married guys i need your help

[davetakis]

this is for all of the married guys out there. i am trying to sell my bass rig, an svt-350 and an ampeg 4x10he cab to a friend of mine who really likes it and has been using it for regular gigs now for a few months. the problem is while he can afford it, he is trying to figure out a way to "hide" the fact that he is spending a thousand dollars on a rig from his wife. this sounds worse than it is but it really is just a question about creative accounting. help please

[KJung]

You need to change the name of your thread to 'Divorced guys I need your help', since they would have much more experience with these shananigans than those still married

[Diggler]

He needs to man up and discuss it with his wife, and honestly.

If he's hiding stuff like that, the marriage is doomed.

[Cherry Black]

I'm female and I'd be seriously pissed off if my other half hid something like that from me, however, there's no way in hell I'd deny my man a rig/axe he wanted in the first place, especially if the bank balance was healthy.
Could the car need "work" doing? Or something along those lines?

[pointbass]

Originally Posted by KJung

You need to change the name of your thread to 'Divorced guys I need your help', since they would have much more experience with these shananigans than those still married

Absolutely right ^^^^

[john turner]

wow. just wow.

[glivanos]

Just tell her the truth, especially if you have a legitimate need for this rig.

[davetakis]

ok folks this is getting a little convaluted here. we have all hidden purchases from our spouses, except me as i'm single. it's just a fact of life. i've never met a married couple that hasnt done this to some degree or another. sorry fact of life. this is not about whether their marriage is strong or not. they have been married for 20+ years, kids blah blah blah. no marital problems. maybe i'll work out a payment plan with him. jeeze this was mor of a joke than anything. i didnt mean to ruffle any feathers.

[tZer]

Billy said it best... "Honesty... is such a lonely word... everyone is so untrue...."

[kenlacam]

It takes a married man to understand this predicament, no offence to the single guy; I don't care how many years a couple has been married, the man does not try to find a way to hide a $1000 purchase from his wife.Period. In a stable marriage, that is. In a marriage where couples find the need to 'hide' things from each other, is not an honest marriage. Once again, no offence to the single guy, but you have to be married to understand why this would be a problem.

[ElBajista]

How would your friend feel if he later found out that his wife did some "creative accounting" and dropped $1000 of their money on shoes/clothes/etc. behind his back? Don't you think he'd be a little ticked off?

Tell your friend to be a man and discuss it with his wife. If they're okay financially and can afford it, and there's no other personal reasons why he shouldn't have the rig, then it should be fine! Your friend should think thoroughly.

Does he really need the setup? Why would his wife not be happy about spending the money? Can they really afford it? Is there any other reason why she wouldn't be happy about it?

For Example:

My Fiance let me drop $800 on my 55-02, even though she knew I could have bought a much cheaper 5 string. She also knows that I've bought all used gear, that way when I "liquidate my stock", which I most likely will have to get rid of a lot, I can resell without losing too much money. The point was, I had the money, we didn't have any outstanding bills, and we have about a year until money will be really tight (college, getting married, and babies as soon as possible!) and I should spend and enjoy the money now. There was no real reason for me NOT to buy the 55-02, and she let me because she knew that I'd enjoy it.

Sometimes, when I see something here on Talkbass that I have GAS for, the first thing I'll do is mention to her that I saw the item and explain what it is and what it does, and then I'll say that I'd like to buy it. She'll ask, "Do you REALLY need it?" and 9/10 times I had to honestly answer no, that's that. It's really not that hard.

Husbands need to start streating their wives like wives, not like someone to "go around" and "sneak things by." Sometimes, because of stuff like this, I'm ashamed to be a male....

[guy n. cognito]

Originally Posted by davetakis

ok folks this is getting a little convaluted here. we have all hidden purchases from our spouses, except me as i'm single. it's just a fact of life. i've never met a married couple that hasnt done this to some degree or another. sorry fact of life. this is not about whether their marriage is strong or not. they have been married for 20+ years, kids blah blah blah. no marital problems. maybe i'll work out a payment plan with him. jeeze this was mor of a joke than anything. i didnt mean to ruffle any feathers.

Not a fact of life, chief. I have never hidden a purchase, especially a major one costing thousands of dollars, from my wife. We don't discuss minor purchases (and we don't hide them either), but major ones always get discussed. As a man, and an adult, I don't hide things from my wife like a child with a secret stash of candy bars.

If your friend is conspiring with you to hide a major purchase from his wife, then they definitely have marital problems. Well, at least one.

[john turner]

Originally Posted by davetakis

we have all hidden purchases from our spouses, except me as i'm single. it's just a fact of life. i've never met a married couple that hasnt done this to some degree or another.

lol. well, maybe i'm not qualified to speak since i've only been married 4.5 years, but we've never hidden anything with each other. -shrug-

[tommyr01]

As John Turner stated:

"WOW"

[Daywalker]

Originally Posted by Diggler

He needs to man up and discuss it with his wife, and honestly.

If he's hiding stuff like that, the marriage is doomed.

+2

My wife knew what she was getting into before she married me, so she can't say anything now...

[ElBajista]

Originally Posted by davetakis

ok folks this is getting a little convaluted here. we have all hidden purchases from our spouses, except me as i'm single. it's just a fact of life. i've never met a married couple that hasnt done this to some degree or another. sorry fact of life. this is not about whether their marriage is strong or not. they have been married for 20+ years, kids blah blah blah. no marital problems. maybe i'll work out a payment plan with him. jeeze this was mor of a joke than anything. i didnt mean to ruffle any feathers.

Um.....No?

You must not be hanging around the right married couples. For a wife to buy a pair of shoes or for the husband to buy a new set of strings is one thing, those are minor purchases, but dropping $1000 of their money (as a husband and wife, it's their money, not singularly his or hers) is a completely different thing.

If you're friend is willing to sneak that kind of coin past his wife, what else is he willing to do?

[vindy500]

haha what a noob, i tell my girlfriend im gonna own lots of fbasses when were married and show her "family pictures" from this site, she says im only allowed 10... i can handle that....

[tZer]

No hidden purchases here. But my wife handles all the finances. Trying to 'hide' a purchase would be like me trying to shave her head and expect her not to notice.

But even if that were not the case, I have no need to hide such things. I have been able to make my major purchases - not necessarily when I WANTED to, but ultimately I get what I need.

The way it works at the Z house is; I explain that I really want to purchase something expensive. I offer some detail into why I want to buy it (not manditory, but a good practice) and we figure out together how and when that can be done.

It works for us.

[Rick Brienzo]

I bet if he tells her the truth and promises to let her make a major purchase within the year she will let him buy the rig.

lying will only get him half a rig.

[Aaron Saunders]

Dude, I'm 18 and I don't even hide stuff like that from my PARENTS. Maybe hiding a CD or a book from the 'rents? Yeah. But $2,000? Nay. That's just stupid.