you are told - whether you think the boss is wrong or right - or else :-)

[Edward G.]

Originally Posted by Axtman

I don't have the world's best social skills and need some ideas on how to correct someone's playing or offer them constructive criticism. Usually I just say, "Hey that sounds like ****! Play it this way!"

How critical is the passage in question? And how much money is at stake? Do you have hiring/firing power? If it is a question of doing it like the record, provide an example and request that you would like to stay close to that. If it is a question of feel, demonstrate the appropriate feel. If it is original music, unless it is written out, forget about it or find a new player.

[electracoyote]

I have a young bass student who insists he's playing a piece correctly even if he's way off. At first I tried the gentle approach, but he took advantage of that and continued his protests, almost to the point of tears. Little by little he wore me down until I now just say, "You need to keep trying, I'LL TELL YOU WHEN IT IS RIGHT." I also let the parents in on this and they understand and support it.

Try too hard to be your students' buddy, and they won't progress.

OTOH, there is never an excuse for rudeness. These little people (and their parents) are your clients, your paycheck, and they deserve your patience and respect.