How to tell my parents?

SMILEYSIXX · #1 07-16-2010, 12:59 PM

I've already made the decision that I want to have a career in music. It's really the only thing I can say that I am completely passionate about. The problem is my parents... my mom already kinda knows that I want to go to Berklee. I've been working on reading and theory all summer and I'm taking a few music classes to try and relearn everything I learned from my band class. I'm trying to pick up a few more instruments to expand my musical knowledge too... the problem is my dad. He's going to be the one paying my tuition, and he isn't exactly too into the idea of a career in music. He constantly complains that I play my bass too much and that music "isn't gonna take you me anywhere in life". One time I tried to bring up the topic of college and I mentioned Berklee, he said "it's a good college... if you wanna do something in music, but that's a waste of time." I am devoted to music and want to do this for a living, but my dad is pretty discouraging. How do I break it to him that this is what I want to do with my life. And I know, I'm only 16 and a lot of you are probably thinking that I'm gonna go be a teenager and change my mind tomorrow, but music is something I really want to do forever and would love nothing more than making a living out of it. Any advice on how to deal with trying to get my dad to understand?

jive1 · #2 07-16-2010, 01:08 PM

Save up your money, and pay your own way through college.

::::BASSIST:::: · #3 07-16-2010, 01:09 PM

Present him with a plan. Music will be your major, but you'll minor in something "useable" like marketing. Actually marketing can help your band as it will likely show how you to better market your band (or yourself as a bassist) and will help you succeed in music. I find that to be successful in music you have to sell yourself... that you are worthy of getting paid.

Finally, I hate to say it but your dad is partly right. Its very hard to make it in the music business. I am not saying dont do it, but DEFINITELY have a backup plan. Learn a skill that will pay the bills if the money you are making from music isnt enough. For example you could also think of something like electronics. This is something related indirectly to music. If you had a degree/certificate in electronics you could use that skill to fix amps, mixers etc and perhaps get yourself working that way.

The only thing I 100% recommend is to not rely on music by itself. That would be a mistake.

itswac · #4 07-16-2010, 01:14 PM

I think the best thing you could do to convince your dad is to widen his perception of what you can do with a degree from Berklee. Since graduating from there, I've taken up work at Source Audio in marketing by helping them to produce videos using my musical talent as my main asset to bring to the table.

Media content is already blossoming online and technology for delivering this content into the brick and mortar world is getting better and better every day. As is, many companies (like Source Audio) are opening up positions for content creation. For the time being, the focus is in online media, since it can be so low budget. It will soon be a widely seen trend for companies to open up their own media divisions to establish value to their brand. For many of these companies branding agendas (even some outside the Music Industry), having someone who can create compelling artistic material will be essential.

Beyond marketing, you could be a booking agent, music director, music critic and many other things. With a degree from Berklee, you will have an on-paper edge because someone who has dedicated themselves to an instrument to the degree it takes to graduate from Berklee will be someone who can put authority behind their musical tastes.

Also, it won't hurt to start thinking in an entrepreneurial way right now. Use the internet and show your dad that there is a hunger for talent out there that can pay your bills.

ridgeback · #5 07-16-2010, 01:15 PM

honestly its going to be a hard one..your parents only want whats best for you and music is not exactly the best career in the world..maybe you can come to some sort of agreement..maybe do something else first get that under your belt and if you still feel the same way go for it..good luck with what ever you want to do the olny think you can do is talk with them about it and dont throw a fit if they disagree with you,if you want to be taken as an adult you have to behave like one..its an uphill battle i think but i do think a huge compromise from you is the only chance you have...if i had kids myself i would try talk them out of it too tbh unless they had something to fall back on should they need it later in life..

SMILEYSIXX · #6 07-16-2010, 01:19 PM

Thanks for some ideas, guys!

I fully understand that relying completely on music and praying that it works isn't. The best option, and I've been told by a lot of people that getting a degree in teaching or marketing would expand my abilities as well, and I planned on doing something along those lines. I believe Berklee has many programs like that as well.

