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  #1  
Old 12-23-2009, 04:32 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Huntington Beach, CA
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Lyrics:

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In the band I'm in, we have our frontman doing some lyrical stuff, but I figured why not throw a hand in. Although I don't sing (well), perhaps my writing will be good enough to "jive".
So I wrote a bit.. Edit: and I realize it's a lot easier if I'd just post it so..
Lying in the Street:
Chorus:
Just lying in the street,
Yeah, we're just lying in the street,
just lying in the street.
Lyin in the street..
Verse 1:
Sunday morning, Answers calling
The sun is made anew.
A Saviour asking
"What's your meaning?
Do you even care?"
Chorus:
Cause you're just lying in the street
lying in the street,
you're just lying in the street,
lying in the street..
Verse 2:
Wednesday evening, The sun is setting
Another day gone by.
A friend's whisper, care caving in
"Where is his progress, the travels, his journey.
Does it even matter to him?"
Chorus:
Cause he's just lying in the street,
just lying in the street,
he's just lying in the street
lying in the...
Bridge:
Stand beside the road less traveled;
The first step is the hardest part.
A Saviour and A Friend
holding me up,
Showing me
who I'm supposed to be!
Chorus:
Instead of lying in the street,
lying in the street,
not lying in the... street.

Be honest.

Do you guys normally write lyrics, or do you leave that sort of thing up to the singer/frontman?
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Last edited by bergie : 12-23-2009 at 05:04 PM.
  #2  
Old 12-23-2009, 06:02 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
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In one band I play Drums and I write most of the lyics
but I'm the Bassist/Frontman in another and no one else other than me writes lyrics.
IMO, It's always good to sing your own ideas if your doing an Original song.
If you can kinda sing, go for it!
but on the other hand, if you don't want to sing and you want your ideas to work out, defiantely show them to your band dude.
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  #3  
Old 12-23-2009, 06:30 PM
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Yeah.. I've been trying to work on my singing; I just lack confidence in my ability.
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  #4  
Old 12-23-2009, 11:44 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Los Angeles
Quote:
Originally Posted by bergie View Post

Lying in the Street:

Verse 1:
Sunday morning, Answers calling
The sun is made anew.
A Saviour asking
"What's your meaning?
Do you even care?"

Verse 2:
Wednesday evening, The sun is setting
Another day gone by.
A friend's whisper, care caving in
"Where is his progress, the travels, his journey.
Does it even matter to him?"

Bridge:
Stand beside the road less traveled;
The first step is the hardest part.
A Saviour and A Friend
holding me up,
Showing me
who I'm supposed to be!
Leaving out the chorus, for me, makes it easier to see what's going on.

If you take a look at some the interweb lyric sites, you'll find most rock songs are based on not too many lines and more on melody.

Here's a possible take on your lyrics:

Verse 1:
Sunday morning, sun anew.
A Saviour asking
"What's your meaning?
Do you even care?"

Verse 2:
Wednesday evening, sun setting
Another day done.
A friend's whisper,
"Where's his progress?
Does it even matter to him?"

Bridge:
Stand beside
the road less traveled;
The first step
is the hardest part.
A Saviour and A Friend
holding me up,
Showing me
who I'm supposed to be!

Just an idea.

If you boost your confidence by practicing your vocals more, bringing lyrics and a melody along with it, IMO, will get you further along much quicker, even if you don't sing the tune.

Good effort. Keep on writing.
  #5  
Old 12-24-2009, 01:27 AM
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Huh.. I think I get it.. Try making the lines more concise..
Do you think the chorus is too repetitive? That's what one of my friends thought..
Otherwise, thanks so much just for taking the time. It definitely helps just to hear some fellow musician feedback!
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  #6  
Old 12-24-2009, 11:59 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Los Angeles
If you arrange the song:

Verse
Verse
Ch.
Bridge
Verse
Ch
Ch

Something like that might work.

You might want to shorten the bridge:

The first step of
the road less traveled
is the hardest part.
A Saviour and A Friend
showing me who I'm
supposed to be.
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