I feel guilty thinking about bass

[adivin]

Personal tragedy has struck in my life. A loved one has recently been diagnosed with what is likely a terminal illness. I am responsible for their care. I haven't picked up my bass in a week. I miss it, but I feel guilty thinking about bass or music when life hangs in the balance. Playing bass seems so trivial in the big picture now. I generally play upbeat, happy, funky music, but it seems disrespectful now.

[bluewine]

If your not in a band with gigs coming, you should be able to devote your time to your friend.

There's nothing to feel guilty about either way.

[XtheDeadPawn]

PLAY IT!!!!

Look man I went through a death like that (Not cancer though) I wish I had my bass back then. Bass could be a group activity.

Chances are this someone needs cheering up what better cheer up that a funky bass improv? Then ask the person their favorite song and try to learn that song. Then you'd be helping each other.

Bass isn't like guitar bass is a primal instrument bass is in essensce something we hear and feel after all nobody dances to guitar solos right?

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by adivin

Personal tragedy has struck in my life. A loved one has recently been diagnosed with what is likely a terminal illness. I am responsible for their care. I haven't picked up my bass in a week. I miss it, but I feel guilty thinking about bass or music when life hangs in the balance. Playing bass seems so trivial in the big picture now. I generally play upbeat, happy, funky music, but it seems disrespectful now.

No reason to feel guilty my friend.
Youre going through something, its only natural to need an outlet and help take your mind off of things for a little while.
Go, play some bass, its alright.

When my ex wife had to stay 4 nights in the hospital after losing our son I ran home and got my bass and stayed with her. It was one of the only things I could do to feel better at the time.

[scottbass]

Please do some research on caregiver mental health (i.e. yours). It is right and good to devote big chunks of your time to your caregiver activities. It is wrong and bad to devote 100% of your time to the exclusion of all other activities. You need some relief - time for yourself - EVERY DAY. Make the arrangements for someone to provide that relief. Then take how ever much time you get - even 30 minutes is better than nothing - for personal time. Do whatever you want during your personal time - read, Facebook, play bass, whatever.

A daily break is standard procedure for caregivers and it is essential for your own well-being. No guilt: the time you are giving yourself is HELPING you provide top-notch care.

[hrodbert696]

When my father-in-law passed away and my wife and her sisters were making arrangements for the funeral, from time to time something would strike them funny and they would just burst out laughing hysterically. You think you're supposed to be nothing but somber in times like that, but the fact is that you're still alive and life goes on.

Don't feel guilty. Take care of your friend, and take care of yourself too so that you can keep helping them. That includes giving yourself time to play bass or whatever else helps recharge your batteries.

[adivin]

Thanks for all the good advise guys. I've got to try and compartmentalize this I know, but it's difficult when you're this bummed. It just seems irreverant. The funk aint funky.

For the record, it's my Mother that I'm referring to.

[Matt R.]

Sorry to hear that. Music is therapy. When you feel like playing, play.

[Epidrake]

God bless. Hope you get through this and stay strong. You really do need to take care of your mental health too.

[ZanaZulu807]

I agree with the others in this thread, grab your bass. I remember I had to help a loved one recover from a series of surgeries, there was nobody else who could assist them so I grabbed what I could and made the 7 hour trip out to them; I thought I was going to be there for at least 2 weeks tops. After the 1st week of nonstop care and 30 minutes of sleep a night, I was drained. What's funny though, is that instead of wanting to sleep or rest, all I wanted to do was jam out on my bass for an hour, soak in some music, and relax. Luckily after a much needed nap and a cousin taking pity on me, I found a GC in a nearby. I grabbed a '84 Ric (lucky me...) plugged it into a Hiwatt, and I never felt more relieved in my life.

I ended up staying out there for nearly 2 months until they recovered. Every time I needed a break, I hit up that GC, played for about 4 hrs., and felt rejuvenated every time. Not only did it help me relax, but it helped me mentally as I thought I was about to go crazy after weeks of constant care. Forgetting to bring my bass with me was a mistake, being without it was almost like withdrawal, lol... If all I wanted after one week of exhaustion was my bass, I don't even wanna think about what 2 months would have done. So by all means, whenever you feel you have to just play it. Even for me just at any time, if I feel down or just need a boost, just the feel of a guitar in my hands often helps me out tremendously.

