Ever wish your parents encouraged music more?

Chipsonfire · #1 06-13-2009, 12:18 AM

I thought it would be better to start a thread on this subject rather than take over Steve's thread about a Uke for his son.

Have you ever though "Man, I wish my parents had gotten me an instrument/gotten me lessons/had instruments around the house when I was a kid"? I know I have. I wanted to play bass when I was about 12 years old, but my parents paid no mind to that (very possibly because we were too poor, I really can't say). They didn't encourage me to get one, either, though I admit they aren't obligated to do so. I didn't get my first bass until a little after I turned 22 and I love it. But the fact that I could have had 10 years of experience by that time kinda makes me sad, and made me realize I'm going to do everything I can to encourage my future kids to chase their dreams.

rcarraher · #2 06-13-2009, 02:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chipsonfire

I thought it would be better to start a thread on this subject rather than take over Steve's thread about a Uke for his son.

Have you ever though "Man, I wish my parents had gotten me an instrument/gotten me lessons/had instruments around the house when I was a kid"? I know I have. I wanted to play bass when I was about 12 years old, but my parents paid no mind to that (very possibly because we were too poor, I really can't say). They didn't encourage me to get one, either, though I admit they aren't obligated to do so. I didn't get my first bass until a little after I turned 22 and I love it. But the fact that I could have had 10 years of experience by that time kinda makes me sad, and made me realize I'm going to do everything I can to encourage my future kids to chase their dreams.

We were a bit on the poor side, but I have always had a love and curiosity for music. My cousins; my mother older sisters kids all played music, and in away lorded it over me when we were real young. Like 8 or 9! They played violins, pianos, horns, and I think somewhere around '65 one of them got a guitar. Now that was cool

I came home from school one day when I was around 10 or 11 and some door to door salesman had sold my mother an acordian, complete with weekly lessons. For me. At first I was interested, got taught a few simple toons, went to my lessons for a month or so, riding a bus lugging that suit case. Then, I started getting kidded at school. I remember one days some guys were talking about starting a band. We couldn't have been more than 11 or 12, so the Beatles weren't worried. One guy had a band drum, another had a guitar, another played a brass instrument, but knew his mom would get him a guitar. I piped up and said, hey, I have an accordian. Thats when the razzing started.

A couple weeks later I "lost" my accordian. Left it at a bus stop. That ended my mothers ambition to make a musician out of one of us. It took another 4 or 5 years before I got an instrument, a guitar and taught myself to read music, finangled a few lessons from guys I knew and went on the fast track to mediocrity. Migrated to keys a few years later and some time around 19 or 20 found a home on the bass.

When I was young (20's) I used to blame my mother for the late start I got in music. As I got a little older, I realized just how much money she had paid for that squeeze box, and how much parting with that money had hurt her, and just how unthankful of an ass I had been. Sure, the accordian wasn't the coolest thig in the world, but I could have learned music a lot faster, and given a bit of return for my mothers investment. I don't have any kds of my own, but I have given more instruments as gifts to neices and nephews, kids of my friends. No accordians, but maybe someday.....

MadMan118 · #3 06-13-2009, 02:18 AM

While my dad never proactively, supported my musical ventures, he was tollerant of my endeavors. He didnt mind if i had to throw out furniture to make room for a new amp, didnt care that I spent several thousand dollars on basses and the like, let me set up my drum set in the garage, he let me make all the noise i wanted until 11:30 at night. Isuppose when I have kids I'll probaly heavily engourage them to take up music. But hey they can do what they want to do, except play football, they second they go there its the curb for them.

Chipsonfire · #4 06-13-2009, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rcarraher

When I was young (20's) I used to blame my mother for the late start I got in music. As I got a little older, I realized just how much money she had paid for that squeeze box, and how much parting with that money had hurt her, and just how unthankful of an ass I had been. Sure, the accordian wasn't the coolest thig in the world, but I could have learned music a lot faster, and given a bit of return for my mothers investment. I don't have any kds of my own, but I have given more instruments as gifts to neices and nephews, kids of my friends. No accordians, but maybe someday.....

