Bad jokes on stage

Waffles and Scotch · #1 08-19-2011, 02:28 PM

An original band playing at one of the biggest venues in this area had some technical difficulties at the beginning of their set. Everyone but the bassist was working on fixing the issue, so he decided to entertain the crowd by telling a joke...

"What's the difference between a cheeseburger and a boner?
I don't have a cheeseburger right now!"

(silence)

TolerancEJ · #2 08-19-2011, 02:30 PM

I would have laughed if I was in the audience.

pasta4lnch · #3 08-19-2011, 02:30 PM

oh boy

Fassa Albrecht · #4 08-19-2011, 02:33 PM

I actually find this kinda funny...

JKos · #5 08-19-2011, 02:34 PM

I would have laughed.

- John

Waffles and Scotch · #6 08-19-2011, 02:37 PM

I laughed, but I was the only one. Unconfident, delivery was poor and it wasn't the type of audience I ever would've tossed something like that out at. That said, I've retold it many times.

name44 · #7 08-19-2011, 02:37 PM

What to you call people that hang out with a bass player?

Groovies! *rimshot

StoutFellow · #8 08-19-2011, 02:38 PM

I was playing trad jazz an outdoor summer festival gig many (many, many) moons ago. Our guitarist pointed out a very attractive young lady sitting in the front. He whispered in my ear:

"As long as I have a face, she'll have somewhere to sit down"

Needless to say, I lost the bassline at that point. I'm just glad he wasn't using the mic at the time - we'd have been run out of town.

joshmat · #9 08-19-2011, 02:41 PM

One of my sax player's fav's ...

A three legged dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." It must be said with a drawl, but it's really not all that funny.

JonahTheAmazing · #10 08-19-2011, 02:41 PM

I thought it was funny.

Actually, one of my friends tried a stupid joke like that and it went over pretty well. The guy is genuinely funny though, so you either have it or you don't.

joshmat · #11 08-19-2011, 02:43 PM

So true, comedy is so much about delivery and timing ... kinda like playing the bass! (Pun somewhat intended there)

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonahTheAmazing

I thought it was funny.

Actually, one of my friends tried a stupid joke like that and it went over pretty well. The guy is genuinely funny though, so you either have it or you don't.

TolerancEJ · #12 08-19-2011, 02:54 PM

Delivery is key in everything. You can sing The Police's, "Every move you make, ...etc... I'll be watching you" softly as it has been sung before.

However, if you simply speak those words plainly and then pull out binoculars, you'll get a different reaction. Also try saying those words the next time your friend tells you they're gonna take a shower. Again, a much different reaction if you scream it in a threatening manner over a telephone. lol

TC2112 · #13 08-19-2011, 03:12 PM

Our drummer has several regarding requests - example

"We had some requests for this set,....... but we're gonna play anyway!"

and

"We had some requests, but the mics wouldn't fit, so we're just gonna play some music."

lo_freq_geek · #14 08-19-2011, 03:23 PM

I used this one right after Sunshine of your Love:

What do coffee and Ginger Baker have in common? They both suck without Cream...

Papa Dangerous · #15 08-19-2011, 03:24 PM

There are two muffins in an oven. One muffin turns to the other muffin and says: "Omg! It's so hot in here!" The other muffin turns and replies: "OMG A TALKING MUFFIN!"

cmlax21 · #16 08-19-2011, 03:31 PM

A couple months ago at a show we opened with the song Fire from Jimi Hendrix and about 10 seconds in the guitar player's vintage Marshall tube amp cut out and while him and the keyboard player worked on fixing it I went up to the mic and said "The fire burned out." trying to do some kind of Jimi Hendrix impersonation. It went over alright in the crowd but after the fact I felt kind of stupid for doing that.

HugeInJapan · #17 08-19-2011, 03:36 PM

Had a similar situation with the technical difficulties and the singer tells this one:

Why can't Helen Keller drive?....
Because she's a woman

A few weeks ago a very drunk woman kept shouting for us to play some Def Leppard so I brake out "what has nine arms and sucks" and without missing a beat the guitar player answers "Def Leppard!".

fusoid · #18 08-19-2011, 03:36 PM

Many years ago, during a party for the Oklahoma Mortician's Society (or something like that). Our keyboard player said, "boy, when I found out who we were playing for, I was a little worried you would be a dead crowd...." short silence followed by guffaw and much hooting...

Ripley · #19 08-20-2011, 09:03 AM

I often do a bad PSA. Just pull out a piece of paper and say, "A quick announcement, everyone... There's a blue car in the parking lot..." Then my drummer will repeat it.

It's more confusing than funny but it seems to work for us.

Richland123 · #20 08-20-2011, 09:42 AM

Here is one I heard.

"I'm really into the '80s - and, I'm not just talking about my women."