The Lonely Musician

[bobbykokinos]

In my 15 years of bass playing, I've met alot of talented musicians. Whats even more odd, I had noticed, the more talented they are, the more likely they arent married. Not to say they dont have "lady friends" but they just arent attached.

Anyone have any insite as to why this is?? Is it because they are married to their instruments? Is it because they just dont have time? Any other reasons?

Just something I had been thinking about

[Minger]

I don't know, it may just be that they're waiting for someone that can understand Bass (or their instrument) and also play themselves.

Or m aybe thats what I'm looking for...if someone doesn't like the fact tha tI suck and am slowly workin my way up, well boo to them

[James Hart]

I had a room mate guitarist that would swear off sex while preparing for recording sessions. He claimed that sex stole his creativity. Said that "suffering and wanting" brought his playing to a level that he was able to write more widely accept lines.

He also claimed that to be true to your art, you needed to NOT raise your means as money and fame came about.

In his defence, he was a G.I.T. grad and a smoking Eric Johnson type player.

[JimmyM]

There are a few virtuosos who have great people skills and successful marriages, but I agree that they're rarities. People who are virtuosos spend so much time practicing alone that they really don't have a lot of people skills. So I think it's more of a thing where they just don't have a rap to get girls with. They also quit their bands a lot because they can't get along with other musicians.

[Aaron Saunders]

I don't think it's simply because they don't have the people skills even the majority of the time. It's because when someone plays at that kind of level, they have made a committment to music, above all other things, including a steady day job or a successful, happy marriage.

While I haven't been married (seeing as I'm only 18! ) I do know that it takes a tremendous amount of work on both sides to maintain a successful marriage. Combine that with the rigors of raising children and all the assorted financial stress with having a family and these guys just don't have enough of themselves to give to it all, because they've already given it to music.

[JimmyM]

Well that may be true. But knowing quite a few virtuosos, I find a lot of them have limited people skills.

[bobbykokinos]

Im not saying I dont want to get married. But as of 3 years ago, I've been single. Within those 3 years I've been playing quite a bit and I can't say that I really miss being in a relationship..

So, to kinda answer my own question, I guess playing music is kinda a marriage of sorts.. Its just, most of the time, you tell the instrument what to say and it doesnt talk back

[Snarf]

Originally Posted by Aaron Saunders

I don't think it's simply because they don't have the people skills even the majority of the time. It's because when someone plays at that kind of level, they have made a committment to music, above all other things, including a steady day job or a successful, happy marriage.

While I haven't been married (seeing as I'm only 18! ) I do know that it takes a tremendous amount of work on both sides to maintain a successful marriage. Combine that with the rigors of raising children and all the assorted financial stress with having a family and these guys just don't have enough of themselves to give to it all, because they've already given it to music.

+ a whole bunch.

I've never so much as kissed a girl. I'm 19. I'm a geek, and my entire life from this past September to the end is going to be music. I have limited social skills, but that's not because of ego, it's because I was raised a nerd, hung out with only nerds, hence I am doomed to nerd-dom.

[chips]

Oh well, look at it this way... you could either do something great with technology, or become a famous musician. Either way, you will to sex up some hot girls, or find a beautiful woman who you want to share your life with. Plus you'll be doing what you love, and people wll love for that. It will be a .... revenge of the nerd!

Peace
Blake

[Rusty Chainsaw]

Originally Posted by Snarf

+ a whole bunch.

I've never so much as kissed a girl. I'm 19. I'm a geek, and my entire life from this past September to the end is going to be music. I have limited social skills, but that's not because of ego, it's because I was raised a nerd, hung out with only nerds, hence I am doomed to nerd-dom.

I'm an uber-nerd, all my friends when I was growing up were nerds, and I still carry the nerd flag today with my interesting collection of t-shirts from ThinkGeek.com that I wear onstage. And my wife-to-be is also a nerd, and spends more time on the internet and playing computer games than I do!

So don't give up hope yet!

[theshadow2001]

Its got to be hard to keep a relationship going when your on the road even if your away just at weekends and Im sure a pro is away alot more than that. I've missed all my friends birthdays and other events because I'm gigging. Friends will be understanding but girlfriends don't like this sort of neglect. If you live any distance away from your girl you can pretty much forget it. That said I'm sure some people can make it work.

Plus its hard to find a girl thats as sexy as my sterling

[Don't_Fret]

Originally Posted by theshadow2001

Its got to be hard to keep a relationship going when your on the road even if your away just at weekends and Im sure a pro is away alot more than that. I've missed all my friends birthdays and other events because I'm gigging. Friends will be understanding but girlfriends don't like this sort of neglect. If you live any distance away from your girl you can pretty much forget it. That said I'm sure some people can make it work.

True, but many if not most pros that I know are married. I think that great bass players actually seem more likely to get married than any other musician. An interesting study would be to compare the marital status of professional bassists to other musicians.

[Marley's Ghost]

That's cause marriage is usually the end of your aspirations as a musician. As can be attested to by the legions of former gigging bass players now married with children.

[willgroove2]

Originally Posted by Don't_Fret

True, but many if not most pros that I know are married. I think that great bass players actually seem more likely to get married than any other musician. An interesting study would be to compare the marital status of professional bassists to other musicians.

As i read this and think real quick,most of the pro's i know are married.of course it may not be for the first time but most are in some kind of relationship.for myself it was a matter of finding the right person at the right time.when we first hooked up we had a talk about the reality's of my life and when we had been togather for a few months i got a call to go to europe for a 6 week tour,with 4 days notice.it was then that she saw what i was warning her about but as a person who is very much her own person she can handle it.Im lucky

[purfektstranger]

'I don't think it's simply because they don't have the people skills even the majority of the time. It's because when someone plays at that kind of level, they have made a committment to music, above all other things, including a steady day job or a successful, happy marriage.'



This is the answer right here imho. Music first above everything and everyone.

[skewh]

Originally Posted by JimmyM

Well that may be true. But knowing quite a few virtuosos, I find a lot of them have limited people skills.

Yeah, I have limited people skills.

Seriously, though, good point, I know of many talented musicians that remain uninvolved with other people because of their all-out devotion to their respective axe.