Yoko Ono Syndrome?

shawshank72 · #1 10-21-2009, 09:12 PM

Been in this one side project for almost a year, everything is great. Playing out regulary, bandmates are cool, good times right? All the sudden the singers gf is joined at the hip with him. Now she sits in the corner during practices, never speaks to anyone, and now hes including her in band pics/videos etc.
Is this some kind of mental problem that causes this behavior?
anyone else ever had this problem? Basically after a month me and the drummer confronted him at a practice and he acted like what problem? needless to say we packed up our gear and left. just way to creepy. Such a shame too as the band was going good.

Muyy · #2 10-21-2009, 09:45 PM

touchy subject, now do I mind if a bandmates girlfriend or someone sits in? no I do not, music is for listening. Did you try talking to her and making friends? Or was it immediately a band vs girlfriend situation that was made? I would really have just told him I did not want the girlfriend in the band pictures and videos, because, they are pictures of the band, and she is not in the band. If he acted like he did not know what you were talking about, he probably did not see it as a problem, which means it could have been just innocent including his girlfriend so she doesn't feel left out. If the band was going good, I would have tried to talk it out, but it sounds as though you did. Either way, you split, so there is no dealing with it now. Hope you find a new band, peace

newbold · #3 10-21-2009, 09:50 PM

Looks like you dropped the ball with that and played it wrong.

Instead of stating there's a problem, you really should have just said that you wanted nobody there regularly except band members.

An evening of loud music spaces me out. That's probably what happened to her.

as far as the photos, fun pics should be fine but if she's not part of the unit (she doesn't talk/interact) then def. not for the promo or for 'band' shots.

talk it out before a confrontation.

Muyy · #4 10-21-2009, 09:55 PM

also, just fyi, an all caps thread title is very annoying, I suggest changing it and you would probably get some more help, we may all not be able to hear from too much bass playing, but our eyes work fine

Jim Campbell · #5 10-21-2009, 09:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shawshank72

Been in this one side project for almost a year, everything is great. Playing out regulary, bandmates are cool, good times right? All the sudden the singers gf is joined at the hip with him. Now she sits in the corner during practices, never speaks to anyone, and now hes including her in band pics/videos etc.
Is this some kind of mental problem that causes this behavior?
anyone else ever had this problem? Basically after a month me and the drummer confronted him at a practice and he acted like what problem? needless to say we packed up our gear and left. just way to creepy. Such a shame too as the band was going good.

could be she just wanted to be with her guy....if she started in with advice or a lot of gab or something you might say yoko but if she just sat quietly what's the big deal.....you may have jumped the gun here

WalterBush · #6 10-21-2009, 10:22 PM

It does sound to me like you guys maybe handled it a bit clumsily...I would have at least given the guy a chance to tell his girl that while he enjoyed her presence, she wasn't actually in the band, and that in order to progress the band didn't need the distraction. It might have worked.

On the other hand, by the time they're joined at the hip, and she's not talking to you guys at all, my experience has been that it's over, and she'll cause problems, or more precisely, your band member's behavior around the new SO will. It was over the minute she was in photo shoots.

I always hated when I saw it happening in any band I was in. It always played out the same, either we're nursing a friend's heartache when she leaves, or we were looking for new members to start another band. Fortunately, by my age, most of the guys I work with are married, and their wives don't want in on the work of being in a band

chuck3 · #7 10-21-2009, 10:27 PM

I was going to post "No GF pics, no Yoko thread," but then I went back and looked at Yoko pics on google image.

**ShoeManiac** · #8 10-21-2009, 11:04 PM

I've had bands where we talked about things like this upfront. And we came to an agreement that practices should be closed to guests unless we clear it with the bandmates in advance. The reasonining behind it was that it was easier to get work done without distractions. It's easier to say things to one another when there isn't an outsider in the room.

That doesn't mean that we never had anyone sit in on practice. Sometimes when a gig was coming up we'd have people in just to have someone to play to and get some outside perspective.

shawshank72 · #9 10-22-2009, 06:08 AM

First off, i have no problem with people hanging around practice.
Second, i dont mind critisism either.
Communication was offered, chick just wouldnt talk to anyone except bf, and bf spent every free moment ignoring band.
Having to watch people suck face and baby talk..

We are adults are we not?

shawshank72 · #10 10-22-2009, 06:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Muyy

also, just fyi, an all caps thread title is very annoying, I suggest changing it and you would probably get some more help, we may all not be able to hear from too much bass playing, but our eyes work fine

Sorry, didnt even realize it.

Lichtaffen · #11 10-22-2009, 06:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shawshank72

Having to watch people suck face and baby talk..

We are adults are we not?

