Band Audition Nightmares

88ric2030 · #1 02-09-2011, 12:25 PM

Let's hear some band audition stories. What was the most bizarre/frustrating/exasperating situations you ever encountered while auditioning for a band,or auditioning members for your own existing band. I'm sure everybody has some great ones.

Can't wait to hear your stories.

iri5h_punk21 · #2 02-09-2011, 12:28 PM

We were auditioning for a singer for our prog/exp band, and this guy came in to audition. He looked like he was from the movie Grease and was definitely hopped up on something (coke?) as he kept brushing his nose and sniffing loudly. As the guitarist and I started to play he started giggling to himself and talking to a crowd that wasn't there. He then started "singing" and doing a poorly executed moon walk. I don't recall how we finally got him to leave, I must have blocked that out of my memory..

Lublin · #3 02-09-2011, 12:37 PM

My band auditions have, for the most part, all gone well.

The nightmare usually began after I really began to get to get to know the bands.

Yikes!

88ric2030 · #4 02-09-2011, 12:48 PM

I have so many, but I remember auditioning this "drummer" who was 50 years old and had no basic knowledge of how to play a kit, as in he was doing tom fills on the cymbals. In the end he tried to get us to pay him to record in his home "studio", which consisted of just a small digital multitrack that I bet he had no concept how to use either. He e-mailed us this list of rules like if thought you had been drinking, he would kick you out of his house and you wouldn't get your money back. What a joke! I think he was just looking for suckers.
I went to audition for this classic rock cover band. I had to drive a pretty good distance to get to this guys house. When I got there I could hear they were playing with some other bass player, not just like playing a couple songs for an audition, it was like they were having a full blown rehearsal with him, working out a tune. I banged on the door and nobody came. It started to rain, so I went back to the car and contemplated just leaving because I was so pissed, but I drove so far that I wanted to at least give somebody inside a piece of my mind. It was bad enough they kept postponing the date and time of the audition, know they were actually working with some guy. I went to the back door, the front door, back to the car again, they were still playing When this guy finally answered the door I let him know I wasn't too pleased.
I brought a fretted and fretless bass with me. I just plugged in the fretless, which I originally planned to only use on one tune, not even sure if I bothered to tune up, and and made sure to play it "without the best intonation". After I played the three or so audition songs I just packed up and left.

jive1 · #5 02-09-2011, 01:31 PM

I had an interesting "audition" once. I was going to audition for this band that wanted to audition on a Friday night. Which seemed odd to me, since Fridays aren't usually a night that bands do this sort of thing. But, the guitarist was middle aged, so I figured it must have been a day job thing.

Well, I got there, and it was this swanky house. And they were having a housewarming party there. They had a killer set up with stage, backline, and etc. Found out after a couple of practice tunes, the guy just called some players in so he could have some entertainment at his house. So, having figured that out, I played a few tunes with the guys and then proceeded to make a total boor out of myself at the party. I didn't know anyone there, and probably would have never run into anyone there again, as it definitely wasn't my crowd. I had people get me drinks that I never drank. I ate every piece of food I could, even raiding their fridge. I c*ck-blocked every dude there, by nudging in on their action and flirting with the lady they were talking to. I ate more, and handled the fancy artwork in the house and asking people around me dumb questions about it, like "Does this look like a penis to you?" I kept on being a boor until I decided I was bored and then went home. At least, I was well entertained.

I wonder if someone will post about auditioning a bassist who came to their party and made an @$$ of themselves.

ric stave · #6 02-09-2011, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jive1

I had an interesting "audition" once. I was going to audition for this band that wanted to audition on a Friday night. Which seemed odd to me, since Fridays aren't usually a night that bands do this sort of thing. But, the guitarist was middle aged, so I figured it must have been a day job thing.

