Tired of being judged by my age and not my skills

[shawshank72]

At 41 yrs old i like to play a style of music that seems to be what all the twenty-somethings are playing in my area. All the people my age are either covers or blues or classic rock bands.
Not saying i dont like that, but i dont like playing it.
I love to play garage punk grunge rock originals.
Problem is every time i try out or inquire about bands in this style i get the usual, your too old for us. Or even if i get to audition its i fit perfectly but your age is a concern. Even to the point a couple times that band members would get into heated discussions about he plays great, so what if hes older. But their band leader wants to keep the appearancees up.
Im not out of shape, yes i have gray hairs mixed in my beard, yes i have a receding hair line, thats why i shave my head so i dont have to deal with it.
Trying to get back into playing with bands again after taking almost 2 yrs off due to getting burned out and now its starting again before i even get started.
I play with some guys once a week who are half of a cover band that wants to do originals. They are good guys but very under skilled and lean toward the simple classic rock style.
I enjoy playing with them but i need the outlet of what i want and need to play.
Was playing for a few weeks with a local band who was pretty big in the area as they were getting ready to do the summer gigs and such but in the end i got replaced by someone else do to they fit the look they were going for.
Just sick of it.
Cant help it that i aged in life, ive never treated anyone differently in music all the years i played based on age.
All im looking for now is to be treated the same.
Thanks for letting me rant.

[tbplayer59]

Image matters.

[kdogg]

I hear ya my brother. I too am 40 something years old, and had to realign my expectations as to what bands and or genres I can realistically continue to play. I agree with the above, that image is important. Unfortunately, while we can stave off looking our age for a while, father time eventually catches up to us.

I honestly can't fault a younger band for not wanting to hire me, regardless of my chops, for reasons of image. Given that, there are certain bands I don't even bother contacting. It sucks, because, like you, I would love to play some of the music more associated with a younger audience. Such is life.

Having said all that, don't give up! It may take some time, but there are singers, drummers, guitarists, and the like, who are your age and in the same boat.

[trowaclown]

Nick Oliveri is 41. An image like his would definitely help!

[Bill Rushing]

I hate hate hate to say this but...age matters. I'm in my late 40s and kind of in your same position. I don't play what most everyone else in my age group plays, but for me to be in a band full of kids that I am old enough to be the father of just looks ridiculous. Both for me and for them.

You can stay relevant but it gets so much harder after your mid-thirties. This is how it is. There are ways to work around this but it's hard, I won't lie.

[rhino333]

Start your own thing. You lead it.

[MysticMichael]

That sucks.

Sure, image matters. But there's a lot more to good image than merely being a particular age. And many ways to compensate if one happens to be of a different (i.e. older) age.

My take on it? Anyone who would discriminate purely on the basis of age, and nothing more, is revealing their shallowness, their immaturity - and ultimately, their insecurity. They assume that audiences won't like them because of "the old guy" in the band. But 41 is far from old - as they will soon discover for themselves when they get there. And they never even give the audiences a chance.

It happened to me once as well. In my case, the so-called "leader" wouldn't even schedule an audition for me, once he found out that I was older. I never even got a chance to show them I could play. But I guess for them it was never really about music anyway. And New York is full of shallow, narcissistic douchebags - of all ages.

If you're still determined to play - and you should be - you've got two choices, IMO: 1) continue to scout around for a great band that won't discriminate against you, or 2) start your own band. Option #2 is more work, to be sure. But you have more control as well. Even better, you get to set the guidelines for "image" - as well as the actual music.

MM

[Slough Feg Bass]

yeah, start your own band!
then show them you can rock just as hard, even harder than they can, and they will recognize that. "Man, that old guy really rocks!"
I feel kinda silly doing it sometimes, running around acting like I'm 25 when I am really 40 years old. But the kids like it, they keep showing up. They do kinda giggle when after the show they all want to go out and party all night, and we have to tell them no, we are going back to the hotel to get some sleep.

