Dealing with Disappointment

kommando84 · #1 12-18-2009, 09:09 AM

Lately I've begun to realize that my dream of being a professional musician is probably not going to happen, and it's really got me down. I know so many want to pursue music for a living and so few make it, but still, I am kind of surprised at how hard this has hit me.

I'm a successful military officer with a good career lined up if I want it, but my heart has always been in music, and that's what I wanted to do when I get out. However, as so often happens, it just doesn't make sense to take my family out of the healthcare, steady paycheck, and other benefits that my current job gives just so I can try to get onstage and do my thing.

Has/is anybody else going through this, and how are you handling it? Thanks.

stflbn · #2 12-18-2009, 09:16 AM

Music makes a great hobby for someone with a career and benefits and family.

Military makes a pretty crappy hobby for someone in Music without benefits and career.

IMHO.

fearceol · #3 12-18-2009, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kommando84

my heart has always been in music,

It still can be, but maybe not as a pro. You dont have to be a pro to enjoy playing.

BruceWane · #4 12-18-2009, 02:50 PM

Consider this. A professional musician has to play music in order to make money. So, to at least some degree, you have to play what other people want to hear.

When you don't have to get a paycheck from what you play, you get to play what ever you want, and if other people like it, great, but it's no big deal if you don't have hundreds or thousands of adoring - and paying - fans.

topper · #5 12-18-2009, 02:57 PM

I think you'll find you're in good company. Most of us have faced this at some point.

Sometimes making a career out of something you love is a sure way to kill that love forever. What was fun and exciting suddenly becomes a job.

Keep your love of music alive by making it a wonderful and rewarding hobby that feeds your soul (if not your wallet).

TwoGearGeeks · #6 12-18-2009, 02:59 PM

Why not try out for the military band??

electracoyote · #7 12-18-2009, 03:01 PM

Dreams don't come with expiration dates.

I'm 50 and still expecting good things to happen. Strangely, my idea of "success" has changed. I used to think it was a gold or platinum record on the wall. But over the years of hard work, I run a successful mobile entertainment company, DJ and play in two bands, and have 20 students. I make a comfortable living in the music/entertainment industry.

The gold record on the wall may not happen, but I can go into old age (in about 20 years) knowing that I worked hard toward my dream and had a modicum of success along the way. And that I had the balls to keep trying instead of giving up.

kommando84 · #8 12-18-2009, 09:53 PM

Thanks to everyone who replied to my thread. I'm not really sure how this is all going to pan out, but I guess I just thought some fellow TalkBassers would understand what I'm going through. Nobody around here really gets it, and I feel foolish telling people about my issues, especially those who see the success I have at work. The Army isn't a bad place, it's just not my DREAM, you know? I can't honestly get in front of people and say, "This is where I want to be, right here, right now." If I won the lottery tomorrow, I'd quit and start a band the next day.

Jeff K · #9 12-18-2009, 10:32 PM

One of my sons has always been a dreamer. He plays bass and guitar (much better than me!), and is a prolific songwriter. He always thought that he'd hit it big as a songwriter. It never happened.

While he's still relatively young (31), he's now busting his hump as a U.S. Border Patrol agent. Sometimes you just have to go with the regular paycheck and benefits. But yes, he still writes...

ggunn · #10 12-19-2009, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kommando84

Thanks to everyone who replied to my thread. I'm not really sure how this is all going to pan out, but I guess I just thought some fellow TalkBassers would understand what I'm going through. Nobody around here really gets it, and I feel foolish telling people about my issues, especially those who see the success I have at work. The Army isn't a bad place, it's just not my DREAM, you know? I can't honestly get in front of people and say, "This is where I want to be, right here, right now." If I won the lottery tomorrow, I'd quit and start a band the next day.

As would we all. You are not alone; in fact, I'd say that 99+% of folks who start out with the dream of "making it" in music eventually come to the point you have reached. But, as others have said, that's certainly no reason to hang up your guns. Turn chicken $#!t into chicken salad. Take advantage of the position in which you find yourself. Find kindred souls and start a band that makes no monetary compromises. Revel in playing music for your heart and soul instead of your pocketbook.

Do all that and maybe, just maybe, a door to the "big time" will open up that you didn't even know was there, but make it worth doing even if (as is far, far more likely) that never happens.

I have been playing music for over 40 years and I am still in love with it. I briefly supported myself (though not that well) in the music bidness about 25 years ago, but then I turned that same corner you have reached. I never quit, though; tonight I will have ten or so great "hobby" players who will come over to my studio and we will play whatever the hell we want into the wee smalls. We self published an all original CD a year or so ago and we are working on a second.

In short, it doesn't have to be your livelihood to be your life's work.

thumpbass1 · #11 12-19-2009, 07:26 AM

There is no shame in going with what most people call a real world career such as you have worked hard for. You can still do music on the side, and that includes playing with other skilled musicians and delivering a professional performance in ability and attitude, doing music when you can.

As for what constitutes a pro career in music can be fuzzy. I have some friends who got signed to record labels, one actually recorded a few albums for Warner Brothers that got critical acclaim in their day, but her career didn't break out in terms of mega record sales. The label dropped her, but she's done well in life since then in other pursuits, and she still does music when the mood suits her from what I hear. My other friend signed to a smaller label was gigging regularly, getting good feedback on his first label recording but he still had to do his computer consulting gig on the side as his ' pro career ' wasn't pulling in the large, steady money needed to meet the needs of his family. Now he's an independent musician again, running his own recording studio, and he's doing okay. I say do music because you love it most of all, and as far as careers go, it's a lucky few who've had their hard, hard, work pay off to sustain a healthy full time career. As for those who go on to big time fame and fortune, that's a pretty exclusive club, but the 'celebrity has been' club is pretty large. Music can be a tough career choice.