Auditions Gone BAD! First & Last Audition that got Weird with no warning!

[LedBelli Bass]

This thread is for all of us bass players in the world to talk about those auditions that were so off the wall, you decided not to go back!!

I'll go first:

Last week was asked to support a local band for two charity gigs. They were having trouble finding a player so I said I'd cover them.

I'd never met any of them face to face. (Keep this in mind since what follows says something about common courtesy and professionalism to guests/strangers.)

The evening went pretty well, the band itself was so-so okay, kinda pedestrian but not bad. Outside of the lead singer, not the friendliest bunch, but hey, I'm not there to be buddies, just support the cause, right?

Toward the end of the night we go to do a song that I already knew and have performed many times, and everyone was supposed to have prepared, when the lead guitarist (hereafter known as guitard) says, "Hey, I didn't have time to work on this song. What key is it in; is it a major or minor?"

To which I answer: "D major" That's all, I just simply answered his question.

To which he turns and says to me -rather loudly-: "What would you care whether it's a major or minor?? You're JUST a bass player!! A "D" is a "D" to you no matter whether it's a major or minor! PLAY ME A D AND I'LL SHOW YA!!" (Keep in mind: this is a guy who claims to have majored in music at Arizona!! lol)

All of that, just for answering his question about what key the song is in . . .

Well, a whole host of really good answers flooded my mind at that point, but I politely said, "Well, it matters if I play a major pentatonic or a minor pentatonic doesn't it?"

To which, at that point, the drummer chortles loudly at the guitard, "HA!! So there!"

To which the aforementioned guitard turns away without a word . . . he didn't speak to me the rest of the night. Typical of the type . . .

After I got home that night I emailed them and said I wouldn't be back. For good measure I told them to tell the guitard that I played guitar for 20 years before moving UP to bass . . .

I guess major and minor scales & modes weren't a part of that music major in Arizona!

Certainly, anyone with that kind of specialized background would know better than to behave that way toward another musician on their first meeting, wouldn't they??!! Wow!

Thankfully, in so many years of bass playing with some of the best in our area, this is the first time I've ever run into one of these A$$wholes!

[Jason P Bass]

Guitarist is insecure and threatened by you.

Nothing wrong with your response, but rather than "one up" the guitarist (with the "I played guitar for 20 years before moving to bass") you probably could have taken the situation in another direction.

[jive1]

Originally Posted by LedBelli Bass

. They were having trouble finding a player........................

I wonder why?

[scottice]

"HA!! So there!"

Classic!!!

[Xaira]

I effing hate that....boring, simplistic bassists have become so commonplace that one that knows what he/she is doing is intimidating. Bah, humbug to guitarists.

Sigh....

[crucislancer]

If I had a guitard say that to me I'd tell him to shut the F up.

The weirdest audition I can think of wasn't so much an audition as it was a meeting between me and the singer & guitard from a local metal band. They advertised in a local music paper that they needed a bassist who has Steve Harris as an influence, so I answered, we talked on the phone briefly, and then I was invited to the singers house to listen to some material and talk about the band.

I show up, the singer lives in a modest house, and both him and the guitard seem very cool and down to earth. They pop in a tape and we sat there listening. It sounded good, I could hear some cool song ideas on there, and was mentally making a note of the drummer.........and then I started listening to the lyrics. Really started listening. At first it sounded like gangster rap lyrics with judicious use of the N word and so on, but then I realized that it went beyond that. I really took in my surroundings at that point, and saw in one of the side rooms a flag that I really wish didn't exist anymore: the Nazi flag. These guys were neo-Nazis, or at the very least the singer was, but it seemed reasonable that the guitard was, too.

The music stops, and the singer goes on this rant that would make a KKK member blush. The guitard is off to the side nodding agreement to the whole thing, and I'm just sitting there shocked. He even asked me about my lineage at one point. As soon as I could I got the hell out of there. It was awful to be in the presence of so much hate.

[jgsbass]

My most unfavorite audition was back in the early 80's. Answered an ad in the Village Voice for a pianist songwriter looking to fill out a band to perform live. Talk on the phone to make sure that there's money involved for the gigs and arrange to audition at his house. Get there and he's sitting at a piano, I plug in to an amp and he pulls out a chart. We're playing the song and he casually says,"take off your clothes". I politely decline, pack up and leave.

[Rickett Customs]

Cleve,
Were you playing one of your (Ledbelli) basses at the gig? Perhaps it was all jealousy of such a nice instrument

There's always going to be an ass out there that feels threatened by another educated fellow like yourself, so it's always the "numbers" game.