[pflash4001]

Originally Posted by scottbass

Please do some research on caregiver mental health (i.e. yours). It is right and good to devote big chunks of your time to your caregiver activities. It is wrong and bad to devote 100% of your time to the exclusion of all other activities. You need some relief - time for yourself - EVERY DAY.

HEED THIS WARNING!!! If you don't take care of yourself, who is going to do what you do for your mom when you burn out? Next week will be the first anniversary of my mother in law's death. She lived in Houston and my wife and our family is 350 miles away. She got to where she couldn't care for herself anymore. I saw my wife in anguish over what to do. Without her asking, I told her we just got a new house and have the room...ask her to stay with us. I saw her take on the burden herself for her mom's care for the last 3 years of her life... There were times I kicked my wife out to unwind or called a friend of hers without telling my wife to kidnap her and take her to lunch or a movie or something...she was reluctant, but it helped my wife every time. I understand it's your mom, but you need to take care of yourself.

[SR505bassman]

As a mental health professional, and as a fellow bassist who is in a similar situation right now, I have to say +1000 to all who have posted above. Was at 6 hours of vistation today, have a funeral tomorrow. Tonight I played my bass and my acoustic, along with my daughter on her keyboards. It was a bit of therapy for both of us, and will help make tomorrow a little easier to get through. Good luck to you and your mother.

[Broadstbully22]

I'm not the best at this but I would say since it's your mom she has many fond memories of you playing. I stole my moms phone once when she wasn't looking to play a prank on her and most of the videos she had in it were of me playing gigs. Our moms remember taking us to practice, watching us suck then get good, being proud and even emotional from our music. She might like it as much as you.

[XtheDeadPawn]

Originally Posted by Broadstbully22

I'm not the best at this but I would say since it's your mom she has many fond memories of you playing. I stole my moms phone once when she wasn't looking to play a prank on her and most of the videos she had in it were of me playing gigs. Our moms remember taking us to practice, watching us suck then get good, being proud and even emotional from our music. She might like it as much as you.

My Mom's still waiting.

(The thread was getting to sad I hope this made one person laugh)

Back to the OP may I/we ask what your Mother's going through? Feel free not to answer if you don't want to.

I volunteer at a retirement home and see tons of unhappy and happy people and more often than not the unhappy ones are healthy. I made a saying that you might want to remember from time to time. Illness is God's way of showing you that he wants you to be an angel.

[Stilettoprefer]

When my mom was in the hospital I actually received my first guitar from my extended family as a method of getting my mind off of things. I still have that guitar and play it almost every day, but my basses get more attention nowadays. There certainly have been times where music was the only thing that kept me from going insane.

[bongostealth]

I second what everyone else says. I'm not going through anything like what you are, but I can imagine that it causes a lot of stress. You need an outlet. Plain and simple. If playing bass is the only thing you can think of, then give yourself 100 patts on the back because for most people, an "outlet" is drugs, alcohol, or any other kind of self-destructive habit. Playing bass is about as harmless as the outlets get.

Don't feel guilty. There's nothing to feel guilty about. There seems to be no doubt that your mother is your priority. Therefore, squeezing in some bass time will be no problem to anyone.

God bless you and your family!

[monkeyking]

My dad lived with me while dealing with Alzheimer's. He was a drummer for a while way back when, so he loved that I was playing and we both listened to a lot of music.

The single most important thing for your mom is that you take care of you and if playing gives you a break from the weight for a while, it will help you both. You'll be better able to help her and she will benefit. Most importantly, she will feel best knowing that you're as okay as you can be.

It's a tough thing, but you'll make it through and come out the other side better for it. Just remember to ask for help and lean on others before you need to.

[adivin]

God bless you guys. It's cool that Talk Bass is more then just talking about gear. I'm gonna play.

Oh, and Who Dat...Go Saints!

[colcifer]

Good man-gotta take care of yourself too.