A Bad Joke - Page 3

**jmac** · #41 01-16-2013, 06:09 AM

A string walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bartender says, "we don't serve strings, you'll have to leave."

The string goes outside; rolls around on the ground, roughs himself up, and then ties himself in a knot.

The string goes back into the bar and orders a drink.

The bartender asks, "Aren't you that string that was in here a bit ago?"

To which the string replies, "A frayed knot."

Jolagh · #42 01-16-2013, 06:58 AM

What did batman say to robin before they got in the batmobile?

Get in the car robin.

john m · #43 01-16-2013, 07:02 AM

A periodic table?

Quote:

Originally Posted by klejst

Since we are on pirate jokes I have a few

What is a pirates favorite element on the Periodic Table?

Argon

What was the pirates favorite movie from 2012?

Argo

mattbass6945 · #44 01-16-2013, 07:38 AM

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Periodic_table

Vakmere · #45 01-16-2013, 07:53 AM

When my grandmother turned 70 she started walking 5 miles a day. She's now 82 and we have no idea where she is...........

john m · #46 01-16-2013, 09:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mattbass6945

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Periodic_table

Can I apply that to my bass playing?

mattbass6945 · #47 01-16-2013, 09:22 AM

if you play metal.......

TomA1234 · #48 01-16-2013, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mattbass6945

if you play metal.......

If you do use it for metal, the ones near the bottom make the music heavier

john m · #49 01-16-2013, 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TomA1234

If you do use it for metal, the ones near the bottom make the music heavier

The difference between Metal and Heavy Metal.

Thanks for the info.

BryanM · #50 01-16-2013, 01:36 PM

What do trumpeters and pirates have in common?

They both commit murder on the high Cs.

stingray2112 · #51 01-16-2013, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vakmere

When my grandmother turned 70 she started walking 5 miles a day. She's now 82 and we have no idea where she is...........

I'm going to have to use that one day

brlottermann · #52 01-16-2013, 02:26 PM

Aaaah the pain! So many terribly delicious jokes!

dmusic148 · #53 01-16-2013, 08:07 PM

Yep, worst jokes I've ever read. Absolutely awful. Keep 'em coming!

Bassist4Eris · #54 01-16-2013, 08:24 PM

There's one local bar I play that has a huge Bass Ale mirror over the stage. I once told the audience that I really liked playing there, because normally I have no idea where to place my amp, but they had this really helpful sign over the stage.

Another night we were playing a city-wide arts night in the unlikely venue of a lecture hall at the Geological Society. I thanked them from the stage, and let the audience know it was a gig we would never take for "granite".

One night with a fairly poor turnout, I told the audience they had to be nice to us because we outnumbered them.

OK, that's enough for now.

gumtownbassman · #55 01-16-2013, 08:38 PM

Always feeding the crowds lots of humor, like "here is a song we wrote on our world wide tour" (play in a covers band).
or
Who wants to hear "xxx song?", well sorry we don't do it.
or
just really distateful jokes like.
"Why is a truck load of babies easier to unload than a truck load of bricks?"
[It's not very easy to move bricks with a pitch fork !!]

comicbookguy95 · #56 01-17-2013, 12:48 AM

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn't matter..... He ain't coming.

Rockin Mike · #57 01-17-2013, 01:14 AM

Did you hear about the guy whose left side fell off?

He's all right now.

Then you play "All Right Now" by Free.

ozzyismetal · #58 01-17-2013, 06:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slawie

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "hey why the long face?"

Reminds me of the variation I use:

Low Sound Love · #59 01-17-2013, 06:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmac

A string walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bartender says, "we don't serve strings, you'll have to leave."

The string goes outside; rolls around on the ground, roughs himself up, and then ties himself in a knot.

The string goes back into the bar and orders a drink.

The bartender asks, "Aren't you that string that was in here a bit ago?"

To which the string replies, "A frayed knot."

I just sprayed coffee al over my desk.

BryanM · #60 01-17-2013, 09:30 AM

I was playing an open mic the other day to keep the chops up between gigs and the girl our drummer had brought out said to me "It's impressive how he's able to sing and play drums at the same time." To which I responded "He's a drummer, it's impressive how he's able to string words together to form a sentence."

I keed, I keed, he's a very intelligent guy who happens to hit things well.