[DRafalske]

Originally Posted by jgsbass

My most unfavorite audition was back in the early 80's. Answered an ad in the Village Voice for a pianist songwriter looking to fill out a band to perform live. Talk on the phone to make sure that there's money involved for the gigs and arrange to audition at his house. Get there and he's sitting at a piano, I plug in to an amp and he pulls out a chart. We're playing the song and he casually says,"take off your clothes". I politely decline, pack up and leave.

You win.

[Smurf-o-Deth]

Originally Posted by jgsbass

My most unfavorite audition was back in the early 80's. Answered an ad in the Village Voice for a pianist songwriter looking to fill out a band to perform live. Talk on the phone to make sure that there's money involved for the gigs and arrange to audition at his house. Get there and he's sitting at a piano, I plug in to an amp and he pulls out a chart. We're playing the song and he casually says,"take off your clothes". I politely decline, pack up and leave.

He was obviously expecting you to demonstrate your ability to hold the bottom.

[FromBeyond]

Originally Posted by Smurf-o-Deth

He was obviously expecting you to demonstrate your ability to hold the bottom.

I did laugh, yes.

[LowWay]

I auditioned for a band in the mid 90s. They were a drummer and guitarist/singer. Both were of mediocre skills at best, but the singer/songwriter had some interesting ideas. We begin playing, and the drummer is lame and stiff and about as square as could be. I try getting him to follow me down some interesting rythmic places, and he is clearly just doing all he can to hold on to his loose grip on the kick on 1 and 3, snare on 2 and 4, high hat quarter notes. So, bored with what is going on, I start playing with some syncopated funky lines, throw in a little slap playing to spice it up, having already decided this was not the band for me. We play through 3 songs and we part politely.

The next day I see the flyers around town:

Bass Player wanted. Funkmasters need not apply.

Their band opened for mine several months later at a local club, and they found their bassist. A kid struggling to keep good time while droning 8th notes on the roots of the chords. They seemed very content with the new bassist.

[Goatee220]

The next day I see the flyers around town:

Bass Player wanted. Funkmasters need not apply.

I wonder if the drummer wrote the flyer. Sounds like he didn't want anyone to expose the fact that he had no right foot.

[azureblue]

got a call from a lounge piano player- the kind Billy Joel wrote about.. We talked about the material for a while, then he says to me, well, let's just do a gig and see what happens. OK, says I, and a week later, I showed up at the venue. He turned out to be a great guy, and great piano player and singer, but his skin was yellow from drinking too much, so he had a pink spotlight on him. First set, all is well, I know most of the tunes, and have at least heard the rest. Second set is better, actually, because the drummer is digging on my playing and has loosened up. At the end of the third set, some businessman buys a round of shooters for the band, and sends up a request to do a song, which we did. Then the piano player starts drinking. The last set starts with not one, but two rounds for the band, and I am getting drunk - I don't drink that much, anyway. The piano player is flying high, but he has the audience in the palm of his hand. He is now segueing from one tune to the next, without calling the tunes; fortunately, he is doing stuff I know or can fake my way through. Then comes the kicker. He yaks to the audience a bit, then looks up at me, and says, "hey, do you know "xxxxx? (some really obscure Broadway show tune)" I say, "well, no --". He pipes back, it's a great tune! You're gonna love it! 1, 2, 1234--. "
I got hired..

[natw42]

Originally Posted by azureblue

got a call from a lounge piano player- the kind Billy Joel wrote about.. We talked about the material for a while, then he says to me, well, let's just do a gig and see what happens. OK, says I, and a week later, I showed up at the venue. He turned out to be a great guy, and great piano player and singer, but his skin was yellow from drinking too much, so he had a pink spotlight on him. First set, all is well, I know most of the tunes, and have at least heard the rest. Second set is better, actually, because the drummer is digging on my playing and has loosened up. At the end of the third set, some businessman buys a round of shooters for the band, and sends up a request to do a song, which we did. Then the piano player starts drinking. The last set starts with not one, but two rounds for the band, and I am getting drunk - I don't drink that much, anyway. The piano player is flying high, but he has the audience in the palm of his hand. He is now segueing from one tune to the next, without calling the tunes; fortunately, he is doing stuff I know or can fake my way through. Then comes the kicker. He yaks to the audience a bit, then looks up at me, and says, "hey, do you know "xxxxx? (some really obscure Broadway show tune)" I say, "well, no --". He pipes back, it's a great tune! You're gonna love it! 1, 2, 1234--. "
I got hired..

effin GREAT story.
seriously.

