Bass Players with Kids

D Bopp · #1 10-26-2009, 11:44 AM

Well, I will soon be a proud father in April. I'm 30 now and this will be my first child. I am excited and scared at the same time. I wanted to set up a poll to see how many TB'ers have kids.

Also if you have a second, leave me a little feedback on how easy or hard it is to manage family life in general with kids, and also your musical life at the same time.

Thanks

electracoyote · #2 10-26-2009, 11:52 AM

Your support structure determines the livelihood of your career and hobbies when you have kids. "Time management" takes on a new meaning. I was so busy as a father that I had to park my arse in a chair and teach guitar bass and mandolin from home, that was my only music connection for many years. Now my kids are a little older, they have their own lives and interests, I have some time to do more performance-based stuff. If music is a hobby and doesn't actually pay the bills, prepare for that to be one of the things that takes a back seat. If music pays the bills, time management and a support structure of family and friends is vital. Your wife will have to understand and support any decision you make, and you will have to be ready to make sacrifices and your child your top priority.

Oh, BTW, congratulations. Being a musician pales in comparison to being a dad.

()smoke() · #3 10-26-2009, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D Bopp

Well, I will soon be a proud father in April. I'm 30 now and this will be my first child. I am excited and scared at the same time. I wanted to set up a poll to see how many TB'ers have kids.

Also if you have a second, leave me a little feedback on how easy or hard it is to manage family life in general with kids, and also your musical life at the same time.

Thanks

congratulations!

we have 2

children are the best thing that's ever happened to us in our lives...it's ok to be a little scared, but realize your life doesn't end with kids, it just gets better...there are trying times, as with anything that demands so much of your attention, but they are well worth the return many times over

sometimes it can be difficult to manage a career, playing music, and a family--you must prioritize, but with a little understanding from your wife and extended family, you can still play music and enjoy all aspects of the children as well

good luck!

scottbass · #4 10-26-2009, 11:59 AM

One daughter was born when I was 30, then the twins (boy & girl) were born when I was 33. I quit playing gigs and moved my talents to the church. I did church choir and church piano and church organ and church bass and church guitar and cantoring until the youngest (twins) were about 14. That's about the age when I was no longer front-line involved in their activities (scouts, little league, religious ed.). At that time I started playing in for-profit bands again (at the age of 47) and slowly transitioned out of church music over the next 4 years. Don't get me wrong, I like performing Marty Haugen and David Haas music, but I LOVE performing Jagger, Richards, Townshend, McCartney, and Little Richard music! (To name but a few).

IMO you don't "manage" a family, you just make it up as you go based on your (and your spouse's) experiences with your own parents. Do what your parents did well, don't do what your parents did poorly, and always present a unified front to the kid(s) and to the outside world.

With good luck and hard work you will end up with some delightful young adults and you will be back playing for-profit in, oh, 15 to 20 years!

Skunk11 · #5 10-26-2009, 12:02 PM

Congratulations!

I have 3 daughters and I second what the others have said about time management with family.

I also always tell people that children are more work and more joy than you can ever imagine.

Good luck to you!

natw42 · #6 10-26-2009, 12:03 PM

Hey expecting dad! I'm going to be a new dad too next year...I got a baby boy due in early March.

My wife was taking a road trip to see her folks down in western Virginia and she told me that the baby was rocking out (read: kicking) the most to songs with cool bass lines.

Apple don't fall far from the tree I guess.

Definitely will be interested to see what the responses here will be...thanks for sharing your experience bassdads (and moms)!

jgroh · #7 10-26-2009, 12:04 PM

I have 2 small children as well and didnt have my first until I was 33 so I know what you are going through. Its scary, and Im not going to lie or blow smoke here...one of the first things I thought when we got home with him from the hospital was....what did we do??? You start thinking about all the stuff you arent going to be able to do anymore (like sleep off a hangover lol)

Thats pretty common I came to learn. After that initial shock, it has all been great. I dont even remember life before the kids, and wouldnt trade this time with them for anything.

You have to be a good team like my wife and I are. She covers for me when I want to do something, like do a gig or go to practice, and I cover for her when she has stuff. Thats really been the only way the music thing has worked for me.

D Bopp · #8 10-26-2009, 12:08 PM

Thanks. I didn't really mean 'manage', like a chore, or excel spreadsheet. I just meant how do you get through your day?

sirpug · #9 10-26-2009, 12:09 PM

Congrats, I'm 29 and I have a 3 year old. The first 15 months is pretty crazy. Your music will definitely take a back seat. You'll get a system figured out before too long though. After a month you'll learn the kid's "schedule" and you'll be able to adjust your schedule to match. Nap time is a great time to practice, just keep the volume down (I don't recommend headphones because you can't hear if they start crying).

One thing that really helped me was to get my son involved in music asap. He's three and he has his own bass, drum set, and a couple of keyboards. He's taking a couple of lessons a month at Seattle Drum School and he loves it. He loves singing on the PA for people too. I don't include him in full band practice yet because of the volume but him and I set up his drums and we jam together all the time.

Revvv · #10 10-26-2009, 12:10 PM

I have 2 girls. The oldest is 9 and the youngest is 6.

Believe me when I tell you that you have every right to be scared. You have a HUGE responsibilty coming in the near future. On the other hand, I don't want to imagine my life without my children. They have been the greatest blessing to my life, ever.

