The Praise and Worship Band Bassists Club part 23

[throughthefire]

Originally Posted by Cougmeister

We're holding off on getting married because my fiancee is getting school paid for due to her parents income, so we want to take advantage of that.

Running short on ethics as well as morals, then.

Not judging, just commenting.

[PilbaraBass]

You need to do what's right before God, mate...

God's your provider , not your fiancee's family... Not your church... Not your job...

Pray and ask God... And then do what He says...

Father knows best ...

[JamesGoodall]

Originally Posted by throughthefire

Running short on ethics as well as morals, then.

Not judging, just commenting.

I'm sorry,but there is nothing unethical about holding off on getting married until school is done. That is called financial practicality. The immoral part would be having a child out of wedlock, and I feel this has already been repented of. If coug were living on his own with the fiance that would be entirely different, but he's living with his parents, and I honestly see nothing of issue here.

The mere fact that you had to clarify that you weren't judging tells me that subconsciously you know you were.

[TodB]

Originally Posted by Cougmeister

That hits the nail on the head. I am a student as well, and if we didn't have her grant money, we wouldn't be able to make it financially. It takes care of alot of our needs. I tried to eplain all of this to the pastor, but I think he is still looking at it differently than he should. We're not living together so we can sleep together, but to be able to provide a loving environment for our son.

I'll also add that we are staying at my parent's house and not a place of our own.

It does kind of bother me that they want to use my gear still. My fiancee doesn't think I should let them use my gear at all. She is very offended by all of this and doesn't want anything to do with them.

It's not our job to judge, but to love and support.

We have two starving students with a new baby, not much money, living with parents. It sure sounds like there is a lot on your plate. I hope that you are getting support for all the rest of life and the bass playing issue is just a small piece of the conversation. If the only thing on the pastor's agenda is whether you play bass or not I would consider that disappointing. It's the old story that people don't care what you know unless they first know that you care.

It sounds to me like the pastor is trying to do the best he can in a complicated situation with a lot of moving parts. I get that he isn't completely understanding your side of it but we don't know what else is going on. For all we know he's got old school members whispering in his other ear about those darn young people and he's doing the best he can to keep peace with all concerned.

I would feel weirded out about the request to rent or buy your bass, unless you wanted to sell one. It's sort of like asking to borrow your toothbrush.

I mostly hope that you guys get the care and support you need at a complicated time in life. Whether you play bass or not for a while is one of the least important parts of this. God bless.

[TodB]

Originally Posted by throughthefire

Not judging, just commenting.

If you have to say you're not judging, well, you know the rest.

[SoVeryTired]

Okay, I may as well put my piece in as well.

The leadership asking you to step back now feels like them having given you a chance to 'do the right thing'.

We've had situations where people have been asked to step back from the team. In a similar scenario a couple moved in together a few weeks before marriage due to housing issues. They weren't sleeping together but he was asked to take a break until after the wedding and was happy to do so.

Leaders are held to a higher standard and, whether we feel like it or not, we're leaders. But they may also be acting for your protection. The problem with visible sins is people talk about them a lot (while covering their own up). A time off may actually be protecting you from gossip and judgment from other people.

I don't know the American educational funding system. I do know that following God costs. I also know that he provides.

As ever, please ignore anything you disagree with. We all seem to have some differing opinions here. You can take what you want from them. But don't just take the opinions of anonymous strangers on the internet. Pray. Talk it through with your leaders. Pray. Talk it through with strong Christian friends. Pray.

(And that's something constructive we can all do.)

[PilbaraBass]

^amen

[Skeeter1]

Originally Posted by Cougmeister

That hits the nail on the head. I am a student as well, and if we didn't have her grant money, we wouldn't be able to make it financially. It takes care of alot of our needs. I tried to eplain all of this to the pastor, but I think he is still looking at it differently than he should. We're not living together so we can sleep together, but to be able to provide a loving environment for our son.

I'll also add that we are staying at my parent's house and not a place of our own.