Well, I got there, and it was this swanky house. And they were having a housewarming party there. They had a killer set up with stage, backline, and etc. Found out after a couple of practice tunes, the guy just called some players in so he could have some entertainment at his house. So, having figured that out, I played a few tunes with the guys and then proceeded to make a total boor out of myself at the party. I didn't know anyone there, and probably would have never run into anyone there again, as it definitely wasn't my crowd. I had people get me drinks that I never drank. I ate every piece of food I could, even raiding their fridge. I c*ck-blocked every dude there, by nudging in on their action and flirting with the lady they were talking to. I ate more, and handled the fancy artwork in the house and asking people around me dumb questions about it, like "Does this look like a penis to you?" I kept on being a boor until I decided I was bored and then went home. At least, I was well entertained.

I wonder if someone will post about auditioning a bassist who came to their party and made an @$$ of themselves.

Sooo....

...you got the job?

MikeB_30 · #7 02-09-2011, 01:38 PM

We were looking for a singer for a band several years ago and got hooked up with a guy and his guitar player buddy.
We were open minded about it, figuring maybe we could use a second guitarist.
They show up and the guitar player is just amazing. Then the singer starts to do his thing. Unfortunately, his thing is to do every song like Zack de la Rocha from Rage Against the Machine. Which is cool if you're doing a Rage song...not so cool if you're playing Rush or Zeppelin. It was truly bizarre. They both insisted it was a package deal.
I still wonder if that poor guitarist ever landed a gig.

jive1 · #8 02-09-2011, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ric stave

Sooo....

...you got the job?

Not sure. I think I was interviewed, hired, and fired before I knew I had a job. But, I'm sure it will look good on a resume.

I forgot how much fun it can be to be "that guy" at a party. Maybe that's my true calling.

80'sRocker · #9 02-09-2011, 02:06 PM

there's not enough energy in my typing fingertips for this one!!

StuartV · #10 02-09-2011, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jive1

I had an interesting "audition" once. I was going to audition for this band that wanted to audition on a Friday night. Which seemed odd to me, since Fridays aren't usually a night that bands do this sort of thing. But, the guitarist was middle aged, so I figured it must have been a day job thing.

Well, I got there, and it was this swanky house. And they were having a housewarming party there. They had a killer set up with stage, backline, and etc. Found out after a couple of practice tunes, the guy just called some players in so he could have some entertainment at his house. So, having figured that out, I played a few tunes with the guys and then proceeded to make a total boor out of myself at the party. I didn't know anyone there, and probably would have never run into anyone there again, as it definitely wasn't my crowd. I had people get me drinks that I never drank. I ate every piece of food I could, even raiding their fridge. I c*ck-blocked every dude there, by nudging in on their action and flirting with the lady they were talking to. I ate more, and handled the fancy artwork in the house and asking people around me dumb questions about it, like "Does this look like a penis to you?" I kept on being a boor until I decided I was bored and then went home. At least, I was well entertained.

I wonder if someone will post about auditioning a bassist who came to their party and made an @$$ of themselves.

That. Is. Totally. AWESOME.

Man, I was up your way for an Eddie From Ohio show at the Birchmere a few weeks ago. I thought about PM'ing you just to see if I might drop by your shop or something and meet another TB'er in person. But, I was staying with a buddy (in Arlington), had no car of my own, blah blah blah.

Next time I come up there, I'm buying you a beer, if you'll let me!

jive1 · #11 02-09-2011, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StuartV

That. Is. Totally. AWESOME.

Man, I was up your way for an Eddie From Ohio show at the Birchmere a few weeks ago. I thought about PM'ing you just to see if I might drop by your shop or something and meet another TB'er in person. But, I was staying with a buddy (in Arlington), had no car of my own, blah blah blah.

Next time I come up there, I'm buying you a beer, if you'll let me!

Next time you're at the Birchmere, you can walk 3-4 blocks south and get to my shop. It's that close.

I don't drink any more, but I'll happily let you buy me a soda.

If you, or any TBer wants to stop in from out of town (or in town), just look me up. I'll find a way to get you to the shop.

