"Does that sound good to you...?!" - Grr! *Anger*

[Whiteblooded]

Okay, so I'm pretty annoyed right now.. and I just wanted to get your guys' two pence on this.

Last night at about 22:00, I was just in my room doing work and then eventually decided I'd done enough; so I started to play guitar for half an hour, and then moved onto some bass - unplugged of course because it was night and I didn't want to annoy the neighbours.

After about 20 minutes of playing my bass, my girlfriend (who'd been sitting there on my bed with her laptop with headphones on, watching TV shows) bluntly says to me "...Does that sound good to you?".

I was playing Glide (Pleasure) and One Better (Claypool) at the time.. two songs I DO think sound good.

I just replied with "... Does that not sound good to you?.. How come?.. " to which she replied with "Oh, it just sounds too low pitch and it just gives me a headache. I didn't mind so much when you were playing the guitar". I then pointed out that actually, there's little pitch difference between my downtuned 3 halfsteps guitar (playing Insanity's Crescendo) and what I was playing on bass (relatively high-pitched bass songs)..

This is one of the first times I've ever actually played bass with her around, but I'm just so irritated that my girlfriend of almost 4 years was so rude about this! She's 19 and I'm 21, and I have noticed that she doesn't understand what bass guitar is about at all, and I think that to her, it doesn't make her as wet as guitar does - so it's an inferior instrument.

[She] doesn't know a thing about music though.. I remember once I had to point out that there are vocal harmonisations in Feeling This by Blink 182 since she'd "never heard any" ... god help her find the bassline to something!

I haven't actually spoke to her about it yet, because I'm sick of having to justify my love for bass to her.. What do you guys think? Do you think it was possibly just a case of unplugged slapping sounding like s#£% ?

Please let me know what you think...

[Big chicken]

Get a new girl.

[Spaceboy1980]

Instead of criticizing, educate her. In a relationship it's not about what you disagree on, it's what you agree on.

[The Lemon]

I think you're 21 and what the **** are you doing with the same girl for four years? Get out and live a little - you obviously want to or else you wouldn't be raging so hard about something so minor.

[makkE]

Unamped slapping can be very ennerving to the ones around you.
She probably just heard "ticki-dicky-tik-ta-tik-tak" as a backround noise to her TV sound for 20 minutes straight... of course your guitar playing sounded better to her. Of course, her statement was a bit on the passive agressive side, but the was probably just ennerved, as I said before.

I think there are different issues at hand here than her not understanding bass... or thinking it to be inferior, or not valuing your music. Do you expect her to sit there and adore your every note, even if she can't hear much of it?
Are you playing bass for yourself, or "to get her wet" ? Weird statement there, imho.

She was probably just annoyed by the noise.
And I hope with "should I just slap her", you were talking about your bass...

Maybe she's just not as musical as you, so where's the problem if she can't make out a bassline or notice harmonies? If you want a girl that understands music, get a musician as a girlfriend.
But I tell you what, my gf is a musician too, but she'll be annoyed too if I slapped unamped in the living room.
Guess what? I just go to the other room.

Just talk to her. Tell her how her statement made you feel rejected, but not in a pointing-fingers sort of way. Just ask her if it was that tikititikititikity got on her nerves.. she might have not questioned your musicmanshp at all, you know.

[Whiteblooded]

Originally Posted by makkE

Unamped slapping can be very ennerving to the ones around you.
She probably just heard "ticki-dicky-tik-ta-tik-tak" as a backround noise to her TV sound for 20 minutes straight... of course your guitar playing sounded better to her.

Nine out of ten quarrels between human beings are down to simple misunderstandings.. and I guess it's just that this is the first time I've ever played anything around her, so I feel like this is the only comment she's ever made about it. You are probably right about the unplugged-ness.. but those two songs can be slapped unplugged and still sound fine imo..

She was in MY room.. we have four other rooms for her to go in. Furthermore, I am awful at guitar, so I'm gobsmacked that she prefers my guitar playing. I'm just sounding like a crybaby now, aren't I?

Hmm, I just hated the fact that she seemed to be taking a dig at bass. I just get very annoyed when she seems to take deliberate disinterest in bass playing. This isn't the first time that she's turned her nose up at me playing bass, even if she's never even heard me play.. And I TRY to educate her, but I think she just acts like too much of a teenage girl when it comes to music (cf statement of 'guitars getting her wet'). I don't know what I can say to her to get these stupid notions out of her head. "This is too low pitched for me..."

MakkE, of course I play bass for myself. All music I play is for my own love of it.. I'm just afraid that SHE thinks being a musician is about being the hot front man. I just don't know what I can say to her.

Has no one else on this forum ever had this with their partners/friends/family members?...

[Jazz Ad]

Originally Posted by Big chicken

Get a new girl.

+1.
If you call your girl "stupid cow", regardless of the reason it's time to change.

