Annual Holiday Letter - 2008
Hi Friends and Neighbors!
I bet you didn’t think you’d be hearin’ from me this Christmas but here I am! First off, I want to thank y’all that wrote me after you saw me on the TV news last month. The chain gang really isn’t as bad as it looks (except when I got chained to Big Louie who had a crush on me - that was a little dicey). Anyway, the state’s runnin’ out of money and 2,000 of us got released early! Who says there ain’t no Santa!
Second, let me pass on all the news of the kids. Jed got all C’s this year in 9th grade - that’s the best so far - but the school said he can’t stay anymore ‘cause he turned 20. No scholarship to Harvard this year! It’s just as well since he had to marry his first cousin Luan last week. I told him - “No moonshine at family reunions!” but you know kids - gotta learn the hard way.
Now, our sweet, young thing Trish - that little darlin’ is finally makin’ somethin’ of herself. You remember she hitchhicked to Hollywood 4 years ago to be in the movies? Well, we finally heard from her and she’s doin’ real good. While she’s waitin’ for her big break, she went and got herself elected 1st Vice President of the Y. L. C. I looked it up and it’s the Young Lesbian Communists. I guess it won’t hurt her career - as I think on it, Danny Thomas said he was a lesbian and it sure didn’t hurt him!
I wish I had good news about the wife but Fay ain’t here. I called her last Friday and let her know I was comin’ home today. The neighbors said she was packin’ the car all night and left about 2 this mornin’. She left this here note and it said the government made her go into the Witness Protection Program and she had to leave right away and she was sorry she had to cash in my insurance policy but she needed a tummy-tuck and a face lift. She said the government made her do it. She can call in about 20 years. Anyway, I got a case of Tiger Rose and y’all are invited over for a Christmas jolt on the 22nd. I know it ain’t Christmas but Fay left me a letter sayin’ the bank is foreclosin’ on the trailer on the 23rd. so I moved up the party a little. I guess if’n I lose the trailer, I won’t have a steady address and that cancels my parole and I understand that Louie is still askin’ about me so it could get dicey again. But not to worry! It’s Christmas! God bless Us - Everyone!
Your friend, Billy Bob
