Rate my lyrics

[Earthday]

In a little brown barn
On a little brown hill
There's Sam the Gardener
And the land he loves to till

Color like carnivals
Shines into his eyes
Of delicious fruits And vegetables
The springtime's great surprise

He talks with cheerful tomatoes
And tries to hide his movement
From the open eyed potato
Whose vision needs improvement

He rides a cucumber submarine
To a carrot rocket ship
That's powered by two tangerines
And a 44 ton turnip

There's two lions on board
With lettuce frayed manes
And corn stalk legs
And celery veins
With cabbage patch brains
Grown so large due to rain

But they just can't feel Sam's pain
He'll never return to his farm again

[Josh Ryan]

Best Song Ever.

What type of music dop you hear with these lyrics, I really need to imagine this as a whole.

[mike_v_s]

Two legumes up.

Mike

[Dkerwood]

Nice poetic imagery.

I'm missing a chorus or an obvious recurring cadence, but neither is necessary, really...

Also, I am missing the point of the song, I think. Why isn't he returning to his farm/garden? Is he getting old, evidenced by the "hidden movement" and eyesight needing "improvement"? You could also be eluding to this with the "frayed" lettuce manes and thin "corn stalk legs" and celery "veins"...

Is he going crazy? He is seeing submarines (on a brown hill) and rockets, not to mention living vegetables and veggie animals... perhaps he's off to an institution?

My only suggestion would be to unify where the song is going, and that's really only my opinion. I would give the same suggestion to Led Zeppelin, but I think they did pretty well without my help.

[JimmyM]

HIPPIE!!!

[spectorbass83]

This reminds me of something The Beatles wrote during their days of tripping on Acid...something like Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds/Strawberry Fields

[Blackbird]

I could see Ringo singing that.

That means it's good.

[Alex]

Originally Posted by Blackbird

I could see Ringo singing that.

Nah, I clearly see Les singing that one.

[Earthday]

Funny how as I wrote that I was listening to the White Album. The influence definately shows I guess.

And the song originally contained a chorusy part which talked about Sam going insane. I could see how it would be a little unclear without it, but it just didn't fit, and to me its a good time of unclarity.

[Josh Ryan]

Originally Posted by Earthday

Funny how as I wrote that I was listening to the White Album. The influence definately shows I guess.

And the song originally contained a chorusy part which talked about Sam going insane. I could see how it would be a little unclear without it, but it just didn't fit, and to me its a good time of unclarity.

I think you made the right call there. I would love to hear this if you ever rocord it.