girlfriend probs with joining a band

[Loempiaketzer]

Oke...

a problem. I play for 2 years... in my room.. and sometimes with a guitarist. and im thiunking of maybe joining a band, just for fun.. no sirious ambitions... just fun...

now... here comes my girl, she doesnt want me in a band because... she had other boyfriends that where in bands and she didnt like it.. and she's really consistent on this subject

i should just go talk with her and tell i want to join a fun band and stuff because she will get to know im in one when time is there.

*i need some "good" advice or some mental support on this one*

now... before you reply, if youre going to say that im a pussy then funk off.... and if you still want to kick me in any way feel free.... but it would be useless. and childish.

for those who really care and give support, thnq very much

[Tony G]

First, before you do anything in a band, go back to school and brush up on your spelling, punctuation, and proper sentence structure.

[*smb]

Do you dictate to her what hobbies she's allowed? How would she take it if you did? If you start giving in they only get worse. I recently broke up with my girlfriend after two and a half years and I let her push me around like this at times and always regretted it.

[mrwink]

UM... if you are planning on being in a band as a life long thing then you need to have a talk and tell her that this is what you are - take it or leave it..

I have several friends who's wives were attracted to them because they were musicians and then when they got married, bammo - like magic, the wives didn't want them playing in bands anymore - I think part of it is insecurity... but whatever -

Again, if playing is what you want to be doing then make it very clear to whoever you are dating that this is who you are - take it or leave it!

Good luck!

[cowsgomoo]

Originally Posted by Loempiaketzer

now... before you reply, if youre going to say that im a pussy then funk off.... and if you still want to kick me in any way feel free.... but it would be useless. and childish.

for those who really care and give support, thnq very much

well, you've introduced a double-bind there, because the best & most caring answer is to give someone the truth, regardless of whether they're ready to hear it

if you don't want people to be honest with you, don't expect to receive good advice

she sounds either insecure and/or manipulative, and you might not be 'a pussy' but you're certainly not showing especially manly traits by considering letting your gf veto you joining a band...

but you don't want to hear that... so, good luck... don't expect it to get resolved any time soon

[Yngwie 4String]

you have an instrument, you like to play music, your a musician. Your not going to be happy if you never get to be in a band. That is just a fact, and deep down you know that. So maybe your princess is in another castle. Find a chick that likes to rock.

[Thunder Pulse]

Originally Posted by 4StringFury

you have an instrument, you like to play music, your [sic] a musician. Your [sic] not going to be happy if you never get to be in a band. That is just a fact.

He sure is lucky to have you around to tell him how he really feels.

[P. Aaron]

If you think you're a musician, you have to follow that curiousity wherever it takes you.

If she really likes and trusts you, she'll learn to deal with it.

You have to have the courage of your musical convictions...or go post your gear in the "for sale" forum.

[Dragonlord]

Just explain her that this is something you need to do for yourself and it doesn't mean you won't have time for her.

[KeithBMI]

How many previous boyfriends has this girl had!?

[zac2944]

Originally Posted by Loempiaketzer

if youre going to say that im a pussy then funk off.

Grrrr. Get'em tiger.

Dude, I just consulted with Dr. Phil, and he thinks you're a pu$$y. I think you're cool, but Phil, not so much.



Seriously now, your girl is being unreasonable. You should put her in her place promptly before things get out of hand. Don't let this escalate.

I know it will be tough, but don't worry brother. TB will help you through this. Here's my personal; 3-step approach for solving just such an issue:



Good luck, and let us know if you need support. We're here for you.

[Loempiaketzer]

at gabriele... i dont know how many languages u speak.... I can speak 4 different languages so i think my languages are fine and if my interpunctions and language technics are that bad, you can read what i'm posting so it's good enough imho.
and thnq for the master advice you gave me... really helped.

at keith, She had like 2 or 3 before me that were musicians when she met them. Im in a 3 year relation ship now and playing bass for 2 years now. so she's not a "crazy" women or something.

at mr wink, I dont know if im going te be playing in a band for "the rest of my life". I dont know hoe much fun it is :P and stuff like that. But i certainly going to try.

we are building up a fine relation ship which is very stable most of the time. but on some points, like a girl i met once which gave me a lapdance before i met her, is really a sensitive thing to talk about. Which is a normal situation.

Main problem is, I talked to her a few times about music and bands and such things and she said she wouldnt like it if i joined one. So probably she's oke with me joining one but it wouldnt be her ideal situation.

Im just hitting my brains on the inside with a hammer or something because i have so many things to think about at this moment... and it sucks... it gets me stressed out and stuff. I am needing vacation... bigtime...

tomorow im going to fields or rock, that should throw my thought of for a while

www.fieldsofrock.nl for the program... going to be awesome

thnq for the advice all...

i think im going to grow a beard now and drink beer to become a man and tell her :P

[AmyTheFreak]

Join a band. Tell her to deal with it.
She is probably just jealous because they spend like... two hours a week rehearsing. Big whoop.

Do you or her have jobs?

EDIT: Oh wow. You're 20. Do what you want man!

</my womanly advice>

[zac2944]

Originally Posted by Loempiaketzer

but on some points, like a girl i met once which gave me a lapdance before i met her, is really a sensitive thing to talk about. Which is a normal situation.

Sometimes they be giving lap dances, but that's how we get paid. So it's cool. Normal situation.

Originally Posted by Loempiaketzer

Im just hitting my brains on the inside with a hammer or something because i have so many things to think about at this moment...

Sometimes violence is the answer. Watch it with the hammer though. That can get messy and leave marks.

[Matt Till]

Join the band, honestly, if you are a musician: You're going to play music. The reason she didn't like having musician boyfriends is because musicians devote attention to music and not 100% to her.

I'd dump her personally. It's not worth it, if you're not allowed to be yourself, kick her ass to the curb.

[Tony G]

Originally Posted by Loempiaketzer

at gabriele... i dont know how many languages u speak.... I can speak 4 different languages so i think my languages are fine and if my interpunctions and language technics are that bad, you can read what i'm posting so it's good enough imho.
and thnq for the master advice you gave me... really helped.

You're welcome for my master advice. I suggest then that you show your location in your profile so that I and others would have known that your native language is not english.

edit: Oh, and it's spelled "thank you"...

[Wesley R]

" If she can't go with out you for a couple of hours a day, what happens when you are drafted for a couple years?"

Best of Luck,
Wesley R.

[Phantopeth]

Originally Posted by 4StringFury

So maybe your princess is in another castle.

I justed laughed out loud at works... thanks

Yea, you're 20: if you want to join a band, join a band. Tell her to deal with it. If she puts up a fight, suggest you two come to a comprimise and that you won't join a band if she gives up whatever free-time activity she enjoys the most (besides the nailin' )

[Spector_Ray]

Real simple advice; get rid of her. Once you're in a band, you'll have your pick of girls

[Wesley R]

Originally Posted by Spector_Ray

Real simple advice; get rid of her. Once you're in a band, you'll have your pick of girls

Best of Luck,
Wesley R.