::::BASSIST:::: · #7 07-16-2010, 01:24 PM

Another thing to consider is that you could get a degree in "whatever" in 4 years AND THEN do the music thing. Meaning if you grad highschool by 18 you could be done your degree by 22. That is still very young. Just a thought.

dmusic148 · #8 07-16-2010, 01:27 PM

+1 to everyone who said learn another skill, or trade, etc. The music business is a meat grinder, and these days the main way of making money, aside from teaching, is to tour with a name act, so be prepared to travel, a lot. Like all the time. This is tough on family life.

NineSpine · #9 07-16-2010, 01:27 PM

I hate to say it, but the reality of the situation is that your parents are probably right. Music is a very, very rough career path considering the time and money investment required. I wanted to do it and I put a lot of time and money into school. I have no regrets about the effort I put forth. I did everything I could, but at the end of the day I needed a more practical career. It's not because I don't make money with music. Actually, I do, but it's not enough for me to have a reasonably comfortable life, and frankly I'm doing better than most of my musician friends.

My advice is to find a school with a good music program and double major in something more practical. Your chances of succeeding in your musical aspirations will only be ENHANCED by having a more practical career path to go along with it. It will afford you the room in your life to pursue music. You will have money to INVEST into your music career, and you are way more likely to be successful with music if you have the financial stability to support yourself as you build your music career.

Furthermore (and this is partially dependent on what exactly you want to do with music), it might even be a good idea to consider simply going to college for something practical and studying with a good teacher for music.

Bring on the flames telling me that if anyone puts the effort forth they can make millions of dollars with music.

dmusic148 · #10 07-16-2010, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ::::BASSIST::::

Another thing to consider is that you could get a degree in "whatever" in 4 years AND THEN do the music thing. Meaning if you grad highschool by 18 you could be done your degree by 22. That is still very young. Just a thought.

Excellent idea.

marc40a · #11 07-16-2010, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NineSpine

I hate to say it, but the reality of the situation is that your parents are probably right. Music is a very, very rough career path considering the time and money investment required. I wanted to do it and I put a lot of time and money into school. I have no regrets about the effort I put forth. I did everything I could, but at the end of the day I needed a more practical career. It's not because I don't make money with music. Actually, I do, but it's not enough for me to have a reasonably comfortable life, and frankly I'm doing better than most of my musician friends.

My advice is to find a school with a good music program and double major in something more practical. Your chances of succeeding in your musical aspirations will only be ENHANCED by having a more practical career path to go along with it. It will afford you the room in your life to pursue music. You will have money to INVEST into your music career, and you are way more likely to be successful with music if you have the financial stability to support yourself as you build your music career.

Furthermore (and this is partially dependent on what exactly you want to do with music), it might even be a good idea to consider simply going to college for something practical and studying with a good teacher for music.

Bring on the flames telling me that if anyone puts the effort forth they can make millions of dollars with music.

Agreed. Totally.

NineSpine · #12 07-16-2010, 01:32 PM

I want to add that I think Berklee is a poor choice UNLESS you are going full bore into music. If you are considering doing something more practical in addition to music, my opinion is that you would be ill-served going to Berklee.

Pilgrim · #13 07-16-2010, 01:36 PM

I like the idea of taking Music AND a minor - or a double major. Music/Business, Music/Marketing, Music/Computer Information Systems...you get the idea.

And as a parent, I think that's eminently practical. My niece is getting a music degree and I know darn well she's going to either flip burgers or take another career path. My daughter who graduated this spring with a Business/Marketing degree had a $42K a year job locked up before she graduated.

Consider - few people REALLY make a living in music. You need another skill area that complements music, so that you have a fallback position...and so that if needed, you can start with a different career while you build your musical career. It's a smart way to go.

NineSpine · #14 07-16-2010, 01:38 PM

Double majors sound a lot scarier than they really are, especially if you start your freshman year with the double major in mind. You'd be surprised how little extra work it is compared to a major and a minor.