It's hard to understand the sacrifices that our parents make for us as kids until we are older. I'm sure most of us are guilty of the same kind of thing at one point or another.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MadMan118

While my dad never proactively, supported my musical ventures, he was tollerant of my endeavors. He didnt mind if i had to throw out furniture to make room for a new amp, didnt care that I spent several thousand dollars on basses and the like, let me set up my drum set in the garage, he let me make all the noise i wanted until 11:30 at night. Isuppose when I have kids I'll probaly heavily engourage them to take up music. But hey they can do what they want to do, except play football, they second they go there its the curb for them.

My parents are pretty tolerant as well, though my dad was very cynical when I told him I bought a bass. I think that was because he never realized I wanted one. My little brother, on the other hand, has a knack for music and owns 3 guitars (he gave me his 4th; an old, mini learner guitar to play with), a trumpet, and borrows a tuba from the high school, where he is in band. I'm glad he got more encouragement than I did, because it's caused him to grow musically quite a bit. I just think he would benefit from real lessons and not just band stuff, because (on guitar) he can only read tabs and just plays popular songs. But, then, it really is up to him.

dave64o · #5 06-13-2009, 10:17 AM

I wasn't discouraged from trying anything when I was a kid and I wasn't pushed into doing anything either, however, it would have been nice to have some encouragement. Sometimes I think my parents went too far down the "don't want to push" continuum that it sometimes seemed like they weren't interested and didn't care. That was true with both music and sports.

I took drum lessons for about two years when I was in junior high and really loved it at first, but I never got a drum set and after a while that really got boring. Once I got older I realized that cost may have been a big factor.

In college I started playing guitar and hooked up with some guys who could really play. They taught me in exchange for me being their singer and I had a BLAST. Playing live were some of the best times I've ever had.

Twenty-some years later, I'm 44 years old finally started taking bass lessons after messing around with it for several years and doing some home recording. The lessons are helping a lot because I've improved more in the last six months than I have in the previous 8 years. However, I can't imagine how different things might be if I would have kept up lessons and had more opportunities than I did way back when I was a kid.

But ... better late than never though, right?

fdeck · #6 06-13-2009, 10:22 AM

I am utterly and eternally indebted to my parents for giving me an early start in music. I think they paid more for lessons than I have ever paid for all of my gear.

Now my folks were adamant that "music" refers to classical music. When I wanted to get an electric bass, I was on my own. That's fair. It gave me the musical background, but it also gave me something to earn for myself.

And now it's payback time. Both of my kids, ages 6 and 9, are in the local Suzuki string program.

Illbay · #7 06-13-2009, 10:25 AM

I used to think that way...and then I grew up.

Yeah, I thought "if only my parents had 'encouraged' my music earlier..." that would have given me the boost I needed to "really succeed."

As I got older I realized how much talent counts for as well as timing. I've seen too many cases where people picked up an instrument (or some other skill) in no time, and their love for the activity along with the talent helped them succeed no matter when they came on board.

I realized that I have always been a bit lazy - it may have something to do with "perfectionism" on my part - and that I never put in the effort I should have, and always felt like I was far less talented than the next guy. I don't know that my parents' encouragement would have overcome that.

Someone once asked Earl Woods, father of renowned golf pro Tiger, what he did to help his kid become such a superstar. Earl said "all I did was support him. People seem to assume that Tiger became great because I pushed him, and that's not so. Tiger became great because HE wanted to be great. HE was the one pushing me, in fact. He was the one getting up in the wee hours of the morning and waking me so that I could take him to the driving range. I don't know that there's any way that a parent can MAKE his child a 'star.'"

It doesn't "take a village," it takes a kid who's self-motivated.

southernrocker · #8 06-13-2009, 10:33 AM

My mom was and to this day dislikes me playing bass. I have no clue why, I think I just remind her of dad.