It does kind of bother me that they want to use my gear still. My fiancee doesn't think I should let them use my gear at all. She is very offended by all of this and doesn't want anything to do with them.

Ok, a little weird to rent your gear, wouldn't do that. Sell them some gear maybe at market value, if I had gear I wanted to part with. Those are the least of your worries right now.

I will always remember what my Grandfather said in the maternity ward on the birth of my first child, "we'll son, beautiful child I'm glad she looks like her Mamma! Welcome to the Grown Up World!" What he meant was that once you have children you have responsibilities to that child and the mother. One of the main responsibilities is to be a christian father leading by example and teaching by word and affection in every aspect of that child's life. He ended his conversation by looking at me and telling me "time to man up."

So my advice is to not even think about the band situation, God will sort that out for them, but think about how as men we are to love our wives and families as he loved the church. And then do as God has commanded and MARRY THE GIRL! Being a father requires more than being there to change poopy diapers.

1. Meet with the pastor immediately and seek council as to how the church feels about marriage. Some churches do not believe that the state does not have authority over marriage and therefore do not require a marriage license to get married. If you can get married this way "in the eyes of God" we'll who else's opinion matters. After graduation run down to the court house and get a license and the judge can "marry you in the eyes of the state".

3. Have you met with the financial aid department at your school? Go in and say "I need to speak to someone who knows the ins and outs of financial aid for married students. I knew of married students that had children when I went to school your situation is not unique they should have experience and guidance in this area.

2. I see you are a student. I would evaluate that along these lines: can I support a family in my chosen field of study (how much do people in this field make and are there open jobs in this field) and how close am I to finishing and getting a full time job(I assume you have a job now to support your child, if you don't GET ONE). You may need to put your education on hold.

[Cougmeister]

I'm almost done with school and will graduate in May unless I decide to take more classes. I do currently have a job that is barely enough, but I should be able to make more once I finish school.

[english4bw]

Originally Posted by Cougmeister

This is what has been bothering me. They knew about the pregnancy, and the pastor clearly stated that it would be different if we were getting married in a couple of months. We're holding off on getting married because my fiancee is getting school paid for due to her parents income, so we want to take advantage of that.

1) Don't be offended. This was EXACTLY the same thing that happened to me before I became engaged to my fiance. And I'm 46 years old! I was told I needed to make a decision if I wanted to remain on the platform. It's a standard thing for a church to require their worship team members to be following a code of conduct.

2) People talk. There may have been some conversations going on that you don't know about. Your Pastor could be responding to a lot of pressure.

[Paladin54]

Originally Posted by Cougmeister

This is what has been bothering me. They knew about the pregnancy, and the pastor clearly stated that it would be different if we were getting married in a couple of months. We're holding off on getting married because my fiancee is getting school paid for due to her parents income, so we want to take advantage of that.

OK, so you got a girl pregnant out of wedlock, but you stood by her and seem to be committed to her and the child and want to do the right thing. The church sees you doing the right thing and is ok with it. So far so good I guess. Whats done is done.

But now circumstances have changed again. Now you want to move in together, this expands the situation and changes the dynamics. The church has responded to your moving in together and you have laid out your reasons why you should.

You have 2 choices, move in together and deal with the consequences of that action to the church or not move in together and carry on as before.

Both of these have consequences. And neither is really the right decision I think.

You need to make things right and marry that girl. Is this best financially, maybe, maybe not. You might be surprised how much aid a poor married couple can get.

But finances isn't the issue here.

I try and live by a simple rule: Do what is right in the eyes of the Lord and let Him worry about the details.

Is it scary? Yup, terrifying at times. But that is what FAITH is. Trust in the Lord.

So do what is right. Don't live together until you can get married, this is right in the eyes of the Lord. Maybe you won't have a fancy wedding, maybe just a small ceremony that does the job, but married you must be to live together.

[5StringFool]

Hey Cougar, just curious... have you talked to the financial ais office about how getting married would effect your fiancee's grant?


