Seems strange to end things...

RAM · #1 08-21-2009, 11:54 AM

Not too long ago I posted a thread in Live Sound expressing my ongoing frustrations with my band, particularly how we sound. There was a lot of supportive (and suggestive) feedback that I really appreciate and thank each of you for!

Anyway, sensing my frustrations, last night the band let me go. It's a strange feeling, because on the one hand, I've seen my life turned completely upside down over the last 3 years and this was the one area of my life that remained a constant, through all my personal struggles. These guys stood up beside me and put up with all my demons, and for that I gave them loyalty to the very end.

Unfortunately, during all that loyalty, I was increasingly frustrated with the direction we were headed musically, in addition to the poor musicianship amongst the other members. So much so that only 3 or 4 weeks ago I announced I was going to audition for other bands *in addition to* staying with these guys. I really had no intention of leaving them because of this loyalty, but on the other hand, it was a completely frustrating situation.

Well, the crux is, I showed up last night and they asked me to leave. I certainly wouldn't have pulled the trigger, but there's a certain amount of relief I get from it, not having to make that decision on my own.

Obviously I have mixed emotions about the end of *that* relationship.

Side note: I talked to 2 of the guys afterwards and they both said they doubt they'll find a bassist whose as good as me. Strangely, as much as I hate to tout my own capabilities (being as humble as I am), I believe them.

Pilgrim · #2 08-21-2009, 01:47 PM

My assignment at work recently changed. Although I had real doubts about it at first, making the change helped me realize that I was getting very tired of what I had been doing.

This gives you a chance to connect with a new band - or bands - and move on with life. In the long run, it's part of what makes us better-rounded people.

ggunn · #3 08-21-2009, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RAM

... only 3 or 4 weeks ago I announced I was going to audition for other bands *in addition to* staying with these guys. I really had no intention of leaving them because of this loyalty, but on the other hand, it was a completely frustrating situation.

Well, the crux is, I showed up last night and they asked me to leave. I certainly wouldn't have pulled the trigger, but there's a certain amount of relief I get from it, not having to make that decision on my own.

Why did you tell them? I wasn't a fly on the wall when you guys were talking about it, but an announcement of intention to audition for other bands could be interpreted as a power play - a threat to quit if one's way is not gotten. At the very least it is hard to interpret it as non-threatening to the cohesiveness of the group, if there is any.

I'm not surprised that they gave you the boot. I'm not saying that I think that it's right or even in their best interests, just that I'm not surprised.

If you really didn't want to leave them, but just to expand your horizons a bit, maybe you should have done your auditions on the Q.T. and let them know what you were doing on an episodic basis rather than as a notice of a change in direction.

RickenBoogie · #4 08-21-2009, 05:58 PM

I've never actually been fired from a band, but once, after announcing my departure, the guitard/vocalist/leader made me feel as though I had been. Sometimes it's just best to move on.

xgator4u · #5 08-21-2009, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ggunn

Why did you tell them? I wasn't a fly on the wall when you guys were talking about it, but an announcement of intention to audition for other bands could be interpreted as a power play - a threat to quit if one's way is not gotten. At the very least it is hard to interpret it as non-threatening to the cohesiveness of the group, if there is any.

I'm not surprised that they gave you the boot. I'm not saying that I think that it's right or even in their best interests, just that I'm not surprised.

If you really didn't want to leave them, but just to expand your horizons a bit, maybe you should have done your auditions on the Q.T. and let them know what you were doing on an episodic basis rather than as a notice of a change in direction.

^ Yup, that is pretty much what I was thinking as I was reading the O.P.
Try telling your wife/girlfriend that you are loyal, and will not leave her, but you are gonna try out some new girls. Or tell your job, that you are not going to quit, but you will be interviewing for other positions, because you feel frustrated. I think you will get the same results you got from the band. The boot.

RAM · #6 08-21-2009, 08:49 PM

I suppose that's a fair question, but I have a good answer (or at least it's good in my head). In my head participating in other bands would have quashed, at least to some degree, the frustrations I've had with this band. Perhaps it was interpreted as I'd subconsciously hoped?

xgator4u · #7 08-21-2009, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RAM

I suppose that's a fair question, but I have a good answer (or at least it's good in my head). In my head participating in other bands would have quashed, at least to some degree, the frustrations I've had with this band. Perhaps it was interpreted as I'd subconsciously hoped?