If it means anything, I don't think you acted hastily. Obviously, this was something that bugged you a lot and by the singer not acknowledging that it was a distraction, it was something that was probably going to get worse. I think you saw the writing on the wall.

In my experience, this sort of thing always turns out bad and criticism only hurts the feelings of the people who are already overly emotional (why else do you NEED your girlfriend there every practice, you're obviously insecure). The 'significant others' (and I've seen it with boyfriends too) always keep to themselves during public activity, but when the two of them are laying in bed post-coitus, you know she's caressing him and giving her opinion on what he should do with the band, etc.

Don't sweat it. Move on.

cnltb · #12 10-22-2009, 06:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newbold

Looks like you dropped the ball with that and played it wrong.

Instead of stating there's a problem, you really should have just said that you wanted nobody there regularly except band members.

An evening of loud music spaces me out. That's probably what happened to her.

as far as the photos, fun pics should be fine but if she's not part of the unit (she doesn't talk/interact) then def. not for the promo or for 'band' shots.

talk it out before a confrontation.

+1

rappa29 · #13 10-22-2009, 06:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shawshank72

...and now hes including her in band pics/videos etc.

WTH????

In any of the bands I've been in, I've never had a problem with gf's, wives, groupies, skanks, beaches, hose, etc hanging around, so long is they being there doesn't effect rehearsal.

However, NONE of them have EVER been included in band pics or promo videos.

I don't have an opinion about whether you acted hastily or not, but having a NON BAND MEMBER in any type of band pic\video is definitely odd and a 100% no-no in my book!

YMMV.

sevenyearsdown · #14 10-22-2009, 06:54 AM

I guess it depends on one's own opinion, but band practice is always a nice getaway for me. Like I do my thing with the boys, and she does her thing with her girls or whatever. We all hang at gigs - which is how it should be. GF or wives at practice for no reason other than observing is a no-no for me.

I agree with the OP here. That GF at practice thing has happened to me a few times in past bands, and it was never a good thing. Every time it was a dude who was so wrapped up with a chick that it started affecting his band relationship. If a guy can't have one night a week to play with the boys - serious trust issues or immaturity in my experience.

Take your chick to the movies, dinner, or something social.....not band practice.

Terry Funk · #15 10-22-2009, 01:52 PM

The way I see it is this.... If the SO doesn't contribute in any significant way to the band, then she doesn't belong at band practice or in photos and she's got to go, point blank. Especially if she causes any sort of friction or disrupts the band chemistry and camaraderie (I mean seriously.... you're kind enough to let her sit in on prac and she can't even open her mouth to speak? Really?). And if the guy in the band has a problem with that, then he's got to go too. That's just the way it is. I'll be damned if my band goes through any trouble whatsoever because of someone's neediness, clinginess or insecurity.

Yerf Dog · #16 10-22-2009, 02:23 PM

Pics of gf?

MooseLumps · #17 10-22-2009, 02:26 PM

Were you imagining her?

wade_b · #18 10-22-2009, 09:47 PM

What I don't understand is:

Why did you sit back and let this guy include her in "band pics and videos"?

So you let all of this go down, including a month of her sitting in on every band rehearsal, and THEN you confront him and split the band?

marcss · #19 10-22-2009, 09:54 PM

Go instrumental, IMO. Does the practice space belong to the singer?

theevilplankton · #20 10-23-2009, 04:16 AM

I had a similar thing a few months back.

New project, not going tooooo badly, but...

Drummer's gf appeared at practice. Turned out she had been in a band recently, as a vocalist. No problem there.

Within a week or so, she had taken on position of musical director. Telling everyone what to play (though she never did with me...perhaps she got the vibe!), and getting really involved. Next minute she's got the singer and backing singers in a seperate room, teaching them which harmony would be best!

I had no problem with her helping, but she was one of the most the most arrogant, obnoxious people I think I've ever met!

I mentioned it to the singer, who's group it was, and he was like 'no probelm, she's not in the group, or trying to be, just giving advice'. Yeah, right!

The next week, I got an e-mail saying that he had sacked all 3 other singers, and taken her on!

I had a chat with him, expalined that I wouldn't work with her (and the drumming bf by now was acting the same as her, trying to take over as well). Basically, I put it across that if she stays, I go - luckily by now I had lined something else up.

Upshot was, they stayed and I quit. Within 3 weeks the singer was back in touch - he'd got rid of her and her bf, and wanted to start again.

Basically, not in a million years!

Sorry for the long post, hope this helps. Band politics can be difficult, but if things bug you, it never hurts to be honest and raise your concerns. If they don't like it, they're probably not worth it, and would only get funny about something else later on!