Atticus · #15 07-16-2010, 01:39 PM

First, I'd agree that at least learning a trade to help keep a roof over your head is a good idea. I'm also 16, and although I'd love a music career, I'm only majoring in it if I can double-major with a Computer Science degree. I'm not banking the rest of my life on a field that's as much of a meat grinder as the music industry.

Second, think about the variety of options one has at Berklee. My cousin is an alum and he does film scoring. My friend is going there for music therapy. Music education is always a solid job. There are a world of options. Presenting it to your father this way might help him see the light.

Third, remember that a degree in any artistic field does not guarantee success. Many famous musicians can't even boast a high school degree (not that I advocate dropping out). Stevie Ray Vaughan couldn't read music. As long as you have a job, any job, you can keep yourself fed and clothed while you learn until you can support yourself entirely through music.

waidonchasaisew · #16 07-16-2010, 01:40 PM

basically, your parents are the ones paying you through college. understand that because that's the reality. I'm 17 and I am as passionate about bass and music as you are (well, almost). College is a serious commitment; you don't see many bassists in well known or underground bands who went to college. The question is, what are you planning on doing with your music? Produce? Manage? That's really what it comes down to.

Some ideas to think about:
-minoring in music and majoring in a more "useful"(in parental terms) area (maybe a second favorite subject?)
-working the day and playing music at night (hey, it works out for a lot of people here on the forums)
-have a chat with your parents (if you come to the conversation with a PLAN of how your music degree will be useful to YOUR future, your parents will have a harder time arguing. Always try to figure out what your parents are thinking as well. It helps to know both sides of the issue)

plangentmusic · #17 07-16-2010, 01:46 PM

You might as well shoot for a career as a blacksmith, a ventriloquest or a sultan.

Just play music for the art. Maybe you can make a little extra money playing. If you fall into the right crowd that'll take you places, then great. But it's a crapshoot. And the odds are a million to one -- even if you're great

If you have a choice at this point in your life, don't throw it away on a pipe dream. There are world class musicians who can't find work of any kind. They're fighting over weddings gigs.

Music as a career is over.

Burlington · #18 07-16-2010, 01:48 PM

Your dad is paying for college? I'd do whatever he wants....

alexwittscheck · #19 07-16-2010, 01:50 PM

You're 16 and have a passion for music. I was there. In your exact situation, except maybe not as dedicated as you at the time. Do not do music for the money. I don't. I have gone in with the mindset of, I am going to make this happen. This is what I love. So, I have decided that whatever I do, even if it means not living as comfortably as some, I am going to work in music.

Why? Because it makes me happy. I love it.

If you want to live a comfortable life, music is probably not a good choice, but if you love it and cannot see life without it being your career, do it. That is where I am right now as of 22.

My parents never thought it was a good idea. We fought some battles over it, but I earned a full tuition scholarship to pay for my school, so I chose to major in music. They knew by that point, that I was serious and not going to change my mind. They knew that I would do it even if they didn't want me to. So, they got behind me and supported me.

So, my advice to you (if you do decide to do music) is to keep working hard at it, and show your parents that you are serious. They may be writing it off as a phase. Anyway, let them know that this is what you choose, even if it means doing it yourself without their help.

They may get behind you and support you, or they may not. I don't know. But, if you cannot live life in another career then you do not have a choice.

My dad and I were eating the other day and talking about music. He told me that he was proud of me with tears in his eyes. He said that no matter what he knew I would be doing something I loved. That meant the world to me.

Sorry long story, but hopefully it will give you some encouragement. I don't know if I will ever "make it" in music, but I know that I will be working with it for the rest of my life.

EDIT: PS - Never expect anything to just happen for you. Have initiative. Get out there and make it happen. Blood, sweat, and tears.

SMILEYSIXX · #20 07-16-2010, 01:53 PM

I had planned on having a fallback, still possibly related to music. Berklee even has majors in production, marketing and education as well as many other options. I never planned on relying completely on my bass to pay my way through life, because I understand that's a long shot. As long as I can do something with music, I'm happy. And of course, there is still the idea of getting a degree in something BEFORE I get into music and then if I still want to, get into music.