Marriage and G.A.S.

[TheBear]

Hey all, I've got one for the married TBer's! I tried searching and had no luck, and if this is in the wrong forum please move it as is appropriate!

The Backstory:
So I'm a 27 straight guy, single with no kids, and have a something of a collection of gear over the last 12 years. My brother is 24, married with a newborn baby girl (almost 2 weeks old) and has much less gear than I do. His wife is not musically inclined and frequently gives me semi-good natured ribbing about having "too many guitars" (only 3 electrics, 2 acoustics and 2 basses). We both are somewhat musically active and would like to be more active as soon as possible, be it as songwriters, in a band, worship leaders or solo artists (we both have done all these). She is not so supportive of his G.A.S.; he is trying to sell his Mesa half-stack to get a combo guitar amp, and her blog states that they are planning on "getting rid of it" as soon as possible, as it's stored in the closet of the baby's room.

The Question:
How do you married TBer's approach the topic of G.A.S. and gear in your marriages? Is your spouse/significant other encouraging of your art, or is buying a new set of strings cause for a fight? If you sell something, do you buy something else? I'm not trying to open a can of worms or point any accusations at non-musical spouses, I'd just like to gain some wisdom from those that would be willing to share it so if I ever do get married, I'll have a realistic expectation of how this issue can be handled. Some have told me to buy my toys now because there won't be money for it after "I do", others say this isn't an issue at all with their spouses.

Here we go!

[gidbass]

Originally Posted by TheBear

Hey all, I've got one for the married TBer's! I tried searching and had no luck, and if this is in the wrong forum please move it as is appropriate!

The Backstory:
So I'm a 27 straight guy, single with no kids, and have a something of a collection of gear over the last 12 years. My brother is 24, married with a newborn baby girl (almost 2 weeks old) and has much less gear than I do. His wife is not musically inclined and frequently gives me semi-good natured ribbing about having "too many guitars" (only 3 electrics, 2 acoustics and 2 basses). We both are somewhat musically active and would like to be more active as soon as possible, be it as songwriters, in a band, worship leaders or solo artists (we both have done all these). She is not so supportive of his G.A.S.; he is trying to sell his Mesa half-stack to get a combo guitar amp, and her blog states that they are planning on "getting rid of it" as soon as possible, as it's stored in the closet of the baby's room.

The Question:
How do you married TBer's approach the topic of G.A.S. and gear in your marriages? Is your spouse/significant other encouraging of your art, or is buying a new set of strings cause for a fight? If you sell something, do you buy something else? I'm not trying to open a can of worms or point any accusations at non-musical spouses, I'd just like to gain some wisdom from those that would be willing to share it so if I ever do get married, I'll have a realistic expectation of how this issue can be handled. Some have told me to buy my toys now because there won't be money for it after "I do", others say this isn't an issue at all with their spouses.

Here we go!

It is easier to beg for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission...

[Adam Bomb]

Mrs. Bomb is a non-practicing musician who was raised by musicians. She gets me. Also, she simply does not care what I do (in the most loving, supportive sense). I think she trusts me not to go too crazy when I shouldn't. I have probably made about $35 playing music over my entire life.

Having said that, I also believe that it is an unspoken understanding between us that however much I spend on gear, she is pre-authorized to spend on whatever she wants. It does seem like, when I change rigs for example, she might start talking about a trip. Fine with me. The result though is that I tend to think of gear as costing twice what it costs when I buy it, which helps keep me cool at GC.

Currently, I am trying out the unspoken rule that any money I make from selling old gear doesn't count.

--Bomb

[macribas]

That's a very good topic, we more often than not see posts here, especially in the For Sale sections, talking about rules such as "for one to come in, one has to get out" or lucky guys with spouses that do not know the real price of their instruments.

I believe there are three main issues there:
1. Money spent on gear is money that could be used in other stuff. You tell her that you don't have money to buy a new vacuum cleaner, but you buy a new bass. Women can't understand that.
2. Gear takes space. Lots of it. Unless you live in a big house, you probably have your music stuff all over the place. Women hate that.
3. Most of the time, we buy gear because we want to play out, not to leave it in a case at home. Gigs mean rehearsals, and both mean you're going to be hanging out with the boys and not with your wife and kids. To make things worse, gigs usually involve late nights, girls and alcohol. Not to mention the time you spend at home practicing by yourself, and is "not around". Women feel lonely, if they cannot go with you to all of these, or if they don't like to.

