Bad gig caused my friend a major setback..

KittyBass · #1 04-13-2007, 05:07 AM

This happened last year but it is related to today. I am currently in a duet with a guitarist. She is a great guitarist and a decent singer. However, she is 10 years younger than I am (I'm 32) and is a bit nervous. We were jamming all last summer. However, whenever she gets up on stage she gets nervous and her voice cracks when she sings. She wanted me to do more singing, but I've only been playing for 2 years and haven't mastered the singing and playing at the same time yet. I can only sing 1 or 2 songs on my own and the rest I just do backup, so that wasn't an option.

Our first break was last summer when my singer/guitarist musican had the flu and he was due to play a spot at a charity gig. He arranged to have us play 5 songs in his place. We were supposed to play at 9pm but the charity was running late so we just kept drinking. By the time we did get up it was about midnight and we did our songs . A woman who owns a bar in town asked us if we wanted to play for her bar's grand opening night the following week so we said yes.

Of course, in the week leading up to it my friend started panicking about singing.

The woman didn't have any gear for us to plug into and it was a small bar so we brought our own stuff. There was no place to set up so she put us in a corner and I could neither stand up or sit down without the neck of my bass hitting the wall. So my friend is still in panic mode, etc...so the bar is quite fulll and I have a few of my friends there for support.

(we live in a tourist spot)We start the evening and my friend is from Ireland, so she did the usual thing and asked where everyone was from. When she got to 'is anyone here from Ireland?', a guy sat at a table to the left of me said 'I f-ing hope not!' and of course that set the mood for the night. This guy and his friends were so obnoxious and talking and shouting through the whole thing. I could hear it more than she could because they were close to me. We carried on but my friends' voice went and it sounded awful. We played for an hour and she left immediately after in tears.

A few days later I went back into the bar to collect my gear and spoke to the owner. She said we could play again IF my friend didn't sing. I said that wouldn't happen because first of all, she is my friend and that is just something you don't do. I saw the obnoxious man sat at the bar and I gave him a police telling off.

It set my friend's progress of playing as a live musican back years. She went into a rut and we stopped playing as often.My bf used to give us 30 mins of his gig time once a week. But since she wasnt practicing with me as often I didn't feel comfortable being up on stage and have more or less just been playing a few songs with him a few times a month. She is now back in the swing and wants to jam again. I'm trying to work on a few more songs I can sing and play to so I can take some of the stress off of her. She is unaware of her talen and is a nervous wreck. I am not nervous at all and I love being on stage, it's just a pity I'm not more coodinated!

So come next week the bf will begin letting us have stage time again . I'm hoping to get about 10 more songs together so we can get a few gigs this summer. We already play about an hours' worth of stuff.

Joe Nerve · #2 04-13-2007, 05:20 AM

Althought this isn't going to sound very supportive, IMO if someone goes down that easily this may not be the thing they should be doing. It seems from my experience that part of being a confident and succesful musician means growing a thick skin, and if a couple of drunken arrogant remarks from some jerks in a bar are going to set her back years, then I don't know. I think she'd better learn to shake it a lot more quickly and perform as much as possible, or find something she really loves doing and feels good about. A lot of people waste a lot of time doing things they're not cut out for, and perhaps she simply isn't. Why continue to do something that doesn't make you happy?

Broadbent · #3 04-13-2007, 05:26 AM

she has to learn the art of "heckling back" it takes a couple years of playing in front of drunk idiots, but she'll learn the skill. I can't tell you how many loud mouths our singer has shut up over the years.... he's even made a few of them get up and leave the bar totally embarrassed. chances are, if their heckling is bothering you, its most likely bothering other people in the bar, so get them on your side.

KittyBass · #4 04-15-2007, 07:49 PM

I have given it some thought over the past few days. My bf who performs to drunk eejits night after night has given me the same advice. I don't think she'll ever change and I should probably look for another guitarist. Although she is my friend, she doesn't have the same drive that I do when it comes to wanting to find work. She would probably be better off playing at house parties and stuff where there is no pressure. I am very thick skinned and if the drunks in the crowd think they can do better, then they're more than welcome to try. What makes me want to shake her senseless is that she is a very good musican and she has nothing to panic over. People are people. When I'm up on stage I have a natural high. I made my first bass playing debut just 6 weeks after picking it up. The guy who was teaching me gave me some stage time with him and he told me that I presented myself confidently and as if I had been playing for years. It you show fear, then drunks in the crowd will pick up on it for sure.

I don't mind singing, it's just that I'm not experienced enough in my bass playing to do both.

invader3k · #5 04-16-2007, 06:59 AM

Sounds like you've accepted the fact that she isn't going to be "gig ready" for a long time. Maybe it's time to find other people to play with?

txbasschik · #6 04-16-2007, 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KittyBass

I have given it some thought over the past few days. My bf who performs to drunk eejits night after night has given me the same advice. I don't think she'll ever change and I should probably look for another guitarist. Although she is my friend, she doesn't have the same drive that I do when it comes to wanting to find work. She would probably be better off playing at house parties and stuff where there is no pressure. I am very thick skinned and if the drunks in the crowd think they can do better, then they're more than welcome to try. What makes me want to shake her senseless is that she is a very good musican and she has nothing to panic over. People are people. When I'm up on stage I have a natural high. I made my first bass playing debut just 6 weeks after picking it up. The guy who was teaching me gave me some stage time with him and he told me that I presented myself confidently and as if I had been playing for years. It you show fear, then drunks in the crowd will pick up on it for sure.