TOOL460002 · #9 06-13-2009, 11:53 AM

my mom took piano lessons, yet she stopped playing. my dad played a little guitar, yet he hasnt touched one in years. my brother started playing guitar before i picked up the bass, and while he still plays, he isnt amazing.

i have played bass for a fewer number of years than any of my family has played their instrument of choice. as for the number of hours played, i have them beat ten-fold, maybe even twenty.

our brains are much more malleable when young, and i am definitely raising my future children to play piano, a stringed instrument, and to sing, but if you dont want to do it, you dont want to do it, and it doesnt matter. i know so many people who were forced to play the piano while young, and have ZERO enthusiasm for music, and no creativity.

no regrets buddy. you lived your life, and you can pass that on to your children. i got valuable knowledge from my family, but it just wasnt music-related. my dad went to night school to get an mba, and then a law degree. if it werent for that, he could not have bought me my first bass, and he could not have paid for my bass lessons.

if i had a time machine, i wouldve started playing earlier, but alas, i dont have one, and i can still play the sh*t out of the bass, and it still makes me so happy to touch one.

edit:

oh, and if your kid is good at math, then push an instrument on them. i think its fairly common knowledge that there is a correlation between mathematics and music. the best guitarists i know are math and chemistry majors/graduates. i hate math, but i have always been in the top of the class. there is definitely a link.

Pilgrim · #10 06-13-2009, 12:04 PM

My parents supported all four kids in pursuing music - and all of us did, at least for a few years.

I made very few "thou shalt" pronouncements to my kids, but one was that when they entered Jr. High, they WOULD play an instrument. No excuses. I didn't care what they chose, but I'd get them the instrument and they had to do it. I didn't get arguments. One daughter took up trumpet and carried it part-way through high school, then dropped it - but the trumpet is stored carefully and it will be there for her when we pass on. (My brother played trumpet in high school and took it up again 30 years later.)

The other daughter took up clarinet, dropped it in favor of guitar, and still plays guitar occasionally.

I think that learning about music is an important part of ones' appreciation of culture, whether or not they are particularly talented in terms of playing.

Illbay · #11 06-13-2009, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pilgrim

I think that learning about music is an important part of ones' appreciation of culture, whether or not they are particularly talented in terms of playing.

I agree with this. But I don't think it is required to have a "pushy parent" in order for a kid to excel in music.

That doesn't detract from what you say, though. Kids should have the benefit of a well-rounded education, and that includes the arts.

Chunk-O-Funk · #12 06-13-2009, 04:27 PM

My mother was really supportive of music in her family.

My sister has been involved in theater at a young age and still does it from time to time

My twin brother was the first to receive a musical instrument (drums) for Christmas. I don't think he was much older than 10.

I played trumpet and trombone in grade school and later moved on to guitar before Jr High. My older brother was taking lessons and I would learn off of him. He's actually the one responsible for me learning bass. He was already playing the guitar and my other brother was playing the drums. I was hooked from that point. If my sister was more into Rock we probably would have been a hard rock'n Partridge Family.

project_c · #13 06-13-2009, 08:36 PM

i was having exactly this conversation with my mother a little while ago, and while they've been great parents and i have no complaints about them, she agreed with me that they should have encouraged me to study music from an early age. i've always been obsessed with music but i only started to learn to read music at the ripe old age of 34 - i will most likely never be as good at sight reading as someone who learnt from a very early age. when you start young, music reading and writing becomes part of your everyday vocabulary, and that's a lot harder to achieve at a later stage in life. playing the instrument is not the main issue, but understanding theory and reading music are huge subjects and those who start young are at an immense advantage.

fdeck · #14 06-13-2009, 08:51 PM

I think that playing music as a kid was good for me in ways that have nothing to do with music.

Chipsonfire · #15 06-13-2009, 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fdeck

I think that playing music as a kid was good for me in ways that have nothing to do with music.

Music helps develop the mind in ways that you just can't get anywhere else. Most people I know who grew up with music are very talented and disciplined individuals. I just wish I was one of them lol

gottawalk · #16 06-13-2009, 10:40 PM

Nope; My parents were very supportive of music. Had lessons on piano, organ, played sax, percussion, tuba for a marching band season, majored on bassoon in college, and there was ALWAYS bass guitar for me!

