Gratitude

Johnny StingRay · #1 05-14-2008, 02:34 PM

Hey Everyone,
A while back I loaned my 4-string bass to my nephew who was playing in a garage band and in his jazz band at school. I also loaned him my amp, amp stand, cords, tuner, picks, bass processor, strap, bass tools, and Carol Kaye books and CDs. Recently he stopped playing and I went over to pick up all the gear since he wasn't going to use it anymore. Well most of the equipment was either loaned out to his buddies or he didn't know where it was. All he had was the bass which was in dirty condition with dust and "goo", (which I have no idea what it was), all over it and the knobs were busted off and the neck was scratched up like crazy, the case, a cord, and the amp, (which was in good condition). He didn't even remember where my Carol Kaye materials were!!!!! Besides that, when I first loaned it to him, my sister came over to pick it all up, and he didn't even call to say thankyou for it. My wife was really upset about that. She warned me that that was a bad omen. She was right. When I saw the condition of the bass and that most of my gear was gone, I was so upset I just packed up my truck with it without saying a word. He didn't even say thank you for letting him use it. I thought I was doing the right thing, helping him out so he didn't have to spend any money on his own gear. You'd think he would have appreciated it. He didn't even apologize for the condition of the bass or for the missing gear. It cost me $70 bucks to get the parts to recondition it from the damage and I still need to special order the truss rod wrench because it's a Yamaha and it needs the 90 degree angle socket type. That's going to cost me $20 once I order it. So, he has a graduation party coming up.........wonder what I'll get him?? I won't do that again.
Thanks for letting me vent about this.
John

mjolnir · #2 05-14-2008, 02:47 PM

What'd his parents have to say about it?

DaveDeVille · #3 05-14-2008, 03:37 PM

bummer ...

never lend out your gear , not even to
family members ...

jmo.

" ... no "good deed " shall go un-punished ... "

Johnny StingRay · #4 05-14-2008, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mjolnir

What'd his parents have to say about it?

Long boring story, but his mother, my sister, is on the verge of a nervous breakdown and if I blew up at him when I picked up the gear, she would have gone over the edge. Needless to say, he won't be getting anything from me for a graduation present.......
Johnny

bkbirge · #5 05-14-2008, 04:25 PM

For a grad present, give him the parts/refurb receipts in a big showy box.

**Thor** · #6 05-14-2008, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by david meissner

bummer ...

never lend out your gear , not even to
family members ...

jmo.

" ... no "good deed " shall go un-punished ... "

Especially not to family members.

I lent a J bass to my son while he was in college during a break. He quickly called his Mom a few weeks later and put dibs on it. 88 MIJ Jazz, black that I got (stole) used for 250 bucks out the door at GC because it had a bow in the neck (setup took care of that). I stole if from GC, he stole it from me, cost him zero, nada, nothing.

Don't lend stuff.

I used to, I don't anymore.

Rattman · #7 05-14-2008, 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by david meissner

bummer ...

never lend out your gear , not even to
family members ...

jmo.

+1 ...double-ditto

When my eldest son "wanted equipment".. I knew what I was in for.. and made it VERY clear to him.. "NO top-of-line-ANYTHING!" I went out brought him a brand new 6-string Brawley.. bought a 65W Peavey 'Express' off of eBay, reconditioning it very nicely.. finally, gave him my least used multi-pedal (Korg), then just walked away from all of it. So technically I don't "own" any of that gear any longer.. keeps my stress-level WAY down that way... teens!!

bassaficionado6 · #8 05-14-2008, 08:22 PM

I recently started teaching a student how to play bass. I had sold him my old Rogue violin bass and about three months after I sold it, it looked like a piece. THere was chips missing on the finish, the pickup had fallen into the hollow body cavity, and one of the tuners was messed up.

After I bought my Spector, I brought it to our lesson, and (against the little screaming voice in my head's advice) let him play, he was so entranced by the smooth surface he decided to let it slide around a little on his lap. I yelled STOP! and he grabbed it right before it fell on the ground. I brought my acoustic bass from then on.