I don't mind singing, it's just that I'm not experienced enough in my bass playing to do both.

Hon, some people are just not cut out to perform. She may be very good, but her fear will keep her playing in her livingroom unless she can overcome it.

I'm like you...I get off on the performance *and* the music. They're hand-in-hand for me. But if your friend can't overcome her fear to the point that it hurts *you* professionally, then you need to just jam with her for fun, and gig with others who enjoy doing so.

Hard, but there it is, I'm afraid.

Cherie

morf · #7 04-16-2007, 09:49 AM

Tell her to close her eyes when she sings, take it from there

enderwaves · #8 04-16-2007, 09:59 AM

take her out to karaoke night. sounds goofy, right? i used to be super nervous about singing or speaking or anything in front of people. i started goofing off at karaoke nights and actually learned a lot about my voice. if she really wants to perform, then it may help her get over the jitters.

morf · #9 04-16-2007, 10:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by enderwaves

take her out to karaoke night. sounds goofy, right? i used to be super nervous about singing or speaking or anything in front of people. i started goofing off at karaoke nights and actually learned a lot about my voice. if she really wants to perform, then it may help her get over the jitters.

Thats a great idea, +1.

Kronos · #10 04-16-2007, 01:47 PM

If you plan to keep playing with her, this is what I'd do.

Jam with her in front of friends who DON'T CARE if she messes up. Do it a few times so she's used to playing in front of people. Also, the Karaoke thing might work.

The other thing to take into account is, "Is she a really good singer or am I being nice to her because she's my friend?"

Sometimes we look at our friends through rosy colored glasses. I mean, who wants to be mean to our friends? Granted, we'd be honest if someone totally sucked, but if a friend is just OK at best, we'd believe that they were good because they're our friend. Maybe if she got lessons where she'd HAVE to sing in front of people, then she'd be more confident?

txbasschik · #11 04-17-2007, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by enderwaves

take her out to karaoke night. sounds goofy, right? i used to be super nervous about singing or speaking or anything in front of people. i started goofing off at karaoke nights and actually learned a lot about my voice. if she really wants to perform, then it may help her get over the jitters.

Great idea.

Cherie

QORC · #12 04-17-2007, 12:29 PM

if she can't handle singing live.

if she can't handle a bar crowd.

if she is THAT easily rattled that bar owners are telling you NOT to bring her back...

then she's not right for a live band in a bar situation! she is now a liability to you.

KittyBass · #13 04-17-2007, 02:46 PM

I have actually taken her out to karaoke nights and she loses it then too.

I met her at a quaint little jam session here a few years ago when she was a tourist and she was really confident and you couldn't get her to pass the guitar on to the next person. She isn't the best singer I've ever heard but she is decent enough. What I think happened to her last year is that I lined a good gig up for her when she was playing with another female guitarist and they blew it for not singing the right material for the bar. They were asked on 3 different occasions and the owner got rid of them for playing too many depressing songs. It had nothing to do with their talent or voices but after that she regressed. I had only been playing for a year at that time but we started jamming in my house like every night. It gave me experience and it brought her confidence back up. Now though, whenever it comes down to doing something for real she panics. I am supposed to play a few tunes with her tonight but I'm too tired and am going to pass.

txbasschik · #14 04-18-2007, 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KittyBass

I have actually taken her out to karaoke nights and she loses it then too.

I met her at a quaint little jam session here a few years ago when she was a tourist and she was really confident and you couldn't get her to pass the guitar on to the next person. She isn't the best singer I've ever heard but she is decent enough. What I think happened to her last year is that I lined a good gig up for her when she was playing with another female guitarist and they blew it for not singing the right material for the bar. They were asked on 3 different occasions and the owner got rid of them for playing too many depressing songs. It had nothing to do with their talent or voices but after that she regressed. I had only been playing for a year at that time but we started jamming in my house like every night. It gave me experience and it brought her confidence back up. Now though, whenever it comes down to doing something for real she panics. I am supposed to play a few tunes with her tonight but I'm too tired and am going to pass.

Well...I think just keep it to for-fun jams with her, then. If she's rattled for this long over something like "they didn't like us", then she doesn't have what it takes to play out. I don't mean to be harsh, but...I just don't know how else to say it.

"Too many depressing songs" is rather telling, for me, anyway. I wouldn't want to listen to a lot of sad songs, either.

Cherie

invader3k · #15 04-18-2007, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KittyBass

INow though, whenever it comes down to doing something for real she panics. I am supposed to play a few tunes with her tonight but I'm too tired and am going to pass.

From everything you've described, it sounds like you're getting a little tired of working with her...maybe it's time to take a break and see if she can work things out on her own?