Beating back temptation to hang it up.

RexNFX79 · #1 10-27-2010, 04:54 PM

I've been playing almost non-stop in bands since I was 14. Here I am now at 31 and my most recent band kind of went off the tracks a while back. At first, I dealt with the adversity of the band break up as I always do: assuming that something else would come up without much waiting. But this time it's been different. I have absolutely no musical prospects of any kind for the first time in almost five years. To make matters worse, I've been running ads on CL and such looking for others to play with and the responses I have gotten just further my non-band depression and make me think much more about just giving up. I have, for the first time since I was in college, thought about selling the bulk of my gear and just not worrying about playing in a band anymore and just spending more time on my boat or something. I don't want to stop but the options that I've been presented with as of late are worse than the thought of not playing at all. Any words of wisdom from others that have dealt with this?

Herbie 80's · #2 10-27-2010, 04:59 PM

Take a break from playing in a band for a while. Music should go beyond you just being in a band. Take your break from a band to listen to some new music, take a bit of a break, learn some theory, learn a new genre, etc,.

And hint of advice, instead of going on craigslist (all the crazies go here), go to actual gigs and bars and meet other players.

PS: This gives you a chance to go out of your comfort zone as well.

Dantreige · #3 10-27-2010, 05:04 PM

Don't sell your gear! Bands seam to form at the weirdest times.

How would you feel if you sold everything and then missed out on a great opportunity because you did not have the gear to get in and go?

Just hang in there. I am in the same boat. Time to work on my chops, vocals, and other band related skills.

The "best" band I was ever in: I had a chance encounter at a bar with a band leader that I "kind-of" knew. Two weeks and fourty plus songs later, I was in that band. We played hundreds of gig in a five year period. Had a blast.

You just never know. Go where the musicians are. Open mics and where ever live music is being played in your area.

Good luck!

fu22ba55 · #4 10-27-2010, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Herbie 80's

Take a break from playing in a band for a while. Music should go beyond you just being in a band. Take your break from a band to listen to some new music, take a bit of a break, learn some theory, learn a new genre, etc,.

And hint of advice, instead of going on craigslist (all the crazies go here), go to actual gigs and bars and meet other players.

PS: This gives you a chance to go out of your comfort zone as well.

+1

Herbie nailed it.

-take a break

-don't sell your gear

-CL is a morass of sadness and stupidity. Better to meet local players at local shows.

Bassdude404 · #5 10-27-2010, 05:09 PM

I can relate...A few years back I got fed up with the BS and ego trips that seem to be the norm in the music biz and quit playing for two years...Bought a motorcycle and spent time with my (then) fiancee' Jenny...It was nice not having to be someplace EVERY Saturday, and able to just do what I wanted with the weekends...Almost sold off all my gear, but Jenny convinced me to keep it, as it wasn't costing me anything to keep it around...Then fell into a cool deal with a great bunch of guys doing classic rock, with some newer stuff thrown in...then the drummer, whom is a guy I've known for about ten years and was the best man in our wedding, hooked up with a gal 30 years younger than him, and his attitude changed...Got a big head (ego), and became a person that I really don't ever want to be in a band with...I quit back in May this year, and the other guys booted him (which he blames on me), whatever...About 4 weekes ago, a guy stops by my house, looking for a bass player (a mutual buddy was with him and they were driving past)....Good thing I didn't sell all my stuff!!.....If it works out for the good, great..If not, no big deal...I've gotten to a point in my life where I don't HAVE to be playing to be happy...I have other things going on that I can use that time for instead...

Moral of the story....Don't sell your stuff!!...lol...

Sundogue · #6 10-27-2010, 05:09 PM

"This too shall pass."

Seriously. Just let it go for a while. Spend more time on your boat or something. You know you want to. You want to hang it up, so do just that. When the urge to play surfaces again (and it will), then do that again.