[rtslinger]

The real question here is does it sound good to you? Bass in others point of view out of the band context just doesn't appeal to many people learn that now or you will be butting heads with many girlfriends. MY wife of 19 years hates the sound of bass only she says I am just thumping away the same thing over and over again of course to the untrained ear that is just what we are doing. But when I am playing in the band she loves it. Because that is what makes them move. So you want to be a bass player live with it. 40+ yrs of thump'n away on the same thing over and over again. RTS

[Warrior_Bass]

Originally Posted by rtslinger

The real question here is does it sound good to you? Bass in others point of view out of the band context just doesn't appeal to many people learn that now or you will be butting heads with many girlfriends. MY wife of 19 years hates the sound of bass only she says I am just thumping away the same thing over and over again of course to the untrained ear that is just what we are doing. But when I am playing in the band she loves it. Because that is what makes them move. So you want to be a bass player live with it. 40+ yrs of thump'n away on the same thing over and over again. RTS

Good point. Most of the time the bass line soloed sounds not so interesting, but in the mix its what moves people.

[mmbongo]

She was probably trying to enjoy Twilight or Jersey Shore and your clicking and clacking ruined the experience!

An un-amped bass sounds like crap. That's for sure!

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for bass guitar.

[stflbn]

You were likely overplaying to hear the bass if it was unplugged. So it undoubtedly was much more clickety clickety clack than the guitar was. So... likely could be interpreted as irritating.

[EricF]

You could...
1. Educate her about music, and help her learn the listening skills to be able to identify different instruments.
2. Shut your mouth, forget about, and keep moving on.
3. Kick her to the curb, and find another girl who will be more careful with your delicate ego.

[chaosMK]

I've had family members ask me to go outside when practicing slapping unamped. It's a penetrating kind of sound.

Don't stress about the girl. I don't generally practice bass around mine and life is good.

If you are fishing for complements or trying to show off some prowess, maybe find a stage to play on instead. Looking good on stage will overide any preconceptions, lack of understanding about music, etc.

[dave64o]

Young grasshopper, why have you never invited her to sit on your bass cabinet while you play something thick and groovy for her?! That's guaranteed to end those bass-bashing comments once and for all.



My work here is done .....

[mellowinman]

Originally Posted by dave64o

Young grasshopper, why have you never invited her to sit on your bass cabinet while you play something thick and groovy for her?! That's guaranteed to end those bass-bashing comments once and for all.



My work here is done .....

Every thread has a winner, and on this thread, YOU ARE THE WINNER!!!

[JohnMCA72]

In 4 years, she's never heard you describe how you love the bass, & how it works within music? Or has she heard it, over & over, & doesn't get it (or just doesn't care)?

I think that a big part of having a SO (or being a SO to somebody else) is to take an active interest in what they like or do. How big a part is she, really, if she has no knowledge of or interest in your bass playing?

What should you say to her? How about, "It's been fun..."

[DeathFromBelow]

Originally Posted by EricF

2. Shut your mouth, forget about, and keep moving on.

This gets my vote.

Seems like there are TWO teenage girls in this relationship...

[DWBass]

For what it's worth, my wife can't stand when I'm slapping un-amped!

[JaamE]

Originally Posted by dave64o

Young grasshopper, why have you never invited her to sit on your bass cabinet while you play something thick and groovy for her?! That's guaranteed to end those bass-bashing comments once and for all.

Knowing Smiles from the bass player-chick who likes to sit on her own cab at practice :-)

[dmrogers]

Originally Posted by Whiteblooded

I'm just sounding like a crybaby now, aren't I?

Kinda. I love music but I would never allow my music to cause a conflict with a family member (unless I wanted good motivation to write a great blues song). It's all about respect. A relationship is a 100%/100% deal. Forget 50/50. If she is interested, educate her, but be nice, never pushy. Oh, and every now and then, put the guitars down and give her some undivided attention! That will go further than trying to convince her that an un-amped bass sounds great.

Originally Posted by Whiteblooded

Has no one else on this forum ever had this with their partners/friends/family members?

Everyone in my family is a musician, most are better than me! When I met my wife, she could compose music for any instrument in the band, in her head! She could write, come up with killer lyrics, play several instruments, and had an unbelievable knowledge of theory. My son is an accomplished drummer with killer technique and sense of timing. My youngest is a good guitar player. We all have a huge love of music. With that in mind, we all are respectful of each other, and we ALL know that each other knows whats going on as far as music goes. So........ we try to respect each other. If I am playing something wrong, it will be pointed out, but in a nice constructive way. And I don't sit around with my guitar just aimlessly farting around on it. I am aware that it might get on peoples nerves. If I want to play, I plug into the console, grab some headphones, and play to my hearts content. If everyone is gone, I plug into the rig and let it blast.

This is just my opinion, so I hope you don't take it as a cut or anything, I hope it helps!

Good luck!