extended rut or end of the line?

[smcgov]

hey folks,

I am a bass player that at one time thought I was going to make a living playing the instrument. I put in several hours practice every day for years....in my 30s I kind of gave up the dream but continued playing in pretty good bands.
At some point life hit and I had to stay out of bars for a while to get sober and continue living. I have numerous great basses and gear still with me in the basement, but I just can't seem to feel it right now. I think if I gigged with a good drummer it might come back, but I don't have that urge to practice every day anymore. I can still pick it up and get around pretty good, but the thought of lugging my gear around and missing my little kid growing up on the weekends is not appealing to me right now.

has anybody gone through this? will it come back some day or should I sell most of my stuff and just accept it? I used to go to the Dallas Guitar Show and kind of get off on seeing all the silver haired older guys still picking and playing, I thought it was in my blood for life, but I kind of think I must be lame if I can't get enthused enough to keep it going. I know this will come off with me sounding like a possible jag, but I've played with people that are so seriously kickass, that I find it hard to believe I will find guys like this in the new place that I live. In my mind I'm always hoping that when the kid gets older I can someday move back and play with the guys I know can really bring it. I'm not talking about trying to get laid musicians, I'm talking about guys that can go into that trance-like state and meld minds with each other on stage and become almost one, and take it somewhere where you're not sure where it's going to go, almost like channeling. Wow, reading this makes it sound weird.

[krstko]

I my not be experienced in life but I would say keep the equipment, continue playing (for yourself, no need for a band) and maybe one day that feeling for playing will come back ..also keep the equipment and give it to your kid when he grows up (getting my fathers guitar was best thing in my life)

[Floyd Eye]

Obviously you are not wanting to go back to gigging right now. You might someday. Keep your gear.

[M.R. Ogle]

It's life... don't force it.

How many people have tennis rackets or golf clubs buried deep in their closet? It's not that they don't LIKE tennis or golf anymore, it's just their situation in life is not conducive to those activities any more.

Keep your basses, relish the great moments you had playing them, and keep the music alive inside you. You never know, an open mic night might pop up locally, you might meet some new people to play with, you just can never tell. Don't panic, be ready and open for new musical opportunities whenever you cross paths with them.

Stuff happens...

[Dbassmon]

Inspiration.... You have lost yours. You can reclaim it. Get a teacher. Get someone to challenge you. Start learning again. Start playing with other players. You are sober now! Congrats... Don't waiste the new start

[Orpheus55]

I started playing again at 40 after a 20 year lay-off; still playing semi-pro at 60 and hope to keep going. You never know where life'll take you, so go with it.

[BassChuck]

Life offers many different flavors. You can't have them all. Be happy that you've found a way to make a home and be a good parent... some people can't claim that. Be happy you've found a talent and skill for music... not all have that, and you can enjoy it again when the price of personal enjoyment is right for your life. There are precious few hours in life when you can be the person your child needs. Don't pass that up, when it's gone, it's gone for good. There will always be music.

[Lowbrow]

I can totally relate. At age 49 now, I have already quit holding music as a career goal and have seen myself slip away from active performance sometimes for years at a time. A far cry from my 20s and 30s, which often saw me in as many as 5 bands at a time, lugging my gear with me to work in the morning for that evening's rehearsal or gig.

But I have found that music seems to resurface - it is in the blood, if not always in the forefront of my activities - and you too may find yourself needing to gather new gear if that right phone call or chance meeting stirs the blood again. Don't count it out just yet is what I mean to say.

[staccatogrowl]

Opportunities change . . . Circumstances change . . . We change . . .

Sounds like a life review/inventory type of issue. You have decided that you value some important things: 1) Time w/child; 2) Sobriety. So, now there are certain questions that can easily be answered by having a value basis. For example: Will you go on extended tour? Likely not. Why not? Value 1, time with child. Many questions can quickly be answered given a value basis.

Knowing what you value is important. It makes decision making much easier. Keep focusing on your values. It is very healthy.

Then, there are some issues of loss. Not gigging, not being in a great band, not feeling it, etc. How about considering replacing bar gigs/former band membership with something else? Worship band? Home studio? Music study online w/a great player? Giving music lessons? Studying music at a nearby college?

There may be some amazing new opportunities waiting for you. Be open to them. Spend some time playing and woodshedding. Listen to some new music.

Listen to your child laugh! That's an amazing tone, it changes everyday, and kids grow up in the blink of an eye. Life "seasoning" is also one of the most important ingredients to a successful musician. Consider yourself "seasoned."

Second poster krstko may not be experienced in life, but shares some great wisdom with you:

Originally Posted by krstko

. . . I would say keep the equipment, continue playing (for yourself, no need for a band) and maybe one day that feeling for playing will come back . . . Also, keep the equipment and give it to your kid when he grows up (getting my father's guitar was best thing in my life)

I have a friend that plays an amazing stock stack-knob 60s Fender Jazz Bass. He is in his early 50s. His dad gave this bass to him. It was his dad's favorite bass. His dad taught him how to play on it. His dad let him use it growing up. My friend plays this bass daily, thinking of his dad, now that his dad passed away.

Best to you and yours!

[khutch]

Originally Posted by staccatogrowl

How about considering replacing bar gigs/former band membership with something else? Worship band?

There are probably churches near you who could use your skill and you may find other things there for you and your family.