So the lesson is that the younger you are, the less regard you have for your equipment, which is why I would never loan out my good stuff to someone I know wouldn't respect it, like a noob.

Spector_Ray · #9 05-14-2008, 08:25 PM

I'd give the SOB a bill for graduation.

Valerus · #10 05-14-2008, 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spector_Ray

I'd give the SOB a bill for graduation.

Do it.

Jazzdogg · #11 05-14-2008, 08:57 PM

My nephew, who recently turned 23, is a bright kid with a big heart, but being a punker/skaterboarder/slacker is so much a part of his persona, and is so consistent with his adoledscent behavior, that I wouldn't consider loaning him anything unless I was fully prepared to kiss it goodbye forever.

A buddy recently explained-away his son's immature behavior by shrugging and saying, "30 is the new 21." Sadly, between my nephew and his friends, the kids at my college, and some of the posts here on TB, there are times when I'm inclined to wonder if he's underestimating the breadth of the problem.

My folks and their peers wouldn't have tolerated the kind of behavior that seems so common today for a NY-minute. Today discipline seems to have a negative connotation; fifty years ago, discipline was an expectation. Perhaps what we're seeing are symptoms of the decline of another once-great society.

sirpug · #12 05-14-2008, 10:38 PM

No offense here but I do hate these types of threads/conversations. I will start off by stating that I am 27. I have held a consistent job since I was 16 and before that I worked on various farms in my area shoveling s**t, hauling hay, working horses and doing general farm maintenance. I work hard for my wife and son, pay my bills on time, maintain my house/neighborhood and jam/gig every week. That being said, I agree with some of what is being said about my generation. I admit that I may be the exception to the rule BUT is it really a problem of my generation or the generation that raised us. Look at someone like myself, spankings and manual labor punishments (I've actually dug a hole just to fill it back in), and then look at someone of the same age whose parents didn't believe in spanking but in "timeouts" and “talks”. These "kids" don't know any better. They didn't make a conscious decision to not have any respect, they weren't taught any to begin with. Again, no offense is meant by this response but I would like people to start thinking about the cause of the present generational situation, not just complain about the effect. Like I say when these conversations are brought up at work with older people, "we're only the product of the generation before us." I look forward to further discussion.

P.S. That being said, I say give him the bill. Don't just sweep this under the carpet. He needs to pay for your lost equipment and if he refuses, I would proceed to the court system. Everybody needs to learn respect somtime and some people just need to learn it the hard way.

jgbass · #13 05-16-2008, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sirpug

P.S. That being said, I say give him the bill. Don't just sweep this under the carpet. He needs to pay for your lost equipment and if he refuses, I would proceed to the court system. Everybody needs to learn respect somtime and some people just need to learn it the hard way.

I just happened to see this thread in the New Posts. I really am about twice your age and I wanted to comment. I really think the problem with this lack of respect thing is that the parents do not teach it or care about it. I spend a lot of time at a university and I would say, in general, there are a lot of respectful interactions going on with kids in the 18-21 year old range in this music department. Yes, a few like to break some rules, but the majority are respectful, respectful to me, respectful to property, and respectful to others. That means they respect themselves.

Yesterday, I spent about five minutes waiting for this 20 some year old to stop her vehicle in the middle of the narrow street.pull into a driveway, stop, pull out, make a U turn, block the street, pull down the street, honk her horn for me to move, and pull into her parking space and give me a I'm dissing you kind of look. I thought, geez, this girl no common senese, doesn't give a $($* about me, and apparently gets away with this behavior. And, I thought, some day she needs to learn some emotional intelligence and how to live in this world. If her parents do not teach her, then you can be sure that her life experiences will thrown her some 2 by 4s in the places where it hurts. But, to be fair, it could have been a 60 year old.

So, do your relative a favor. Give him a bill for damages and make a demand to get the rest of the equipment back or pay for replacement equipment. You will be doing him a favor, and better to learn this now, then having some angry stranger haul him to court or press charges. This is not about age. Even a second grader is capable of understanding these concepts. Maybe mom would not be on the verge of a nervous breakdown if she starting thinking about some of these things as well. And, the Small Claim Court experience might do him a lot of good.