I<34080 · #12 02-09-2011, 03:22 PM

Let's see, I went to audition at the request of a giant Peart-head drummer (who had chops) with a metal band. I thought, "Hey I like thrash well enough to give it a shot." I get there and they're set up in a metal building/garage full of KISS memorabilia (ugh). They had given me a list of songs to cover, all of which were tuned standard originally except one, which was in drop D, so I bring my Ric with .045-.105 Rotos on it. Guitarist says they tune down to C#. Arrrgh. Luckily I brought a fiver, or else I would've had to just say "no" then and there. We play through some songs and it just isn't that great. Two guitarists playing their Dimebag tribute guitars through 100 watt solid state half stacks CRANKED. My aching ears. Next they tried to show me some riffs they'd been working on, and each one I hear I'm just thinking about the song they obviously were ripping off. Blah blah blah, they call me back and I just avoid answering. Last I checked they had played a few shows, good for them I suppose.

Another time this guy that fancies himself a songwriter/singer/guitarist/DJ contacts me asking about starting up a band. He asks some questions like "Who do you like to listen to...Oh Rush? Cool, I'm no Alex Lifeson haha. Can you sing? No? Well at least you know it, unlike some people." So I head over to his house thinking he's nice enough and knows what he's doing. I get there and he tries to play and sing Tom Sawyer for me and I tried my hardest not to laugh. He didn't know chords (not THE chords, chords in general) and he couldn't sing, so what good was this guy? I play some songs he wanted to cover (which means he was reading the chords and lyrics off his macbook while trying to play simultaneously) and then I get a call from a friend. Life saver. I had been there thirty minutes and said that the call was from a friend who had just broke a water line in their house and needed help. Never spoke to him again.

NWB · #13 02-09-2011, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jive1

I had an interesting "audition" once. I was going to audition for this band that wanted to audition on a Friday night. Which seemed odd to me, since Fridays aren't usually a night that bands do this sort of thing. But, the guitarist was middle aged, so I figured it must have been a day job thing.

Well, I got there, and it was this swanky house. And they were having a housewarming party there. They had a killer set up with stage, backline, and etc. Found out after a couple of practice tunes, the guy just called some players in so he could have some entertainment at his house. So, having figured that out, I played a few tunes with the guys and then proceeded to make a total boor out of myself at the party. I didn't know anyone there, and probably would have never run into anyone there again, as it definitely wasn't my crowd. I had people get me drinks that I never drank. I ate every piece of food I could, even raiding their fridge. I c*ck-blocked every dude there, by nudging in on their action and flirting with the lady they were talking to. I ate more, and handled the fancy artwork in the house and asking people around me dumb questions about it, like "Does this look like a penis to you?" I kept on being a boor until I decided I was bored and then went home. At least, I was well entertained.

I wonder if someone will post about auditioning a bassist who came to their party and made an @$$ of themselves.

You are my hero!

That's one of the best stories I've ever heard.

The stuff of legends.

Just Bill · #14 02-09-2011, 08:24 PM

I did an audition once where the band gave me material to learn, a week in advance. Keep in mind, this was an all originals band.

No problem, learned the songs, went to the audition and nailed everything. I was then told that I didn't get the gig because I played everything exactly as it had been recorded rather than playing with it and making it my own.

zachoff · #15 02-09-2011, 09:14 PM

Audition in a pretty bad part of town. Older guys than me... I was 25 and they were 35 or 40 but into thrash so I thought it might work. Anyway, I asked how long they'd been playing together and one of them said they'd been friends for a long time but hadn't played together in 5 years because he (the drummer) was in prison for selling coke. I didn't come back.

