I just don't get it.......

[Rocker949]

Originally Posted by chubfarm2001

I have come across many stories from my friends and read some stories on here about something that I just don't get. I see a lot of guys on here saying that their wives or girlfriends are making them get rid of gear. Why? If it is for a serious cause I can understand, like a job loss, medical issues, or something extreme like that. But many of the situations I see are just the women wanting the guy to get rid of gear just because. Maybe I'm an a**hole, but if a woman gave me any kind of ultimatum like that I would no longer be with that woman. That's my gear, it's what I love to do. Why, if she really respected her man, would they even ask that? I would never ask her to get rid of shoes just because there are 12.6 million pairs in the closet. And don't get me wrong, I have a great woman now that completely supports my hobby, but I have had girls in the past try to do this to me, and that's one reason why they are in the past. I see that as very disrespectful and it kills me to see people being disrespected by their "better half". Am I missing something here? Am I just an a**hole? Or are a lot of guys just whipped that bad and have no self respect?

Your 12.6 million comment totally cracked me up. However, I think you stated yourself what the operative word may be: whipped.

[two fingers]

Here's the thing. Enjoying your hobby is one thing. But it's how far you go that can get ridiculous. Everything is relative to other factors. Let's say that you own $20K worth of gear....4 or 5 basses, two complete rigs, couple of misc. heads and some pedals. If you make $10K a year playing, and you spend some of your money on HER, and turn down the occasional gig just to take her on a trip, there won't be any problems. But if you play a gig every 6 weeks, rarely turn one down for a getaway with her, spend less than the money you spent on gear on HER, you will have a problem.

I know average middle class guys who make very little playing music. But they OWN many THOUSANDS of dollars in gear. Meanwhile, that busted toilet hasn't been fixed. He hasn't taken her to a nice dinner in a while. And he's STILL shopping online for the next new piece of gear. If THAT'S what "makes you happy" then you are a selfish bastard and she has every right to put her foot down.

Again, it's all relative. Spend some dough on her and PAY ATTENTION to her and you probably won't get much crap about gear. I make less playing music these days but own twice the gear. I don't hear a word about it because she gets most of my attention and affection.

If you have a metric ton of gear you rarely use it's just a collection. If you have a collection that's worth many thousands of dollars and sits in a case, and you're in a family, that's a bit much.

All relative.

[boristhespider9]

^ Well said.

[musicianary]

Originally Posted by chubfarm2001

I have come across many stories from my friends and read some stories on here about something that I just don't get. I see a lot of guys on here saying that their wives or girlfriends are making them get rid of gear. Why? If it is for a serious cause I can understand, like a job loss, medical issues, or something extreme like that. But many of the situations I see are just the women wanting the guy to get rid of gear just because. Maybe I'm an a**hole, but if a woman gave me any kind of ultimatum like that I would no longer be with that woman. That's my gear, it's what I love to do. Why, if she really respected her man, would they even ask that? I would never ask her to get rid of shoes just because there are 12.6 million pairs in the closet. And don't get me wrong, I have a great woman now that completely supports my hobby, but I have had girls in the past try to do this to me, and that's one reason why they are in the past. I see that as very disrespectful and it kills me to see people being disrespected by their "better half". Am I missing something here? Am I just an a**hole? Or are a lot of guys just whipped that bad and have no self respect?

This guy sounds just a bit single.. When you're married with kids, they tend to take priority over gear. I'd rather my girls have a roof over their heads and three meals a day than an expensive setup. Call me wrong, but that's just how I see it.

[VinKreepo]

Originally Posted by two fingers

Here's the thing. Enjoying your hobby is one thing. But it's how far you go that can get ridiculous. Everything is relative to other factors. Let's say that you own $20K worth of gear....4 or 5 basses, two complete rigs, couple of misc. heads and some pedals. If you make $10K a year playing, and you spend some of your money on HER, and turn down the occasional gig just to take her on a trip, there won't be any problems. But if you play a gig every 6 weeks, rarely turn one down for a getaway with her, spend less than the money you spent on gear on HER, you will have a problem.

I know average middle class guys who make very little playing music. But they OWN many THOUSANDS of dollars in gear. Meanwhile, that busted toilet hasn't been fixed. He hasn't taken her to a nice dinner in a while. And he's STILL shopping online for the next new piece of gear. If THAT'S what "makes you happy" then you are a selfish bastard and she has every right to put her foot down.

Again, it's all relative. Spend some dough on her and PAY ATTENTION to her and you probably won't get much crap about gear. I make less playing music these days but own twice the gear. I don't hear a word about it because she gets most of my attention and affection.

If you have a metric ton of gear you rarely use it's just a collection. If you have a collection that's worth many thousands of dollars and sits in a case, and you're in a family, that's a bit much.

All relative.

