Am I picky, jealous, or just stubborn?

[T-Bal]

Did anything else in my post strike you one way or the other?

[stormwriter]

Thanks you guys, for the words. I am a basket case. (was just at the doctor for anti-depressants yesterday!)
The girlfriend... the playing funk i'm in... now NHOP. Dangit!

Jason: My phone doesn't ring anymore cause i haven't been out meeting players in about 8 years. I don't go to sessions anymore, don't have any jazz musician friends, and never go to the local jazz club. I just fell off the map. My excuse always has been, "I have a day job now; i can't go out until 1am on the weekdays..." I am full of excuses.

Recently i did start analyzing my playing, and getting at the root of what's been bothering me about my playing for YEARS. I'm the kind of player that gets away with playing wrong notes cause i try and play them with conviction. If i forget the changes for a bar or two - no one really notices. So, i've used that as a crutch for YEARS.
Also, i haven't practiced scales much at all, especially in keys like A flat, so i'm back to working out my weak keys.

T-Bal: I love jazz, but i'm so close-minded. I told myself i would rather sit at home than play anything other than straight-ahead jazz. That's probably why my phone never rings as well. I don't have an electric, and i haven't studied any other type of music.

I think i might look into getting in touch with one of the bass players in town here that i like. He's got a style that i like. He's not like, "Get some gut strings, unplug that amp, and start pullin'!!"

Hey, i have a link to my playing. This is from many years ago. I came out of retirement to help a friend in the studio. I still had some chops, but i was a little rusty. My intonation was a little messed up though, especially in the upper register, so i stayed kind of low during my solo. I also tried to stay away from that stupid F on the g-string that buzzes!! (I'm getting that fixed, finally...)
So, check it out. I'm not super happy with it, but i'm not ashamed of it either.

Cameron's playing

[Ed Fuqua]

You're 31 and can't stay out past 1am? Man, I barely remember 31, that was when I moved here. I don't think I was home before 1am for at least a year. Remember, nobody ever died cause they were sitting at their computer, tired. Unless you're a truck driver or brain surgeon (hey, broad strokes here), don't sweat being tired. I dunno, the whole rap about the drummer seemed to be more concerned with the "only one gig for pizza" than it did about the chance to make some music. I been playing with the same quartet on Tuesday nights for at least 2 years at this point. If somebody gets us a gig, that'd be great. But we still show up every Tuesday because we have fun making music together. Fun making music- that transcends no gigs, no girlfriend,no sleep...I'm with Phil Woods, I get paid to show up, playing I do for free.

I only play straight ahead jazz too. And I decided that I didn't want to worry about saying yes to every ******* who had a gig, so I don't try to make a living playing music. But I also don't want to "sit at home", I'd rather be playing music. even if that's in the drummer's living room.

Whatever.

The bottom line, to me, is that if you never strive to discover your own personal voice, if all you do is try to become an amalgam of players who you dig, you are ALWAYS going to be frustrated. Being yourself is going to be a million times easier than trying to be somebody else.

Stop being afraid to be yourself. It's the only person you can be.

[stormwriter]

I know Ed, that's why i don't bother hanging out on the scene. I don't want to get out there unless i'm absolutely sure it's something i want to do again. If i throw the bass in the garden and plant flowers in the f-holes, no one will miss my playing. No big loss to jazz.

Did you listen to my playing? Do i sound like a clone of anyone?

Some people are driven, and i'm not right now. I'm trying to get motivated, but it's an uphill battle. If i do go out and play and i don't feel i played very well, it bothers me for weeks.

Maybe i should start hanging out at www.unmotivatedbassplayers.com, or www.depressingformerjazzmusicians.com.

[T-Bal]

Originally Posted by stormwriter

Recently i did start analyzing my playing, and getting at the root of what's been bothering me about my playing for YEARS. I'm the kind of player that gets away with playing wrong notes cause i try and play them with conviction. If i forget the changes for a bar or two - no one really notices. So, i've used that as a crutch for YEARS.
Also, i haven't practiced scales much at all, especially in keys like A flat, so i'm back to working out my weak keys.

T-Bal: I love jazz, but i'm so close-minded. I told myself i would rather sit at home than play anything other than straight-ahead jazz. That's probably why my phone never rings as well. I don't have an electric, and i haven't studied any other type of music.

Hey man, this is good. Keep the dialogue going. Being honest with yourself is the best thing you can do. There's nothing wrong with doing what you love the most, in terms of straight-ahead. Don't think of it as being closed-minded, think of it as being true to yourself. There's no sense playing anything you don't believe in just because somebody says you should. Find some other like-minded musicians to play with, and you're off and running.

