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03-11-2009, 04:23 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Arizona | | | Bass jokes...
Sign in to disble this ad
A musician and a bass player walk into a bar.
You know how to tell the difference between bass tunes?
The song titles are different!
These were actually Banjo player jokes converted to bass player jokes. 
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It's not how you pick your nose... It's where you put the booger!
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03-11-2009, 04:41 AM
|  | Unprofessional TalkBass Contributor | | Join Date: Dec 1999 Location: Brighton, England, UK, Europe | | I'm not even sure that counts as a joke (singular!)... 
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“Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity.”
Charles Mingus |
03-11-2009, 06:31 AM
|  | Yeah, I've got the moves like Jagger. | | Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: G.R. MI | | | I prefer to walk to 12 bars, then turn around and do it all over again.
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by BassChalice  Everybody pay attention to Phalex now! | Quote:
Originally Posted by champbassist My cat breath smelling a cat's odor is eating. | Quote:
Originally Posted by hover He's got the Moo OO OO OO OO OO OO OObs like Jagger.... | |
03-11-2009, 07:09 AM
|  | Vintage Keys | | Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Austin, TX | | | What do you say to a drummer that knocks on your door?
How much is the pizza? |
03-11-2009, 07:14 AM
| | Yeah, I've got the moves like Jagger. | | Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: G.R. MI | | Quote:
Originally Posted by Frank Tuesday What do you say to a drummer that knocks on your door?
How much is the pizza? | How do you get a drummer off of your front porch??
Pay him for the Pizza.
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by BassChalice Everybody pay attention to Phalex now! | Quote:
Originally Posted by champbassist My cat breath smelling a cat's odor is eating. | Quote:
Originally Posted by hover He's got the Moo OO OO OO OO OO OO OObs like Jagger.... | |
03-11-2009, 10:58 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: North Kingstown, Rhode Island | | | What has three legs and an a-hole on top of it?
A drum-stool. |
03-11-2009, 11:23 AM
| | Yeah, I've got the moves like Jagger. | | Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: G.R. MI | | | How do you make the drummers car more aerodynamic??
Take the Dominos Pizza sign off of the roof.
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by BassChalice Everybody pay attention to Phalex now! | Quote:
Originally Posted by champbassist My cat breath smelling a cat's odor is eating. | Quote:
Originally Posted by hover He's got the Moo OO OO OO OO OO OO OObs like Jagger.... | |
03-11-2009, 12:34 PM
| | | | A guy walks into a bar and starts to tell a "drummer" joke. The bartender stops him and says "Before you go on, I think you should know...I am a drummer, the guy to the right of you is a drummer and the guy to the left of you is a drummer.....still want to tell your joke?"
"Not if I have to explain it 3 times!"
__________________
Jaguar Club Member,#15 Gallien-Krueger Member #328 MIM P-Bass Member #17 Black 'n' Maple Bass Club #159 www.myspace.com/taminglarue
We all shine on, like the moon and the stars and the sun.
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03-11-2009, 03:14 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Ventura, California | | | Q: What do you call a bass player who just broke up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
(Good God, this hits home. I hope she doesn't ever leave me until I get another one lined up!) |
03-11-2009, 03:32 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Ventura, California | | | OK... A longer joke, but I like it:
Two buddies decide to 'get away from it all' for a vacation. They make reservations at a small, private hotel on a small tropical island, and charter a small plane to get there.
They arrive at the island and are stunned by the beauty of the place. However, there's a guy at the end of the runway just goin' absolutely crazy on some drums....
----"teTa-tuTa-TATATA!!!" -----
He's goin' nuts! They guys think that it must be some sort of local welcoming ceremony or something.
When they go to get their bags, there's the drummer going crazy still...
-----"teTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA!!!!" -----
"Wow!" says one of the guys. "It must be a festival or something."
They get to the hotel, and there's the drummer behind the desk...
-----"teTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA"teTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA!!!!"-----
The other guy remarks "Eh.. OK.. I think I'm over the drums now."
They get their room keys and head upstairs. There's the drummer at the end of the hall still going crazy on the drums...
-----"teTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA"teTa-tuTa-TATATA-psst-teTa-ptssst-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATAteTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA-bopbopbopBopBopBOP-teTa-tuTa-TATATA"teTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA-BOPBOP-teTa-tuTa-TATATA!!!!" -----
"Ok.. this is crazy," says one of the guys. "I'm heading downstairs to talk to the manager!" He promptly takes off to go downstairs.
When he gets down there, the drummer's still goin' at it....
-----"teTa-tuTa-ting-tuhtata-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA!!!" -----
"Hey," the guy says to the manager. "These drums are starting to drive us nuts. When will they stop playing?" he tried to ask over the beating drums.
-----"teTa-tuTa-TATATA-bumba-bumba-teTa-tuTa-TATATA!!!!"-----
"Never," replied the manager.