Perhaps indeed. Well any how, water under the dam and all that. Time to move along and find another band, like the ones that you told them you were going to audition for.

JimmyM · #8 08-21-2009, 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xgator4u

^ Yup, that is pretty much what I was thinking as I was reading the O.P.
Try telling your wife/girlfriend that you are loyal, and will not leave her, but you are gonna try out some new girls. Or tell your job, that you are not going to quit, but you will be interviewing for other positions, because you feel frustrated. I think you will get the same results you got from the band. The boot.

Sorry, but girls and bands are not the same thing. I play in as many bands as I can juggle, and anyone who gets jealous over it can kiss my ass. My most regular band's drummer tends to make snide remarks when I mention other gigs I do, but hey...I have to eat and he makes more than I do since he books us and does a lot of production work so I ignore him. OTOH, since I do make the bulk of my money with that band, I do cancel other gigs if we have a conflict, and to me, that should be good enough. If it isn't, sorry but I like money, too.

fretlessguy · #9 08-21-2009, 09:42 PM

They probably picked up on your frustration, and while they personally liked you, they did what they felt you really wanted anyway.

Take some time off from playing out. Spend the time improving your technique, work on note reading skills, take up home recording, or perhaps even learn to play another instrument. Maybe even take up a new genre of music, just for fun. And when it is time to go out and play again, you will be rested and ready.

Some years ago I had the same situation you had, but I wound up leaving on my own accord. The year I spent out of playing live music, and did exactly the things I suggested. I did not regret it. I took up the octave mandolin and Irish bouzouki as well as home recording.

If nothing else, then try to find a group or act that does something similar to what you like to play. I wish you well with whatever you decide.

FG

ggunn · #10 08-23-2009, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RAM

I suppose that's a fair question, but I have a good answer (or at least it's good in my head). In my head participating in other bands would have quashed, at least to some degree, the frustrations I've had with this band. Perhaps it was interpreted as I'd subconsciously hoped?

I wasn't questioning your desire to expand your horizons; I am supporting it. It's just that when you announced your intentions to audition outside, it may have come across to your bandmates as an ultimatum. If what I wanted was to stay in the band, I would have done it quietly and managed my time to try to avoid conflicts.

If what you really wanted was to leave the band but duck the pain of initiating the break yourself, you handled it perfectly.

RAM · #11 08-23-2009, 10:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ggunn

If what you really wanted was to leave the band but duck the pain of initiating the break yourself, you handled it perfectly.

Oddly, I think that's what I wanted to hear.

I've been thinking about it a little, talking with (non-musician) friends, and very few were surprised after thinking about it for even a couple of minutes. In fact, the most common response I've been getting from people was, "well, you weren't happy, anyway".

I definitely left on "the high road" and know I could have made enemies with those guys and feel good that I didn't, even if it's unlikely I'll see them too much in the future (except the singer who's my sister-in-law's brother).

Rattman · #12 08-23-2009, 10:49 PM

Its just a band... remember that... just a BAND!!! They come and then they go. You'll find something just as important musically probably sooner than you realize.

Sartori · #13 08-24-2009, 03:48 AM

I think what made them feel threatened was that you made a big deal about announcing that you were going to be playing with some other people. In my band we don't do that. We just play in whatever other bands we damn well please, it's not a big deal.

**Josh Ryan** · #14 08-25-2009, 07:39 AM

Sounds like they stepped up and made the right decision for you actually. They knew you were unhappy, they knew you were looking, and they let you go. I'm sure there was a little self protection in there, but it sounds for the best.

RAM · #15 08-25-2009, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blisshead

Sounds like they stepped up and made the right decision for you actually. They knew you were unhappy, they knew you were looking, and they let you go. I'm sure there was a little self protection in there, but it sounds for the best.

No doubt. It's like a bad relationship you just get used to being in for the sake of being in one. Sometimes it's easier to let the others make the decision, even though in your own head the decision's already been made.

NKBassman · #16 08-25-2009, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xgator4u

Well any how, water under the dam and all that.

Not to derail the thread or anything, but as an aspiring civil engineering, I feel that I should inform you that water moving under a dam would be bad... very bad...

Sartori · #17 08-25-2009, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NKBassman

Not to derail the thread or anything, but as an aspiring civil engineering, I feel that I should inform you that water moving under a dam would be bad... very bad...

Yeah, that's what I thought too... since, as far as I know, the point of a dam is to prevent the water from moving very much...