My wish, actually, is that they had pushed me harder to succeed in school, studying music as a career seriously and finishing what I started! I'd be doing a whole different career now than I am. I'm not a professional musician, like I should have been, but at least it's still part of my life. (...after "work"

---still a 4 letter word!).

Keep that thought in your mind about your kids! They'll thank you for it years in the future!

JohnnyPustular · #17 06-13-2009, 10:49 PM

Band came around in 4th grade at my grade school (c. 1972). Your options were flute, drums, clarinet, or cornet. My sister got a flute and played the hell out of it for the next 8 years- was first chair in the high school band in 8th grade. My brothers got a clarinet and a cornet and neither stuck at it more than a year. I opted for the drum, but that was vetoed.

When I was 14, one of my best friends (and the creator of Metalocalypse for you Cartoon Network folk), got a guitar and decided to start a band. I was assigned bass. So, I went to the old man and asked if I could get a bass. He said no. So I went to Mom who talked the old man into it. I took my paper route money and bought an all maple Magnum jazz clone with a fully bendable neck and signed up for lessons. The old man, bless his heart, drove me to the music store every week for about a year (I paid for the lessons). I couldn't afford an amp, so I went to Radio Shack and figured out how to connect my bass to the phono input of the 'stereo receiver' I bought used off some guy for $10. Eventually, I saved up enough money to buy a used B15 and the old man drove me out to Gus Zoppi's to get it.

I found out that some guy who used to play bass for Bob Seger was teaching at a music store within bike riding distance from my house (3-4 miles, carrying a bass in a cardboard case). So I took lessons from him for a while. That was one of the great things about Detroit in the 70s-- few music stores and lots of pros in town. I found out years later that a rival bassist took lessons from Ralphe Armstrong.

So, Dad didn't encourage me, but he drove me where I need to go. He didn't pay for anything, but he helped me get it. He didn't like my crazy rock and roll, but he made me a fan of Duke Ellington, Count Basie, Artie Shaw, etc. I would have never found out about Bitches Brew and Visions of the Emerald Beyond and Romantic Warrior, and eventually Weather Report and Spyro Gyro if my dad didn't turn me on to jazz at a young age.

I don't know what you call that, but I still love playing bass 35 years later!

hleach · #18 06-14-2009, 11:51 AM

I as a soon to be parent have put a lot of thought to this.

My parents never denied me the opportunity to learn music. I had grade school band playing trumpet and a summer program through the same school playing guitar.

The thing is it was never encouraged either. My teachers were either early in their teaching career and not sure of themselves or how to teach or just completely overwhelmed by a classroom full of grade school aged kids.

I feel like I learned nothing. All I remember from those classes was confusion.

I don't blame my parents because they had no understanding of music themselves. What could they have done? Taken hours a day out of their schedule of hard blue collar work to learn something just to teach me something that might be forgotten in a few months time?

I'm in a different possition. If I don't teach my child to play music I think I'm being irresponsible. My child will learn to play something.

So immediately in conversation I start getting this: "You are just being selfish. You are trying to live through your child your own dreams and ambitions." Or something to that extent.

My answer is that they don't get it. I ask: Would you let your child grow up and not be able to drive a car? How about swim? How about read? Or talk properly? Use a clock?

I feel that if I allow my child to not learn music I am denying them an essential part of the human experience.

I feel the same about some kind of self defense or fighting sport.

Larry99 · #19 06-15-2009, 07:25 AM

just because they may have encouraged it doesn't mean you would have taken to it.

As a father of three I always have music playing in the house, I'm constantly playing my bass and we own a piano, drums, woodwinds, guitars, etc. We encouraged our oldest at a young age all the time and signed her up for piano. but it seemed to have an opposite effect.... now she views music as somthing her parents made her do and avoids it like the plague. We're laying off the other two; letting them discover whatever it is they want to do themselves.

JulienJeff · #20 06-15-2009, 07:32 AM

yes, I would have like my parents to encourage me to start music when I was a child.
Now that I'm a father, i'll try to make my daughter play music. She's 2,5 and already likes when I play the bass. I'll get her a ukulele sometimes soon. I'll never oblige her to do anything but I'll do my best so that she likes music (listening and playing).