SeaBassSteve · #16 02-10-2011, 02:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 88ric2030

I went to audition for this classic rock cover band. I had to drive a pretty good distance to get to this guys house. When I got there I could hear they were playing with some other bass player, not just like playing a couple songs for an audition, it was like they were having a full blown rehearsal with him, working out a tune. I banged on the door and nobody came. It started to rain, so I went back to the car and contemplated just leaving because I was so pissed, but I drove so far that I wanted to at least give somebody inside a piece of my mind. It was bad enough they kept postponing the date and time of the audition, know they were actually working with some guy. I went to the back door, the front door, back to the car again, they were still playing When this guy finally answered the door I let him know I wasn't too pleased.
I brought a fretted and fretless bass with me. I just plugged in the fretless, which I originally planned to only use on one tune, not even sure if I bothered to tune up, and and made sure to play it "without the best intonation". After I played the three or so audition songs I just packed up and left.

Have you considered they may have had the guy you were Replacing there and he was helping out with the auditions?

sound of bass · #17 02-10-2011, 03:03 AM

Nothing to offer. My only audition went great. The only person I ever auditioned was a big hit! But, that guitar recently had to quit. Soo, the search goes on for a guitard. Theres no way we can get that lucky again, lol. Im sure I'll have horror stories to add in the next few weeks...or Craiglist nightmares,lol.

krovx · #18 02-10-2011, 03:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Just Bill

I did an audition once where the band gave me material to learn, a week in advance. Keep in mind, this was an all originals band.

No problem, learned the songs, went to the audition and nailed everything. I was then told that I didn't get the gig because I played everything exactly as it had been recorded rather than playing with it and making it my own.

The Owl · #19 02-10-2011, 10:48 AM

Lots of good stories on this thread

Hilarious/Scary/Bizarre Musican Audition Stories

The Owl · #20 02-10-2011, 10:52 AM

1) How about an awkward pre-audition? Took place in 2005:

Well, I re-posted an ad I was running a while ago for other musicians (keys and drums now, think I found me bassist). Anyway, this keyboardist from Lithuania and currently living in US contacts me, saying I am close to what he's wanting. Right away (after talking on phone with him), I got this really strong vibe of "I MUST BE IN CONTROL AT ALL COSTS".

Not only that, but he starts trying to pump me for information about contacts for a SECOND keyboard player to play his music. Hmmmmmmmm.

We actually exchanged CD's via mail, and he e-mailed me an mp3 of one of his tunes which I burned to CD. Now get this, he claims to be influenced by Mahavishnu Orchestra, ELP and Chick Corea. Well, his two CD's revealed the influence of YAWNni and John Tesh far more than anything, simply put, some of the WORST snooze-inducing New Age/Smooth Jazz cheese-wiz I've ever heard. And even before I got the discs, he would persistently phone me (not a good sign in this case). And even more hilarious, he listened to mine and said I was copying Mahavishnu Orchestra!

Dang, I even asked afew folks who heard my disc about that, everyone said, NO, you don't sound even remotely like MO.

Well, about a week later I wrote him a polite, diplomatic and detailed "Thanks but no thanks" e-mail.

Wonder if he has KGB following me

2) I can think of a number of instances when I lived in LA (1980's) where I wasn't the one auditioning but was auditioning others, and MAN, the hacks were coming out of the woodwork, so many with deusions of grandeur and a rather serious disconect from the actual state of their own ability (or lack therof). One involved travelling to a drummer's place near Pasadena, and he had this bulldog that gave me the willies (bad sign right there). His playing definitely didn't mesh with the rest of the band I was in (we were called Insect Affect), so no big loss (and a good source of jokes afterwards). Had one guy who really tried but his chops just weren't quite there, and another who was really into the electronic stuff but couldn't play very well (nice try though). Finally, we found our man just a half-mile up the street from where I lived at the time (in Venice).

Another band I was in, we auditioned a few keyboard players (in the 80's the era of the one-fingered keyboardist ), this one punk came in playing this wimpy gurly synth-pop stuff (we had more teeth than that) and made all these boneheaded comments like you don't need guitar (meaning yours truly) and other ignorant Hollywood fashion victim nonsense. We almost threw a party after he left. We had another keyboard guy come in who had this weird tendency to play this funeral-dirge/march type stuff in real slow tempos . Finally, we threw out the idea of keyboards altogether after this parade of losers!