There are it seems, few 2nd chances

P. Aaron · #1 10-02-2010, 06:49 PM

As some of you know, I was diagnosed last year with Multiple Myeloma. I was hospitalized and in severe pain off & on for months. Then a slow fragile state of healing and am now well on to a recovery or, at least a stalemete.

At the time, I had to cancel everything in life. My wife & kids were always there, and some friends...even the guys from the band. I told them I would return and they kept encouraging me to get better. Within a year, I am physically ready to play again. Remarkable if I do say so myself.

The band had to hire a mercenary to play shows for me but, all the while, I made clear that I was coming back and the band made no noise to the contrary. As late as August of this year, I called and said: "when am I starting back with you guys?". They said they'd look into it and get back with me. Problem: the mercenary is a friend of the key-player who's buddied up to the guitarist.

Well, I am out, they voted & said via-VM that they didn't want to "go backwards" and are not asking me back. I was insulted by the 'going backwards' comment. The mercenary they have is a pretty limp player. I know this 'cause I have worked with 'em in another gig. But it seems a coalition has been built and I guess that's just the way it is. But get this:

One band-mate, I have known for 13 years, another 12 years. I was informed via voice mail by one of the 2. The other, no call, nothing.

I can't decide if I am more mad or hurt. After over a decade of 'friendship' and nearly 7 years in this band to have the door slammed that hard. Cold...just cold.

Yeah, I plan on moving on but...just...wow! Some people.

AltGrendel · #2 10-02-2010, 06:52 PM

Sorry to hear that, some people are thoughtless like that.

Wouldn't be surprised if you hear that they've broken up in a year.

Nashrakh · #3 10-02-2010, 06:57 PM

Just wow. I'd be crazy mad if people pulled that on me.

Hope all turns out okay for you, but yeah... some people. :|

Reed James Eng · #4 10-02-2010, 06:58 PM

I feel for you Man. Dust your shoes off and start a brand new life and never look back. I have had my knock downs too so I can understand .Peace and blessings to you

P. Aaron · #5 10-02-2010, 07:23 PM

I have to move on...of course. I love music more than any one gig.

I am half-way dreading the audition-proposal part of the music biz. At the same time, I empathize with bands & musicians that need/want talent to help their acts too. I am in a 1/2 mercenary mode, the other 1/2 of me would appreciate being offered an opportunity.

Munjibunga · #6 10-02-2010, 11:40 PM

Your "friends."

P. Aaron · #7 10-03-2010, 09:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

Your "friends."

Naw, these guys just don't think. The guys from the band; heartless.

cassanova · #8 10-03-2010, 12:39 PM

Sorry to hear about what happened. I'd be both hurt and angry if that happened to me. At least you realize that you have to move on, this gives me the impression you're not going to dwell on it, and that's a good thing.

skwee · #9 10-03-2010, 12:49 PM

Go to one of their gigs. Sit in the front row…

...And just sit there.

phatbass · #10 10-03-2010, 12:53 PM

When people pull crap like this on me, they cease to exist as far as I'm concerned.

P. Aaron · #11 10-03-2010, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skwee

Go to one of their gigs. Sit in the front row...And just sit there.

I refuse to help them keep an audience. I had my angry thoughts...I'll do my best to just let it go instead.

Quote:

Originally Posted by phatbass

When people pull crap like this on me, they cease to exist as far as I'm concerned.

I have to try this, it won't be easy. I thought they were friends...y'know? For a decade or so there anyway.

How do you heal from something like this? I get to find out.

Deluge Of Sound · #12 10-03-2010, 03:06 PM

Damn, that's cold.

Sorry to hear that you're in this situation. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

P. Aaron · #13 10-03-2010, 03:46 PM

Another by-product of this is that I love my bass, my rig and the tone(s) I get from it. How in the hell will I know if it is going to fit with the next act?

I don't want to necessarily do the same kind of gig I was just doing.

At the same time, my desire to think about or look at gear is dampened by the fact that I don't know what's going to happen next.

I'll just have to wait & see. I don't 'wat' too well though.

bucephylus · #14 10-03-2010, 04:12 PM

Sorry to hear about your condition, but glad to hear you have been able to get an angle on it.

Family comes first; glad to hear that yours is solid. That's more than many healthy folks can claim.

As to bands, gigs come and go. The main thing is to keep playing. Sometimes these gig situations reveal who your friends really are. Not worth the brain cycles to over-think that one - take it for what it is.

As to your gear: man, the thing that really matters is your heart. Down through time, bass players have been great in spite of the gear. Another way to look at it is that the gear is never enough. Either a blessing or curse, depending on your perspective. Just go find some other cats to play with and the gear will fall in place one way or the other.

GL

XigXag · #15 10-03-2010, 08:05 PM

There are however, an endless supply of first chances at new things.

Perspective, learn to change it.

N.F.A. · #16 10-03-2010, 08:08 PM

The old adage about one door closing and another one opening probably applies here. Just keep practicing and I bet before you can say, "Bob's your uncle" a new and better band opportunity will come along for you.
Perspective can make it so much different and better.

pharmakon · #17 10-03-2010, 08:31 PM

Maybe it's time to start your own thing. You in charge, the sound/direction you want to go in, etc.

It does sound like they did you wrong, tho'.

Baron Von Vik · #18 10-03-2010, 08:35 PM

I gotta say it's AWESOME to hear about your good health!
Too bad about your ex-band though. Sometimes people are just idiots.
I bet you could write some kickin tunes now. Some of the best music was born out of frustration, anger, and heartbreak as you well know...
So get out there and KICK THAT SH**!!! That is an order.

.

(edit- guess I should have said "better" health, but you'll beat this thing. You've come this far...)

shaboda · #19 10-03-2010, 08:44 PM

Start a new band that kicks their ass.

skwee · #20 10-03-2010, 09:29 PM

Yes, I should have said congratulations on your recovery in the first place. And, yes, my horrible attempt at revenge humor was poorly placed. In any event, these guys seem like jerks, and I'm sorry they are acting in this disrespectful way toward you and your effort.