As a married family of three I seriously doubt the Pell grant would be effected at all.

[Hawkeye]

Originally Posted by english4bw

2 words... Nashville Numerics. That way it doesn't matter what key they change it to as long as you know standard chord progressions/chord notes. Every chord/note is either 1-7 and you just change your root finger position if the key changes. Easy as pie.

Here's an example of what I do:

I thought somebody might bring up the Nashville method. I think that's especially useful for quickly getting on top of new material.

In an attempt to concentrate on groove, nuance, feel, and creative interplay between the vocals and other instruments I like to play along at home to provided tracks and get to optimize my place in the song prior to actually rehearsing with the team. I find that a reference track provided in the performance key is a very useful and practical help.

One of my WL's also provides the click track sequence when he uses them. That way the cues and tempos are there beforehand and give an advance roadmap where you can find the creative opportunities if you take the time to do so. For me it's the difference between playing an essentially correct if workmanlike bass part and being a creative and collaborative accompanist. Trying to focus on the latter. If you're going to provide a reference track, the readily available technology allows you to do that in that in the correct key. Why not? My $.02

[Hawkeye]

Originally Posted by rotis

We don't use PC. We will definitely have to look into it. We currently get chord sheets off ccli and that is it.

Even a small church can afford it at around $500/yr. the scheduling section alone is a major timesaver.

[mdjuszyn]

I am a sinner. I sin every day. So does our entire praise team. I hope my church never tells me I can't serve because of that. Might as well close the doors for good because everyone including the pastor, church council, music ministers, Sunday school teachers etc... would be fired if that was our criteria.

[Jhengsman]

On the other hand most churches consider their praise teams as junior leaders and there is this book which many have read that says there are qualifications leaders should meet. Many us see our role as more then being in a band

[Sethbass]

Cougmeister;
I guess bad decisions have consequences... I am sorry cougmeister... I would have sat u down the minute I found out you were having a baby out of wedlock... And now u don't want to get married cause...money??? Sounds like you may may need to grow up some too... Love isn't always cuddly fuzzy feelings, sometimes love is about making tough decisions. I love my children, sometimes they have to be put in their place and kno what they've done is wrong. Frankly I'd be more concerned, as a member of that church, where the priorities of those in charge really are. Allowing a person in a position of such responsibility without that person being very responsible! Sorry man but this is where the church has to stand strong, and deferentiate ourselves from the world! And I say this as someone who was sat down... I didn't get angry, bullish, or threaten to leave. I took the time to get my priorities together, straighten things out make it right and the WL, Pastor and I are all still good friends.

[Sethbass]

Originally Posted by mdjuszyn

I am a sinner. I sin every day. So does our entire praise team. I hope my church never tells me I can't serve because of that. Might as well close the doors for good because everyone including the pastor, church council, music ministers, Sunday school teachers etc... would be fired if that was our criteria.

I think the difference is that as a sinner, hopefully As a worship team member/church leader, you have taken time to set aside for prayer before puting yourself in the throne room of God and leading those your church into worship. To ask forgiveness for sin and to be forgiven is to turn from your sin, not continue in it!

[Dave the Bass]

Just to change the subject a bit.....

My WT recorded 4 original songs last night at the church.......my WL and his wife have been on a songwriting binge here the last month or so......got live recordings of 4 songs done in 2 hours and they sound great! Big props to our soundman for getting a nice recording mix, hopefully I will be able to put up some clips soon.......

[PilbaraBass]

Originally Posted by Dave the Bass

Just to change the subject a bit.....

My WT recorded 4 original songs last night at the church.......my WL and his wife have been on a songwriting binge here the last month or so......got live recordings of 4 songs done in 2 hours and they sound great! Big props to our soundman for getting a nice recording mix, hopefully I will be able to put up some clips soon.......

Cool! Would love to hear.
I think it's important for worship teams to write at least a little. It's like musical prophecy, per se.... Speaking out what God's doing amongst his people locally