How much is your personal happiness affected by your band?

[jimc]

We had a new drummer join a few months ago and it's obvious he's not working out as we hoped so we have to deal with letting him go and dealing with the whole audition process again. Our last rehearsal ended in a big row over rehearsal volume, I'm sick of leaving rehearsal with ears ringing and can't see the sense in wearing ear plugs to a rehearsal but the guitarist has to get his 'tone' blah blah etc etc.

As a result I've been in a cranky mood the last few days even when dealing with non-musical stuff.

Back when the band had a stable lineup and gigs and creativity was plentiful I was mostly upbeat.

Bearing in mind I'm in my 50s, I'm amazed at just how much my band situation influences my mood when I really should have learned by now to put this stuff behind me when not dealing with the band directly.

Anybody else find their musical situation has more impact on their personal lives than it ought?

[Toastfuzz]

I felt pretty bad when I quit my last band, and i noticed it had the distinct same feeling as dumping a girlfriend

[buckeyebragi]

We're only human. Despite what Buddhists and Vulcans want to believe, we have mighty moods and control of them lasts for only so long. Eventually something is going to get to us. After all, it is usually through struggle and adversity(even if it is just mental) that we can clearly see the best and worst of our selves. For example, what is really eating at you? The annoying changes and habits...or the lack of creativity...or simply both? Maybe you can bridge that gap for yourself and then bring something new to the table when you feel more level-headed and personally satisfied? We get influenced by many things...but only we can dictate what shapes our happiness and sense of worth.

[KenHR]

Affects me way more than it should.

Both bands I'm in are fantastic when firing on all cylinders, but each has some issues that get to me at times during my workday. One group has issues with focus and really working on material to get it tight. The other has a member who doesn't communicate well and can never seem to confirm a night free until the day of. Both groups are frustrating in that I'm the only one in either who knows anything about music theory; it's hard to explain things to them because they don't "speak the language."

It can make me grumpy at home or at work, most definitely.

[Justbleazy]

We all have different expectations that determine our attitudes. Your expectations maybe different from your other band members. Communication is THE most important part of any relationship. Talk things out and you will feel much better.

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by buckeyebragi

We're only human. Despite what Buddhists and Vulcans want to believe, we have mighty moods and control of them lasts for only so long. Eventually something is going to get to us.

I dont know if you really understand Buddhism, but I'll leave it at that.

[Marty Forrer]

Seems you need a new guitarist as well.... or maybe a whole new band. Believe me, if your ears are ringing, you're doing damage. I live with fulltime tinnitus from loud bands and it's not worth it. If you must stay with these guys... for your ears sake wear earplugs.

[SteveC]

I get effected when we have to do something stupid, or the leader books a dumb gig, something like that, but it only lasts a little while.

Bands are a job. I like to play and have fun at gigs, but they are something I do for pay - a job. I try VERY hard not to let my job effect me - day job or band job. If I'm in a bad mood, it usually only takes about 2 seconds for one of my kids to snap me back to what's really important. A 2 year old running at you smiling, arms open yelling dada, papa has a way of making you smile - a lot!

[pgolliher]

I am 39, married, 3 kids, corporate job. I have played bass for more than half of my life and it is very much a core part of my personality and make up. Although I have hit a point in my life where music is "just a hobby" in order of priorities, it will always be more than that to me. Playing music makes me happy in a way that nothing else can. Even after 20 + years of playing gigs I am still so jacked up afterwards I can't sleep. I tried explaining this to my wife (who understands that I am a better person when I am playing regularly, thank God) that to me, having a good gig or jam is like being able to have the most interesting conversation you can imagine in your native language that you are only allowed to speak on weekends. It does influence my mood, it is easy to have our egos hurt when deaing with band issues, etc- but only because it is so personal to each of us. I wouldn't want it any other way.

[Rocker949]

I definitely would not be able to stand what that guitarist is doing.

[mambo4]

I would quit the moment I felt like my band was negatively affecting my mood overall.

I play for the momentary enjoyment with a touch of optimism that it might make me money someday. If band 'issues' begin to obscure that...time for a new band.

[jerry]

If you don't need the band to make your living, change bands.

[Musiclogic]

I quit my last band 12 years ago, and my level of enthusiasm has been on the increase everyday. I could never deal with what are called musicians these days in a band setting, I would be in prison. I commend those of you that keep the music alive.

[chuck3]

Originally Posted by pgolliher

I am 39, married, 3 kids, corporate job. I have played bass for more than half of my life and it is very much a core part of my personality and make up. Although I have hit a point in my life where music is "just a hobby" in order of priorities, it will always be more than that to me. Playing music makes me happy in a way that nothing else can. Even after 20 + years of playing gigs I am still so jacked up afterwards I can't sleep. I tried explaining this to my wife (who understands that I am a better person when I am playing regularly, thank God) that to me, having a good gig or jam is like being able to have the most interesting conversation you can imagine in your native language that you are only allowed to speak on weekends. It does influence my mood, it is easy to have our egos hurt when deaing with band issues, etc- but only because it is so personal to each of us. I wouldn't want it any other way.

^^^^
This. Although I am somewhat older, also married, with three kids, and a day job ... and this about sums it up.

[rosanne]

I've been with the same band now for 5 years. We've gone through a lot of drummers, so a drummer leaving doesn't affect me so much. But a couple of months ago our keyboardist quit. That hit me hard. I felt like I had been dumped. I got really depressed over it. This is even though his quirks were driving me crazy.

When you've been playing with a person for 5 years you develop a certain kind of relationship, because IMO there is an intimacy in playing music with someone - an intimate communication. It's not same as boyfriend/girlfriend, but still, it's a relationship.

[Edward G.]

When I feel that I'm playing well, my general existence is improved.

[One Bad Monkey]

The old rock band I was in was greatly tied to my overall happiness, especially towards the end. I'd be alright M-F, but Sat was generally cranky because rehearsal was on Sunday. And on Sunday, I was in a pretty pissy mood.

Once I quit and went freelance, I've been a lot happier. Bands I play with still come and go, but I take it all in stride.

[Jim Nazium]

It definitely affects me. Music is important to me (it is to all of us, that's why we spent so much time learning how to play) and being in a band is a relationship. It may not be quite on the level of marriage / significant other, but we spend a lot of time together doing things that have a lot of emotional content for all of us. It's much deeper than, for example, my bike riding buddies.

So yes, what happens in my bands affects me emotionally, and I'm OK with that. In fact, I'm glad. It's one of the very real, very deep things in my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything, even with all the ups & downs.

[pgolliher]

Originally Posted by Edward G.

When I feel that I'm playing well, my general existence is improved.

Yes.

[Antares]

My band affects my mood greatly. Such is life, things are good im happy, things bad, not as happy.

PS. Earplugs. I also suffer from tinnitus all the time, like the other dude said, if your ears are ringing you are doing damage, and its not fixable.