[nutso42]

Originally Posted by azureblue

got a call from a lounge piano player- the kind Billy Joel wrote about.. We talked about the material for a while, then he says to me, well, let's just do a gig and see what happens. OK, says I, and a week later, I showed up at the venue. He turned out to be a great guy, and great piano player and singer, but his skin was yellow from drinking too much, so he had a pink spotlight on him. First set, all is well, I know most of the tunes, and have at least heard the rest. Second set is better, actually, because the drummer is digging on my playing and has loosened up. At the end of the third set, some businessman buys a round of shooters for the band, and sends up a request to do a song, which we did. Then the piano player starts drinking. The last set starts with not one, but two rounds for the band, and I am getting drunk - I don't drink that much, anyway. The piano player is flying high, but he has the audience in the palm of his hand. He is now segueing from one tune to the next, without calling the tunes; fortunately, he is doing stuff I know or can fake my way through. Then comes the kicker. He yaks to the audience a bit, then looks up at me, and says, "hey, do you know "xxxxx? (some really obscure Broadway show tune)" I say, "well, no --". He pipes back, it's a great tune! You're gonna love it! 1, 2, 1234--. "
I got hired..

Vaguely reminds me of an episode of "Quantum Leap".....

[kraigo]

It sounds like a fun gig to me! How long did it last?

KO

Originally Posted by azureblue

got a call from a lounge piano player- the kind Billy Joel wrote about.. We talked about the material for a while, then he says to me, well, let's just do a gig and see what happens. OK, says I, and a week later, I showed up at the venue. He turned out to be a great guy, and great piano player and singer, but his skin was yellow from drinking too much, so he had a pink spotlight on him. First set, all is well, I know most of the tunes, and have at least heard the rest. Second set is better, actually, because the drummer is digging on my playing and has loosened up. At the end of the third set, some businessman buys a round of shooters for the band, and sends up a request to do a song, which we did. Then the piano player starts drinking. The last set starts with not one, but two rounds for the band, and I am getting drunk - I don't drink that much, anyway. The piano player is flying high, but he has the audience in the palm of his hand. He is now segueing from one tune to the next, without calling the tunes; fortunately, he is doing stuff I know or can fake my way through. Then comes the kicker. He yaks to the audience a bit, then looks up at me, and says, "hey, do you know "xxxxx? (some really obscure Broadway show tune)" I say, "well, no --". He pipes back, it's a great tune! You're gonna love it! 1, 2, 1234--. "
I got hired..

[NickInMesa]

Placed an ad for bass lessons.

When I showed up, the bass lesson apparently was an trap audition (that's how desperate they are for a bass player). The "teacher" was the guitarist, and the drummer as well as the singer were there.

I thought "what the hell, let's jam" (I was in between bands so whatever).

Turns out their music was gawd awful, the guitarist was typical guitard with a 20-pedal board, drummer was shirtless but out of shape (he is a decent drummer, I have to admit), singer was a Swedish-American from 'Sota with long blond hair like a viking.

His lyrics had about one swear word per line and all he did was yell like crazy. I have played with worse singers, he could get gigs around here, but as far as their ambitions, he's really just not good enough.

Of course we had to all wear ear plugs because they were playing as loud as can be, which is typical of bad bands.

I did not know what chords they were expecting me to play. Eventually I realized they only wanted me to play root 8, so I stood there and stopped playing because I could not hear myself and their music absolutely uninspiring.

Eventually they told me I was not good enough for them (which was good because I was looking for an excuse to get the hell out) and they did not help me pack up my gear.

They are still looking for a bassist.

Look for "Guru Gods", their Myspace is interesting. They are still looking for a "fvcking bassist". Their individual pages shows their "bios" and it's very interesting as well.

Oh yeah, I copied their ads in the Dumb Craig's List Ad Thread (look for Guru Gods there too).

And yes, Pete their last bass guy left because he could not stand their crap.

[plankspanker13]

LOL, Nick. Perhaps I should get in touch and pull a LowWay on 'em. Then again, I don't have the time. An offer from a degree'd guitar player came in the email last weekend, the jam was Tuesday, and the "we want you to lead this cover band project" phone call came last night. So it looks like I'll get to play what my present band is not playing, and eventually bring this second band into the managerial stable, and guarantee myself gigs every weekend.

[Bochafish]

Awesome thread so far