(1) Very well said

(2) Hey, OP look at your signature... I'm not sure why a woman would want to respect you in the first place

[Darren Low]

Some people may be paying more attention to their gear than their partner?

[Mr_Music90]

Originally Posted by Darren Low

Some people may be paying more attention to their gear than their partner?

Same what I was thinking

[RandalPinkFloyd]

I'm sure many times it is resposibility, which obviously is a good reason. I've also seen so many instances where the guy just loses all back bone when that ring goes on and gets pushed around and justifies it due to "love". They chalk it up to "if you love someone" which is a crock because these relationships are one sided. If they tried the same stunt with their s/o, they'd be laughed at, kicked out, etc. My cousin is a perfect example. Guy owns nothing as he's been forced to sell all his "toys", has no say and is basically a slave in the marriage. Wife does whatever she wants, calls all the shots and controls his money, etc. There's no respect. All because he's afraid of losing her. It's sad and pathetic. Some people are co-dependent like that.

[RichardCranium]

Sad thing is many just think of that as being "normal". Every time I encounter a guy in that situation I ask why he would put up with it and invariably they go "oh that's just how it is" and "you wouldn't understand". I go yup that's why I'll never marry I like my freedom too much to have "mommy" tell me what to do all the time.

Originally Posted by RandalPinkFloyd

I'm sure many times it is resposibility, which obviously is a good reason. I've also seen so many instances where the guy just loses all back bone when that ring goes on and gets pushed around and justifies it due to "love". They chalk it up to "if you love someone" which is a crock because these relationships are one sided. If they tried the same stunt with their s/o, they'd be laughed at, kicked out, etc. My cousin is a perfect example. Guy owns nothing as he's been forced to sell all his "toys", has no say and is basically a slave in the marriage. Wife does whatever she wants, calls all the shots and controls his money, etc. There's no respect. All because he's afraid of losing her. It's sad and pathetic. Some people are co-dependent like that.

[Kmonk]

There are a lot of reasons why some women do not want their boyfriends to play in bands. Whether its right or wrong, musicians have a reputation for being promiscuous. Maybe the guy cheated on the woman and now she doesn't trust him. Maybe she was in a previous relationship with someone who cheated on her. Maybe she wants all of his attention. Maybe she is just insecure. The bottom line is that if a woman enters a relationship with a musician, she must understand that it is part of the deal. Otherwise, don't get involved. The opposite is also true if the woman is the musician in the family. The guy should support her decision to play as well.

[FromTheBassMent]

Originally Posted by michael_atw

There seem to me to be two reasons it comes up:

1.) As a joke

2.) Because the guy feels a need to list a reason why he is selling the gear and a default one is "the wife won't let me keep it". Self-explanatory so it's easy to write off. Instead of saying, "I'm selling it because I'm broke" or "I'm selling it because I have 60 basses and I don't use it" or "I bought it for half of what I'm listing it for and don't want you to know."

I would bet most of the instances when you hear that the wife couldn't care less. Or there isn't even a wife.

THIS^^^^

Whenever I see "I'm selling this because the wife says I have to," I read it as, "I'm selling this because I think it sounds like poo, but I don't want YOU to know I think that."

[6jase5]

Originally Posted by TheEmptyCell

If you're in one of those absurd households that doesn't share their money, but instead divides it like "man pays gas, electric, his credit card bills/ wife pays water, mortgage, her CC bills" you're more likely to come up into problems when you can't make your end of things meet.

Hold on, hold the fort. I happen to be in one of those "absurd households" as you call it, and it works great if you are financially responsible.

My wife can spend whatever she wants on whatever she wants and I can do the same....but we are both VERY fiscally responsible and will one day retire quite comfortably. No cc debt, all purchases paid off every month, maximum retirement, etc. It helps picking the right mate that doesn't have debt, shopping addictions, etc. God knows that I spend waaaay more, but I make waaay more so it's even.

We hide nothing from one another in terms of purchases, no asking permission, none of that. I could never be in a relationship with "Honey, do you mind if I buy a new car?"

I couldn't tell you if my wife has $5 or $50,000 in her checking account and I really don't care. She'd say the same about me and has many times. The only household joke is that I keep threatening to make her pay for her own car, not that I would.

[chubfarm2001]

Originally Posted by VinKreepo

(1) Very well said

(2) Hey, OP look at your signature... I'm not sure why a woman would want to respect you in the first place

1. I'm supposed to be sorry for liking something evolution has programmed EVERYONE to like? Screw that.

2. It's called a sense of humor. Get one. My guess is that you fall under the "whipped" category.

I can see it being very plausible that a guy just doesn't want to admit that he screwed up with a purchase. I just don't understand why he would choose to look owned by his wife rather than just admitting a bad investment.