Sell your stuff if you feel the need to. Reacquire it if you need to in the future. Or hang onto it if you feel the need to. Makes very little difference in the grand scheme of this journey called life. Experience everything you can in life to it's fullest. If it ain't feeling so full, then leave it be. If it's meant to be, it will come back.

dmusic148 · #7 10-27-2010, 05:18 PM

Been there. +1 for not selling your stuff, at least not all of it. Sounds like maybe you'd like to roll some cash into your boat? Craigs!? Maybe you aren't exactly dying to get into a band right now?
Hey, don't worry about it- it's no big deal. Taking a break doesn't make you less of a musician, or whatever. Even the extremely gifted Rocco Prestia famously said "Fishing, man! There's more to life than playing bass." I'm not quoting him exactly, but that's essentially what he said.

Recently, I quit a band composed of some of my best friends because I was simply bored with what we did. Gigged every weekend for a year or so, nice steady gig. Hated it. Quit, good terms- they found a replacement right away (not that hard when you're a pro band with gigs).

No gigs for a week or two, and out of nowhere some of my pro hitmen friends started calling. Sub-gig city, as much as I want. I have no idea how it happened; I didn't exactly spread the word that I was looking for work again.

So, if you're any good, the gigs will come- call some old friends maybe? Or just chill for awhile with your boat- a change is good sometimes. Best, Dj

waynobass · #8 10-27-2010, 05:19 PM

I agree with all of the above, but then again, there's nothing wrong with quitting for good. The music world could use more people in the audience, and fewer on the stage.

RexNFX79 · #9 10-27-2010, 05:32 PM

I have absolutely no intention of selling all of my gear. I just have a lot of PA and bass stuff and it seems to be a shame to have so much if you're not using it. I will never completely sell out of all my gear barring my house being forclosed on or something crazy. When the band split up, inititially, I went through the phase of enjoying not having to be anywhere and getting on the water every weekend. I didn't really look for another band at first because I wanted a break but now, for some time, I have been looking again and the results have been completely depressing. I'm in the scene and I definitely don't depend on craiglist exclusivley but I've had no luck. I know that usually these things happen when you're not looking, I guess that needs to become my mantra. It's just freaking depressing to not have a gig when you really want one.

Bassdude404 · #10 10-27-2010, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RexNFX79

I know that usually these things happen when you're not looking, I guess that needs to become my mantra....

That's what happened with me...Wasn't looking at all...In fact, I was pizzed at my lawn tractor and about to push it onto the fire pit and light that P.O.S!!!...Dude probably thought I was totally nuts the way I was carrying on when they rolled into the driveway!!..lol...

Come to think of it, I met my wife when I had given up on the dating scene and just started hanging out instead...That was almost 15 years ago....

dmusic148 · #11 10-27-2010, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RexNFX79

I'm in the scene and I definitely don't depend on craiglist exclusivley but I've had no luck.

I should have also said that before joining my last band (friends) I had few gigs, for the last couple of years really. Not as much work falls from the sky these days, but, I don't really go looking for it. Too busy/lazy. Still, work came. I'm in kind of a big fish/small pond situation; not a ton of work but not too much competition, either. And, I'm lucky that I have friends that always have a lot of work- they have it because it's their living and THEY work hard to get and keep it, and I see the benefits of their labor. I am very grateful for the work they give me- the gigs are always fun, and pay well, and all I have to do is show up. But I've been in this game for 25 years or so- I have a lot of contacts, but sorry, none in Tn.

So, I suggest you network a bit more- think of some folks you worked with years ago and contact them- you may be surprised at the result. Best, Dj

dmusic148 · #12 10-27-2010, 06:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bassdude404

That's what happened with me...Wasn't looking at all...In fact, I was pizzed at my lawn tractor and about to push it onto the fire pit and light that P.O.S!!!...

That's cool but- when I lived in Jersey my neighbor shot his mower because it wouldn't start. Shot it up, with 12 ga. slugs, several times. I have to admit, it was pretty cool. Parts everywhere, some of them actually on fire. Very 'Road Warrior.' He and I fly model airplanes; we both said the mower had been reverted to 'Kit' form.

Oh, sorry for the huge derail. Couldn't help it. I'll go home now.

