BASS CRIMES AND FINES

[hotrodjohn]

BASS CRIMES AND FINES

Playing too loud during warm-up - $10
Slapping while soundchecking your amp - $25
Playing it loud and fast, after playing it wrong - $20
Asking for an "E" while tuning - $25
Playing a written riff - $50
Playing a written riff wrong - $75
Writing down the names of the notes played - $50
Writing down the names of the wrong notes played - $100
Slowing down an up-tempo song - $75
Slowing down a ballad - $100
Tuning during a ballad - $50
Falling asleep during a ballad - $1
Ignoring the drummer's tempo - $100
Playing the drummer's tempo - $250
Can't find beat after drum fill - $25
After playing out of tune, faking that you're tuning your bass - $50
Asking for the last note of a song - $50
Getting the last note of a song. . . from the singer - $100
Playing a long slide to last note of a song - $200
Forget to turn on amp - $40
Bringing an amp you can't move by yourself - $75
Taking more than one bass to a gig - $100 per bass
Setting up and tearing down earlier than the rest - $55.00
Playing a song other than what the rest of the band is playing - $150.00
Slapping a double bass - $150
Rehearsing during breaks - $50
Rehearsing during a drum solo - $1
Rehearsing during a song - $100
Not rehearsing at home - $500
Starting a sentence with, "when I was a guitar player. . ." -$1,000
Playing above the first octave - You're FIRED!

[jaywa]

How much for "Playing Along to the Break Music"?

Urrrghhh! Top 5 Pet Peeve of mine, on ANY instrument. Stupendously bush-league.

I would also like to impose a fine for every incident of tuning (by any instrument) that is clearly audible in the house. There are wonderful tuners out now that actually MUTE THE SIGNAL. Use them, people!

And that fine doubles if said tuning incident delays the start of a set or a gig.

[cr250_977]

***Can't find beat after drum fill - $25 ***


Isn't that usually a DRUMMER CRIME ! ! ! !

[jaywa]

Originally Posted by cr250_977

***Can't find beat after drum fill - $25 ***


Isn't that usually a DRUMMER CRIME ! ! ! !

That's what I always thought...

[Munjibunga]

I think you got the abridged version. This gets posted here every once in a while, but I think it's been long enough since the last one.

Bass player offenses/fines list

Name of offender _____________________
Date of offense(s) _____ / _____ / _______

Musical offenses

Playing loudly during warm up - $10
Sound-checking amp with funk slapping - $25
Loud cursing after mistake - $10
Playing high and fast after mistake - $20
Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes - $20
Asking for "E" tuning note - $25
Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb - $50
Playing written-out walking line - $50
Failure to play written walking line - $75
Writing note names over ledger-line notes - $50
Writing beat numbers under dotted figures - $50
Playing eighth notes - $5 each
Playing sixteenth notes - $10 each
Playing above 1st octave-immediate dismissal
Dragging fast tempo - $75
Dragging ballad tempo - $100
Blacking out during ballad - $200
Ignoring drummer's tempo - $100
Following drummer's tempo - $250
Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me - $1000

Upright player offenses

Showing up before first downbeat - $25
Playing audibly - $25
Faking changes - $25
Slapping - $150
Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass - $25
Excessive sweating - $25
Pedal point double-stops during horn solo - $50
Asking leader for a solo - $30
Accepting solo when offered - $50
Taking second chorus - $100
Playing solo arco - $400
Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune - $25
Playing "A Train" ending on every tune - $200
Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune - $500

Electric player offenses

Checking hair between tunes - $15
Experimenting with odd meters - $25
Missing root at end of blistering fill - $25
Playing with a pick - $50
Tuning during ballad - $30
Playing Jaco groove on samba - $75
Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad - $150
Attempting last word on final chord - $50
Achieving last word on final chord - $100
Long gliss down to final note - $200

Equipment violations-electric

Forgetting strap - $10
Changing strings after every set - $15
Using electric tuner - $15
Setting up mic "just in case" - $75
Forgetting to turn amp on - $40
Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip - $50
Asking horn player for help moving amp - $25
Bringing custom-made bass - $100 per string above 4
Bringing more than 1 bass - $100 per extra bass
Skull decals on bass - $150
Bringing fretless bass - $500

Criminal bad taste

Telling bone player about all the gigs you get - $10
Asking bone player about their day gig - $10
Sitting behind drums on break - $10
Quoting "Birdland" - $25
Practicing scales during break - $25
Practicing scales during drum solo - $50
Practicing - $150
Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player" - $50
Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you
are "into sequencing" - $100

Basic stupidity

Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt - $10
Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt - $20
Asking when the rock set starts - $20
Continually asking "where are we?" - $25
Continually shouting "Yeah!" - $25
Asking bone player where "1" is - $50
Taking cell phone call during 4's - $100

[Meddle]

Playing those 4th fret harmonics because you saw/heard Jaco do it once and you think it gives you instant bass cred. Heard 3 bassists of small local bands do it now.

[Bloodhammer]

Originally Posted by hotrodjohn

Rehearsing during a drum solo - $1

One dollar! Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Falling off the stage - $100 per measure it takes you to scramble back up there
Tripping on your cord and pulling it out of the amp - $200

[kcole4001]

Apparently I can't afford to play bass!

[Lesfunk]

Send me a bill.

$15 for using an electric tuner? Should I use the gas powered one instead?

[Red Rover]

According to Munji's list I owe $335. Who should I make the check to?

[type C basses]

Faking changes is only $15. I can rehearse a lot less from now on :P

[brendanbassist]

Asking for an "E" while tuning - $25
Playing a written riff - $50

Playing a long slide to last note of a song - $200

Taking more than one bass to a gig - $100 per bass
Setting up and tearing down earlier than the rest - $55.00

Slapping a double bass - $150

Playing above the first octave - You're FIRED!

I fail to see what's wrong with these....

[Rockmusician]

How much for making a list that tells the rest of us what we should and shouldn't do?

[oldbassplayergu]

wasn't this a briain beller article in bass player mag like 5 or 6 years ago?

[stepswork4me]

I'm fired!

[Jim Nazium]

Originally Posted by jaywa

How much for "Playing Along to the Break Music"?

Urrrghhh! Top 5 Pet Peeve of mine, on ANY instrument. Stupendously bush-league.

Uh oh ... I do that. Helps with my ear training.

Originally Posted by jaywa

I would also like to impose a fine for every incident of tuning (by any instrument) that is clearly audible in the house. There are wonderful tuners out now that actually MUTE THE SIGNAL. Use them, people!

And that fine doubles if said tuning incident delays the start of a set or a gig.

OK, now that I agree with. Audible tuning deserves a fine.
I'd also like to add one for using using the vocal mike and the FOH sound to b!tch about the monitor mix. Use gestures or walk over and talk to the sound guy fer chrissake.

[My name is Mudd]

Originally Posted by Lesfunk

$15 for using an electric tuner? Should I use the gas powered one instead?

Go green...solar.

[NortyFiner]

Slapping a double bass - $150

If that was a crime, Lee Rocker would be broke.

Falling off the stage - $100 per measure it takes you to scramble back up there

No fine if you keep the beat. If you don't miss a note, you should get a bonus.

[Russell L]

None of this matters anymore when ASCAP walks in and asks if you have permission to play all these copyrighted tunes, and shuts you down. Yep, happened to us one night. 1971. $500 fine, but the club covered it for us. Whew, that was a lot of dough back then.

[My name is Mudd]

You're kidding.