[VinKreepo]

Originally Posted by chubfarm2001

1. I'm supposed to be sorry for liking something evolution has programmed EVERYONE to like? Screw that.

2. It's called a sense of humor. Get one. My guess is that you fall under the "whipped" category.

I can see it being very plausible that a guy just doesn't want to admit that he screwed up with a purchase. I just don't understand why he would choose to look owned by his wife rather than just admitting a bad investment.

Not hardly pal. My fiance comes to me asking if she should buy something (not if she can, but if she should) because she respects my opinion. I also do the same because I realize that our love for our respective passions will often push us to rationalize a purchase otherwise unneeded.

Now as far as your 'humor,' I find it ironic that the funniest line you can come up with for your signature objectifies women with a rather crude, perverted twist when you can't seem to find why some women just can't respect men the way YOU think they should.

Grow up and act like you're 32 dude or answer me why a 32 year old male has the humor of a raging-hormones 16 year old punk.

[two fingers]

I'm with Vin. I don't HAVE to tell my wife about major purchases. But I WANT to. She's my soul mate and my best friend. I'm not whipped. But I'm head over heels. She doesn't nag, lecture, or beat me up over bass crap. But I can certainly see why many women would. My wife and I do OK financially. So buying a $2,000 bass wouldn't hurt us (not that I would because I'm CHEAP). But, as I stated earlier, I know a bunch of lower middle class guys who simply "have to" get a certain piece of gear even though they don't have a really reliable CAR and don't make all that much playing music.

Again, NOTHING stands alone. All things are RELATIVE. If your wife (or your buddy's wife) is giving you/him crap about bass gear, there are other problems. An otherwise awesome and stable relationship doesn't get thrown into and argument over buying bass gear. Your buddies have other problems..... period.

[Musiclogic]

Originally Posted by chubfarm2001

I have come across many stories from my friends and read some stories on here about something that I just don't get. I see a lot of guys on here saying that their wives or girlfriends are making them get rid of gear. Why? If it is for a serious cause I can understand, like a job loss, medical issues, or something extreme like that. But many of the situations I see are just the women wanting the guy to get rid of gear just because. Maybe I'm an a**hole, but if a woman gave me any kind of ultimatum like that I would no longer be with that woman. That's my gear, it's what I love to do. Why, if she really respected her man, would they even ask that? I would never ask her to get rid of shoes just because there are 12.6 million pairs in the closet. And don't get me wrong, I have a great woman now that completely supports my hobby, but I have had girls in the past try to do this to me, and that's one reason why they are in the past. I see that as very disrespectful and it kills me to see people being disrespected by their "better half". Am I missing something here? Am I just an a**hole? Or are a lot of guys just whipped that bad and have no self respect?

My perspective on this is more societal than anything else. Too many males have bought into the "Men are lazy, stupid, disorganized couch potatos who need a woman to run their lives".... it's become almost distracting how many guys have purposely become incapable of making the most simple decision without a woman approving or directing it. It's almost sad how whimpy most guys are these days. Pathetic drones. They need to grow a pair and become a man.

My wife never asks me to get rid of any of my musical equipment even though I haven't played for almost 13 years now. She doesn't even think to question when I acquire a new Amp head or device. We both have things that make us happy and we endulge when we can afford it. She knows I save my money for things I want as does she. If you are not adult enough to make your own decisions then maybe they should have someone dictating to them, but essentially it is a sign of insecurity and immaturity.

[chubfarm2001]

Originally Posted by Musiclogic

My perspective on this is more societal than anything else. Too many males have bought into the "Men are lazy, stupid, disorganized couch potatos who need a woman to run their lives".... it's become almost distracting how many guys have purposely become incapable of making the most simple decision without a woman approving or directing it. It's almost sad how whimpy most guys are these days. Pathetic drones. They need to grow a pair and become a man.

My wife never asks me to get rid of any of my musical equipment even though I haven't played for almost 13 years now. She doesn't even think to question when I acquire a new Amp head or device. We both have things that make us happy and we endulge when we can afford it. She knows I save my money for things I want as does she. If you are not adult enough to make your own decisions then maybe they should have someone dictating to them, but essentially it is a sign of insecurity and immaturity.

+1000.

[chubfarm2001]

Originally Posted by VinKreepo

Not hardly pal. My fiance comes to me asking if she should buy something (not if she can, but if she should) because she respects my opinion. I also do the same because I realize that our love for our respective passions will often push us to rationalize a purchase otherwise unneeded.

Now as far as your 'humor,' I find it ironic that the funniest line you can come up with for your signature objectifies women with a rather crude, perverted twist when you can't seem to find why some women just can't respect men the way YOU think they should.

Grow up and act like you're 32 dude or answer me why a 32 year old male has the humor of a raging-hormones 16 year old punk.

My apologies. I didn't realize that you were 21 yrs old, engaged, and had life and women completely figured out. You should write a book. I forgot that women were delicate little flowers like they were portrayed in 70's sitcoms. Sex IS bad, and so is appreciating beautiful things. Shame on me.