Music is not too tough with children if you have an understanding wife. It's always tough on me when I have to go out of town for several days, but the family seems to do great.

The other benefit of children and music is the instant draw they have to all types of musical things. This allows people such as you and I to work with our little one's from an early ege. My 9 year old plays guitar, and is constantly singing. My youngest is showing an attraction to the guitar as well. Both own keyboards. Now they want drums in the house. (I'm not sure who is getting the greater gift here, them or me).

Congrats on the new life you will see in April. That life is twofold, you and the baby.

pbass2 · #11 10-26-2009, 12:10 PM

Congrats!
I have a four year old. I'm a full-time musician, and it has made me much more focused and . . . agile, concerning my career. I think it really makes you get your ducks in a row.
Plus it's simply the most rewarding thing I know I've ever done.
Oh yeah, my son got a shiny new Bronco bass and little amp for his birthday. It's still a bit too big for him, but he can already thump root notes along with some of his faves (like The Clash and Imagination Movers---y'know, all the top kid's bands

Joeykun · #12 10-26-2009, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ()smoke()

sometimes it can be difficult to manage a career, playing music, and a family--you must prioritize, but with a little understanding from your wife and extended family, you can still play music and enjoy all aspects of the children as well

+1

I am 47 and have 2 boys (6 & 4). I took a year off from playing live when both kids were born. Once we had them in a good sleeping pattern I was able to get back to playing out again. My old band broke up while I was on leave. So, I joined a new band off of Craig's List. Now that the kids are a little older I am currently playing in 2 bands and do recordings on the side as well.

Enjoy being a dad! It is very rewarding. Take the time to be there for them because it is every bit true that they grow up too fast!

Congrats!!!

iamthebassman · #13 10-26-2009, 12:11 PM

I'm a professional musician, age 51, been married 6 years, and have an 18-month old son.

Here he is giving a High-5 to Steve Jones of the Sex Pistols.

pbass2 · #14 10-26-2009, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sirpug

Where did you get that little pbass? That's perfect!

sirpug · #15 10-26-2009, 12:21 PM

My brother in law had it. It was left over from his son. It's an Austin and it actually sounds pretty good. I've toyed with the idea of playing a gig with it as a joke.

topper · #16 10-26-2009, 12:24 PM

Congratulations! Balancing music and family can be a challenge. Talk to your wife about your and her expectations. Make sure you're both on the same page and that you support each other's interests and hobbies.

JTE · #17 10-26-2009, 12:40 PM

CONGRATULATIONS!

Yeah, it's great and scary at the same time. And they do turn into teenagers, but 9at least in my experience) they eventually turn into human beings again. Now that mine are older (like 32 and 28) I can say the best advice ever comes from the words of Hoddng Carter. "There are only two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots, the other, wings." Work to do both of those in equal measure, and you'll be succesful.

Balance? That's the tough part. First, don't neglect your marriage! Well after the kids are gone, you'll still have their mother and from bitter experience I'll tell you that you HAVE to keep focusing on that relationship. And from my own experience, I'll say I missed too many birtday parties, trips to the zoo, reading bed-time stories, talking about women, etc. in order to play gigs.

But the plus side is that my older son (who's a GREAT father with an 18 month old son) is a theater tech. He knew that a life in the arts was a rough gig and he knew that's what he wanted anyway. I've been rewarded by seeing him learn from my mistakes and be a better balancer than I was. My younger son asked me a few months ago about playing bass. I sent him one of mine (he's in Oregon so I haven't seen him in a year), and some tips on getting started.

Both boys love music, and have become very opinionated but articulate critics. They have wide tastes (Geoff had a mix tape that ranged from Pachabell's Canon to P-Funk, Sean had radio show in college where he played a lot of my albums). And one of the funniest moments was the day Geoff came home one day in April and said "Do you know how cool it is to drive around with all the windows rolled down, cranking "Purple Haze" as loud as you can?" "Oh, yeah, YOU do!".

So, in summary- to be a great father you need to love their mother and them unconditionally. Trust your instincts. Spend time with them giving them your undivided attention. Talk WITH them. And have fun with them.

John

motoman · #18 10-26-2009, 12:46 PM

I.m going to be a first time dad come April and i have been worrying about the same thing. Will i have time to play or a,m i going to loose everything i have learned over the past 3 years.

reno88 · #19 10-26-2009, 05:42 PM

enjoying a kid-free lifestyle. congrats, and good luck!

ReMmy · #20 10-26-2009, 06:04 PM

Congratulations! You will soon find out how rich your life can be (and noisy). I have five between my wife and me ( 2 from my previous marriage and three from hers), and while it is somewhat a controlled chaos most of the time, I wouldn't know how I could make life more fulfilling. I have 2 that are 8 years old, 2 that are 10 yrs., and 1 at 15. My wife and I are both in our late 30's (I only tell you this for reference, and i'm bored). The kids ALL show tremendous interest in my basses, drums, gear, etc., and it's something I completely encourage them to do... they can't get enough of it, and it beats the crap out of video games and Guitar Hero. It may become very tempting to put your bass away and feel discouraged because you think you haven't the time to play... but don't! That kid wants you to jam out. So, shove a tit in his mouth, crank it up, and get down.