I don't have a solution for all these issues, and I don't think there is a straight answer. I admit I had to cut back on playing out against my will. I can understand the money constraint: we need to be sensitive to the well-being of the family, and find a balance. I am currently selling, for the first time, two of my basses, because of that. I think in the end both spouses need to meet somewhere in the middle.

Marcel

[chubrocker]

I allow my wife to feed her own passions and interests. We have a $1-for-$1 agreement. I always look forward to all the candle and home decor parties at our house. I know I'll get to go shopping the following day!

[JMac4strngr]

My wife would shat herself and do a backflip if I came strut'n through the door with a brand new $1200.00+ bass or amp. On the other hand house rules are If I want something new I have to sell something old. Consumables such as strings, chords, and stuff like that are must haves that wear out. My wife respects my hobby and supports me fully in what makes me happy (playing bass). Realistically she helps me keep my grip on my financial responsibilities reminding me that making a high buck gear purchase is not feasable with our household budget at the moment. I praise her for that as before we met I was living with the worst case of GAS known to mankind.

[Mr-Wunderful]

My wife is a musician as well so she is supportive. I always let her know beforehand and she always says go for it.

[jnuts1]

"I can understand the money constraint" i never understood this, even in the crappiest of bands you should be able to make a couple bucks.

[CapnSev]

We a discussion about it before we were married and she was warned about my GAS, about me being away from her for rehearsals and gigs, about chicks at gigs, about strange bandmates, etc.

She is aware that I am very involved in music, and even though it make her grumpy sometimes, that's just the way it is. She's got her hobbies too, and believe me, her stuff far outnumbers mine.

[blues.bass]

Originally Posted by gidbass

It is easier to beg for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission...

I always find it easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to beg for permission

[ButtUglyJeff]

Originally Posted by Adam Bomb

I have probably made about $35 playing music over my entire life.

Awesome!!! What's your secret for success?

I'm sure I can easily post a lifetime net loss of $5-6000.

[gidbass]

Originally Posted by blues.bass

I always find it easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to beg for permission

After I posted it, I thought it sounded kind of funny...

[James Hart]

If your gear is an issue, you married he wrong woman. I've bought more gear since meeting my wife than I did all the years before (about equal in playing years now)... and she's bought me a few of my favorite things.

[ButtUglyJeff]

Originally Posted by CapnSev

She's got her hobbies too, and believe me, her stuff far outnumbers mine.

My wife collects those "Precious Moments" figures. I cringe every time I look at those two curio cabinets. There has got to be a dozen basses and several stacks of speakers sitting in those things.........

[CapnSev]

Originally Posted by ButtUglyJeff

My wife collects those "Precious Moments" figures. I cringe every time I look at those two curio cabinets. There has got to be a dozen basses and several stacks of speakers sitting in those things.........

Mine's a scrapbook/craft queen. She literally has an entire room of wall to wall craft stuff.

[MN_Bass]

My wife says to get something new , something old has to go, basically my collection never grows but gets better in quality

[MNAirHead]

SUPER SIMPLE

1-separate account.. only gig cash goes into it.
2-never ask for a loan
3-give the spouse fun money from the gig account;
4-never ask an opinion
5-never get in the spouse's way
6-never ask the spouse to do anything for the music pseudo career

Most folks bring on their own drama.

comingling of marrage funds is problems from the beginning... I put in my income check.. then rest is toy money.

[tdub0199]

My wife supports me and my music and making good money is a plus....

[Bassblisters]

As a woman with GAS, I would never want to be married to a guy with GAS, as it would turn into brinksmanship.

I do fully support moderation of GAS when one has other priorities, such as supporting children, eating and not becoming homeless.

[CapnSev]

Originally Posted by MNAirHead

SUPER SIMPLE

1-separate account.. only gig cash goes into it.
2-never ask for a loan
3-give the spouse fun money from the gig account;
4-never ask an opinion
5-never get in the spouse's way
6-never ask the spouse to do anything for the music pseudo career

Most folks bring on their own drama.

comingling of marrage funds is problems from the beginning... I put in my income check.. then rest is toy money.

I do this too, and it works great.