-----"teTa-tuTa-TATATA-ptsst-teTa-tuTa-TATATA!!!!" -----
"Well, could you get them to stop just for a little while?"
-----"teTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA!!!!"-----
"No," said the manager in broken English. "The drums must always go on!"
-----"teTa-tuTa-ptsss-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA!!!!"-----
"Couldn't you just get them to stop just for us?"
-----"teTa-tuTa-boppa-bopppa-TATATA-tatuh-tatuh-teTa-tuTa-bopbopBopBopBOPBOP-TATATA!!!!" -----
"Oh no!" said the manager. "Drums stop... it is very bad. Very, very bad!"
-----"teTa-tuTa-boppa-bopppa-TATATA-tatuh-tatuh-teTa-tuTa-bopbopBopBopBOPBOP-TATATA!!!!" -----
"Why?" asked the confused tourist. "What happens that's so bad when the drums stop?!?!?"
-----"Tata-tata-bopbop-TATUH-TATUH!!!"-----
"Bass solo!"
-----"Badump.."-----
Last edited by Ubersheist : 03-11-2009 at 03:37 PM.
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03-11-2009, 03:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ubersheist OK... A longer joke, but I like it:
Two buddies decide to 'get away from it all' for a vacation. They make reservations at a small, private hotel on a small tropical island, and charter a small plane to get there.
They arrive at the island and are stunned by the beauty of the place. However, there's a guy at the end of the runway just goin' absolutely crazy on some drums....
----"teTa-tuTa-TATATA!!!" -----
He's goin' nuts! They guys think that it must be some sort of local welcoming ceremony or something.
When they go to get their bags, there's the drummer going crazy still...
-----"teTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA!!!!" -----
"Wow!" says one of the guys. "It must be a festival or something."
They get to the hotel, and there's the drummer behind the desk...
-----"teTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA"teTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA!!!!"-----
The other guy remarks "Eh.. OK.. I think I'm over the drums now."
They get their room keys and head upstairs. There's the drummer at the end of the hall still going crazy on the drums...
-----"teTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA"teTa-tuTa-TATATA-psst-teTa-ptssst-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATAteTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA-bopbopbopBopBopBOP-teTa-tuTa-TATATA"teTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA-BOPBOP-teTa-tuTa-TATATA!!!!" -----
"Ok.. this is crazy," says one of the guys. "I'm heading downstairs to talk to the manager!" He promptly takes off to go downstairs.
When he gets down there, the drummer's still goin' at it....
-----"teTa-tuTa-ting-tuhtata-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA!!!" -----
"Hey," the guy says to the manager. "These drums are starting to drive us nuts. When will they stop playing?" he tried to ask over the beating drums.
-----"teTa-tuTa-TATATA-bumba-bumba-teTa-tuTa-TATATA!!!!"-----
"Never," replied the manager.
-----"teTa-tuTa-TATATA-ptsst-teTa-tuTa-TATATA!!!!" -----
"Well, could you get them to stop just for a little while?"
-----"teTa-tuTa-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA!!!!"-----
"No," said the manager in broken English. "The drums must always go on!"
-----"teTa-tuTa-ptsss-TATATA-teTa-tuTa-TATATA!!!!"-----
"Couldn't you just get them to stop just for us?"
-----"teTa-tuTa-boppa-bopppa-TATATA-tatuh-tatuh-teTa-tuTa-bopbopBopBopBOPBOP-TATATA!!!!" -----
"Oh no!" said the manager. "Drums stop... it is very bad. Very, very bad!"
-----"teTa-tuTa-boppa-bopppa-TATATA-tatuh-tatuh-teTa-tuTa-bopbopBopBopBOPBOP-TATATA!!!!" -----
"Why?" asked the confused tourist. "What happens that's so bad when the drums stop?!?!?"
-----"Tata-tata-bopbop-TATUH-TATUH!!!"-----
"Bass solo!"
-----"Badump.."----- | Very good
__________________
Jaguar Club Member,#15 Gallien-Krueger Member #328 MIM P-Bass Member #17 Black 'n' Maple Bass Club #159 www.myspace.com/taminglarue
We all shine on, like the moon and the stars and the sun.
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03-11-2009, 04:06 PM
|  | Holy Ghost filled Bass Player Moderator | | Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: Heber Springs, Arkansas | | Quote:
Originally Posted by Phalex How do you get a drummer off of your front porch??
Pay him for the Pizza. |
How could you tell it was a drummer when he knocked?
He sped up.
__________________
Experience is what you get, when you don't get what you want.
45 year old freshman
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03-11-2009, 04:07 PM
| | Holy Ghost filled Bass Player Moderator | | Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: Heber Springs, Arkansas | | | How do you get a lead guitarist to turn down?
Put some sheet music in front of him.
__________________
Experience is what you get, when you don't get what you want.
45 year old freshman
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