Ken

[smcgov]

wow, some really mindblowingly fantastic suggestions, you guys rock. Thank you so much.

[pacojas]

teach the kid to play,.... nuff said.

[rtslinger]

Yeah same as everyone else has said hold on to your gear. Once your kid is grown up the itch will return no doubt. Keep playing and when you are ready there won't be so much rust to shake off before you can gig again.

[smcgov]

he's already shown some interest...there is a miniature little bass at a pawn shop I was going to buy him but he's still pretty little.

[jgroh]

I went through it. After playing in a bunch of frustrating original bands into my mid 20s, I decided to buckle down and finish school, get a job and go from there. Met my wife, had two kids, house, etc and only played a little here and there on my own at home. But, then about 4-5 years ago (im 40 now) I was getting really burned out from working 16 hours a day and needed something as an outlet. I decided to pick it back up again and havent looked back. My kids are still small (7 & 3) so it takes help from my wife to go out and play 1-3 times per month, but I really miss it if we are not gigging.

I am back to playing every day and in my second successful cover band. I find the hardest part is to pick it back up and just do it.

[travep]

It's life... don't force it.

+1

I commend you for facing the challenges in life and not staying in the bars to the detriment of your health and your family. This is something that deserves strong commendation, IMO.

I came at it differently from you...I started late and now dream of possibly playing more regularly in the context of a good band. I have had to sacrifice practice time and ambition in this area for family and I know it's the right move...but I struggle with it. Like a previous poster, I want to pass on instruments and hopefully an earlier interest in music to my son if he is interested. I know for a fact, if I passed today, he would always cherish the gear that represented my passion and sacrifice with regard to family.

You should keep the gear. Sounds like you are in a tough area but if were me I would continuously seek out musical companionship. A friend advised wisely when I married & had kids...keep one thing. Protect it and always maintain that interest. If it's sports or art or music or whatever...you have to have one thing. I think he was right. That's when I bought a bass b/c I couldn't keep playing sports as I got older. Try to find guys in a similar life position...try to use it as a way to relate to other people and not just as a musical super-group way. That will require less of a time commitment and you might make/keep long-term friends in a similar position in life.

I hope this works out for you...your post is something I could really relate to...

[Jim Carr]

Don't ditch your gear—but you might find it useful to get a light weight rig for rehearsal. Find a new musical direction...listen to old and new things, go see bands, do some home recording, find some new collaborators. YouTube and CL are your friend.

[johnson79]

I can relate. I was in a decent band in the mid-late 90's, but after college life started getting in the way. I didn't play much and sold everything and picked up an SX and a little combo.

Now I really want to start playing again. But I have 2 little kids, a house, a job, and a wife who works evenings. So I have no clue when/who to even play with. I'm playing when I can, but now I have bad carpal tunnel in both wrists, so it's not easy like it used to be.

So to answer you I'd hang onto a bass and an amp. The rest might be expendable.

[finfrocka]

+1 To teaching the kid and keeping the gear. If the pawnshop bass doesn't set you back get it anyway, the kid will love it, just make sure he/she doesn't beat it up too bad so when he/she can really learn it won't be unplayable.

Also +1 to playing in a church band, personally I'm agnostic (don't believe in god, but don't hate either). But, especially after getting sober and at this point in your life, some spiritual direction couldn't hurt, not too mention help the kid. I can't think of one bad reason to raise your kid on religious morals (except for maybe hating on gay people and abortion depending on where you stand on these topics). Instilling morals in the kid now may help to redirect him/her away from the path of alcoholism that you unfortunately wound up in because, unfortunately, this tends to run in the family.

Good luck on your life of sobriety, its a big and difficult step. You'll get the itch back, everyone does.

[Charlzm]

I'm 46. I started playing guitar at 16 then switched to bass at 17. By my early 20's, I had been playing in a successful "show band" (aka cover band with our own PA and lights) for almost three years, but I wanted to take it to the next level and play original music. The market in the Florida Panhandle did not support original bands, so I packed up and moved to LA at 22. I graduated BIT at Musicians Institute at 25 and that's pretty much where my performing and playing in bands stopped.

I could just never get a band together that wanted to play original music in the style I was interested in (progressive metal), especially in the early to mid 90's.

I met someone, moved in with her, put all my stuff in storage and about a year later, sold everything. I was 32 and I figured my music days were over.

I got divorced a few years later and the music bug started bothering me again. I received a bass when I was 35 and started playing again.

It wasn't until I was 42 that I got my first all-original prog rock/metal band going. None of us were spring chickens and we were not fooling ourselves that we were going to be rock stars. We just wanted to share our music and we did for 4 years.

I quit the band due to what I perceived as a lack of enthusiasm and now, months away from 47, I've put together a new group of songs and am getting ready to do some demos with an eye to putting together a new band and taking it out in front of some audiences locally.

It is the most true-to-myself music I have ever written and also the most technically challenging and extreme (think Meshuggah meets Rush with some Tool, King Crimson and Porcupine Tree in the mix). And even if it goes nowhere, it's the passion for making music that is the driving force.

I would rather not play than play in a cover band or tribute band, because making something that has never existed before is my passion. You have to know what your musical passion is and tap into it to clearly in order to keep up the stoke, especially as you get older.

So take some time, listen to some new music or your old favorites and do what you love. And if you don't love music any more, give it some time. Don't sell your gear. It'll come back to you.