[pacojas]

i am twice as old as most of my bandmates and we don't care if it looks ridiculous! we are too busy destroying the headlining acts everywhere they dare to hire us!!! these kids recognise my ability and experience and shutter at the notion that i am too old. they have singled me out on their website as something to be heard rather than seen. it's a picture of me on stage with the caption,..

Come check out this badass bass player! (i blushed hard) now, i want a raise.

keep looking, friend!

[funkingroovin]

I hear you can appear 20 years younger with facial piercings,a knit cap,and a scowl..

[Slough Feg Bass]

That's such a great look for bass!

[DagoMaino]

The other difficulty is that at 33, I struggle to be tolerant of the immature attitudes of younger twenty somethings... I can out perform most 20 somethings and "lookswise" even pass for 25-28, but I don't like "kids" I just like "young music"... ha ha

Stupid squabbles and egos...

"We are going to make it big!" (playing rehashed Thrice songs)... sure you are...

"The music industry will bow to us because we are soo good" ... A little green, aren't we...

"we deserve to only be playing 50 minute opening slots for national touring bands"... hmmm, even if you can hang, you don't "deserve" anything in this industry.

"We only have to pre-sale 50 tickets at at $20 a pop"... my high school reunion was some time ago...

Maybe I'm just jaded, but I just like playing for playing sake, and it's really hard to relive the early 20 something naive excitements about where it might take you. I get excited about playing!

I never want to squelch any young person's dreams but we all know the realities and can spot the bands/artists that really "got what it takes" to forge their own destiny at this point in our lives, and even then you need a good measure of old fashioned luck... The others will come to terms with enjoying music for what it is or be bitter and selling their gear soon.

Young kids like to focus on the opportunities rather than the music...

-My old-person rant... ha ha

[fretlesswonder]

I got the image thing last week, never even got to audition. Sadly, they didn't want my MP3, they wanted a picture of me. Yes, I am 43, silver in the hair, got a belly...so I was upfront, yes, I am working out. Never mind, you don't have the image we need. I understand, but it doesn't matter if you are even good anymore. I feel your pain as well. I'm not going to look like Nikki Sixx, but that is what they wanted. Good for them...hope they find it.

[two fingers]

Originally Posted by funkingroovin

I hear you can appear 20 years younger with facial piercings,a knit cap,and a scowl..

I wonder if I can get flames painted down the side of my mini-van! That would totally............


Seriously, I will never drive a mini-van.


OP, the problem with ageists is that they all live in Canada. If you would move away from those dang Canayjuns you would be fine.


Seriously though, as stated before, start your own band. Don't hire anybody who looks too young. Play up your new sub genre...... Geeezer Core! (I have already trade marked it so you will need to send me checks and junk.)

P.S. I'm 41 too. I'm just giving you crap. Rock on fellow old guy! Woohoo! Let's party until........ wait....... I just threw my back out.

[dmusic148]

Lose the gray in your beard. The Just For Men product works wonders.
Dress the part. Wear a younger man's styles.
Lie.

[skychief]

Originally Posted by tbplayer59

Image matters.

Sad, but very true.

[electracoyote]

Well, I'm 54, in the best shape of my life, I can still wear the jeans I wore in high school (which, strangely, are back in style), I have a full wardrobe of stage apparel, most of my hair with only a hint of grey, cosmetically perfect teeth, I can play rings around most guitar and bass players in my area, I am perpetual motion on stage and can outlast bandmates half my age, but I still get a little age-based bias from time to time. Not very often though. A young outlook goes a long way, but you'll still run into it sooner or later. Just like very young musicians often get judged by their youth rather than their actual skills and contributions.

'Tis the way of the world.

[davec]

I hear you. I'm 42 I am out of shape and my head is almost all white...... That right I'm a praise and worship player!

Truth is it's not going to be as easy to find the right band and you may have to be the one to put it together to have it be what you want.

[sevdog]

I know more than one musician who either lies or simply won't disclose their age. The people I'm thinking of could pass for 29 but actually saw 29 in the mid 90's.

[JimmyM]

Originally Posted by trowaclown

Nick Oliveri is 41. An image like his would definitely help!

Doesn't seem to help him much, getting thrown out of QOTSA and arrested for beating and kidnapping his girlfriend.