Bassdude404 · #13 10-27-2010, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dmusic148

That's cool but- when I lived in Jersey my neighbor shot his mower because it wouldn't start. Shot it up, with 12 ga. slugs, several times. I have to admit, it was pretty cool. Parts everywhere, some of them actually on fire. Very 'Road Warrior.' He and I fly model airplanes; we both said the mower had been reverted to 'Kit' form.

Oh, sorry for the huge derail. Couldn't help it. I'll go home now.

LMAO!!..Probably a good thing I didn't have any shotgun shells that day!!...Finally got it running again, and besides, the yard is too big to be using the pushmower...

Rickett Customs · #14 10-27-2010, 06:20 PM

Yeah, just take a break and do something else for the time being, you're going to end up pulling yourself in the direction of quitting, if you remain thinking like that.

Give it a small break at the least, you might find that you'll gain a new perspective on the whole deal.......

Rockmusician · #15 10-29-2010, 04:54 AM

I went through the same thing a while ago. I can pretty much play anything on bass so I wanted new challenges. I took the time practice guitar and learn keyboards. I haven't done a gig in over 4 years for some of the reasons you mentioned. I got tired of the egos and attitudes. I also could never find a band that wanted to do what I wanted to do and the ones who did, were terrible. I was contemplating giving up playing and selling my gear. I recently found a band that rehearses 2 miles from my house. I am playing with them tonight and if all goes well, I will join them. If I were you, I would take a break for a while or try another instrument.

coldfoot_luke · #16 10-29-2010, 05:05 AM

To echo other responses... take a break, play music for yourself, by yourself for a while. Play music for your own satisfaction, not to satisfy the needs of a band, not to fill up a gig schedule.

I was thinking about the same thing recently before my band fell apart, I was stressed and burnt out, and not enjoying myself. I've been writing songs on my own, in my free time, with no schedule or pressure. Also, I've found my own work without a band to be less inhibited by one style or genre. I miss playing live and having a full band, but I know when I do join a group again, my creativity and motivation will be refreshed. Take a break, but don't give up music!

Samsound · #17 10-29-2010, 06:28 AM

You might also consider picking up a decent audio interface and some recording software, and write/record some new stuff. Try something new for a spell. You might find you like it.

Lublin · #18 10-29-2010, 06:59 AM

Don't play music to be in a band. Play music to play music - because you love it and it makes you happy.

If you can't do that then it's a sign that it may be time to hang it up.

Thunderthumbs73 · #19 10-29-2010, 07:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RexNFX79

I've been playing almost non-stop in bands since I was 14. Here I am now at 31 and my most recent band kind of went off the tracks a while back. At first, I dealt with the adversity of the band break up as I always do: assuming that something else would come up without much waiting. But this time it's been different. I have absolutely no musical prospects of any kind for the first time in almost five years. To make matters worse, I've been running ads on CL and such looking for others to play with and the responses I have gotten just further my non-band depression and make me think much more about just giving up. I have, for the first time since I was in college, thought about selling the bulk of my gear and just not worrying about playing in a band anymore and just spending more time on my boat or something. I don't want to stop but the options that I've been presented with as of late are worse than the thought of not playing at all. Any words of wisdom from others that have dealt with this?

Take a break, but don't sell your stuff unless you absolutely need the money. Keep checking the ads, and keep your standards. Maybe think about starting your OWN band, or doing your own solo project that addresses that which you want to do. If that means that you want to do a good piano jazz trio, and there are no jazz pianists, think about learning some piano and putting some recordings together with piano and your existing bass skills.

Then again, I can understand taking a break too where keeping hustling and hitting the same dead ends or obstacles makes you wonder why you're doing it. And then you have a musical moment where it all comes together, and which you can remember for the tough times. But nothing wrong with taking a break. I took one for about six months about 10 years ago, and have thought I might take one again from time to time, due to frustrations I occasionally have. And we all have them.

Good luck.

M Sterling · #20 10-29-2010, 07:22 AM

One of the first lessons I ever learned is that bands come and go, musicians keep going. Musicians HAVE to play. Sometimes it's nice to take a break, free up your weekends for a little while. But, like everyone has said, don't sell your gear in case something cool comes up. Good luck, I have been in your shoes before, it always worked out.