Ok, I was just checking CL Salt Lake City and happened across this gem. I thought this was great and found a great desire to share with everyone on TB. Classic.
"I've got 99 problems, and every single one is a creditor.
So a while back I hear about this "Jesus" fellow and all the good stuff he's responsible for. Healing the weak, and putting period blood on a blind man. Or something like that. Then I also hear that he sacrificed himself to pay our debts, and if a mother****er be killing himself to pay for my TV you bet I'm gonna listen to what he has to say. So I listened. And listened. And listened some more. I never once heard from that prick, but I did hear from this guy named something Camping. Camper? Campie? Something. Anyway, so this guy's all like "Hey, Jesus is coming back and he's going to take us all with him. And he's gonna do it in a month."
I see this as a golden opportunity, right? Jesus is going to take me to heaven, and the bank will be stuck here with nobody to pay off my loans! How could I pass this up? So I went and got myself a new entertainment center (this thing kicks so much ass, by the way. 60" LED tv, 7.2 surround sound, PS3 and an XBox 360 since the Playstation Network was down and I wanted to play some Black-Ops), and about $1000 worth of this stuff that my buddy told me was herbs (I don't think he knows *** he's talking about, that **** made my food taste horrible. I think. The last few weeks have been kinda hazy.) So I spend the rest of existence just listening to awesome gospel music, like Creed, because that's how I think Jesus would want to be welcomed. I know I'd be stoked if I went to someone's house and they were playing music about how much of a badass I am.
I don't know if I slept through it, or what, but that mother****er never showed up. Everybody I know is still here, especially the bank, and now I'm getting letters and phone calls about a "final notice," even though I told that chick on the phone it's the "Final Countdown" not "notice." Apparently the bank wasn't planning on Jesus taking people to heaven, because they still charged me interest and now they're threatening me with a collection notice. I heard that Campey guy said he was wrong, and it's going to be October instead, but I don't think Utah Power will extend my payment period for that long.
tl;dr - Didn't get raptured like I was promised, now I gotta sell **** to pay my bills.
Warwick Corvette RockBass 4 string. Guitar is in perfect condition, no dents, dings, scratches, track marks, tattoos, strange red bumps, halitosis, or foot fungus. Basically it's the exact opposite of my ex-girlfriend.
$400 obo, more pictures available on request. Comes with bag, strap, and extra set of strings."
Here's the link for the original post too.
Rapture survivor must sell Warwick bass to pay earthly debts