Also, regarding the depression. If you can get to the point where you're playing regularly (alone and with others) that act by itself can be an anti-depressant. The act of making music at any level can be very personally uplifting.

Self-esteem: I always used to tell myself and others that I thought my playing sucked. I wasn't trying to have people feel sorry for me, I just knew where I was in the journey - at the beginning. I also knew that if I kept at it I would get better, but it would take some effort. So my point with this is, be OK with where you are, and know you have the drive and potential to get where you want to go. (And remember, you never REALLY get there, you just keep going).

I'm going to check your link now.

[T-Bal]

Just downloaded your clip. No time now, but I'll PM you some comments later tonight.

[Savino]

Yeah Cameron,
You get a great sound out of your bass. You have good time. Original ideas and you develop them. This is big part of the battle that you have already won. My advice: Write some new tunes and start your own band. There has to be some good players where you live that you vibe with. if not, change your life and move. Take control of your destiny. I'm sure if you put in a little shedding you'd cut it anywhere you go, even NY. Your heart contains all your answers. listen up.

[nicklloyd]

Neat thread.

As far as the "scene" goes... yer in it. Welcome to Talkbass.

[Jeremy Allen]

My situation ain't at all like yours, Writers-On-The-Storm, but I did recently move from jazz heaven (NYC, in case there's a doubt) to Eagle's Nuts, Arkansas (actually Bloomington, IN, in case you don't look at my info), and there have been some dry spells creatively speaking. During those times, I take great solace in playing along with certain straight-ahead jazz recordings at very high volume. Like, if there's a Friday night when I have no gig because there are no gigs here on Fridays, or if I just had to play with the piano player who for some reason has a monopoly on all the local gigs even though she can't reliably play the changes to "Have You Met Miss Jones" (which she considers to be an example of "hard-core jazz," whatever that means), I put on Sonny Rollins "Live at the Village Vanguard" or the "Complete 1964 Concert" by the Miles Davis Quintet or "Sonny Meets Hawk" or "Everybody Digs Bill Evans" or Jim Hall/Bob Brookmeyer "Live at the North Sea Jazz Festival," turn it up quite loud, and have my own little practice collaboration. It works to get my core connected to the music in a way that practicing sometimes doesn't (whatever that means--I've been trying to put my finger on it, and it's just that state in which you're REALLY PLAYING and your metabolism increases and you sweat and afterwards you feel like you've been shouting something for a long time--or at least I do, I don't know), and although it isn't recommended for a long-term cure it sure works in a pinch.

Also, I find that I get a lot out of transcribing solos by tenor players or trumpet players or pianists and then really spending some time learning them on bass, especially in many keys. The material never ever then comes out verbatim in what I play, but my playing is nonetheless expanded in the process. And the practicing makes you feel like you're really DOING something. (Try Clifford Brown's famous solo on "Confirmation" from the live Art Blakey recording, and Wayne Shorter's tenor solo on "Yes Or No" from Juju--both are fairly accessible to bassists, and they're loaded with good stuff.)

[5stringDNA]

This has been quite an interesting read, I can sympathize with with it as far as my slab playing goes, but I'm just getting my foot in the door of the DB world, and often struggle with what to work on each day because there are so many directions to go. As far as the passion thign not sure about wanting to be on the scene, and being picky about what you play, I think I'm in an opposite camp. I'm pretty ADD about it all and if someone asks if I want to Jam I don't have to think twice about it. ever sicne I started with trumpet in middle school, I've really untraditional as far as influences and musicians taht inspire me. At least half the music I love and try to imitate on my bass (no longer playing trumpet...) was not played on or written for the bass. There is a very exciting element to doing something that most would feel is unusual or improper. The world music thing was mentioned, and that is another area I love- there are a whole lot of really great sounds outside the western world. Unlike most of the cats here, and you, I don't quite get teh same dig out of many of the standards, although I ahve a very deep respect and admiration for their ability, sound, and what they did. (I do like Moore, Mingus, and Holland's playing quite a bit!). I'm also very green and have so much more to "taste" before I become any kind of respectable player, but I can still get up every day and know that I would be completely crushed if I coudln't pick up my bass anymore. Just some ramblings from a novice. Listenign to Ed would be far more productive .

[musicman5string]

I just happend to come across this thread.

Is stormwriter still around? Did he sort his stuff out?

[mapleleaf4evr]

Just a quick note, you mentioned you liked Neil Swainson (a fellow Canuck), a great album to hear him on is on the BBC jazz Legends George Shearing recording. It is live recording from 1992, just bass and piano. You will get to hear lots of Neil's playing.

I hope things are better, remember try and keep everything in perspective. Remember why you started playing in the first place. We all go through ups and downs, and anybody who looks for work playing jazz has expereinced frustrations.

Good luck.