Retiring---a mistake?

brianrost · #1 12-29-2012, 08:23 AM

I posted here rather than the slab side because hopefully I'll get less stupid replies, don't let me down guys!

OK, here's the scoop, I'm 58 and have quit all my bands except the house band at a local blues jam that I share with another guy, that means I'll be playing one set every other week since lots of other bassists come down.

The reason I have wound it down is I got tired of tussling with the missus over my musical activities after 31 years. The usual: out 4 nights a week and long drives means I wasn't home enough.

So I'll be sailing off into the sunset and unloading a lot of gear I won't be needing...I've got a dozen slabs, three DBs, a PA, a bunch of amps, etc.

What I'm unsure of is whether this is going to drive me crazy or not

I'm really trying to remember what I did before I became a gig whore and whether any of that will be satisfying. One thing I do know is I'll be able to get out and see other people play a lot more often

So the question to those who have hung it up: how's it been working out?

jtlownds · #2 12-29-2012, 10:17 AM

I played my last gig back in April. I will be 76 in 5 weeks, and I have COPD, and am no longer able to load in and load out. I miss it terribly. My wife has always been very supportive of my music career, so I never had a problem in that area. So far, I can not bring myself to sell off my gear. I guess that I am still in denial. At your age, you still have many years of gigging ahead of you. I don't know your psyche, but I suspect that if you sell off your gear and retire, that you will live to regret it. Best of luck to you.

**gene beauchamp** · #3 12-29-2012, 10:25 AM

I quit for 10 years and slowly become depressed and didnt know it. If my wife had her choice I wouldnt be in a band. I resent her a bit for that. But since I've been playing again I feel alive. I believe you only live once and you are what you are and she knew that when she signed up. It is sad when people want you to change who you really are. Maybe compromise,half gigs. Good luck!

theduke1 · #4 12-29-2012, 12:23 PM

Well dude let me tell ya!
I have retired and unretired so many times my wife, kids, and grandkids all call me "The Brett Favre" of the music world.

I have retired and sold everything 5 count um 5 times

. about 5 years ago I got a call and decided to play again. My wife and best friend said in a stern voice"we need to talk"

she said I knew you were a musician when I married you and knew you would play again after your last retirement. I don't care what you buy or spend as long as it does not disrupte our budget, BUT!! when you tire of the music business again and you will, if you sell everything, we are not doing this again!

I have learned that I never tire of making music

it is the business that wears on me

.
I have found other places to play I done 5 musicals

and play on the praise team at our church.

I still get together with my school friends

who I started playing with in 1966 and we played out from 1979 till1995.
Keep you gear you will miss it.
My family knows they will have to do something with all my stuff some day and thats ok.

Keep in touch good luck!
PS
I turned 60 this past July and still jamming

Michael Case · #5 12-29-2012, 12:32 PM

I would say just be more selective about the gigs you take. If you're in a position where you don't need to play to survive then all you need to do is learn to say no when a PITA gig that isn't worth the trouble calls. Hold on to enough gear to stay active, because you'll most likely want to play again.

**mjac28** · #6 12-29-2012, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brianrost

The reason I have wound it down is I got tired of tussling with the missus over my musical activities after 31 years. The usual: out 4 nights a week and long drives means I wasn't home enough.

If music isn't your primary source of income I'm on your wife's side you can cut that way down and still be involved with music and take care of your partner who has stuck by you for over thirty years.

Eric Hochberg · #7 12-29-2012, 01:34 PM

My guess is that you'll be tussling with your wife about something else to take up the slack! I'm sure you guys are who you are after 30 years. Keep your favorite couple of slabs and one DB and be selective about the gigs you take. Or take a break for a while. Just keep your options open as you don't know how you'll feel in the future.

I'm still playing at least 5 nights a week and loving it, except when I'm hurting...older age isn't for sissies. My wife and I have been together 40 years and this is our routine!

delta7fred · #8 12-29-2012, 01:46 PM

I think about retiring after just about every gig, usually at 02:00hrs when I am unloading my car, especially if it is raining. By about Tuesday I cannot wait for the next one. I'm 61 and been gigging as a weekend warier since I was 16. I'm sure I would miss it if I did retire though.

A friend of mine retired a few years ago, said he was sick of all the hassle and schlepping gear and was done with it all. About 6 weeks later he was trying to put a band together. I did warn him he would miss it.

singlemalt · #9 12-29-2012, 02:01 PM

A month of staying home every night and she'll be begging you to get a gig. It's all about balance. And who gets the remote control.

Bassist4Eris · #10 12-29-2012, 02:17 PM

Why not just slow down on your schedule? You don't have to hang it up completely.

johng999 · #11 12-29-2012, 02:22 PM

My divorce from a long time marriage several years ago has finally allowed me to pursue music like I did "way back then". It took me a couple of years to rebuild my reputation but now I won't trade it for anything. I don't think I will ever marry again and anyone I date knows that music is #1 for me. That's just the way it is.

brianrost · #12 01-06-2013, 03:32 PM

Thx for the replies so far.

Anybody else?

SpecialBlender · #13 01-06-2013, 03:47 PM

When my long time Weekend band retired 5 years ago I would occasionally sit in with my former drummers project. The bass player was always good about asking me up for a set. I quickly discovered they were having issues with his drinking and attitude and quickly stopped going, not wanting to be the cause of any action taken. I knew I would likely get the call when they had enough.

Therefore I was officially retired for about a year. Right about the time they were finally firing him my wife got in my face one night about getting back into a band again as I was driving her crazy hanging around the house with a long face every weekend.

She's happy I'm back to playing once or twice a week.

Rick Auvil · #14 01-06-2013, 04:33 PM

Since my retirement from secondary music teaching (two years ago), I've been playing more often. I told my wife that after 34 years of correcting mistakes, it's my turn to make a few! I'll only quit playing when it's physically impossible. I play an annual symphony series, play some musical theater shows, gig sparingly with two trios and whoever else asks. Not too often, but surely enough to keep it lively! Don't give it up totally! Just sell off some of your equipment inventory, share a few bucks with your wife to keep her happy, and hang in there as long as you can!

REMBO · #15 01-06-2013, 04:54 PM

DON'T RETIRE.......YOU WILL MISS IT!

hdiddy · #16 01-06-2013, 05:11 PM

I'm not into the all-or-nothing kind of mentality. Why can't you just focus on a couple of things an just play for yourself? Gigging is great, but it's not the end-all.

I quit music altogether for a couple years through college. Didn't know what was wrong but something was certainly missing at the time. Found another instrument and I felt alot more myself and never stopped ever since.

bejoyous · #17 01-06-2013, 06:42 PM

So, what is she giving up to spend more time with you?

lbbc · #18 01-06-2013, 06:47 PM

I stopped playing 8 years ago due to my kids saying they wanted us home more often (my wife and I were/are in a band together). After 3 years, I was back into it and haven't looked back. I play less often, but still play. BTW, I'm 54 and still have many years left (IMHO) to play on weekends.

aetheldrea · #19 01-06-2013, 06:49 PM

I often dream of retirement from my day job so I can spend more time on music. If I won the lottery I'd be in enough bands so that I could play out 4 times a week. As far as I'm concerned you are already living the dream.

bejoyous · #20 01-06-2013, 09:30 PM

But seriously, being more selective, ie. only playing the gigs you really want to, can be more satisfying.

I am not playing with as many different ensembles as I used to due to my increased teaching demands. I am playing more guitar at home and pursuing other interests to make up for it. My relationship with my family has improved and that is what is really important in the long run.